I want him to stop contacting me...

[mikel01]

My ex and I have been broken up now for 3 months now, and he randomly sends me emails about nonsense things like suggestion about a new book, a website that would help me with my training (I'm currently training to run a marathon later this year), etc.

 

I want him to stop but for some reason I can't bring myself to tell him to stop. I am so scared of cutting all ties because a deep part of me still have some hope I guess.

 

I hate that he emails me because every time he does I read between the lines and am looking for something that might or might not be there. I think I am creating a very destructive post break up relationship here. I am beginning to think that he is using this as an excuse to hear about what's going on with my life. I don't volunteer it though. I don't know if he is keeping contact because he part of him misses me or he just wants to make sure I'm there for him to fall back on.

 

I'm just venting. I know I'll get over it in a couple of days. I really should cut all ties and go back to NC.

[annie24]

i'd just delete any emails that aren't specifically asking to see you again or get back together. you don't need to respond to a book suggestion. or if you do, 'thanks' is enough of a reply.

[IMAbadman]

Tell him not to contact you. You are not interested in being friends. (Your) relationship is over and you will not digress to just being friends.

[coolgirl]

Kindly, thank him for the links and go strictly NC with him if your too uncomfortable then block from any emails that is coming from him. You think you can do that ?

[keenan]

Somebody in another thread just used the phrase, "this is not a sign from the Reconciliation Gods." I love that line because it's so true: whenever we have contact with an ex, no matter how casual, it becomes this big...THING...to chew on over and over again and analyze from every angle. "What does it mean? Is there something hidden between the lines? Does he miss me? Does he feel guilty? Is he trying to get information? Why is he thinking about me right now?" It's exhausting!

 

I have no real solution for this. My objective, impartial advice is to block him so that you can move on! But really, I know how hard that is. It's like...you want him to stop so that you can heal, but you don't really want to make yourself *completely* unavailable, because what if he DOES email you, and it's about reconciling? LOL.

 

I'll point out that if he really ever wants to get back to you, he'll find another way of getting in touch with you besides email or texting or FB or whatever. People are persistent when they want your love. If you do delete him from your phone and block his email address, you'll just be sparing yourself the annoying little messages that string you along in your own head and set you back.

[IMAbadman]

Somebody in another thread just used the phrase, "this is not a sign from the Reconciliation Gods."

 

That was me...

[annie24]

i like that phrase, lol.

[osterfanish]

My ex did this a few times, post initiating of NC and my calling her on her s*** for lack of a better word, through a couple of innocuously forwarded work related emails (our work is somewhat related, although we do not work with each other). When I didn't respond to those, a week later she sent me a very personal text that was definitely not a reconciliation by any means, but pushed my buttons incredibly. I didn't respond to that either and felt like my control had been taken back for a time. It took an incredible amount of willpower to do this.

 

Then on my b-day earlier this month, she sent a happy b-day text, which I responded to, resorting to my old ways and making me feel terrible afterward, in some ways putting me back at square one. The above comments are right - do not respond to any of attempts your ex makes to contact you if it is anything less than an effort to reconcile, if you are serious about NC. If you need to, block the emails/calls. I can't seem to do this myself for the same reasons you mentioned. I keep waiting for that call or email saying she wants to reconcile, but deep down I know that will never come...

[Casey13]

Simply dont read his emails. Set your email to filter out his emails for you so they dont go through. If he really wanted to get with you he would call but the emailing thing will only wear you down. Dont tell him anything just stop reading his emails and you should be fine.

[OrangeMoon]

the funny thing is..on my browsing escapades before when i was looking for any info on getting my ex back.. i stumbled on one of those online articles about breaking up and reconciling.

 

i can remember quite well that one of those experts reffered to keeping limited contact with an ex in a good way. a method was to just email them from time to time with tips of movies, books or other info that the ex might appreciate receiving.

 

i dont know..but to me it definitely sounds like a lame way of keeping in contact with you.

 

if i were you i would just blacklist his emailaccount.. if he's a man, he can just pick up the phone and call.

[mikel01]

Thank you for all your input. It really does help me be better prepare and to re-establish NC. I don't know if I can bring myself to to tell him to leave me alone, but I do like the idea of filtering the email so that I wouldn't see them.

 

It's true about going back to square one. I would think that I was improving so much then bam I get an email which makes me all crazy again.

 

I see that you all are so strong and I hope that I can follow through also.

[annie24]

i know what you mean. yeah, maybe you can have all of his emails go directly into another folder, not your inbox. then maybe one day when you are strong enough, you can go ahead and read them.

[mikel01]

I feel good. I just finished filtering my ex's email to where I would no longer receive it on both my computer and blackberry. I am a step closer to healing and it feels wonderful.

 

Like stated before, if he really wants to talk to me or see me, he has my number. Email is a chicken way out, and I am closing that door!!!

[nellyfae]

I've got someone who I left about 8 months ago...he drove it that direction with statements like "all our relationship needs is oxygen, and space, and time," and "I'm such a nice guy, always tryin' to please and I end up taking on too much...somebody always gets left out," and "I'd love to try to keep in touch with you more often, but I just don't have the time," (this was his response to my telling him once that I would like to hear from him a little more often, as in a phone call or email once a week). He also consistently cancelled plans that he made the day of the event - this happened pretty much every other time we had plans.

 

I met his family, and they often made remarks alluding to he and I moving in together. Weirdly, one time after we dropped his parents off post dinner and movie, he blurted out as we drove off, "I'm NEVER going to take you to see my family again." I thought we had had a very nice time, so this was surprising to me. But I responded that I didn't know why he felt that way, but he was not obligated to do anything with me, and that if it made him uncomfortable for me to be around his family I certainly understood, and I also apologized for anything I might have done or said that would have offended anyone, and asked him to extend my apologies to his parents, as well.

 

The last straw for me was surrounding two concerts HE had said he wanted to attend with me. They were to take place in the same week, one on a Tuesday and one on a Friday. He called Tuesday morning and cancelled, saying he had to work, and suggested that I would have a fine time going by myself, or perhaps with another friend of ours. He also mentioned a date we had had the Saturday prior, wherein we were at a bar and I went to the bathroom and put on some makeup. He said, "I need to ask you about something...remember at the bar on Saturday? You went into the bathroom for a really, really long time and came out with all this makeup on. Why did you do that? At a bar?"

 

He also always pointed out other men he said were looking at or interested in me, both strangers and close friends.

 

I know he had other women he was seeing, and that's fine.

 

He told me he loved me on the 2nd and 3rd date (I never said it back) and suggested living together very early on.

 

When I finally ended it, I simply told him that I understood he was very busy, and that I didn't want to take up any more of his time.

 

I heard from him almost two months later. At first, just some blanket emails to a group of our mutual friends, then he sent me one personally asking me how I was doing.

 

This has gone on ever since...every month to month and-a-half I get something from him. The last few have been directed at me, and the last two he has asked me directly to have lunch with him and talk. He even called me on New Year's Eve, and when I didn't answer, left a voice message about how he didn't understand why I'd have lunch with our mutual friends but not invite him; about two minutes after he left this insane little message, he had one of our mutual friends call me.

 

All my responses have been polite but totally indifferent, wishing him well for the future, but with no information about myself, no questions about what he's doing. The last two times I have actually ignored his request to get together entirely. I was sure with the one before this most recent one he would be done, because I was very vague, distant, etc. The only reason I do this is because I don't want to create weirdness with relationships with our mutual friends (I never even mention him or his correspondence to them, have never said an unkind word about him at all).

 

Why the hell would someone do this? Should I be worried?

[annie24]

hi - you should start your own thread so your issue can get more attention. let me know if you need help.

[annie24]

nelly - i have NO idea why your ex acted that way. he sounds very hot/cold and very very flakey. i don't blame you for breaking things off with him if he is blowing you off for every other date. good luck to you.

[nellyfae]

Hi annie24 - Thank you so much for your replies and suggestion. I will post my own thread on this one. I think you do a good job, Ms. SuperModerator!

 

Thanks again, and take care of yourself.