Sex life without the pill.

[lost1607307474]

I've posted a topic similar to this before about how to spice up the sex life when I'm not on the pill - and all everyone said was to try a different pill or different form of contraception.

 

I have to stop taking the pill for medical reasons and am avoiding other pills/ forms of female contraception for these reasons as well. I've tried a plethora of pills and nothing has reacted well for me so I'm giving up (for now.)

 

My question is NOT regarding contraception but how I can make sure my sex life with my boyfriend doesn't diminish just because I've stopped taking the pill. He doesn't enjoy using condoms, and either do I because I know he isn't enjoying it - haha. How can we make sure our sex life is still active? More foreplay/ other sexual activities? Oral? etc?

 

I just feel bad because now I can't remain on the pill and I feel as though he is going to be unsatisfied with our sex life. For the record we are 22/23 and we have been together for 3 years.

[TotalFool]

Get married. Then you won't have to worry about babies. XP Hahahaha. I'm kidding! But honestly, I don't have much/any experience with sex but it sounds to me like in order to keep your sex life alive you're going to have to use condoms... Otherwise I recommend trying new things. Maybe experiment with different things that you haven't tried before. Some people get off with playing with rope, and crazy silly things like that... maybe that kind of stuff could keep your sexual relationship thrilling? I haven't had sex so it isn't hard for me to deal with not having it... can't miss what you've never had! But I try to come up with fun and interesting alternatives! I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult for you to do so as well. ^_^

[lost1607307474]

Get married. Then you won't have to worry about babies. XP Hahahaha. I'm kidding! But honestly, I don't have much/any experience with sex but it sounds to me like in order to keep your sex life alive you're going to have to use condoms... Otherwise I recommend trying new things. Maybe experiment with different things that you haven't tried before. Some people get off with playing with rope, and crazy silly things like that... maybe that kind of stuff could keep your sexual relationship thrilling? I haven't had sex so it isn't hard for me to deal with not having it... can't miss what you've never had! But I try to come up with fun and interesting alternatives! I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult for you to do so as well. ^_^

 

Haha... unfortunately even if we got married I would still worry about babies since I'm at a point in my life where I can't afford a child in so many ways. But yeah thanks for the advice That's what I was thinking

[cruzer]

what about the patch thing? or does it conflict with the medical reasons as well?

[d24]

if you're not on the pill one of four things:

 

1) he needs to get over it and wear a helmet - ultra thin ones feel just as good, he's being stubborn

2) you could have a coil inserted - pain pain pain pain!!!

3) what's that thing called? a femidom? it's been called a dam. Diaphragm! Those work.

4) implant/injection/patch

[lost1607307474]

if you're not on the pill one of four things:

 

1) he needs to get over it and wear a helmet - ultra thin ones feel just as good, he's being stubborn

2) you could have a coil inserted - pain pain pain pain!!!

3) what's that thing called? a femidom? it's been called a dam. Diaphragm! Those work.

4) implant/injection/patch

 

Hey, thanks for the advice. I've actually been thinking about option 1 a lot lately, too.

 

It's the hormones that birth control changes that conflicts with my health. So anything that changes hormones or adds hormones or conflicts with hormones is not good for me - I've got a rare skin issue which means increased/ changed hormones means permanent, ugly skin pigmentation on my face and body.

 

I've thought about a diaphragm but am a bit unsure. What is a coil?

 

I think I'm just going to have to get him to deal with it - to be honest I'm a bit sick of sacrificing my body just for condomless sex.

[top bloke]

The old withdrawal method seems to work fine too if you want to risk it ..however its alot less satisfying having to get out on the best part.. He will have to get condoms I feel.

[gidget1]

I stopped taking the pill (i was taking brevinor, the only pill that worked for me and felt right and didn't stuff my body up) about a month ago. Four years straight I spent on it!

It was probably just a coincidence but the sex we (SO & I) had after I stopped taking the pill was the best sex we'd ever had and we've been having more sex lately, too. He never liked condoms, but I guess after 4 years of not using one things changed a lot and he said he's very happy being back to condoms.

I mucchhhh prefer condoms now and I NEVER thought I'd say that!

[ScorpiGal83]

I was wondering this myself..

 

I've been off the pill for about 4 months now (was on them for 5 years) and I just about had enough of them making me feel crazy and making my libido disappear.

 

Anyways my sex drive is back with a vengeance and I tried condoms but I think I'm allergic to latex or something? Because when I have sex with condoms it's very painful and stings - why is that?

[lost1607307474]

I was wondering this myself..

 

I've been off the pill for about 4 months now (was on them for 5 years) and I just about had enough of them making me feel crazy and making my libido disappear.

 

Anyways my sex drive is back with a vengeance and I tried condoms but I think I'm allergic to latex or something? Because when I have sex with condoms it's very painful and stings - why is that?

 

I think this probably could be an allergy, but possibly just an irritation - maybe try using a bit more lube with the condoms and see if you still react with pain and stinging?

 

BTW thanks for the advice everyone

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Protect your health first. HBC can really mess with some women and it's not worth it in those cases.

 

Basically, don't reconsider the pill just because he doesn't like condoms.

 

Maybe go for a couple weeks just doing foreplay/oral. Hopefully he'll want to have sex so badly he won't even notice he doesn't like condoms. lol

[d24]

Hey, thanks for the advice. I've actually been thinking about option 1 a lot lately, too.

 

It's the hormones that birth control changes that conflicts with my health. So anything that changes hormones or adds hormones or conflicts with hormones is not good for me - I've got a rare skin issue which means increased/ changed hormones means permanent, ugly skin pigmentation on my face and body.

 

I've thought about a diaphragm but am a bit unsure. What is a coil?

 

I think I'm just going to have to get him to deal with it - to be honest I'm a bit sick of sacrificing my body just for condomless sex.

 

link removed

 

yeah, he really needs to get over it -- though please remember even condoms are only 97% effective or something. so be careful.

 

It sounds like he's just being selfish and stubborn. Get him some hats and tell him that's how it has to be.

[lost1607307474]

Thanks, IphigeniaSaysHi, I agree. I do need to put my own health before his needs - and all the hormonal birth control I've ever tried has messed my body up and so I'm quite sick of it and want to feel normal again.

 

tuxthecutey, thanks. I know condoms are only 97% effective but I am very careful and vigilant... we're also both each others first and only sexual partner so there is not much risk of serious STDs - we're pretty careful about everything anyway. Unfortunately it is a risk I have to take seeing as birth control really doesn't work out for me.

[1MoreChance]

 

I think I'm just going to have to get him to deal with it - to be honest I'm a bit sick of sacrificing my body just for condomless sex.

 

you go girl!

 

stop putting his needs first and think about YOUR health. You are BOTH important in this relationship. Why do so many women worry about their guy not being sexually satisfied to the point of hurting themselves? (really, many do! some to the point they cannot even enjoy oral - ("do I smell?!?"... "do I look ok?!??"... etc.)- or let themselves go to have an orgasm). Really. you deserve better than to stay on the pill.

 

a coil I believe means a IUD, it can be painful and cause a lot of bleeding. You have to get examined by a competent gynecologist. your uterus must be large enough (mine refused to insert a copper IUD because he said my uterus is too small... it will then cause a lot of bleeding and cramping). remember if you choose a IUD, choose a copper one. they are the ones that are hormone free. some IUDs have hormones in them, like the Mirena.

 

Japanese condoms are amazing, the most thin, skinlike and resistant.. in my city we must go to a special condom shop to buy them.

 

look also into a cervical cap, it must be fitted, but it is better than a diaphragm I think. you can leave it in longer prior to and after sex (a couple of days after). that way you keep spontaneity.

[_Asti_]

He'll get over it, seriously.

 

We were having condomless sex for about four years and I went off the pill. While I was on the pill and required a second method...we just didn't have sex because we both hated condoms.

 

I made a choice to go off the pill and he supported me..and trust me..we got over using condoms fast. Trojan Ultra Thins are pretty good.

 

The only complaint I have, is the having to stop and find one, and put it on.

I missed just being able to do it wherever and whenever without having to plan ahead, bring lube, and all that.

[EQD]

ha. i was on depo, it robbed me of lubricant and a libido. now that i am off of it i have both in terrible abundance. i doubt he will be unsatisfied with that. he'll get used to the condoms but dont worry about the hormones. if anything your sex life will be more active since you quit.

[Lecturer]

First, you are correct that your health is more important than sexual pleasure for he and/or you. That said, I have to disagree with previous posters in that even the best condom is not as good as condomless sex. If I have to wear condoms, sex becomes not as good for me, and the result is that I want it less. I hold no malace about it - its a simple fact. Its not a matter of sucking it up, or whining to get my way, its just how it is. Again, that does not mean that my partner, you, or any woman should sacrifice her health, well-being, or preference for their partner's sexual pleasure.

 

Basically, I'm saying that a man that does not like condoms can be expected to "man up" and accept that he has to wear them, but he can't be expected to "man up" and like it.

 

Moving on, the "coil" is called an IUD (inter-uterine device). It is a coil shaped object that is inserted through your cervix into your uterus to fool your body into thinking you are already pregnant (thus preventing ovulation). Newer ones are generally made of some type of plastic, but can also be metals (copper).

 

Some IUDs also excrete BC hormones for added protection.. you would not want that type. The insertion procedure for this is to administer medication to cause your cervix to dialate, then manually open your cervix further and insert it, which I understand to be fairly painful. They are often inserted after giving birth, as I guess it makes it easier and less painful.

 

The diaphram approach is also available as a non-hormonal, barrier method. In addition to being messy (requiring cleaning), and as sponteneity-killing or more so than condoms, it is also not as statistically effective as hormonal BC. However, it is non-hormonal, and does not de-sensitize like condoms, so that is a big plus.

 

Unfortunately, since I'm not a woman, and since gynocology is only a hobby of mine, I can't give the absolute best advice or first hand information. I recommend you do your own research, and talk to your doctor about options. Unfortunately, advice you can get online can give a skewed impression of facts, as there is always a higher concentration of people wanting to give "horror stories" for a particular method, over the number of people for whom the option worked out perfectly.

[madmarten]

Doctors probably will not put an IUD in unmarried 21 year old. It is really designed for women who have had a child and are in a long term monogamous relationship. If you happen to get an STD with an IUD it can cause major complications.

 

Well, I am guy and my gf and I use condoms + spermicide and they don't bother me that much. I will admit that sex without does feel better, but for me, honestly maybe only 10 % or so better. It can kill spontaneity, but really only a big impact if your main sexual venues are public bathrooms, parks, or taxi-cabs. As far as a slow down in the sexual action, you can look at like that, or you can look at it as a erotic ritual. The slow methodical way my gf takes condom out of package and puts it on. And looks at me while she is doing it...Idk its pretty hot.. One thing to is my gf does to is chart her fertility and on the very safest days we don't use condom.

 

And as somebody pointed out if HBC is going to lower a woman's libido and dry her out well that is going to put a damper on things. I will use a condom if it means getting attacked by my gf with flood gates open.

 

Getting the best things out of life, is usually a matter of looking at them in the right way.

[drewciouS281]

everyones body is different but my girl doesnt use the pill either. it makes her bloated and she cant afford to be that way because of her modeling job. Lucky for us though the pull out method seems to work. we never use protection and have still been ok. she was in a 5 year relationship where they never used contraception and still she never got pregnant. Sounds bad but then again everyones different.

 

If you dont want things to die down, spice up the sex life. get more sex toys and have alot of foreplay sessions. Experiment with anal sex. I do that to my girl sometimes while she is on her period.

 

contraception wise you can try looking into an IUD.

[lost1607307474]

Thanks Lecturer and everybody else for the additional advice.

 

I know that sex for him will never be as enjoyable as when we did it without condoms, and that he has to 'man-up' and accept it or whatever - but for the past 4 or 5 years I'VE been the one who's had to 'man-up' and accept all the screwed up things happening to my body and mind because of the hormonal birth control. I'm a bit tired of it and just want to be happy and not worry about all the side-effects I have to deal with daily.

 

Thanks for the info about a coil or IUD! A few days ago I went to get my flu vaccination and spoke about it with my doctor, who said it isn't really appropriate for me (being a young, unmarried female with no children) as the 'complications' aren't worth it (or something?). It makes you bleed a lot and your periods quite painful - I also have a small vagina and uterus so he stressed that it probably wouldn't work without pain or discomfort. So there goes that idea!

 

I think I'm just going to go stick with condoms for the moment. I know my boyfriend isn't going to enjoy it as much but that's the price we have to pay. Possibly things between us will be more enjoyable because I'll be happier and healthier... I also might try to spice things up by doing more sexy foreplay. We'll see how it goes!

[_Asti_]

 

 

 

I think I'm just going to go stick with condoms for the moment. I know my boyfriend isn't going to enjoy it as much but that's the price we have to pay. Possibly things between us will be more enjoyable because I'll be happier and healthier... I also might try to spice things up by doing more sexy foreplay. We'll see how it goes!

 

Thats been the biggest change for us.

The fact that I am in the mood.

 

I am a totally different person, and I have a sex drive for once.

 

He complained about using condoms when we relied on the pill..and I haven't heard one complaint now. He's lovin this side of me, and the fact that I am jumping his bones. We both enjoyed sex on the pill..but the sex now is waaay better, mostly because of ME, and the way I feel about myself.

 

Although coming off the pill did have side effects of its own, which may be something else to watch out for..it may take some time for the hormones to level off. [At some points I have debated going back on just because things now can be a little wonky!]

[ScorpiGal83]

I was on the pill for about 5 years, til I stopped in Dec 08. I had no libido to speak of by the end of it and it put a bit of a strain on my relationship at the time because I felt obliged to have sex with my BF and he could tell which doesn't exactly make anyone feel sexy.

 

When I came off it, I got a few side effects like bloating, nausea, my period cramps are way more painful now, heavier periods as well as tender nipples for about a month. Things seem to have calmed down now, which is lucky for me as I was on them for so long.

 

Also, libido is back with a vengeance!!!