TIME FOR CHANGE!! THERE'S A NEW GAL IN TOWN!!!!

[GeeCee]

Ok guys, call off the FBI and hand me a trophy now please. I have survived the humiliation of being dumped by my heart's desire and a trip to IKEA. I am, indeed, superwoman!!! Oh IKEA was, of course, wonderful. And I now have even more scented candles and shiney new candle-holders than I did at this time yesterday!!! Oh, and a beautiful but pointless baby-blue rug, some shelves that I really don't need, pointless vases and ornaments to fill the shelves, and some mirrors, so we can admire exactly how FABULOUS we all are fast becoming!!!!!

 

Today was a good day. I was busy, had to go into work (have been off for the last week), and got a lot done. And then of course racing down the M1 gives you little time to think (especially when you are trying to remember where all the speed cameras are located!).

 

So tonight I shall put up shelves and mirrors, and that should keep me very very busy, and then I will fall into bed shattered and dream of beautiful things!

 

How are you all doing?

 

G xx

 

P.S. I am a mad woman on a mission at the moment! My house is spotless and my lawn is perfectly mowed, bushes are pruned and tomorrow I am decorating my dining room - red, cerise and cream if you were wondering! Who could possibly find the time to date at the moment!?!?!?!!?

 

P.P.S. Shiny Toaster - thanks for your comments. I am glad that you are finding some peace with your decision. Life can only get better and better for you.

[kathyk]

you are doing wonderful. isn't it amazing what you can accomplish when they are not around? i have been thinking the same thing. he does take up alot of my time. but i liked my time to do what i wanted to do. its ok having him there but i didn't realize how much i was missing out on. so as gee cee is doing i will start doing my stuff again. he has been sick so he has been a baby. oh poop.

surgery next week the 22nd. so i have a lot to do before then. finish my antique mirror, finshed my patio saturday while he was away. did my car and did laundry on easter. visited with son and father. there are so many things to do that i had forgotten about while i was in the relationship. mainly myself.

when you get the ex back you will see.

 

let me know how the diningroom comes out. i love decorating.

 

you are fantastic.

[GeeCee]

Oooh KathyK

 

Surgery next week. How exciting for you!!! Shall think about you then. Perhaps when I have finished renovating my house, I shall start to renovate my face and body. This morning, after reading your post, I asked my daughter if I should have some surgery. She gave me a snort of derision and told me that I really was spending too much time on the computer and starting to have fantastical illusions. Hmmm ... out of the mouths of babes!! I think I shall delay my surgery for a few more years. But, who knows ... I have always said that I will demand to have that wind-tunnel look that some American women of a 'certain age' so favour, when I am a grandmother. Oooooh I can't wait to be a deliciously wicked grandmother!! What fun we shall have!

 

Today is very dull outside, but my goodness it is a riot of colour in MY house. We have bought lots of paint - red, purple, cerise and silver!!! I can only promise you that it shall be very tasteful. Really.

 

And so to thoughts of my ex. Of course I think of him all the time, but he is no longer my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. Thankfully I do not remember my dreams, because I would be slightly pissed off if he invaded those too. I certainly did not invite him to THAT party! But every now and then, when I am doing the most mundane thing, my thoughts wander over to him, before I can pull myself together. And interestingly enough, they are no longer angry thoughts, I no longer have conversations with him in my head that all end in 'off'. So, amateur phsychologists .... what do we make of this? What do we make of this?

 

Oh don't get me wrong, those moments of extreme darkness shall come, crashing down on me like a ton of bricks, and I shall feel like I don't want to breath because the pain is too much. I find that happens when I am out and enjoying myself with friends, laughing and having fun. Those are the times that I seem to miss him acutely.

 

Have not decided on the weekend activities yet - my children are away and this is usually the perfect time for the mouse to go out and play. But am kind of looking forward to spending some quiet, reflective time, curled up with a book, my favourite video and lots of red!

 

Just my rambling thoughts for the day. And how are YOU doing?

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

GeeCee, what the H@#l is cerise? Maybe It's just because I'm a guy, but I did work at a hardware store mixing paint and I have never heard of it?

Hows everyone doing? GeeCee, I'll be surprised if you don't just build a new house all by yourself, you seem to have all the energy in the world right now!!! Keep it up!

[GeeCee]

Dikaia!!! So glad that you are back!!!

 

Cerise .... really deep shade of pink/purple is the best way to describe it really. It is a rich, vibrant colour. Sort of what I am aiming for in life at the moment!!!

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Gee, you sound wonderfully determined to stay busy. That is a good remedy for heartbreak. I know. I can't begin to tell you how many miles I have run and how many tons I have lifted since my breakup. Lots, worn out a pair of shoes and started getting shin splints again. That says to me that I have run about 250-300 miles in 2 months. And Im feeling great.

 

So what do you now think of when you go to sleep and wake up? I am similiar to you when I go to bed, the only difference is she will run through my thoughts but they are not longing thoughts for her. She cannot hurt me anymore.

 

OK, Im off to the dating section, I will need advice before tomorrow (Thursday) night. Please advise.

 

Have a good un!!!

[dikaia880]

Hey all, I was reading about how you guys no longer "think of them first thing in the morning" and all that...

I wish I could say that....it still seems to me that the first thing I think of is her...

Little mundane thoughts about anything going on in my life always turn into thinking of her.

I lie in bed at night, daydreaming about my "happy place" so I don't think of her, but it seems that every night I find her in my dreams...but it's okay, because in my dreams she's always mine...it makes me smile.

It does not hurt anymore...I'm happy knowing that in four months, I may have a chance to get back together with her, or at least see her regularily...

I'm happy knowing that in those four months I will be in 10 times better shape I was when we broke up.

For the first time in about 3 months, my life is starting to go my way again...Grad school in the fall, I'll have time for another "real" job back there, it's almost summer time (looking forward to wakeboarding and just sitting on the dock at the lake, sipping a cold drink!)

As much as I miss her I've realised it's a great time to be alive, so I won't let this time slip by like I have some many times before, life is too short to let the way things go bring you down!

Hope you all feel the same way, and if not I hope you can real soon!

[February]

Wow, well I sure have missed alot going MIA for about a week. SO much to catch up on. ANyway, G first off, good for you and your little escapade to France. I am jealous jealous jealous, love France, the French and all the lovely decadence there (including the men). What a way to take your mind off your ex.

 

SH, sounds like things are going really well for you, all these possiblities, the unicorn the Canadian chicky, etc. Sounds like you are a definitely a hot Texan, Woo HOO-love those Southern gents!!! Have fun and enjoy all the attention you deserve it!!!

 

Dikaia, sound like yoiur spirits are on the up and up. You are young and like you said, it is a great time to be alive, don;t let other opp's slip you by b/c of your ex. I realize the older I get just how importnant time really is and it is on your side my friend.

 

KAthyK, good luck in surgery. I will be thinking about you as well wishing you luck.

 

As for me, all, things are going great. Totally over the ex. Seriously am, think it was a lucky thing to happen b/c since then have met a few exciting men defintely more my speed then my wimpy ex (who btw is still fretting and emailing me his sob story-blah blah) I have no patience for it anymore "Cry me a river" to quote lyrics per the earlier convo I MISSED as well.

 

Hope you all are doing well today.

 

-Feb

[GeeCee]

Hi all

 

Have not posted much this week. Have been busy busy busy. Of course the ex is still there in the back of my mind during the busy moments. But that is to be expected. I have gone my longest period without contact (14 days - wahaay!!), but am about to break it!!

 

I know, I know, you will groan and say, oh noooo GeeCee. But, I think that it is now time - do or die. Need to have some clarity, and I think a call will give me that. So ... if there is anyone out there, I would really appreciate any opinions/advice.

 

Every time I have made contact in the past, it has been responded to favourably. But, as I said, this is the longest NC we have had to date.

 

Thanks for any tips.

 

G xx

[DaisyB]

Hi, GeeCee. . .

 

Congratulations on 14 days! You know I support your contacting him now. . . we have to break the rules sometimes. And you can always go back to NC afterwards. Good luck. . . let us know how it goes.

[Spartan1]

GeeCee,

 

*big hug to you lass*

 

Two weeks is not enough time for someone to miss you. Three maybe four but not two. NC is only worth doing if you intend to do it for a long period of time, if not you will undo the two weeks you have built up.

 

NC..contact..NC..contact is not NC. It is having breaks between speaking

 

As always, it is only my thoughts on things (which are a little clouded at the moment).

 

Either way, wish you all the best.

[GeeCee]

Thanks Spartan and Daisy

 

you know how much I value both of your opinions.

 

Thanks for replying.

 

G xx

[rich_1517]

GeeCee

 

you know what i think. from the sounds of it and without more information my take on you and your ex is there is a lot of i dont need anyone and not enough allowance for support. i could be wrong.

 

i still think handing him a problem to solve for you emotionally or people wise, might work to get him feeling more comfortable. feeling needed feels good. he also expects you to be concerned for him. either way i might do the unexpected.

 

but i can also agree that normal friendly contact is healthy too. i dont think two weeks is too long, you want to keep them in the game some. my only concern is the impact on you. plan something for right after and the next day or night. plan for feeling bad after.

 

just remember he cant be the problem you take to him

 

i could be completely off base here. you know your situation best. but either way my thougths are with you.

[GeeCee]

So I made the call last night. Of course, given that my previous thread was entitled Breaking all the Rules, you are right, I broke a few more last night.

 

I called him up and told him that I needed his help with something. Could he call me when he was free.

 

Then I went out and had a date with a new man. Oh lordy lordy lordy!! Truly the most excrutiatingly boring two hours that I have ever spent in my life. Believe me, this torture must have been payment for all my past sins in life - and I think that I am now in credit! To tell you that it was the date from hell would be an understatement. It was horrific. And of course I compared the new guy to the ex constantly!! Mind you Danny de Vito would have scored high against this guy. Which makes me think that I will be delighted when my ex starts dating again. Yes please, let him start comparing me with other women - might be the best and fastest way to get him falling back into my arms!!!

 

Anyways at about 1.30 this morning, drunk with relief that I had not succumbed and died of boredom, I called the ex, and was laughing when I told him that I had just had the worse date of my life, and that i was sure that he was having a great night, and that in the morning he was going to laugh his head off about my dreadful fate. It was all done in a humorous way. Then I called him back and said quickly, I really do need your help tho, and if you ever laugh about my dreadful date, I might not be responsible for my actions!!!

 

So this morning, I got a text from the ex, saying that he was away at the moment, but he would call me as soon as he was back.

 

So, back to the drawing board. In my new patient, under-analysing state, I shall read the words of the text only, and nothing more. Good - he wants to help me. Good - he chose to respond to me quickly even thought he is out of the country. I am feeling quietly secure with this. To be honest, I think that breaking the NC, on my terms, gives me a feeling of empowerment, and the fact that he responds quickly only helps reinforce that.

 

Any thoughts, guys?

 

G xx

[rich_1517]

you are now in uncharted territory! cool, you did something i have been unwilling to do.

 

you told him you went on a date. ok you downplayed it but still his response should tell you much. but dont be trhown if the thinks its great you are dating. acceptance of loss goes through cycles i think so he may be cheery about it now, it may take a awhile to it to sink in.

 

so dont get down in the conversation if he is happy about it. move right onto the problem.

 

i think handing him something was a good move. how he responds will also tell you much there as well.

 

i hope you have something you can give him as you problem? does he have kids, can you say you are having trouble that way? an ex problem? problem at work? what is he good at? etc etc.

 

my ex keeps asking me for those things, knowing i can help but in my case my reaction is the reverse. perhaps i should do this myself to her. make her feel needed.

 

keep us posted.

[DaisyB]

GeeCee, I like it. I like it a lot. (Of course, I'm not always a rule-follower myself.) You initiated some casual contact, you went out on a date with someone new, you're comfortable enough to call the ex and laugh about it, and your ex seems willing to talk and help. I think all of those are good.

 

When does he get back in town?

[GeeCee]

Thanks Rich and Daisy

 

 

thanks for your advice. Ok, here we go with the waiting game again. I do not know how long he is away, or indeed when he left. He usually goes for a week, so he should be back by next weekend at the latest.

 

G xx

[SteveNaive]

Hey GeeCee, I have to say, that was kind of a daring stunt to break the NC. It seems it has worked for you and I hope that things will turn out the way you planned them. So far I would say it looks really good!

 

Btw, can you give me some advice on how to calm down and reach that calm and underanalyzing state you spoke of? I guess I have to reach that state before I can go on...

[GeeCee]

Hey Steve

 

Well don't get me wrong, my ex is my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night, and I think about him just a couple of zillion times throughout the day. Everything reminds me of him. I am also the most impatient person that I know. It drives me crazy.

 

Every day of NC is hideous, but I did find that once I had made a decision, I would set myself a target of one more day. Tomorrow I will call him, tomorrow I will call him, and when that came I would repeat my mantra. So it does get easier. But dear lord, it hurts like bollocks.

 

So I just set myself little targets. Also, I am very cheeky and like breaking the rules, and my ex knows this - so I exploit that little fact. And every now and then I do break the rules. But you really have to decide on a long term strategy and have complete faith in yourself. Or at least look that way to them. I am also learning that you have to be careful of which rules you break, so it really is trial and error. Play the game that best suits your personality. I am doing that. I have most certainly not changed my personality. Am being much more cautious though.

 

But Steve, I have crashing lows about once a week. Absolutely crashing, where I cannot even cry the pain is so bad, and I just feel paralysed with fear. So it is not easy.

 

Work with it, and hang in there.

 

It gets easier.

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Gee, hey, we need to catch up soon. I just read all the latest and must say, WOW. So he was receptive. Good for us, er....you. It sounds as if lots has happened recently, both with me and you. Am about to pick up CPA-grilie for dinner so dont have much time, but tomorrow is all about "Us." I have a new game plan that I failed to mention to you yesterday, I am evil and need your opinion. Will be in touch, am a bit tipsy at the moment.

[GeeCee]

SincerelyHurt

 

Great news about the new gameplan. Evil ... wonderful stuff ... the more evil the better.

 

G xx

[rich_1517]

Hey guys

GeeCee i dont know what you feeling. waiting is a b*&$h. but you sound good. you sound like you are adjusting to things as they are and not as you want them to be more.

 

that part i know very well.

 

so whats the plan? or is that a secret?

[SincerlyHurt]

Hi Gee, just read through here again and must say, I am happy. You need to be moving in a direction, either closer to him or farther away and by your calling him have set that movement in motion. The NC you were administering was not telling you a thing. You were doing it to make him miss you, not to get over him. In a situation such as that I don't think full blown NC is the way to go. You have to live day to day and analyze your situation constantly. Then when you feel it is the right time you act. You have been doing just that.

 

What if when he gets back in town he does not call. This could go either way, lets all brace ourselves for the future.

 

Hope all is well today.

[GeeCee]

Thanks SH

 

I am feeling OK. I feel the opposite in terms of breaking the NC rule, that most people it seems. To be honest, I find it empowering. I am deciding to call and that gives me a sense of power back.

 

I think that he will call back when he is back in the country. And I bet I will take the call!!!

 

G xx

[Scout]

I think you should take the call, too, but have you decided what your problem is yet that you need help with? I've been thinking about your whole situation with this guy, and much as I dread putting general and often wrong labels on people, I do think he fits into the typical "commitmentphobe" category. A friend of mine dated someone similar to that, and it was a rollercoaster that nearly drove her to kill herself with grief. He told her she was perfect, she made him feel "alive", he could see a future with her...and than he dumped her. Than he would come back to her. Than he would dump her again. Now, in your case, this guy doesn't sound quite so unbalanced, but he's definitely holding back for whatever reasons for a committed relationship with you. I think there is hope, but I'm not sure if you're patient enough to stay the course (I don't think I could be either, if that helps!). He obviously likes who you are as a person very much. He does respond quickly to your calls, and so you can be sure that he does care about you and likes your company. And I know you really like him as a person too, not just as this unattainable challenge that someone not as healthy as you might view him. So - could you maybe start a friendship with him? And keep him in your life that way, let him see you grow, laugh and talk with him, turn yourself into his confidante, and keep it happy and close - but not physical. Yep, no "delicious sex"! If there is a chance, maybe over time he will truly relax enough to see a future again with you, but you can't ever hint that is your purpose. Ever, ever.

 

I could be wrong here, but that's my take on the situation if you really think he's worth it.