Nil Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I broke up with my girlfriend 2 days ago. We had been dating for a year and a half, and we were very happy. But a few days ago I was going through her phone (I know, that sounds really bad!) and I noticed a few suspicious messages. "You are so beautiful", "I want to talk to you tonight" are the ones I can remember. Being the psycho I am, I type in the phone number on google and find the location from the number. I realize she had been speaking with her ex. We have fought about this before, but it was a long time ago. So I confronted her about it. All she had to say was "I'm sorry I went behind your back, but I'm going to speak with him and do whatever I want. If you don't like it, then you can leave me." So I did. And now I'm really mixed up. She makes me feel as though it's my mistake. She doesn't seem to care at all, and it doesn't seem fair that she can feel good and I'm miserable. It all feels so surreal, like this shouldn't have happened. We were happy one moment, and hating each other the next. So, am I wrong? I was going to call her and tell her I didn't care who she spoke to, that I just wanted her no matter what, but I got her voice mail instead. I apologize for turning this into a wall o'text, I just needed to vent. I don't know what I should do. Link to comment
waveseer Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 You did the right thing. She cares about him more than she cares about you. Stay away from her and heal so you can find someone who cares about you more than they care about the previous guy or the next guy. Link to comment
Effervescent Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Go NC and forget about her. It's apparent that she cares about her ex more than you. If she's more worried about losing contact with her ex, than losing her relationship with you, then she's not worth it. You did the right thing. If she doesn't value you, let her go. You'll find someone better who loves you more than she did. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Yeah, sorry to say, Nil, but without you even giving an ultimatum, she chose her ex over you. I'm really sorry. I know how blindsidingly painful a sudden breakup can be, especially when there's not even a sign that things are going badly. Don't feel bad about looking through her phone. If she didn't have anything to hide, it wouldn't have led to anything. Also, that's hardly a wall o' text. You should check out some of my other posts here. Just say everything you need to say. Most people here are good about reading long posts. And most genuinely care about you and your situation. I include myself in both categories. Oh, right, advice... Definitely cut off all contact. Unless there are "business" things to work out (i.e. picking up stuff, rent money owed, etc.), there's no reason to talk to her. I know you'll want to see if there's a chance she'd take you back, because you'll want all of the pain to stop. But honestly, think about this: do you want to spend any more time with someone who is going to disrespect you like that? It would be one thing if it was a guy friend or something (still kinda weird), but this is a guy who she previously had an emotional connection to. I wish I had another way to say this, but... that's not cool. If you start to feel yourself getting weak, get on here and post or vent about it. Post a Washington Monument o' text. If nobody else will read it, I will. And I'll definitely be following your progress. Good luck, Nil. Remember, you deserve someone better than that. Link to comment
Grace Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I was in the same situation and remaining in it as long as I did was one of the my bigger mistakes. It's a horrible decision breaking up a functional loving relationship because of one aspect that as hurtful as it seems almost seems inconsequential when compared with losing the one you love. The reality for me at least was years of dealing with his disrespectful relationship with his ex, damaged me much more than a quck break early on. I thought I could just get past it, but I couldn't, I conveyed to him how much the situation was hurting me, he didn't fix it and at that point I should have protected myself from something I knew would hurt me. Not to say that all relationships with one's ex are disrespectful, but my boyfriend's was and the texts in your message tend to indicate that as well... Link to comment
atelis Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 i don't think there is anything wrong with talking to an ex per se, as long as there are clear boundaries and everything is open and above board and on a platonic friendship level. It seems like the ex is still making a play for her and if she is not discouraging it, then clearly she is not doing the right thing by you. Link to comment
Nil Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Aw, thanks =) Yeah, today I packed all her belongings in a wal-mart bag, went to her house, gave her the bag and got my stuff. I mostly went over there hoping something would happen, but she just silently collected my clothes while I gathered other belongings. And that was that I guess. Link to comment
Nil Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 atelis, I did actually think at one point that I should just not care, that maybe I was overreacting. I mean, it wasn't like she was cheating on me, but, it just didn't feel right. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 I mean, it wasn't like she was cheating on me, but, it just didn't feel right. It wasn't right. If it was, then she would have been willing to consider your feelings and come to some sort of compromise. In its own way, this was worse than her cheating on you, because she wasn't looking to satisfy some primitive physical instinct, she was making a conscious effort to dismiss the emotional relationship that you shared with her for the same thing with another guy. To me it's worse, anyway. Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 atelis, I did actually think at one point that I should just not care, that maybe I was overreacting. I mean, it wasn't like she was cheating on me, but, it just didn't feel right. its not right.. she said she "went BEHIND your back" which means its something she obviosly didnt want you to know.. and now that you know she doesnt even RESPECT you enough to say she was wrong and will let you go over it.. If you go back to her that girl will never RESPECT you and she will just walk all over you.. You are doing the RIGHT thing! Link to comment
Nil Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Well, I still feel like crap. I spent three days at a friend's house just so I wouldn't be alone. I got to hang out with some of his other friends, but I'm never really good at socialising with new people, so I was just like the 3rd wheel basically. Sometimes I feel inspired and happy, thinking that it's good this is happening, and then a minute later I'm sitting on the floor losing my mind because I'm so depressed. Trying to fall asleep is the hardest thing to do so far. I sent her a message through myspace trying to explain with logic and reasoning why I was right in breaking up with her. Expecting a childish reply from her, she actually agreed. She told me she still loved me, and that I deserve someone better. I can't believe she told me this, but I feel like this gives me a bit more closure, but I still have to fight off the urge to drive to her house and beg for her. The thing that upsets me the most is how quickly she's seemed to move on. She seems so happy and upbeat, while I'm miserable. It sucks. I just want to hurry up and find someone new. I don't know how much patience I have left. The only thing that's really been keeping me somewhat optimistic is knowing that other people have had it way worse than me and made it through. Link to comment
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