Convincing

[chewy21]

I've only been awake this morning for about 30 minutes as of now, so bear with me.

 

This is a thought I think I've had for quite some time, but I'm just now able to articulate it. I was sitting around thinking about Jessica, my fiancee who recently broke it off with me after two years of being engaged, nearly three together total. I started thinking about how I could ever want someone else. Then I looked back at other women I dated before her. How did I cope then? DIdn't I think to myself the same things I am now? How I don't want to even think about being with anyone else, how I'd rather put myself through pain than completely let go. How did I move on after those relationships?

 

The answer is pretty simple. I decided that what I had with my next relationship was better than what I had previously with someone else.

 

Then I started getting worried. How many times can the next relationship truly be better than the last? Are we capable of reaching a pinnacle of happiness? Will anyone ever make me happier than Jessica did? If I get together with someone new, and later realize that this new relationship doesn't make me as happy, that what I had before was better, then am I really over Jessica? Isn't it unfair to the new person I'm seeing to walk around knowing that what we have isn't as good as what I had before?

 

I really don't know. I may read this in a few hours and think it's ridiculous. But, for now, it's on my mind. I posted it to get some opinions, to see if maybe there are some people who feel the same way, but, like me, have been sort of keeping it from themselves, and only allowing themselves to feel it subconsciously.

 

Thanks for reading, and I appreciate any responses. The more varied the better, in this case.

[DakotaSkye]

I obviously don't know all the details of the situation, like the reason why she broke off the engagement with you, but I do know that you will heal from it, just like you did other breakups. It may be more extreme, especially since you two were engaged, but with time, healing will occur. I think, as one goes through the dating world, people change. Their ideas, their goals, their plans all change, as well as their desires in a partner. It's that change in ourselves that makes our subsequent relationships better, because we understand the other person better and we understand ourselves better. I wouldn't be worried about reaching your pinnacle because we can always grow and learn. I would also say that each relationship isn't necessarily "better" than the last in the traditional sense, I just think that we focus on the positive aspects of our partners a little more, and even pick out these aspects about a person we like before we even begin dating them.

 

I hope that makes a little bit of sense. I know you'll recover from this.

[chewy21]

Thanks for replying, Dakota. I think I remember reading your thread about the manipulative boyfriend? I'll go back after this and see if I can find it to be sure.

 

Anyway, you're possibly right. And I know I'm at this stage where dating anyone else seems completely out of the question. This is a very real question for me, though, as I do have to convince myself that what I have now (at any given time) is truly better. Otherwise, I don't think I can really be over the last (better) one. How could I?

 

Usually there is a detail near the end of a relationship (usually the reason for the breakup) that makes moving on easier and gives you a reason to view the next relationship more favorably. For example: "This is better because I'm not being cheated on" or "At least she appreciates me for who I am."

 

I really don't have that in this case, as she left me because she had to deal with her depression. Not only that, but she had to do it for HER. Her self-worth was so low that any promise of a future with me would make her work toward that instead of working for herself, because she only valued me.

 

So no real reason to look back unfavorably on the relationship. It was just a very very good thing that had to end. If the next isn't better, I don't know how I'll be able to stay in it.

 

But I agree with what you said about looking for those things that make you happy and avoiding those that do not. That is a big part of it.

 

I dunno, reading over it I can remember what mood I was in, and now I can tell I've moved past that a bit. Thanks for the response, and hopefully I can find your thread again.

[waveseer]

In hindsight the next one may not be better, but at the time when you're alone it seems worth a try.