GF say's im the "safe" choice...

[perplunk]

So because she's young she has to keep falling in the same hole? Also, perplunk, I don't know what message board you read but I see plenty of female posters being told to get over themselves.

 

People are allowed to make mistakes, and quite frankly the younger you are the more society expects you to make them. So yes, being younger certainly puts the extra onus on her to show she is mature enough to enter into a stable relationship. Saying oh you're "the safe choice" doesn't exactly inspire great confidence in her ability to pickup the slack when the relationship is having troubles... He is the safe choice until what? It's no longer fun?

 

As for what message board I'm reading, it's very plain here and nearly everywhere I look that girls (read: younger) feel far more entitled to having fairy tale relationships where they have to put in very little work to both start the relationship and continue it. The double standard involving insecurities in men and women is a prime example of this entitlement; and is why it bugs me that quite a number of women responders to this thread so casually blew the statement off and instead jumped on it being just this one guy's insecurity.

 

Honestly flip this situation around. Say I'm your buff underwear model boyfriend and I had women wantonly flinging themselves at me. I'm in school with no real assets to my name, getting some degree and I come to your home and say "babe, your the safe choice"... You're going to tell me that with that alone you will be perfectly secure in your knowledge that I love you and will stay with you even when things get rocky? That I'm not simply using you for your stability while I go off and have one night stands with easy women?

 

I really don't think you'd see the "oh it's nothing you insecure boy" responses if the poster was a woman in a reversed situation.

[smiles21]

Wow, didn't get a chance to read this until today. I apreciate everyones responses. It really lets me take in all different ideas, which is what I was looking for with my post.

 

I'm going to let this one slide, and if it eats away at me that much I'll say something. Sort of a I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

 

She is acting normal, actually above normal... (she hopped in the shower with me last night.. and it didn't end there).

 

I'm going to try to be more fun and spontaneous and give it my all. If it doesn't work out, it's her loss, and I'm sure I will be fine. She is not a cheater, im not worried about that. If I dont feel like I'm being loved the way I should I have no problems cutting the cord. It's just she isn't showing me that right now.

[1899]

I totally agree with perplunk.

 

Shes young and has no real assets. Be careful!

[Ms Darcy]

I hate to be a negative miss, but I think you have the seeds of something here that is worth exploring. You are completely entitled to your feelings and while I think it's helpful to not be insecure, it's also smart to view your feelings as a signal that you should listen to.

 

Crazyaboutdogs said: "I would also be concerned by her choice of words: "she said I was the "safe choice". When someone says it that way it makes it sound like they are settling for something they know is good for them but they are less than keen. Had she said "wow, you are so much better and more grounded than my previous partners..and I really love that about you" it would have shown more love and appreciation..but saying that you are the "safe choice" makes it sound like settling." "

 

Here, she's showing a vast difference in the attitude that different words portray. People are right when they say we should not crucify her for a possible poor choice of words, but the split down the middle in opinions, as DN says, is clear evidence that you should talk to her. I'm saying this only because you said you're going to let this one go.

 

I actually got a really great vibe off of you in reading your post. You seem like a nice, likeable guy and I'm really rooting for you here. That's why I would like for you to be proactive and not have to come back to the boards in a year or two after she leaves you for some loser or to 'find herself.'

 

My suggestion is to find a nice, relaxed way of bringing this up with her. Casually note that you recall her saying that you are "a safe choice" and that you were just curious as to what that means. Even joke around with her and ask her if she prefers guys who shoot laser beams out of their eyes and chase her with sharpe axes during a full moon. Keep the talk friendly but listen very carefully to what she says. Don't make her feel like anything she says is bad, just let her know you are happy to know what her thoughts are and that you just wanted to check in.

 

I think your concerns about her experience are valid. You two are potentially in different places in life. Being in college is very different from having a stable job and owning your own home. You are where I am now. She is where I was 6 years ago. I would have grave doubts about my ability to date me six years ago - aside from the physical and metaphysical impossibilities of such a proposition. So, do keep this in mind, as time moves forward and listen if she expresses any dissatisfaction on this front. But ultimately, I would hope you continue to listen in any relationship and kudos to you for paying attention and not just 'letting it slide' before giving it some serious thought.

 

My final thought, Crazyaboutdogs and others note that it sounds like she might feel she's settling a little bit to be with you. IF she says anything like this, here is my big advice if you want to keep this woman. Don't view that as the end of the relationship. What this really means is that there are qualities about the guys she dated in the past that she's not getting with you. For some people - that's a certain level of romantic excitement and unpredictability. Now I am a stable lass, as stable as they come, but sometimes I just wish my bf would just whisk me off to a romantic dinner without warning or pick me up and throw me on the bed. Obviously, not everyday, the poor thing has a bad back But women do like a little excitement and just a little unpredictable excitement can really go a long way. I mean, can you imagine being a nice guy with just a hint of an edge? Man, she'd never let you go.

 

Good luck!