what should I do?

[anotherloner]

I have never been on a date and a friend wants me to meet a girl.He works with this girl and asked me if i would meet her.I told him I dont know if I will back out of it or not.Iam 30 and have not had a girlfriend.I don't know if I will meet her or not.In a way I feel bad that maybe he thought I turned this meeting down.

 

1.Iam terrified of having relationships with girls.

2.I hate the idea or romance.

3.sex is disgusting.

4.Iam ashamed of my family.

5.Iam not rich.

6.Don't have the personality.

7.don't have the looks.

8.I could never have kids,I hate kids.

9.CAn't afford insurance on myself,much less a wife and kids.

10.would never want a wedding.

11.Iam interested in too many things other than women.

12.Iam a loner.

[mikel01]

I guess your friend wanting to do something nice for you, but you really feel that way then yeah it is best to decline the offer.

 

I have a few comments and questions. You don't have to reply if it's too personal.

1.I am terrified of having relationships with girls. Are you terrified because it has never happened or is it because you don't feel that you have any connections with females?

 

2.I hate the idea or romance. Are you afraid that you won't live up the expections of "romance?" Because most girls out there are not that romantic and just like nice sweet gestures.

 

3.sex is disgusting. I personally am going to leave this one alone

 

4.Iam ashamed of my family. Its not about your family. It is a about you and if a person loves you they will look pass the family unless the family is too involved and that's a whole different story

 

5.I am not rich. Money has nothing to do with love. Stability is important for the future and the balance of the family but not wealth.

 

6.Don't have the personality. If it's the right person that makes you feel at ease then your personality will shine through

 

7.Don't have the looks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Cheesy but oh so true.

[anotherloner]

terrified because its never happened.As far as having connections with females,I have never had one as a friend.All of the ones I have known have been girlfriends or wives of friends that I had.And I didn't know them that well.

 

It's just that I feel bad sometimes because Ive never experienced it and I've known guys who were total nerds but could at least be friends with tons of girls.But I don't even how to do that.At the same time,I feel that its not for me and I don't need to get myself involved in such things.

 

Several years ago a friend wanted to buy a rose for his girlfriend but didn't have time for some reason.So he asked me if I would do him a favor and buy it for him and then he would give it to her.Well he was never able to give it to her.Because the rose I bought was plastic.So you see,I don't have a clue on these things.

 

Iam also embarrassed by the hobbies that I have.I like reading books about politics and history,studying languages,and also studying genealogy.I don't listen to popular music,and I don't worry that much about the way I dress.I would never spend more than 10 dollars on shoes.I have always always always wanted to travel.But if I had a girlfriend,I wouldn't be able to do that.Because most people here don't like to go anywhere that takes more than 3 hours to get to.

[perplunk]

The overall sense I get from you is that you are way too critical of yourself. Don't worry about not knowing what to do or being ill suited or whatever. None of that is important or rational. What is important is being comfortable with yourself. Maybe you are in general but you hyper-criticize yourself when it comes to thinking about letting a woman into your life. I know I do and it's irrational. For me it helped to think in terms of people having different personalities shaped much like puzzle pieces. In such an analagoy we all have a personality that while unique, also shares common characteristics with others, and which connects with some better than others. The important part though is that whoever we are, there is not only someone out there that is like us in many ways, but also someone that likely complements us as well.

 

IOW, stop judging yourself by some abstract popular media yardstick. Be happy with who you are by recognizing your strengths and weaknesses; and by knowing that understanding yourself is how one figures out how to grow as a person. As Socrates/Plato said: "The life which is unexamined isn't worth living". I'd suggest looking at counseling and/or some personality testing such as the MBTI. I've yet to really look into counseling, but the real (not something out of a teen-magazine) personality tests have helped me think more about who I am and how I can improve myself. Not only career-wise but also socially.

 

As for meeting this girl, I think you should if you can accept it as simply meeting someone interesting, and not putting much pressure on yourself or the "situation".

[anotherloner]

So I ended up going on the date.

 

A friend and his wife set me up on the date with this girl.And we went to a movie and to a restaurant him/her and me and my date.The movie was I guess what you would call a chick flick and through the whole movie both girls cried and even my friend said it was a good movie.I thought that it was kind of boring.Then we went to a restaurant.

 

It's just that I don't find this girl attractive at all.It's more like she's a nice person but doesn't look good at all.Tall and skinny with the witch-like facial features of a long nose and long stringy hair.She frequently talked about her 3 cats.There are "some" things about her that I think are interesting.But not enough to think about dating her again.

 

Anyway,at the end of the night she told me that we should do this again sometime.I didn't want to sound rude or hurt her feelings so I just said yeah we should.And now everyone thinks Iam going to date her again.

 

I told my friend that I didn't want to date her again and I can't get it through his head.And he and his wife kept pushing it and wouldn't take no for an answer that I didn't want to date her again.They don't get that I said yeah to a second date just to be polite and that I don't plan on following up on it.

[gidget1]

Man don't date her again, first of all you aren't into relationships, or this woman at all, so don't waste your time going on another date if you're happier doing your own thing.

 

So what if dating isn't for you? If you're happy with your life, your friends, family, work and hobbies, you shouldn't feel obliged to go when your friends set you up on blind dates with crazy cat ladies.

I commend you for going on the date though, that took a lot of guts, and you gave it a shot. Good work!

[CrazyKing]

It seems like everyone around you is a little too much involved in your private life - I mean, you don't want to do something and they put you on a date you don't even like and they they all care about if you date her again or not, man!?!!?

[arnoldlayne]

I think by making this thread, it shows that you ARE interested in having a relationship but you feel completely hopeless. Don't go on another date with the crazy cat lady and instead try working on yourself for awhile to build the confidence needed to approach a woman you actually might be interested in.

 

You already mentioned some things about yourself that could use improvement. Try getting some clothes you think you look good in and start exercising more. Be nice to women, but don't come accross as desperate. Have confidence! And if you aren't confident, fake it until you make it. That could actually work.

 

And don't let thoughts of marriage, kids or your family cloud who you actually are. I'm sure you don't really have a bad personality, and with some practice with social interaction you'll be just fine.

 

Take it all one step at a time on your own terms and don't worry about what your coworker and his wife think.