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Im Lost!!


doityourself

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Okay here goes,

 

Im 32, married for going on 15 years, 2 kids. Im so bored with life, all we do is work and come home to take care of kids. I feel like crap all the time. I find that people are telling me to smile all the time, I do smile when there is something to smile about. I feel anger towards everything and everyone.

 

He never opens up to me, never tells me his feelings. Which is probably my fault since I get mad and then he closes in.

 

I smoke pot constantly, want to stop then again I dont.

 

I grew up in a disaster of a family, drugs, violence, prostitution, murder, you name it and I can tell you a story.

 

I work part time, its fulfilling when i actually have work to do but mostly I surf internet.

 

Im not into anything, no hobbies, no sports, nothing. Have no interest in anything.

 

I guess my problem is when you do you know what your living for? Is there a time when you say Im happy with the way things are? Does anyone feel satisfied or is there always going to be a feeling of emptyness?

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You need to find a passion in life to make it more worthwhile doing what you have to do. If you really want to stop smoking pot you can. Talk with your doctor to get started. When your head is clear it will be so much easier to find your passion.

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Because he just makes excuses and says the same thing over and over again. He apologizes for things that werent his fault. He says he just wants everything to be ok.

 

what does that mean, ok?

 

He doesn't want any kind of conflict. It's never healthy to keep your problems to yourself, they grow and fester and can end up making your relationship miserable. Have you thought about counselling to get him to open up and address your concerns as well?

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I have talked to doctors, they prescribe things like xanax, I have been in and out of counseling and on and off meds since I was 13. Smoking is so much better than meds for me, doctors know I self medicate. Of course they tell me the long term effects it will have but its nothing compared to what the anxiety meds have. Pot just costs so much and its illegal.

 

I feel that my head is clear, Im just confused what it is that I here for. I love my kids and my husband. Never want to leave them, sometimes they would be better off. The demons in my head do try to take over, I keep them back with lets see what tomorrow will bring, it cant get any worse, those kind of things.

 

I have tried just about everything, church, books, crafts, going to clubs, taking the kids for kids things. When Im doing these things I dont enjoy them, I put up a front but really I could care less.

 

Ive been diagnosed with manic depression up to bi-polar. I think most of us have problems with everything thats going on, but what do you do when your tired of just having problems all the time. The only things that have brought me joy is being married as long as I have (the only family member to get married and stay married) and having my children. Now it just seems like its not enough, something is missing in me.

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Because he just makes excuses and says the same thing over and over again. He apologizes for things that werent his fault. He says he just wants everything to be ok.

 

what does that mean, ok?

When you say he doesn't talk about his feelings do you really mean that he isn't responding to your complaints about him? Because that is what it looks like from the above.

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We did try marriage counseling but it wasnt for us. The counselor just told us to get out more try new things. If youve ever been in counseling you know what I mean.

 

He still didnt open up I think he just says things that he thinks I want to hear. I told him I want to know the real him, the real feelings not mattter if its going to hurt me. It drives me crazy that weve been married this long and we really dont have anything in common or really know eachother in that personal way.

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Like he watches sports, is a computer programmer so always on computer and into heavy politics. We also have 2 boys that keep us busy, so when is it time for me. He thinks us watching a show on TV and not talking at all is spending time together.

 

It seems like the only time we communicate is when were in bed.

 

Yes I do complain, I guess Im just tired of the same ol.

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Pot is notorious for sapping all the motivation out of your life. It keeps you stuck in the same spot. You can try starting a bunch of new things, but if you're smoking pot, you won't have the motivation to stick with them or put enough effort into other things in life and succeed.

 

You will have to go without pot for a year to truly make the judgment that 'nothing helps'... Is there any way you can check into an intensive 30 day rehab program? One that really is structured and give you the tools to succeed in both quitting pot and being fully present and content with your life?

 

With pot or drinking or any other addiciton, it IS the problem no matter what you think. Once you solve that major problem, some of the other problems will go away on their own, and others will be easier to tackle.

 

It is also very well proven that people with biochemical brain chemistry problem should not do any forms of mind altering drugs. I had a brother in law who was shizophrenic who did very well when he was off pot, but if he started using pot again, he gradually degenerated until he was depressed and had a psychotic episode to send him into the hospital. when they straightened him up and got him off pot, his brain chemistry would get better and he would be able to be happy and function. he went thru several cycles of this before he finally accepted that he couldn't do pot because it messed him up biochemically/mentally.

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Like he watches sports, is a computer programmer so always on computer and into heavy politics. We also have 2 boys that keep us busy, so when is it time for me. He thinks us watching a show on TV and not talking at all is spending time together.

 

It seems like the only time we communicate is when were in bed.

 

Yes I do complain, I guess Im just tired of the same ol.

OK - so this isn't about him not communicating his feelings. It's about the way he reacts when you communicate yours.

 

Try a different way of communicating with him when he does or doesn't do something you want. i can suggest a different approach if you like.

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Dear doityourself,

 

There comes a time in some people’s lives when simply living an average life no longer holds heart for them. They start to wonder what is it all about and why am I here? Was I born for a reason or is this it? This state of being quickly begins to precipitate a very real point of crisis within the life of the individual as I see you yourself are experiencing. Believe it or not, this is actually a very fine state of affairs for you. For you are finally starting to see your life what it really is! It is only once one is brought to this point of crisis that one is forced into getting in touch with their true self as an act of survival. Getting in touch with ones true self is not only one of the most difficult of human pursuts, but it is also one of the most liberating and fulfilling of journeys. So perhaps you would agree that this is a fine state of affairs? ;-)

 

So since you are asking the members of this forum for advice, then I suggest you start fighing like all hell to find what truly makes your heart sing, before this chance passes you by. It would help to start by just being honest with yourself about where you see your relationship with your husband and what it is you want out of the relationship. By coming to at least this much clarity you will be able to see the next step for yourself without a counselor or anyone else having to tell you what to do.

 

Warm regards,

Norman

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your husband doesn't communicate with you because of your anger. it has made him become insular and closed. he would rather not communicate than risk you getting mad or angry with him.

 

anger comes from fear and i suspect the fears you have obviously stem from your childhood. you mentioned that you had a very difficult childhood and all of the problems you are having now is because you haven't dealt with your childhood wounds. the addictions, the anger, the depression etc.

 

seek out a therapist who can help you resolve the issues you still have from your childhood. it is difficult to move forward until you forgive yourself and others for the pain that you had from childhood.

 

show compassion with your husband............when you feel the anger coming on, just sit with it and feel it without reacting to it. let the anger flow through you. practice patience when it hits you. tell your husband what hurts you......talk to him about your childhood and your fears. you both need to open up to each other without fear.

 

get off the pot as quickly as you can, it will only hold you back

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