Question for women who have been engaged and/or married...

[oldenoughtoknow]

Congratulations, TMW. You gave this a great effort, and you tried up to the very end. It clearly wasn't an easy journey, but you've learned a few things about yourself. I can sense it by your most recent posts. There are some lessons in life that can't be learned from a book - you have to experience them firsthand. I wish you well.

[Tell Me Why]

Well I know I said I was taking a break from here, but what do you know, here I am, and I'm not doing so good. The ex and I talked last night and she told me she thought about what I said on Friday and she told me that she wanted me to do what was best for me and to not wait around for her and that she didn't want to be in a relationship right now, but she said she also didn't have an answer on whether she thought we could be together again at some point.

 

Now I just feel like an idiot for waiting around and getting my hopes up. Its back to square one for me. It hurts as much as it did the day she broke things off last April. I can't eat, I can barely sleep, I am mess and I feel like I will never be happy in my life. I told her I didn't want to speak to her or see her again and she said she understood, but that she hoped that I could eventually come around and be in her life. Why does she think she can always have it her way? Is there something so wrong with cutting her out of my life? I can't stand this anymore. I've done so much and tried so hard but in the end, I always end up getting hurt.

 

My mistake is that I never went no contact after the initial breakup. She always had this control over me and I always gave into her and went to see her because I loved her and wanted to be with her. I still do, but I can't let her be in control of my life. I know I have to be strong and resist all urges to contact her. It is going to be so hard but I don't know what else to do. You can't make someone love you or want to be with you and while I wish she would come back to me, its obvious she isn't so I have no other choice but to move on for good.

 

Why is it so hard? This has been going on for nearly a year and I feel like it will never end and I will never find happiness in my life. I feel like I will never be able to get beyond this person and it is going to eat me alive.

[Batya33]

My guess is that once you have real time and space from her you wil realize that there was a reason you wanted to break it off back then and that this back and forth had less to do with whether you were right for each other and more to do with the push and pull that wreaks havoc on emotions.

[Tell Me Why]

After I told her I couldn't see her or talk to her anymore because it was too hard. She calls me late last night and needs me to come get her because she is drunk and was throwing up in a parking lot and tried to drive home. Obviously I was going to go get her because she might have gotten seriously hurt had she driven home. But I picked her up, took her home and took care of her and made sure she got to bed. I spent the night and the next morning I got her breakfast and then I came back at lunch and brought her lunch as well because she was sick all day.

 

As I left she said to call her if I wanted to hang out soon. Did she not remember what I told her? Did she not remember that I told her I didn't want to see her or talk to her because of how hard it was? She thinks she can always have it her way and always have me around. I would do what I did last night everynight if I could, thats how much I love her, but enough is enough. If she doesn't want to be with me, I can't deal with this pain, which happens every time I see her or talk to her.

 

I gotta try to move on. I know I said I was going to take a break from here, but I can't help it. I just like venting about this situation.

[Tell Me Why]

It's funny how things happen when you don't expect them too. My ex and I have been seeing each other a lot since the last time I posted her. We have been getting along great and enjoying each others company without any drama.

 

She actually brought me around her family for the first time in 6 months and it was great to see them all again. The other night she even brought up the idea of getting back together. She said that it was apparent that neither of us could move on and that we both still love each other.

 

She said her biggest fear was that the same thing would happen all over again if we got back together and got engaged again. I told her I'm a changed person and nothing like I was a year ago and that I have no doubt in my mind what I now want.

 

There was even talk the other night about having kids together one day. I told her I truly believe she's the mother of my children.

 

We spent all weekend together and she was sick and I took care of her. I feel she's really starting to let her guard down a bit and let me back in.

 

We aren't officially back together, but I feel closer to her than I have in a long time and I feel like we are going down the right path.

 

Just thought I'd share the latest. I'm not jumping for joy because nothing is set in stone. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and see how and where it goes.

[Batya33]

Definitely take it one day at a time. As far as the having children - that's a very romantic notion "she is the mother of my children" but maybe the first step should be her decision that choosing to get drunk and trying to drive home is something that should never happen again especially if she wants the responsibility of being a mother.