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thedude27
I Just Wanna Feel Loved
I Just Wanna Feel Loved

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I just wanted to update those ppl that responded to my thread the other day. Today, for the first time in 8 (or whatever) months my ex initiated contact with me. We talked about her marriage and all that and she apologized for not telling me sooner. We even talked a little about the breakup (she brought it up) and I really think she began to see how I felt about things. She felt bad about it. Thats really all I wanted was for her to at least see that she hurt me. On top of all that we were very friendly and told each other we missed each other(platonically). So it looks like friendship might actually work out for us.

 

One thing is that I'm not sure she is quite over me. I'm over her in "that" way. Nothing will start up between us again because even tho I still care to some degree I will never trust her. Is talking to her ok at this point? I dont want to screw her marraige up or anything like that, its her job to tell me if its not cool for her to talk, right? She should be able to determine that.

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Are you sure your over her? Otherwise as shes married this could end badly.

 

But if you just want to be friends then its great news.

 

I'd just like friendship. If she doenst want to thats fine too. If she decides tomorrow that we cant, I'd be fine with it. I'm really not that invested in her anymore but I do still care and I do like talking to her.

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I don't understand why you would want to be friends with an ex who hurt you and is now married. I mean my ex (before my newer ex) and I talk every few months for like 2 minutes... And we ended it mutally on good terms (nothing happened we just both did not love eachother). I don't think I'd ever be friends with an ex where I talk often, especially if they hurt me. That's just me though!

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As to the why. The why is because: a) we were friends before we were anything else b) I'm not going to hold a grudge over someone moving on when there were valid reasons for her to do so. c) I genuinely like talking to her. I'm completely over this person romantically and I will be more than fine with it. Its impossible for her to hurt me in any way. I guess I dont understand why ppl dont talk to their ex's afterwords especially where the breakup was amicable. I mean someone you spent so much time with you must of had quite a bit in common.

 

 

I think the husband question is very valid. Its kinda why I asked. I have no idea what he knows about me. I could see where someone might not appreciate it. Although my ex had a few male friends, I had no problem with that but I suppose I can see where someone may. Isn't this the kind of thing she should be thinking about, not me? Is it my responsiblity to ask her if she checked with her Husband? I was assuming its ok if she is talking to me or she wouldnt be.

 

I'm not going to see her in person unless its around her husband. I'd say thats a line not to cross. I think were done talking about our "past" at least I"m fine for good with whats been said. Its only plationic from here on. I'd just assume we'd chat over the phone occasionally like we did as friends and talk about about normal stuff in our lives(work, houses, jobs, movies we've seen, pets, stuff like that).

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I guess I dont understand why ppl dont talk to their ex's afterwords especially where the breakup was amicable. I mean someone you spent so much time with you must of had quite a bit in common.
I'm with you on this, thedude27. I can understand the friends idea, although I am speaking from my ideals, not from experience, yet.

 

I am glad she apologized to you.

 

I am interested in how things go for you. And I like to hear how others have handled friendships after long term relationships.

 

It's true that in with a break up, people get hurt, people act badly. But at some point, it might be worth forgiving and recognizing a new connection, with new clearer boundaries.

 

I am still taking one step at a time, it's kind of a "dark night of the soul" of transformation through the unknown. It's been 6 months since the vague break/sabatical turned clear breakup/separation (after 30 years together). He wants to be friends, to see each other, which we did at first, then I went NC/LC, and I am now taking extremely slow, haven't seen him in 3 months. I still enjoy talking to him, when we do, but know I need to be clear with myself on my expectations and needs, and to let go of the past.

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