did the no contact thing work or what?

[acman1]

yep, its yet another post about the "no contact" thing...neways, my gf of 3 years broke up with me 5 months ago (i guess thats a long time isnt it?). anyways, after the break up we didnt talk much, but she still wanted to be friends. we have hung out a few times since the break up. everytime we are together, we end up kissing and cuddling and sometimes more. thats the part that hurts me the most b/c it gives me false hope that we will b together again.

 

anyways, we hardly ever talk on the phone anymore. shes the one that calls me like once every 2 weeks max. about 2 weeks ago, i finally wrote her a letter telling her exactly how i felt (i know, the stuff i wasnt supposed to say). i told her i love her, i miss her, and i want to be with her, but at the same time i cant be just a friend to her.

 

well...about a week later, she calls me and says she wants to hang out. so we meet up at steak and shake and do a bunch of bs small talk. it comes time to leave and we hug and say goodbye w/o talking about anything "important".

 

so...we leave and about 5 minutes later she calls me and ends up coming over to my parents house where i was staying for the weekend. she gets in my car and tells me to drive. we start driving for a while and do the bs small talk stuff. eventually i realized i was driving in the direction of my condo in another city where i live (about 2 hours away). somehow we end up going there and she spends the night. we did the typical kissing/cuddling thing we do, and then just went to sleep. i drove her home early in the morning and she slept the whole way.

 

so basically, we didnt talk about anything important. she took shots at me for stuff i screwed up in our relationship, but thats about it. nothing solved or anything. that was about a week ago, and i havent heard from her since. i really dont know what she wants, or what i should do. ive told her exactly how i feel and what i want. i just wish she could do the same...any suggestions? sorry for the long post...thanks.

greg

[Emotional]

i dont know..most girls will spill after the guy spills this girl seems different lol..umm i think yall have a pretty good chance of gettin back together..

[Michael2]

She is confused and lost, she doesnt know her *beep* from her damn elbow. I suggest , if you really want her back, to grow a set. Leave her alone, none of this lovey dovey garbage. She has her cake and she is stuffing her face. Stop being a puppet to her.

[Hopingpraying]

Michael is right.. You can't be doing this to yourself, she is playing you like a piano and your letting her... Don't do this to yourself.

 

Let her call you.. When she does stay strong, don't do the cuddle thing, don't wait for her.

 

Its all about you right now man, do what you need to do. If you keep going back to her you will just keep reliving the breakup over and over again.. If she loves you she will figure it out on her own..

[Stingseed]

Michael is right. I dont talk to my girl much now or at. Have them respect you and then show them confidence..

[Emmylu]

You are now putty in her hands. Of course she doesn't miss you. You only miss people when they're not readily available, which you are. All she has to do is pick up the phone. So she can just leave you on the back burner. Does that make her happy? No. She's not getting that giddy excited feeling, that anticipation, nervousness, jubilation and sometimes doubt.

 

You have to make yourself unavailbable to her, so that she'll be forced to face the idea of never seeing you again. Right now, she has not gone through the break up in her mind because you're available to her, so she has not experienced any loss.

[acman1]

well why does she still get mad at me for not calling? im not the one that initiates anything anymore. i dont call or go see her ever. shes the one that calls me and says she wants to see me.

[Michael2]

See that is the point. You dont call her, she gets mad, then you fall victim of her games and see her. She is like a junkie, she gets her fix then dumps you on the side.

 

She misses you for a short time, you fill her void, she feels better, then she moves on, leaving you wondering what will happen next.

 

Give it time, if this continues you WILL slowly lose whatever sanity you had.

[danimal77]

Michael, haven't seen you in a while. Remember me?

 

You highly suggested I don't contact my ex, until she makes the first move, well, I implicated my own strategies, that more or less contradicted your own and Luckystar's at the time and guess what man, she's back and is chasing me today. Yup!!!

 

It's not the game so much, but how you play it dude.

 

There is hope for all, so try not to convince other's, that they can't succeed, if they do contact their ex's, because sometimes, that's not the case and I'm not the exception to the rule.

 

I never gave up and I won her back and now she has to keep up with me and I'm loving it. Hot and cold baby, all the way!!!!!!

[Michael2]

Hey danimal,

 

Glad to hear things worked out, but you an oddity. People on this board took the same exact steps you have and they got burned pretty bad. THeir ex's pulled away even further, and from a psyhological stand point, this makes sense.

 

I am not judging you at all, your advice worked in YOUR situation. But for the majority of individuals on this board, your advice will do more harm then good.

 

I stand by the no contact, it works if employed correctly.

[Out to sea]

Hi Daniall, I agree with Michael on this one, you may well be the lucky one that your approach has worked for you, but believe me it can really mess others up by doing this cause it ain't going to work for MOST people that find themselves in this situation.

 

The reason why NO Contact is so good is that no matter what the outcome with the ex is, the person is doing the most positive and constructive thing they can, healing the wounds!!!!!

 

However if they take your advice, sure they may have a happy ending, but more often than not, they will end up ruined real bad.

 

Be careful with your advice mate. I am really happy that it worked out for you. You should count yourself very very lucky indeed.

[acman1]

ok, so im gonna break the rules here maybe...im going back to the town where she lives to help my parents move out of their house and into their new one. she doesnt know im coming, but i told her little brother i may stop by his house to show him my new motorcyle. the last time i saw her, she said call her if i wanted to hang out, and i do want to hang out...how do i do that w/o looking like im too eager to? thanks for the good input so far guys.

[metroman31]

Do you think that the no contact thing can work? I mean, if you do the no contact thing and the feeding the bird type approach to getting your gf or bf back, then if you do have no contact with her and start to "starve the bird" so to say, wouldnt the bird go to someone else to find food?