A child that does not say thank-you for gifts

[yellowcal]

Prime example, my nephew is 7 years old and has no manners whatsoever and is extremely rude. Why? Because his mom never took the time to try and teach him manners until he was 5 years old and at that point it was too late.. because she had the same thoughts when he was 4 and younger that "oh he's just a small child, blah blah blah" well now you know what she is kicking herself because her son is disrespectful, never says thank you for anything, talks back and is just outrageous.. However on the other hand my son (who mind you is typical overactive) is the most respectful well mannered child you will meet. Because I actually took the time to teach him manners when he needed to be taught.

[yellowcal]

People are so afraid to actually parent because they might"hurt" individuality or feelings, or they are too tired and lazy. All hogwash. A child that KNOWS they are loved is a child with a schedule, one that has expectations and rules and consequences. Anything else tells the child they are not worth the effort.

 

Exactly. Some people say I am too strict on my son because I don't allow him to say certain things or do certain things it isn't that I am strict it is because at the end of the day I am the parent, he is the child and someone has to teach him right from wrong and if I allowed him to get away with everything people think Is hould allow him to get away with I will be one of those moms crying out for help when my 13 year old is beating on me and unruly.

[EQD]

I am a single parent and I work full time as well as go to school and I still have time to teach my child manners.. That isn't an excuse.

 

it wasnt an attempt at an excuse it was an explanation. not all parents hold the same priorities. dont get on a big witch hunt with me.

you dont make up the entire worlds parental population.

[Seraphim]

Well the thing is people are jumping on my behind for the fact some kid's parents have expectations that I support. If people want to have no expectations for kids for whatever reason it is their kid, but I can tell you this kid will be a darn sight more polite than kids that got away with murder "cause you are just a kid".

[yellowcal]

it wasnt an attempt at an excuse it was an explanation. not all parents hold the same priorities. dont get on a big witch hunt with me.

you dont make up the entire worlds parental population.

 

 

It isn't an explanation it is an excuse so many "parents" use... There isn't any reason to make excuses as to why children can't have manners just because parents work more often. That is what is wrong with kids. Parents aren't taking time to actually parent their children instead they are too busy doing other things and then they sit around and wonder why their kids misbehave or have no manners. It annoys me and I see this all of the time when I take my child out to playdates or even to school kids are so freaking bratty because their parents are freaking lazy.

[EQD]

Well the thing is people are jumping on my behind for the fact some kid's parents have expectations that I support. If people want to have no expectations for kids for whatever reason it is their kid, but I can tell you this kid will be a darn sight more polite than kids that got away with murder "cause you are just a kid".

 

80% environmental and 20% genetic.

 

me and my brother were very respectful toward our dad, we were actually in fear of him lol (it helped with the respect), because he was a scary guy when he was mad and because he was consistent.

We never took anything for granted and we didnt have holidays because he didnt believe in them. we also didnt have birthdays in the sense as you probably did.

If he called us to leave we stopped whatever we were doing and lined up to go without a word of argument or a moment of pause. People always commented on how obedient and respectful we were. Watching how they treated their kids and what they expected of them i could easily see why their kids were so unlike us in the way they acted. Parents simply didnt mean what they said.

On the other hand our dad never asked us to say please or thank you. So it was very hard in that sense to become comfortable with those words.

In parenting no one will ever be perfect, Where you fall short is going to be the tradeoff on where you excel.

Some people just have different priorities. Some kids are spoiled, some are neglected, some are loved, and some are handled with sterile gloves from a distance, and some arent parented at all but are just 'friends' to their parents.

 

usually there is always a tradeoff and it almost always revolves with the parents specific priorities on what they think is important. as it receives the most emphasis.

[EQD]

It isn't an explanation it is an excuse so many "parents" use... There isn't any reason to make excuses as to why children can't have manners just because parents work more often. That is what is wrong with kids. Parents aren't taking time to actually parent their children instead they are too busy doing other things and then they sit around and wonder why their kids misbehave or have no manners. It annoys me and I see this all of the time when I take my child out to playdates or even to school kids are so freaking bratty because their parents are freaking lazy.

 

i am not a parent. so i speak from no golden throne or bias. its an explination as i see it.

i agree with the bold. but i dont think that an effect is without its causes. and i am in no way justifying or making excuses for those effects because i have absolutely no reason to. i'm simply tossing out reasons why this issue of disrespect and lax parenting is becoming more prevalent.

[Seraphim]

[/b]

 

Exactly I see what you are saying. I agree, but what Yellowcal and I are saying is so many parents are not actually parenting because they are paying attention to their own wants and caught too tightly into the rat race. Even being caught in the rat race though does not excuse lack of parenting,because there are people who parent dispite those obstacles.

 

The other thing I am disagreeing with are people who tell me manners should slide because kids are not capable because they are a kid, or "not" a person. Once you imply that someone is not capable of learning and that they have no accountability you are done as a parent. Also the person that pays for this kind of thinking is the child. They just got the message that they are not a person, they can not control their emotions or actions because they are a kid and therefore a "lesser" person. All their belief in what they are capable of and what they are was just thrown to the wind.I think THAT is disrespectful to a child/person. Children are not stupid in ANY capacity, and even if the message is well intentioned which I am sure it was meant that way, it is an ugly and condescending message in MY estimation. I would never tell my son "you can not control yourself and you have no skills to know better because you are not a person yet." People need to remember children are VERY insightful.

[Seraphim]

[/b]

 

Exactly I see what you are saying. I agree, but what Yellowcal and I are saying is so many parents are not actually parenting because they are paying attention to their own wants and caught too tightly into the rat race. Even being caught in the rat race though does not excuse lack of parenting,because there are people who parent dispite those obstacles.

 

The other thing I am disagreeing with are people who tell me manners should slide because kids are not capable because they are a kid, or "not" a person. Once you imply that someone is not capable of learning and that they have no accountability you are done as a parent. Also the person that pays for this kind of thinking is the child. They just got the message that they are not a person, they can not control their emotions or actions because they are a kid and therefore a "lesser" person. All their belief in what they are capable of and what they are was just thrown to the wind.I think THAT is disrespectful to a child/person. Children are not stupid in ANY capacity, and even if the message is well intentioned which I am sure it was meant that way, it is an ugly and condescending message in MY estimation. I would never tell my son "you can not control yourself and you have no skills to know better because you are not a person yet." People need to remember children are VERY insightful.

[EQD]

this has become an increasingly selfish society.

i really dont see anyway of reversing that sadly.

remembering what i felt and thought as a child everything was in a dreamstate. There was a warped perception to it. So i'm not advocating 'excuse everything your child does ages 1-12'

but everyone should be aware of the causes for these factors and indiscrepincies. Because not every 5, 6, or 10 year old should be expected to act like a full adult. It takes many years to learn the full spectrum of acceptable social behaviors.

[EQD]

this has become an increasingly selfish society.

i really dont see anyway of reversing that sadly.

remembering what i felt and thought as a child everything was in a dreamstate. There was a warped perception to it. So i'm not advocating 'excuse everything your child does ages 1-12'

but everyone should be aware of the causes for these factors and indiscrepincies. Because not every 5, 6, or 10 year old should be expected to act like a full adult. It takes many years to learn the full spectrum of acceptable social behaviors.

[Seraphim]

this has become an increasingly selfish society.

i really dont see anyway of reversing that sadly.

 

Yes, I agree and it is every sad. People are so caught up in the disease of MORE. Kids need love and good parenting not more STUFF.

[Seraphim]

this has become an increasingly selfish society.

i really dont see anyway of reversing that sadly.

 

Yes, I agree and it is every sad. People are so caught up in the disease of MORE. Kids need love and good parenting not more STUFF.

[rocio]

I've not read through all the posts on here and I have a feeling I may be disrupting a heated discussion. But what I think is that, if this child is not yours and you do not play an active role in helping to raise him or her, just let it go.

 

It's the parents' job to teach the child manners - along with any regular teachers and caregivers. Don't hold it against the child if he or she has not been taught.

 

I get a bit frustrated with my niece, who never says please or thank you. It's like, "Aunty, give me a piece of paper, no not a yellow one, give me a pink on. Give me two more." It gets under my skin like you wouldn't believe. My daughter literally says thank you (of her own initiative) when I open a door for her to walk in or when I put her dinner plate in front of her. And she just turned 2.

 

But at the same time, I Know that my niece is a darling. She has a good heart and she is grateful. She's just not been taught to show that in the same ways as I would teach her if she was my kid. Since I rarely get to see her, I'm not going to take it upon myself to teach her manners. It's just not my place. I simply remind myself that I love her and she is a good kid, and get on with things.

[rocio]

I've not read through all the posts on here and I have a feeling I may be disrupting a heated discussion. But what I think is that, if this child is not yours and you do not play an active role in helping to raise him or her, just let it go.

 

It's the parents' job to teach the child manners - along with any regular teachers and caregivers. Don't hold it against the child if he or she has not been taught.

 

I get a bit frustrated with my niece, who never says please or thank you. It's like, "Aunty, give me a piece of paper, no not a yellow one, give me a pink on. Give me two more." It gets under my skin like you wouldn't believe. My daughter literally says thank you (of her own initiative) when I open a door for her to walk in or when I put her dinner plate in front of her. And she just turned 2.

 

But at the same time, I Know that my niece is a darling. She has a good heart and she is grateful. She's just not been taught to show that in the same ways as I would teach her if she was my kid. Since I rarely get to see her, I'm not going to take it upon myself to teach her manners. It's just not my place. I simply remind myself that I love her and she is a good kid, and get on with things.

[Seraphim]

this has become an increasingly selfish society.

i really dont see anyway of reversing that sadly.

remembering what i felt and thought as a child everything was in a dreamstate. There was a warped perception to it. So i'm not advocating 'excuse everything your child does ages 1-12'

but everyone should be aware of the causes for these factors and indiscrepincies. Because not every 5, 6, or 10 year old should be expected to act like a full adult. It takes many years to learn the full spectrum of acceptable social behaviors.

 

Of course they are not going to, but it can and should be redirected in some fashion when they do not. I am not saying I do not get the idea that they will not act this way. Of course I know that. I have raised many kids at different various stages and disabilities and what have you, and yes they will not act like adults all the time, that is a given. Hell adults do not even act like adults sometimes, but it does not mean you let someone "get away" with it, BECAUSE.......see what I am saying?

[Seraphim]

this has become an increasingly selfish society.

i really dont see anyway of reversing that sadly.

remembering what i felt and thought as a child everything was in a dreamstate. There was a warped perception to it. So i'm not advocating 'excuse everything your child does ages 1-12'

but everyone should be aware of the causes for these factors and indiscrepincies. Because not every 5, 6, or 10 year old should be expected to act like a full adult. It takes many years to learn the full spectrum of acceptable social behaviors.

 

Of course they are not going to, but it can and should be redirected in some fashion when they do not. I am not saying I do not get the idea that they will not act this way. Of course I know that. I have raised many kids at different various stages and disabilities and what have you, and yes they will not act like adults all the time, that is a given. Hell adults do not even act like adults sometimes, but it does not mean you let someone "get away" with it, BECAUSE.......see what I am saying?

[EQD]

[/b]

 

Of course they are not going to, but it can and should be redirected in some fashion when they do not. I am not saying I do not get the idea that they will not act this way. Of course I know that. I have raised many kids at different various stages and disabilities and what have you, and yes they will not act like adults all the time, that is a given. Hell adults do not even act like adults sometimes, but it does not mean you let someone "get away" with it, BECAUSE.......see what I am saying?

 

I never implied a kid or adult should be allowed to get away with anything. hell my dad never let us take an inch. even when it was hard to do things that were asked or we were punished for things that we didnt know were wrong, its all a learning experience.

the absent lessons are the only detrimental ones.

[EQD]

[/b]

 

Of course they are not going to, but it can and should be redirected in some fashion when they do not. I am not saying I do not get the idea that they will not act this way. Of course I know that. I have raised many kids at different various stages and disabilities and what have you, and yes they will not act like adults all the time, that is a given. Hell adults do not even act like adults sometimes, but it does not mean you let someone "get away" with it, BECAUSE.......see what I am saying?

 

I never implied a kid or adult should be allowed to get away with anything. hell my dad never let us take an inch. even when it was hard to do things that were asked or we were punished for things that we didnt know were wrong, its all a learning experience.

the absent lessons are the only detrimental ones.

[Seraphim]

I never implied a kid or adult should be allowed to get away with anything. hell my dad never let us take an inch. even when it was hard to do things that were asked or we were punished for things that we didnt know were wrong, its all a learning experience.

the absent lessons are the only detrimental ones.

 

Then we understand each other....lol

[Seraphim]

I never implied a kid or adult should be allowed to get away with anything. hell my dad never let us take an inch. even when it was hard to do things that were asked or we were punished for things that we didnt know were wrong, its all a learning experience.

the absent lessons are the only detrimental ones.

 

Then we understand each other....lol

[Seraphim]

That is another thing. People have taken the entire family OUT of raising a child. Not a good thing in my estimation. My brother's wife if she feels my son has been out of line in her house she will tell him so directly. When my nieces are at my house if I tell them to please not act a certain way or not to do something their mother upholds me. It takes more than a set of parents to raise a child in my estimation. It takes family and parents and school and the wider world. However the first lessons are taught inside the family and I think it should include ALL of the family. My son sees my mother everyday and has since his birth and she is an enormous part of his life. I realise many people do not live near family or they do not get along with family or whatever, and that is very sad. It does take more than a set of parents however.

 

The other thing is correcting bad behavoir is not lack of love. Raising someone to be polite and empathic and productive IS love.

[Seraphim]

That is another thing. People have taken the entire family OUT of raising a child. Not a good thing in my estimation. My brother's wife if she feels my son has been out of line in her house she will tell him so directly. When my nieces are at my house if I tell them to please not act a certain way or not to do something their mother upholds me. It takes more than a set of parents to raise a child in my estimation. It takes family and parents and school and the wider world. However the first lessons are taught inside the family and I think it should include ALL of the family. My son sees my mother everyday and has since his birth and she is an enormous part of his life. I realise many people do not live near family or they do not get along with family or whatever, and that is very sad. It does take more than a set of parents however.

 

The other thing is correcting bad behavoir is not lack of love. Raising someone to be polite and empathic and productive IS love.

[rocio]

I agree with everything you said, Victoria. In my case, I'm lucky if I see my niece once a year. Like I said, if it's someone you play an active role in raising, then definitely you have a responsibility to correct wrong behavior.

[rocio]

I agree with everything you said, Victoria. In my case, I'm lucky if I see my niece once a year. Like I said, if it's someone you play an active role in raising, then definitely you have a responsibility to correct wrong behavior.