kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Uggh. So a little bit of background. I dated this woman about a year ago, thought we got along great, had fun, good sex, etc, etc. A few months pass by and she sort of falls of the face of the earth, becomes short with me, won't talk to me, and we eventually break up. She told me then that she was getting back together with her ex-hubby to try and work things out. She has a young son 6, and though her ex-hubby is not the boys biological dad, for all intents and purposes the boy considered the guy his dad. Anyway, I can understand why she would want to go back to him to try to work things out. No harm no foul. Several more months go by as she is back with her ex and then she emails me one day, says shes coming back to the town I live in, and hints that maybe we should hang out as friends. Okay, no problem. I have no delusions about us getting back together, and can always use another friend. So a couple weeks go by, and I email her on her b-day, she thanks me but again is short with her message to me. We email back a couple of times, she remains short with me but still friendly, still saying we should hang out, etc. Eventually I come out and tell her I feel like she's ignoring me and criticize her for being dishonest about hanging out, and if she just wants to cut me out then she should just say so and not say "let's hang out" and not be truthful. After all, I'm 34 years old, don't have time for games. She starts getting nasty in her email back, telling me I can't take a hint, that she never liked me very much, that I was a rebound (which I knew) and didn't want to hang out with me at all. Long story short, we agreed not to talk and stay away from each other. No possibility for friendship. Okay... fast forward a few months now. And what does she do? She comes into my work today with her new man to rent a car. There is a car rental place at the car dealership where I work. Now, yeah it's a public place, but the thing that bothered me was that she knew it was right next to where I work, literally 10 feet away. Not only this, but this particular rental place has another office less than 10 minutes away. So my question is why would she show up? The sad part comes with the guy she was with. Now granted, I don't know this guy at all, but he looked and acted like a straight up gangster. Lots of tatts and pants hanging down and whatnot. Her ex-hubby was a successful graphic designer. I'm pretty darn successful in my own right. This guy looked like a total looser. I was just thinking to myself: Why is she with this guy? She can do so much better. Just seemed so out of character from what I knew of her. Before she would never associate with someone like that, even just to keep her son away from that kind of influence. Maybe I shouldn't care... but I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for her kid. I felt sorry for her ex-hubby who was a good guy. I guess maybe I didn't know her as well as I thought. But beyond these feelings I felt a little angry that she would come down to my work too. I felt like she broke her word (again) and maybe came to the rental car place when she could have gone to the other office. When she was at my work she kept on looking over at me, almost like she was spying on me or something. I know this is more of a rant, but any input is appreciated. Thanks. -Kevin Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 sorry kevin. urgh, she sounds like one confused woman, i feel sorry for her kid. don't let her head games mess with you. i'd ignore the fact she came in with that guy. forget about them. Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I hate that you saw her, but benefit of the doubt may be in order here. First, as a heavily tattooed person, I think it's best not to judge other heavily tattooed people. And maybe this was the only place they could come to. Did you talk to her? Did she see you? Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Oh, she definitely saw me. I had to walk past so we exchanged hellos and I helped to get the rental car rep back to his desk so they could get their car... doing my job. That was it though. Like I said Smudders... I don't know the guy, so I'm not really judging him, maybe he's a great guy. But the fact that she was renting the car for him too... yeah. He doesn't have a car? Can't rent one himself? The rental car guy confirmed this for me. Annie, you're probably right in that I should ignore it. Just that at one time I felt very close to her... it was hard to see her. Part of me wants to send her an email asking her to not come to work again. -Kevin Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 oh, you can't stop her from coming in. it's a company. well, how often will she really be renting cars, i'm sure she can't do this every single week. i think she did it to get a rise out of you, so don't give her that satisfaction!!! Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Don't write her. There's no need. It's a public place and you don't own it so you can't bar her from coming back. That's being dramatic. And still you don't know the details of this guy and why he needs to rent a car and why she's getting it for him. It's best to stay out of her business and leave her be. Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Yeah, I hear you guys. It's just lame to me. I would not knowingly come to her work for any reason. Heck I don't even know where she's working or if she is at all. Okay, I won't send the email, though I do think she is out of line. Just seems like she would ask if she could pick up the car at the other office and not visit the rental car place at my work. In other words, there was no reason not to go to the office, and a good reason not to come down to my work!!! You can say I'm over-reacting, it just seemed like an inconsiderate act on her part. -Kevin Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Even if it was an inconsiderate act on her part, what can you do? Nothing. She has every right to get a car from wherever she wants. You guys didn't end things on hateful terms. Yea it's been a little dramatic but nothign hateful. Why act like it has been? You're 34 kevin...you can act a little more mature about this and say "eh, whatever. At least we kept it civil and said hello to each other". Don't dwell on it! Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 well, on the plus side, it's not like you work at a coffee shop or donut shop where she can waltz in every morning. most people don't rent cars on a weekly basis. so you don't have to worry there. i think it was a one time incident. she may come back when she has to return it? who knows.... Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 She got pretty nasty at the end Smudders, while I've been able to not lash out. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying about being a public place and being able to do what she wants. It doesn't change the fact that she could have easily made another choice. There are 4 rental car places in my town, only one of which has a satellite office at my dealership, 2 of which are actually closer to her house... so clearly I'm wondering "why". I'm allowed to have my feelings too. -Kevin Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 eh, yours could have been closer to where she picked up her 'man-friend.' oh well, don't worry about the whys. she was nasty, you don't deserve that. just try to think of yourself in your professional capacity at work as opposed to being the ex. i think it's pretty classless too. if i had a choice of 4 car dealerships, i'd probably pick the one my ex didn't work at. Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Of course you're allowed to have your feelings but you don't need to ask yourself questions you'll never know the answer to. Whts the point? Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 eh, yours could have been closer to where she picked up her 'man-friend.' oh well, don't worry about the whys. she was nasty, you don't deserve that. just try to think of yourself in your professional capacity at work as opposed to being the ex. i think it's pretty classless too. if i had a choice of 4 car dealerships, i'd probably pick the one my ex didn't work at. Thank you! That's what I'm saying!!! But you and smudders are both right in that I should let it go. Tomorrow I won't be dwelling on it, as I am now, but it was an incident that I would have been fine with not dealing with today, or ever for that matter. Oh, and for the record Smudders, I could have done something about it. I'm actually good friends with all the reps at the rental place. He even asked me if I wanted him not to rent her a car, no questions asked. I thought that would have been a vengeful move, so I told him it was okay. -Kevin Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 well, yeah, if she complained to your superiors that you denied her a rental car, they would be pissed at you for turning down business! unless you had some really good reason (like she's totalled the last 3 cars she's owned). i think you did the professional thing. Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I agree with annie. No need to do vengeful stuff that could come back to bite you in the ass! Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 I don't work for the rental car place. It would have been done merely as a favor to me. It wouldn't have gone anywhere if she complained about me. I'm high enough up on the ladder and my bosses love me, her complaints would have been written off as an isolated incident. -Kevin Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 But still kevin, it's asking for bad karma!! Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 But still kevin, it's asking for bad karma!! Right, and that's why I didn't do that. Evil Kevin did think about it for a second, but at the end of the day I felt it would have been wrong. Uggh... exes suck!!! -Kevin Link to comment
tastytoothpaste Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 You can feel sorry for everyone EXCEPT her. Sounds like she came in with her new man just to hurt you. I can't think of any other reason. She wanted to win. After a breakup, one person always "wins" -- they get a new relationship first, they get over it more quickly, etc etc. It's stupid, but I think most people do that on an unconscious level. You can't keep her from coming in, but she's probably not going to need to again for a while. Don't contact her. She doesn't deserve your friendship. Sorry you had to go through this, Kev Link to comment
Honey610 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Southern, you're insight was so a "Sex and the City" moment (I'm obsessed with that show lol). I agree with Southern, she knew you worked there and came in to show off her life/man a bit. If you sent her an email or contacted her in anyway, you would just reaffirm that she "won". The fact you didn't say anything, probably makes her feel like you could care less, which is better. Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 They're in their 30s. They broke up a year ago nearly. Why is everyone insisting on so much drama? Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Actually Smudders, she's 27, but it's no matter. I'm a little more relaxed now when I posted the thread. No drama here unless I allow it to happen... and I'm going to turn the other cheek this time. Still, I think it's natural to ponder the questions... part of why we are all here, right? Thanks everyone for your comments and support. Keep 'em coming! -Kevin Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Oh whoops, I was thinking of another ex of yours being in her 30s! My bad, yo. But regardless, people are so insistent on drama. I don't get it. Just b/c the OP is bothered and upset doesn't mean posters need to jump on the drama bandwagon and back up assumptions. Not saying you're completely illogical, old friend, but it's something I always notice on this board--the OP's assumptions are almost always supported, even if they're unfounded. Knowing your history with this girl, I'd say she's probably not spiteful. Just my opinion of her, anyway. Link to comment
kevinm Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 No, that ex and I still talk actually. We've become friends again, which is really nice. She called me on fathers day actually to encourage me to keep on trying to date, said I was a great guy, etc. Basically giving me a big head, lol, but it's still nice to hear once in a while -Kevin Link to comment
hers Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 She always seemed like a good girl Link to comment
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