Does a light bulb go off in your head?

[Marton04]

This might sound silly but to those who have gone down the journey of heartbreak and have come out all the better from it, was it something like a lightbulb went off in your head and one day you woke up and you felt ok about everything?

 

My emotions are still very up and down at the moment and I just want to not care anymore.

[retired1]

I wish.... Even after 2 years, there are still triggers that will make me pause and shake my head. There will always be that kernel of sorrow in your heart, it's what you do with it that determines your outlook on life.

[atelis]

not really, just a steady improvement day by day. There will be a period where you plateau for a bit, but then you get going again and keep improving. You will feel yourself getting lighter and lighter until you feel like you did prior to the relationship.

 

Don't wait or try for lightbulbs........just let yourself feel the feelings and you will heal in good time

[Marton04]

thanks retired and atelis... I guess I knew what the answer was deep down. I realize it's pretty much a progression over time - I guess I just wanted a miracle to cure me of this pain I'm going through!

 

If you feel down, do you ever just try to shake it off and pretend you're not? Or do you allow yourself to feel down for that moment?

[retired1]

Ignoring it won't make it go away. You have to deal with it when it comes. It's HOW you deal with it that tells you whether you're well on your way or not.

[atelis]

thanks retired and atelis... I guess I knew what the answer was deep down. I realize it's pretty much a progression over time - I guess I just wanted a miracle to cure me of this pain I'm going through!

 

If you feel down, do you ever just try to shake it off and pretend you're not? Or do you allow yourself to feel down for that moment?

 

when you think about it, it is a miracle.........you feel like crap and then in a few months you will feel fine again. i allow myself to feel every feeling. Blocking the pain is not real, it's simply avoiding a natural part of the healing process. Don't be scared.......face it with courage and you will be better off for it.

 

I am hurting a lot too marton, but let's be patient

[Marton04]

when you think about it, it is a miracle.........you feel like crap and then in a few months you will feel fine again. i allow myself to feel every feeling. Blocking the pain is not real, it's simply avoiding a natural part of the healing process. Don't be scared.......face it with courage and you will be better off for it.

 

I am hurting a lot too marton, but let's be patient

 

We'll go through it together atelis... it's not only painful, it's just wears me out going up and down, up and down with all these emotions. I just want for it to be stabilized. I think what gets me sometimes is when I think to myself, I'm actually getting through this ok, I'm actually stronger than I think but then something happens and bam, I'm back at the bottom again and it's just so frustrating!

[COtuner]

If you feel down, do you ever just try to shake it off and pretend you're not? Or do you allow yourself to feel down for that moment?

 

I do postpone it when I can as it welled up at times when I simply could not give the time to deal with it at that moment (first several months after the original breakup). I take time later that day to grieve, often going outside to cry in the car or something like that.

 

I simply don't have the ability to take time for myself most of the time right now - I just have to steel myself, grit my teeth and go onwards. Nothing new for me, I've had to be like that for most sorrow in my life. Guess it's the cowboy up mentality or something.

[hulk7280]

no its not a lightbulb, you just gradually keep making progress.. one day, one step at a time..

 

its kinda like losing weight.. u dont lose 20 lbs over night.. u lose a 1lb or two there.. then weeks go and the months go by and suddleny ur 20 lbs lighter

[John Bendix]

To me, time DOES NOT heal all wounds, acceptance does. It is actually the final stage of dealing with grief or loss in the Kubler-Ross diagram. For most of us, it takes time to reach that acceptance. The time may be different for everyone. It can occur in a flash or some may never get it and suffer for a long time.

[biacd]

John is spot on there.

 

For me, it started getting better once I accepted it.

 

Once I accepted it, it was like a light bulb going off.

 

True acceptance.

[longdist]

John is spot on there.

 

For me, it started getting better once I accepted it.

 

Once I accepted it, it was like a light bulb going off.

 

True acceptance.

Dito. Accepting it is a major factor. I kept with the thought that if we ever did get back together, it way be way down the line and I would have to get over things first. Now, I debate whether I would really want to get back together. I also felt big jumps in change when 1) I'd go on a vacation doing something I love 2) Go on dates where they go well, boosting my confidence again. Getting in better shape also helps a little.

 

I now only occasionally get sadness/anger. It usually comes when I sit at my apartment by myself for a day or two. Otherwise, it goes by really quickly when it does come. I guess I just wish I understood what my ex was thinking about at the time of the breakup and why she went to the guy she did afterward. I try to deal with emotions like this when I have time. I try to think about it and bring some pain, but find that I'm starting to become more apathetic about it.

[ScorpiGal83]

Yup. The breakup was not even 3 mths ago and I feel SO over it! This is because I forced myself to just accept it. It might have been easier with NC - blocked him on FB, MSN, everything. Deleted his number. Unfortunately I still know it by heart but hopefully one day I'll forget. I tend to remember phone numbers real easily though...

[ellandroader]

I think the stage comes for this "switch" when you learn to forgive yourself, at least in my case. My pride got in the way of my healing because even though I knew logically that I did all I could, was an effing good boyfriend and that there was a catalogue of barriers to navigate, I still blamed myself. I never passed the buck in my life, I always took responsibility.

 

In reality, I analysed everything, wondered if I could have been physically or mentally better for her and I just couldn't forgive myself.

 

One day I did, realised my own true value and things became easier. I guess you have to work through the emotions until the shroud overbearing everything dissipates and you can see the relationship for what it was and know that realistically, you both weren't working out.

 

All the best...

[waveseer]

My lightbulb went on when I realized that I wasn't a good candidate for a relationship with anyone. It took a lot of time and many false steps. I went through times when I didn't date at all and times when I dated a fair amount but nothing ever worked out. I thought it was because my ex was the right man and the rest were the wrong man but the truth is I have no idea if he could ever be the right man I only know that no man is or was the right man because I am not ready. I was ready to heal but I am not ready to make room in my life for a man.