Which do you prefer...(another looks vs. personality poll)

[laisla]

i am only trying to understand...

 

and i do not think i am making invalid generalizations as well. if i say men are more into sex than women is somebody going to ask me to stop generalizing? of course there are exceptions to every situation but we are not talking about exceptions.

 

that's not even WHAT you were talking about.

[EQD]

this is another surprise for me - because i always believe that women turn down the good guys and go for the users.

 

not saying they deliberately make that choice but because the users happen to be confident guys that can charm the girls.

 

that is yet another stereotype my friend that you have to try and fight to reason with.

and can you imagine? being attracted to a girl you think is beautiful and nice and charming--getting close to her and liking her for who you think she is--only to find out months or years down the road that they are complete asses who treat you worse than dirt?

 

Another good thought you should try and grasp is this:

The only women who stick with losers are the ones with low senses of self worth and self esteem *taps head* think about it.

[grymoire]

good grief... and just recently i learnt how to date.......

 

my head is spinning

[grymoire]

that is yet another stereotype my friend that you have to try and fight to reason with.

and can you imagine? being attracted to a girl you think is beautiful and nice and charming--getting close to her and liking her for who you think she is--only to find out months or years down the road that they are complete asses who treat you worse than dirt?

 

Another good thought you should try and grasp is this:

The only women who stick with losers are the ones with low senses of self worth and self esteem *taps head* think about it.

 

Ok gotcha...

 

it almost looks like catch-22 vicious cycle sort of thing

[EQD]

Ok gotcha...

 

it almost looks like catch-22 vicious cycle sort of thing

 

exactly! heehee. women fight an uphill battle with this. i know from experience its hard to pick yourself back up after stuff like that.

so...

women may get approached more true--but in the game of love it all boils down the same. we both have our hardships as a gender.

[tiredofvampires]

^ tov' date=' i just want to say, you are a genius.[/quote']

 

Aww, la'isla...

 

Well, you're a 10/10 AND a 10/10, so....soooo....

 

....does that mean.....

 

....will you marry me??.....

[laisla]

Aww, la'isla...

 

Well, you're a 10/10 AND a 10/10, so....soooo....

 

....does that mean.....

 

....will you marry me??.....

 

just give me a date and a place

[tiredofvampires]

just give me a date and a place

 

Wow!! This is my lucky day!!!!!

 

See, guys? All you need is ONE.

[NightLily]

Aww, la'isla...

 

Well, you're a 10/10 AND a 10/10, so....soooo....

 

....does that mean.....

 

....will you marry me??.....

 

Aw, but if you marry her, who will marry me? >

[ProtestTheHero]

I have deleted the stupid posts I've made in this thread, and in my final ENA post I will address two things because they represent an ideology that you can use as a bookmark to answer any questions yet to be asked.

 

"I only need one person as crazy as me." Jettison's avatar is great because it's true. How many people find that "one person" every month? That person isn't out there. We're all so deluded that we can readily admit in our own personal histories that there were times in our dating life when we felt we had that one person. If we didn't know it then, who's to say we'll know it now? AND even if we do, who's to say they feel the same or that the paths will ever cross? There are no guarantees. Some people stay alive for the dice rolls -- I am not one of them.

 

My only other point was there is no such thing as intrinsic value. Self-confidence is only delusion when no one else agrees with your high opinion of yourself. It's a delusion that keeps you alive, so of course we will all toot that horn 24/7. You are what you can do. If you can't do much, you aren't worth much. That's life.

 

Grym, good luck, don't give up, etc. etc. etc.

[tiredofvampires]

I will address two things because they represent an ideology that you can use as a bookmark to answer any questions yet to be asked.

 

Is this an implicit request? Heh.

 

Me, go to the "stock file answer" drawer? Dream on.

 

But I'm glad to see you have a response, because I just felt like committing hara kiri having put all that out there, without having any sort of rebuttal from you. Thank you, that was blowing, lol.

 

I'd like to address both your points.

 

Some people stay alive for the dice rolls -- I am not one of them.

 

Me neither.

 

So, to belabor the political/economics parallel a moment myself, I'm diversifying my portfolio. I'm not putting my entire life's investment into one thing anymore. I used to do that, and what I came to understand is that the more I clutched at what I wanted, the more elusive and the more unhappy I was. If you have EVERYTHING riding on having that partner to love you and a couple of beautiful children by age 40 (which was the case, and as you can see that didn't come about), then that leads to the very logical causal conclusion that I should take the stepstool behind my vacuum cleaner out of my closet, climb onto my balcony and plunge the 7 storeys headfirst to my death, ruining several people's shiny motorcycles.

 

There have been numerous times since my ex left me 2.5+ years ago that I've been so close to that, that I've had to practically restrain myself physically in an invisible straightjacket to my bed. More than once, my therapist had to ask for a promise that I would not do it. Once, my best friend had to hide my sleep medications from me. I felt my ex was my last chance at everything I'd wanted, and I had allowed myself to feel desired in a way I never had before in my life, with my vulnerabilities and all. I truly felt that after him, there was nothing to hope for in this long-overdue dream that other people seem so blissfully to find. It was going to be him or nothing. And I could not live with nothing. I had already lost too much to lose that, too. And what if I survived to hear someone say what he had, again? "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, inside and out, and I never want to have to live my life like it was before -- without you -- ever again"? I could never believe them. I could never believe that anyone would ever be so crazy and deluded again as to even love me that far, let alone love me way, way more than he did -- enough to carry me over the threshold, instead of just talk about it with grandiose (and turned out, selfish) idealisms of love in his head.

 

But I'm still here, with my beating heart, to tell about this. Why? Because I realize that LIFE is the roll of the dice. You've been living for 19 years on dice rolls, and so it shall continue, as for the other 6.8 billion people on earth. I could never get lucky. I could get a windfall. I don't know. I will never know until it plays out. This will not change until I die. Every day, the dice are rolled. Every minute the dice are rolled, actually. You get chances upon chances upon chances at that roll. So I have a chance. I see other people married, happy. Jettison's avatar suggests he is not one of them, nor am I, nor are you (though you have much more time to fix your crappy streak [and whatever perpetuates it that we have control over] than we do, haha, no offense, Jetts.) But the fact that other people do find their "soulmates" tells me that it's possible for it to happen. I have seen unbelievable love, love that was built to last for a lifetime here on this very board (not in this forum, though.) There are posters here who are happily married. Just not in this forum. There are people who never saw a message board, and are happily unified for decades. Your own parents being an example. There are people on this board who were late-bloomers, but it happened to them as well, because they stuck around for that win. Which they couldn't have foreseen, and couldn't have counted on, and wouldn't be enjoying today and telling us about it if they had done a few of the finalizing acts that I could have done. So while there are no guarantees, it's certainly a viable proposition that it could happen, does happen, and that all the evidence points to it being a reasonable goal. All I need to know is this, to keep living: IT HAPPENS. IT DOES HAPPEN. If everyone with bad luck for the 3 whole years they'd been dating cashed it in, we'd have very few people perpetuating the human race. (I think someone would have to be a good few degrees crazier to love me than most people require, so looking at other people's success doesn't fool me into ignorance; but it still DOES HAPPEN, and for people with less going for them, at the surface of it, than me, so I'm part of humanity I guess, and that would mean there are some odds on my side like anyone else.)

 

Now given the fact that it's a crapshoot though, I've got to fashion a back-up plan. A plan for if that kind of luck doesn't pan out for me (and I do believe a certain amount is luck, a certain amount persistence -- about 50/50, that is, if you have a 7+/10 personality -- as I dimly recall that was the subject of this thread). I've got to have a plan 1) for the "meantime", while I'm waiting to see how my luck plays out, and 2) in the event that it doesn't work out, in which case I'll have something of pride to look back on, instead of the inscription on my tombstone, "Here lies the avoidant quitter whose main achievement was ruining a few motorbikes."

 

There's got to be more than that. I mean, how pathetic does that sound? There's got to be more to a life than just that one thing you've laid out so neatly and predictably (or rather, your ego has, and the way you've built up your story of "self", which is actually more the delusion here).

 

My life had better be more than just one great goal, because that's too shaky a proposition. Even if not talking about this from a emotionally charged standpoint, isn't it just conceptually right? That life should not be so precariously balanced on that one dice game?

 

So right now, the stepstool is still gathering dust bunnies while I try to figure out what to do in the "meantime" -- the good thing about the meantime being that it's going to be the rest of my life. I won't really know until the end how it turned out, so it's kinda cool in that I'll always be ready for something to happen.

 

If I can ever trust anyone to love me again. Which is another story. And all I will say about that, since this thread has gone forward into Siberia, is that one reason I stick around is because healing that wound would be so sweet, would bring me such great joy and redemption, my desire for that happening overrides everything else, every black projection. That this "might happen"....MIGHT....keeps me from closing the door.

 

So then I have my bases covered. I have a backup plan AND I can say the word "might." After that, they can roll the dice and dare me to stand it.

 

You are what you can do. If you can't do much, you aren't worth much.

 

Yes, I know...a lot of people do feel that way. Certainly, society has indoctrinated us that way. My own family sure did. So it's been a life of uphill anguish for me, feeling that I don't amount to anything in anyone else's eyes, and therefore I'm worth * * * * overall, unless I prove something in some mandated way that agrees with the groupthink. So when I was 24 and got -- through no fault of my own -- a serious disability, which to this day has compromised my ability to work, to be financially independent, and certainly to view my body with the general taking-for-granted that everyone else does, I had to face people who might think of me this way. That because I "couldn't do much, I'm not worth much." I'm still clawing my way towards an unshakable dignity in this matter, and feel far from the goal (particularly when I see posts that mirror what the culture is thinking in such an icewater-in-the-face way.) Ouch. But you know what? What I know now is that there are people who don't think this way, and who might not, about me. They haven't been eligible or viable as partners to me, but I do know that while this mentality is "out there", so is it equally "out there" that I am worth something even if someone else doesn't value me.

 

Taken to the extreme, if we believed truly that couldn't do much = worthless, we might be tempted to revive the eugenics movement. (As this thread's wheels leave ground and head upwards to another altitude.) Why not do away with all the worthless quadraplegics, people born with cerebral palsy, or other very seriously compromising circumstances? Why have compassion for anyone who doesn't fit into the lauded model of what a human being should be?

 

Who the hell is anyone to tell me what a human being should be, other than good to other fellow human beings?

 

Goddammit, I deserve to take up space on this planet.

 

I deserve to, because I DO, and for no other reason. Because I was put here. Because I have something to offer, somewhere, to someone. It's "inalienable." It's "inviolate". It's incontrovertible. I know you are a sharp market economy analyst and more political science theoretics are going into this "worth" and "value" argument you are making, but again, those principles cannot be applied to human beings. I have intrinsic value as a human being whether I'm in demand or not. My existence doesn't and shouldn't hinge on demand. My decision to stay alive doesn't and shouldn't depend on ANYTHING external to me that favors or disfavors me. And this cannot be explained in terms of logic or "personal economics", because it's a spiritual matter, which is far beyond the scope of this already exploded scope of a thread.

 

It would sure help things a lot for me to pitch in, and do my share to pull the weight in society, as that's how it's structured to work in any animal society. But there are so many ways to do that. I'd like to be part of the fabric, the weave, in some way. I'd like to contribute. And I feel lucky in one sense -- I am heartbroken, but I have a lot of experience and carry with me a few qualities that might be of use. Not being a simpleton being one of those.

 

And you are blessed in that you are not a simpleton either, not just the town n'er-do-well sitting under the apple tree waiting for free fruit, a free ride or a free anything.

 

So I'm not sure what you mean by "if you can't do much, you're not worth much" since I don't see that you are in any way hobbled by things you "can't" do. You can do more than many people in this life. You were born endowed with great abilities. And you are healthy in body. You have all your faculties. So speaking about things you "can't do" and worthlessness is utterly baffling to me.

 

It's possible I'm deluding myself that I am of worth just by virtue of being what I think would be a loving, loyal, interesting, creative, fun, caring partner. That thought saddens me greatly. But just in case I'm either not deluded or someone else would be deluded alongside me, I'm gonna hunker down because I'd rather be alive, deluded and in some way making life useful as a "worthless person" than taking the chance that my sense of "brutal truth" (as you would see truth about worthlessness) is actually the delusion, and killing myself under that delusion.

 

How lame would that be to kill myself over a delusion, thinking all the while it was the finest, most sterling version of pure, unadulterated truth?

 

That said, I hope that isn't your last post....and that you don't leave me the last man standing.

 

*blabbermouth, over and out*

[tiredofvampires]

Aw, but if you marry her, who will marry me? >

 

Maybe we should just all be the 3 graces then.