TIME FOR CHANGE!! THERE'S A NEW GAL IN TOWN!!!!

[Clevertrevor]

Hi there G and crew,

Sorry I have also been having to avoid posting at work; I also feel like I'm being watched at the moment with regard to non-work internet use, so...

I am feeling lucky at the moment, the ex and I have been dating and enjoying it; in 1 year we have gone from living together in our home town to being apart in a big foreign city, but we're coping quite well now. It is exciting and scary, and if you had told me 2 weeks ago that this would be happening I would have smiled through my tears and told you to get real.

And I am not out of the woods yet, but I hope my story will give you hope and maybe a hint of inspiration.

I went through a similar breakup almost 5 years ago, and it nearly killed me. Lots of drugs, alcohol, tears, 1 wrecked career and a diagnosis or 2 later I came right, stronger and better and more alive to being alive than before.

So when it happened again, I said to myself "right, I know how this works, I've been here before, I can handle it, I will be a man about it" etc etc.

And I was wrong and right, because it was the same, but different. For starters, I knew that this time round, this woman actually cared about me, and I knew that I truly loved her, and so even if I couldn't be in love with her I could still love her. So I did. And every time I saw or spoke to her, I WAS THAT LOVE.

Now, I don't know if it made a lot of difference to her perception of my self although I'm pretty sure it did, but here's the thing; it sure as hell helped ME. I commend this idea to the Me generation. If you are thinking about playing games, go hang out with a g of whizz and your PS2.

 

Later,

trev.

[GeeCee]

Dikaia

 

Completely understand why you will be posting less. You are right, sometimes this site does good and bad. It does stop you from completely getting on with life, but it also gives you a lifeline. Use it wisely.

 

Clevertrevor

 

We are sooo happy for you. Keep this up. It surely is a tonic for everyone. Do keep us posted from time to time.

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

Okay you know what...

So as I'm asleep...at 2:00am...she calls me...I didn't answer, why should I? She leaves a message saying, "I know it's late...but I just wanted to talk, it's nothing serious, I work a lot this weekend so I don't know when I'll talk to you"

 

 

What??? why do you "just want to talk" when it 2am and I have to be up at 6am???

 

I cannot understands this girl at all...

[SincerlyHurt]

Dikaia, I would take that as a good sign. I wish mine would do that. Instead she just leaves notes for no reason.

[dikaia880]

Yeah, after the beginning of the week, my email and her response I know I can't expect anything until I'm at least back at school...

She actually called because she had a bad day and wanted someone to talk to...it's nice to know I'm the one she called...I guess it just means I'm still the one she looks to for emotional support....I hope I can keep it that way until August and then see what happens...

 

I just talked to her briefly...I figured I should at least call her back...she's working all night, but she said she might call afterwards...then it was weird at the end of the conversation she said, okay well call me later...I know she's working so I won't call but, we'll see if she calls...Oh well...I'm actually happy with were I'm at with her...I don't know what she wants...But I do know what she doesn't want (a serious relationship, or any relationship) and I'm okay with that...I know it wasn't me, it's her and thats better than wondering what the hell I did wrong...

 

Where's GeeCee today??? I miss ya GeeCee!

[dikaia880]

GeeCee? Where have you been??? oh well, let me know how your doing...hopefully all is well!

[GeeCee]

Dikaia and SincerelyHurt

 

Thanks for missing me. Was kind of keeping a low profile today. Am ok - hating the no contact thing, but revelling in the power it gives you too, in a bizarre sort of way.

 

Am pleased that I no longer have a desire to check the batteries in my cell phone or house phone any longer. Oh it hurts like bollocks. But what to do, what to do? Have definitely made a decision that NC will be the way to go for teh next month.

 

So, nothing much more to say at the moment.

 

Shall be back to offer support and seek it when I feel desperate, if that is ok, guys?

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Gee, you know everyone here is pulling for you and we are all here for you to lean on, so yes it is OK.

 

Heres a bit of humor in a cruel hurting world. Well humorous to me anyway. I went and got that haircut I referred to earlier (My thread or this one, can't recall). Anyway, my hair lady was out sick and besides I woke up too late and missed my appointment. So for the first time in over 5 years I have to go find someone else to do my hair. I wear it real short so need a trim every other week or less. I get the haircut and it looks great, took the lady like 45 minutes to do it, LOL. I get back out to the truck and notice it is even styled differently, looks hip, good. Kinda teased it instead of just brushing it down. So I decide to call the ex and go pick my dog up for an afternoon jog. I get there feeling like a million bucks (she was at her parents house) and she looks ROUGH. Wind shorts, old t-shirt. Now I know I came unexpectedly but it was amusing to see her in that state. Had not seen her unmade since we lived together. And what makes our situation even funnier is that her family adores me as I do them. Her dad came out and invited me in for lunch. Ha, right in front of her. I had just eaten though so declined. She noticed my look. Made the comment "you don't look like you are going to work out."

 

Its all about climbing the rungs on our ladder to happiness.

[dikaia880]

Thats a big ol' touche Sincerely..Ha ha, I love it!

GeeCee you know we're here for you anytime...

The boss ladies out today...nothing to do, nothing to do!

[GeeCee]

Dikaia, SincerelyHurt - you guys, you guys! I love you so much. I was having an away day from this - just kind of hiding away - and I peek back - and there you both are. That is a very comforting feeling.

 

SincerelyHurt - you ARE right, that look DOES suit you!!!

 

G xx

[spatzcolumbo]

Hey Geecee,

 

Thought i'd say hi too - been doing the same as you and trying to hvae a busy weekend away from the board!!!

 

Hope ur well, and everyone else too...

 

Happy easter

 

Spatz

[Scout]

Dear Gee Cee - I have been following your threads with fascination - thank you for your delightful sense of humor, your frank candor, and in general, your generous and well-written thoughts on this sometimes wonderful, sometimes evil, thing we called love. While I haven't suffered to the extent that you did in my latest break-up, it certainly brought up all my emotions from previous break-ups to the surface, and reading your posts and the responses from the likewise kind & wise souls out there was like getting $10,000 worth of therapy! You are all truly delightful people and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to reach out and be there for each other. I look forward to reading what the rest of 2004 brings to us all.

 

- Scout

[GeeCee]

HELLO ALL ...

 

This damn forum is soooooo addictive. I could not resist. Just could not resist, and so here I am posting my news.

 

Hope that you are all having a lovely Easter holiday and that you have had your fill of chocolate (personally that is an impossibility for me, as I never do!).

 

On a whim, I decided to come to France for a couple of days. Wonderfully accented French men who smoke and drink excessively and have cornered the marked in the art of flirting - what more could I want!!! So I told my children that we were going on an adventure.

 

My son was very excited. Are there snakes? he asked eagerly. Er no honey. Rhinocerous? No, none of those, sweetheart. Lions and tigers? Won't be seeing too many of those either. Hmmm... then why are we going, he demanded? My daughter is looking for anything with a designer label on it! And me, I am practising my French and drinking and smoking like a true Parisian!

 

So there are many distractions - oooooh and they are gorgeous. I went out with my friend last night to a chic little bar and we had a wonderful time. Lots of tall dark and handsome types certainly tend to take your mind of life's troubles. But it is temporary. No matter .... it is a healing process, and healing takes time.

 

And then this evening, we were walking by the beach, and went into a little restaurant. And there was a man, I was aware of a man and his gaze. And there was some locking of eyes and non-verbal communication. And you know, being that I was a foreigner and all, he made his way over to talk to me. And of course, I need to practise my French, and what a great opportunity. So, there was some chatting and flirting and yummy eye contact and that scrummy feeling you get in your stomach when you feel the beginnings of desire rumbling. And these made me forget the ex and the thought I had earlier that the whole place was full of lovers looking too damned happy!!!

 

So, yes the delightful French-man insisted in walking us back to the hotel, it was the courteous thing to do. And this being France, it was waaaay to early to not have a further drink, which we did, and again and again. And there was much laughter and frivolity and it felt very good indeed. Light and easy.

 

And so .... it has been fun, for a day, I have laughed with my friend, I have walked on the beach with my children, I have spoken lots of French.

Oh .... and I kissed a gorgeous French man - and it was all good!

 

Tomorrow is always another day! How is the Easter holiday going for you guys?

 

G xx

 

 

P.S. I look like a Very Important Person, in the hotel lobby with my laptop - perhaps an executive from Warner Brothers, someone with a Hight Profile at the Geneva Convention?!?!?!?!!? Little do they know .....

 

P.P.S. Thank you Scout, what lovely words. Flattery like that will mean we INSIST that you join our little club!!!

[SincerlyHurt]

And so there you are, utilizing my methodology of sending the ex to the wayward depth of your consciousness. I honestly say now with utmost confidence "I told you so." Those romantic trysts or even just innocently mingling take us so far away from our hurt. Granted it is temporary, at first at least, but it sure does get the job done in the here and now. As time progresses and you have similiar experiences you will lie your head down at night and not think of your ex, but will have merry thoughts of your newest escapades. You will begin to rest easier through this. I know.

 

Your tone is inimical today as compared to the last few. Out of your rut you have come. And with flying colors it sounds. Good for you, we are moving on gloriously using and abusing everyone in our wake. We are alone, our hearts are on hold and it is perfectly alright to be selfish in these times of healing.

 

I am on edge not because of my ex. I am on edge because I want to corral my Unicorn and it seems to be such a fine line to walk in the beginning. We hit it off gloriously, but can I stand up to that performance over the phone. I shall attempt to find out tomorrow night. If anyone has any tips feel free to post to me in my thread.

 

Gee, I will talk with you soon I suppose. I had to smirk at the thought of you trying to keep up with our increasingly complex lives here all the while sitting in a hotel while on vacation. The dedication you assert to this site is fascinating. Keep your head up and know that better times lie in wait, and in wait means that you have to physically go out and find them. Nothing comes easy in life, unless you just want McDonalds. Ha, I kill me!!!

[DaisyB]

Go GeeCee! I wish we Americans could up and go to France. . . if I want to go somewhere strange and exotic, I'd have to go to. . . I don't know. . . Jersey. Just no comparison.

 

Scout's right in all that she says. . . your stories and words of advice have sometimes carried me through the day. I'm so glad you've been having a happy Easter holiday.

 

Also glad you're practicing your French kissing. . .

[Scout]

Oh, for a suave French man to stroll into my life, if only for a moment...but, I never seem to meet them here in the States. Actually, I did have a date today, but unfortunately the chemistry I had with him would be about the same if he was a roof shingle. Well at least I got some practice in...tomorrow I'm going to a knitting circle to learn how to, obviously, knit. Oh, God - I'm starting to get matronly, for f$@k's sake. Short of walking into a bar and announcing my new availability, I'm not sure how to meet the dynamic, incredibly sexy man I am so in need of meeting right now to get my mind off the X. Suggestions? Hilarity, sarcasm, and even actually helpful advice are all welcome.

[spatzcolumbo]

Hey Geecee,

 

Just thought i'd check in and say hi...glad you're having a good easter.

 

I'm not too bad - trying to chill out a bit - she messaged me, and i'm seeing her again tonight. Still trying to decide on a gameplan - but i think its gonna have to be the same as last time - play it by ear and see what happens!!

 

Speak soon,

 

Spatz

[kathyk]

sorry for not being here for a few days. have had some ups and downs. i am still hanging in there. he has been mr wonderful. so i still am working on letting him be the man. i so not question him or anything. it is starting to get on my nerves. but i am holding on.

 

so is everyone holding their ground???

 

gee cee how is nc going? i hope you will feel better. i know i did.

[fontaine32]

First of all, I don't agree with "no contact." You still have to show that you're thinking about them. It's how you go about it. Don't beg, plead or act desperate. "Show them" that you're happy without them. Don't tell them. Make conversations friendly and upbeat. By all means, start dating other people, you just might meet someone interesting.

[GeeCee]

And so we are back.

 

Have had an enjoyable couple of days and eaten lots of easter eggs - fantastic.

 

I have quietly slipped into my eighth day of no contact. Hmmmm - no idea whether this is a good or bad thing!

 

Good to see Kathyk back - I am soooooo pleased that your guy is continuing to be a gem. This is wonderful news. Keep us posted on new developments.

 

So ... how was it for the rest of you?

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Ok, here I am in my ninth day of NC. In the past, the longest we have gone is 10 days, and the ex broke that. I had thought that I was going to call him today, to ask how he was. But have still not made a decision. Shall see how I feel later.

 

For now, I am on a shopping frenzy at the moment, and off to the wonderful world of IKEA!!!

 

How are the rest of you doing? Spatz (I know that you are feeling bad, but perhaps you will find some clarity in the latest turn of events?), Dikaia (guessing the boss is back!), SincerelyHurt (made any progress with your Unicorn?), Majord (still eating chocolate?) and finally Beec (still kicking butt?!?!).

 

Shall report back in later tonight for any further updates!

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Hey Gee, I would wait to call him. Stick to your guns, you said a month.

 

I am a little dejected today, don't really know why, I guess it is because this dating thing moves along sooooo slow at our age. I recall that when I was a youth we just threw caution to the wind and if we liked each other we hung out and talked all the time. Now the pace drags along at a snails pace. Work, friends, prior engagements, working out all get in the way. It is hard to find a successful woman with much free time, at least that is what it seems to me.

 

I called Unicorn last night, had a brief pleasant talk before she had to bolt for a function. She asked that I call her back later so I did but got no answer. Left a message and am hoping she will return my call tonight. If not I may call her again tomorrow or Thursday night. Why do there have to be Unicorns out there? Sheesh, is it wishful thinking on my part to think I have a chance? I guess not because she did give me her number and responded well when I called. She is a school teacher and will be busy all day today, that is why I have my hopes up for later tonight.

 

Well, this is not my thread, much more has happened with other potentials but I am not so interested in them anymore, at least right now. Unicorn is in my sights!!!! Hopefully?????

[dikaia880]

Hey GeeCee...yeah bosslady is here...oh well.

I've been good, upbeat most of the time...

When I was home for easter my sister in law showed me her new scrapbook which unfortunately had pictures of me and my ex at the cabin...hadn't seen those pictures before, she looks amazing in them and I just sort of fell down emotionally...but I've been working out and keeping busy, doing quasi-no contact, but not awhole lot at all. My grad school is falling in place perfectly, i registered for classes and it leaves me time in the day to get another "real" job and make the same as I am here...so really by moving back I'm not giving anything up other than living in a place I don't want to be!!!

How have you been GeeCee...hold on to your month of n/c your doing great, you set a goal now meet it!!!

Hows everyone else?

Gotta run! Take Care all!

[rich_1517]

my suggestion is to wait him out, i think thats what you are doing>?

 

i know how hard it is. you know what you have gotten in the past. do you have a plan? have one, it stinks i know to have to put so much "thought" into a relationship.

 

thats my only advice online. im around more if you want to chat. they killed my contract early

[shiny toaster]

hey geecee, i posted a reply to your last thread when i was at my lowest of lows and reading what you guys all said really helped.

 

thank you.

 

me and my ex broke up very early january. unfortunately my ex doesn't want anything at all from me, and it is most puzzling. after two months of texts and e-mails, i gave in to human curiosity and went to see him early march to give him his stuff back (he was insistent on not seeing each other). he avoided eye contact and asked me the same question five times, "so what you been up to?" after a few hugs, i drove home, vision blurred by tears (although i never cried in front of him, proudest moment). at that moment, i said to myself exactly what you have said (by the way, fantastic open to your thread - stick to it!). i said, no more, i can't keep beating myself up. and so i stopped contacting him, as difficult as it was, i knew it had to be done. you have to give yourself the space to grow. before i knew it, a month had passed. it was far from easy. i found writing letters, texts and notes to him but not sending them really helped. tonight i really wanted to text him, but as my mum always says, "sleep on it, see if you feel the same in the morning". so who knows... you need to give yourself this time tho. at least a month, for both of you it will help. stand by your plan, you will feel so proud of yourself when you've gone a month.

 

if it is worth having, it will come back to you, better than it ever was before.