Obervations on "emotional affair" with co-worker.

[Luke Skywalker]

Good, Luke. I think this is the right thing to do. It will upset her, no doubt. But you are being very honest with her. I would be hurt if I were her, but I think she deserves to hear the truth.

 

I actually decided to just see her in person, and copied the email I sent to her and showed it to her in person instead.

 

She's black, so unlike white-folks, she can have children at a much later age, and one day, she'll go with me to the doctor so she can prove fertility and that she has no STDs.

 

In terms of the pills she is taking, well, she is taking them, but it wont effect her ability to have children. I'm sure she's aware that it is a bit of a problem with me.

 

Finally, in terms of the relationship boundaries, what I do with any co-worker at the office, as long as it's not serious, she's just not going to care. So if I look at, hug, take a girl to lunch, or do anything else that would be "friendship" territory, or not really care that much about it, she will not care. Of course, I'm going to phrase things in a way that won't make her feel bad, so I won't say the co-worker is a petite white blond and I paid $ 40.00, etc... but would say stuff like "occasionally" or "once in a blue moon" something like that could happen, so in the grand scheme of things, it's too trivial to warrant any serious attention.

 

She actually looked amused rather than hurt and sort of wanted to know more about what was under my sleeve. I had to emphasise to her that I never slept with any woman before her and that she's the first women I'm dealing with in that level, and the worst case scenerios here we are talking about is just some childsplay stuff. So, I don't think there is any reason for her to be hurt at all. After all, I decribed the lunch with the co-worker as a disaster since it served to actually wedge me further apart from the co-worker afterwards.

[Miss Firecracker]

You told her in person?

 

That is even much better, Luke. That is fantastic.

 

Do you feel better?

[Miss Firecracker]

Luke, did you see the movie Borat?

 

If not, try to see that sometime. I think the movie is a little like your story.

 

Borat has a terrific crush on Pamela Anderson and goes all accross the country to find her. But when he finally does, she doesn't want him. And he ends up with a black lady, a little on the chubby side. It's sweet at the end.

[Kantriakhor]

 

She's black, so unlike white-folks, she can have children at a much later

 

You need to read up on your biology I think.

[Luke Skywalker]

Sure, I'll look into that movie.

 

I feel better that I made that disclosure to my girlfriend. She doesn't seem to mind or has an understanding with stuff that goes on in the office. I think it would be different if I was meeting people from the internet, or from other venues since she appears to be understanding with work and church venues. In other words, I'm not really going out of my way to seek out anything, and this is rather going on a "natural-passive" and essentially harmless way. That is, if someone is there, is attractive and friendly or nice with me, then small stuff may happen.

 

As an aside:

 

The lady at the office is not a 9 or a 10 or a Pamela Anderson, or Jessica Alba, I'd rate her a 7 - 7.5 with a pleasant disposition (as discussed above), plus when you have a connection with someone they always look a bit better (so with me it may be inflated to an 8). She's a bit like a ray of sunshine -- that's what you just call a 'nice girl'. I think I start getting intimidated when looks starts going higher than a 7. Most attractive ladies at my office are going to range between 6-7.5. One of the reasons I've stayed at a Remax office, without making deals and paying the expensive franchise fees, indirectly is to continue to be around these attractive women, otherwise, it would have been easier to have switched to another brokerage last month.

[Luke Skywalker]

You need to read up on your biology I think.

 

That is what my girlfriend said, not me. She offered to have herself checked out with a doctor for fertility.

[Kantriakhor]

That is what my girlfriend said, not me. She offered to have herself checked out with a doctor for fertility.

 

Then she's a bit misinformed in that realm of thought.

[Luke Skywalker]

Then she's a bit misinformed in that realm of thought.

 

Well, then it's a question of who is stringing who then. Because if at the end of the day she can't bear children, this whole thing is off and I'm back to square one (smile).

 

My mother had me when she was 38 years. I'm not sure what is the maximum child-bearing age with women. Either way, before that day comes, she will get tested by a doctor.

[ramonymone]

Dude, this has go to be a fake profile. Just to piss people off, I find some of these threads amusing.

[Miss Firecracker]

Dude, this has go to be a fake profile. Just to piss people off, I find some of these threads amusing.

 

 

No, I think Luke is very real, ramonymone.

[alatas]

I'd rather settle with an ugllier woman, and have a relationship/marriage, and cheat on her occasionally (especially if she is naive and simple) with a pretty woman rather than try to go for any pretty woman.

 

That is a very very sad way to look at relationships

 

It also says a lot about your morals and principles. I hope this relationship will runs its course sooner rather than later, so this poor woman can find someone who will treasure her instead of thinking of her as ugly and simple.

 

And please don't accept her money. It would be wrong of you to do so.

[ramonymone]

I feel as though I'm reading a Chuck Palahniuk novel, his [Luke's] threads are terrible but, I can't stop reading them.

[Luke Skywalker]

That is a very very sad way to look at relationships

 

It also says a lot about your morals and principles. I hope this relationship will runs its course sooner rather than later, so this poor woman can find someone who will treasure her instead of thinking of her as ugly and simple.

 

And please don't accept her money. It would be wrong of you to do so.

 

I will not be accepting her money...but will be redirecting any money she's giving me to pay (encourage) her for Herbal Magic weight loss and going to the gym, and/or for a dental examination.

 

It's easy to talk when you don't have to personally deal with something. However, I'm dealing with it. People are shocked whenever they see me and her together and immediately wonder, why I am with her. Also she has problems getting and keeping a job when there is competition with other attractive people. The only thing she really has going is a cheery personality.

 

I'm willing to help her out in any way I can. First step is fundamentally her "looks". Denying that there is a problem isn't going to solve it.

 

Maybe there is someone out there who may treasure her or accept her the way she is, but she loves me and is really into me, so that's not going to make anything just magically go away if I were to deny her based on her looks. It's like if a girl I was into rejected me or friendzoned me and I got rejected or friendzoned a zillion times, and she said, I'm a really nice guy that deserves a nice woman somewhere, how is that going to make me feel? I'd want the opportunity to at least change what is wrong rather than just being dumped. If anything, I am giving my girlfriend this opportunity by making this investment because I can sympathise with her if the positions were reversed and it was a girl that I was into.

 

The tract record of people she had in the past were just people who used her sexually as a love-doll and were treacherous and deceitful. They probably didn't try to improve her looks or tell her what's wrong. People here in Canada don't tell you what's wrong. It could be something very simple and easy to change, but they won't tell you what's wrong, either you find out the hard way, or some good samaritian tells you or helps you out so you get it and change so you can succeed at what you want.

[Miss Firecracker]

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Luke, seriously, if you want to help her you could look for makeover contests online. I found one for dental of your choice. Lots of times you can write essays telling why you want the makeover. You are a good writer and could probably help her win one.

[Luke Skywalker]

Thanks Miss Firecracker, I'll look into that and other contests.

 

I'm also looking at this link here:

 

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so I'm busying studying everything that deals with "lookism". I do not want to discriminate against my girlfriend on lookism because it's unfair for her to have difficulty finding romantic prospects. People do not understand the plight of ugly women in this world and hopefully links like the ones posted here can help provide insights into this as I continue to play with this "looks" rubic-cube for answers.

 

I'll also be looking at all make-over contests, and applying for talk shows / media, where they may be looking at venues where people have faced discrimination on the work-place because of a combination of looks and race.

 

I believe my girlfriend is the best to be qualified to have been a permament teacher here already, or have reached a high position working at a hospital, but feel that "lookism" has played a bit of a problem. I will definitely work on that with her, and also see if I can see how she's sending out her resumes or looking for new work as well.

[Miss Firecracker]

I just saw a commercial for hair replacement. They interviewed a woman that said how wonderful her husband is, but that he wasn't good looking. Yes, right in front of him. And he agreed. They got him some hair, and POOF! Now he is handsome.

 

I think you should write to Oprah Winfrey. She is the type of person that will go the extra mile to help people in need.

 

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[Luke Skywalker]

I just saw a commercial for hair replacement. They interviewed a woman that said how wonderful her husband is, but that he wasn't good looking. Yes, right in front of him. And he agreed. They got him some hair, and POOF! Now he is handsome.

 

I think you should write to Oprah Winfrey. She is the type of person that will go the extra mile to help people in need.

 

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Okay, thanks I just did that. You are going to put us on national television now. She'll have to get a good job for sure now.

[Miss Firecracker]

Okay, thanks I just did that. You are going to put us on national television now. She'll have to get a good job for sure now.

 

I have faith, Luke. I truly do.

[nicknick]

You rate your GF on a numerical scale and proceed to mechanically kiss her!? You need therapy sir.....and i would suggest lots of it (and soon as well Lol).

[pui]

I disagree with this because I feel my girlfriend is getting what she wants out of spending time with me, or doing what she's doing when she's with me. It doesn't seem like I'm really enjoying myself either if I'm feeling 'asexual' around her, or do not like the smell coming from her breath sometimes.

 

The other available ways of getting 'experience' have been very unacceptable in contrast with this, (i.e. going on adult-friendfinder, seeking the servies of a prostitute, buying a real-doll, or going on a third world country for a sex tour), so there are actually worst ways as far as I see that are out there that are unnatural, risky and more demeaning. At least this is still a natural interaction, where a girl is interested in me and I'm interested in her (enough) that there is enough juice for it to work for now.

 

Fionnuala is completely right.

You Luke are not just wrong, you are terribly off base ! Your posts are DISTURBING, if anything. Your girlfriend, no matter how you *rate* her in terms of looks is a human being! You are treating her as an object. I think that when she'll see you for what you are, she will be the one dumping you.

All this crazy talk about fertility, rating looks...People, this is the world here!! Just who are you "Luke" to say or do these things? I'm sorry but I'm just horrified at what I'm reading, can't help it.

[pui]

You rate your GF on a numerical scale and proceed to mechanically kiss her!? You need therapy sir.....and i would suggest lots of it (and soon as well Lol).

 

I agree with the above.

I honestly think that you are the one with the problems Luke, not your girlfriend, and you will see for yourself at one point.

[pui]

I just saw a commercial for hair replacement. They interviewed a woman that said how wonderful her husband is, but that he wasn't good looking. Yes, right in front of him. And he agreed. They got him some hair, and POOF! Now he is handsome.

 

I think you should write to Oprah Winfrey. She is the type of person that will go the extra mile to help people in need.

 

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Right. He should contact Obama for God's sake, this guy is in such a predicament, poor thing.

[pui]

Does the girl even want to look any different?! We cannot go and plan her looks for her really. Nor is this guy here entitled to even dream about it as long as he is not in a good, honest relationship with her!

[Luke Skywalker]

It's just astonishing of how some people's opinions are totally incompatable with what's being presented here.

 

Let's take the rating scale concept for example. I am a good judge of aesthetic beauty, and as well, I've also taken my girlfriend out with my folks, and to meet other members of the family which will also give their opinions about how she looks. I know what is beautiful, what is average and what is ugly and can rate than on a scale, and anyone can. The reason being, I take my judgements of aesthetic beauty very seriously, to the point of getting second or even third opinions of her. This is just informally to see if my own feelings of being physically mismatch are legitimate or if I'm really overly concerned about her appearance.

 

So far, my folks evaluation with her is that her poise is off, and we look mis-matched. For example, I'm 33 y/o, but could pass for being in my mid or late twenties and still have a youthful glow that I can appear to connect with, yonger attractive women, or am at least getting looks from them. My girlfriend on the other hand, is 35 y/o, has already been with a man for about 5 years (therefore is a non-virgin and knows the ropes), and it looks like I'm going out with a way older women on appearances. In fact, she is sort of like a 'mamma' to me on top of being a girlfriend.

 

Again, this is not simply arbitrary rating scale, but allot of work, such as age appearance, poise, beauty, etc... is gone into making an accurate rating.

 

Finally, I think this girl is fitting into my life and, the problem with people on this thread is that they are trying to put themselves into my girlfriend to project how they would react. While they may be attractive spoiled lady posters projecting their feelings on to their replies and in essence, are hypocritical because they are not my girlfriend, nor understand why she's attracted to me, or how life so far has been like on her shoes, or even why she appears to really fit into my life.

 

In terms of french kissing, I'd say 100% of the time she initiates the french kiss and sticks her tongue into my mouth, while I may avoid situations where that can occur. One time I even bought mouthwash and told her to swish some out in her mouth first (bought one for me too). I'm pleasantly suprized that her tongue or mouth doesn't taste as bad as her breath does, or I'd puke rather than going on with the french kiss. Apart from that, I'm not repulsed by her, she is a * woman *, and if she derives pleasure from my company, touching me up, and french kissing me, and I derive a fraction of what she's getting - enough to barely make it work OR even deriving pleasure more from the fact she's deriving pleasure and sees me as a sexual or romantic object - which is in itself something that I feed off on, then there is nothing wrong with french kissing as far as I'm concerned as there is a mutual dynamic there. With her it's direct, with me it's a bit more indirect, and visual, or it may click a day or two afterwards that, yeah, we french kissed since I tend to experience things deeper after the fact than during it. So, if she's having fun, or enjoying me, and I've already made a full disclosure to her, then I really don't think she cares as other people are making out here.

[pui]

***Again, this is not simply arbitrary rating scale, but allot of work, such as age appearance, poise, beauty, etc... is gone into making an accurate rating.***

 

I wasn't discussing your rating "skills"! It's the whole rating thing that I find abhorrent. I'm not arguing your point, she may be physically ugly or unpleasant, that happens, but you're being very weird about the whole of it!

 

How does she fit in your life? All I see from your posts is that you are repulsed or at least not at all attracted to her physically. You just seem to let her cling to you - saying she derives pleasure from it. She most probably does, but you don't feel the same, do you? This is not fair to her, I don't think there is a woman who wants a guy that does not love her really.