THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Xpresslive]

My problem is my gf is trying to prove I am cheater because I am easy going person but I am not cheater I loved her more than she imagine and she started the bad silent treatment without let me know a month before my nc but I know she loves however sadly with jealousy and possessions she reached every girl in my life and they tell her every little word so I disconnected them too so that's why I chose the nc hope someday I can prove my honesty and she get her mind

[Honeybal]

Day 46

 

Sick with a cold. No time to feel sorry for myself. I hope I get over him soon.

[lolita]

Day 32

 

I thought passing the dead line of the 30 days no contact would make me feel better and good about myself, but the true fact is I think deep down I thought that after one month my ex would reach out to me... I fooled myself and why it hurts so much its because 30 days down the road forces me to let go on hope. It feels like he is drifting further and further away from me and we will never be together again, I have to admit it and its so hard!. While we are counting the days and improving ourselves our ex are out there looking for a new match. I followed everything by the book, I did not contact him, I hide my social media so he couldn't see anything about me, I ve changed my hair color to the color he always wanted me to have (put a profile picture public just in case he took a peek at my social media) , I m working out and I m quitting smoking, I was starting to talk to a new guy which lead nowhere cos I have quickly realized he was another FCCBois! Basically giving him the gift of missing me.

So here I am very sad that all these hard efforts don't pay. I miss him so much ! If he even missed me he would have reached out at least to pick up his clothes, that would be the perfect excuse for him to reconnect but no...

I guess he never loved me, I guess he is totally fine without me in his life. Really hurt.

Sorry this is a really down day for me, I miss love

[Honeybal]

Day 47

 

Hi lolita! The no contact is not for your ex to come back, it's for you to try and move on. If you are doing all of this for your ex then you're missing the point of no contact! Be strong and think only of yourself! I would be lying if I didn't think like you at times, but I'm doing my best to focus on myself because I'm the most important thing in my life, not my ex. If I take a day off because I'm sad it's for me, not for my ex, switch your thoughts to doing things for yourself, not for your ex because at this point, to protect your own feelings just assume that he does not gaf about you anymore.

[TiredOfDating]

Day 9. Been sick since VDay. Kinda fitting, lol.

 

I don't know, maybe it was supposed to happen this way. I'm running into some pretty severe financial issues. Things that were building when we were together and I struggled to keep it together. I didn't hide it to be deceitful, I just didn't want him offering to help, I didn't want that kind of dynamic between us. Without him, I'm able to admit I can't keep it together and I can regroup without feeling like a train wreck compared to him.

[layla21]

Day 30 (round 3)

 

I finally made it. Can't believe it though.

 

To be honest, I am not sure how to feel about it. After the BU (my first really serious LTR), one of the first things I did was looking up guides on a daily base (was literally addicted to them) on how to get him back and 30 days NC was always recommended so after two failed attempts, I made up my mind to finally get through with it.

 

However, something has changed. During these days, I came to the realization that the BU might even be for the best. After he hurt and betrayed me so much, why focussing on him? I rather started to work on myself, to put the energy into my studies, friends and family and workouts. And it all played out.

 

My recent posts have shown me rather "positive", rational or even indifferent but deep down I do still miss him - still miss talking to him. But maybe it is the relationship itself I miss and not him. Maybe I even love him but all the feelings surely have lowered. There are some days I still feel so down and if something good has happened, I still have the urge to tell him but I kept telling myself "he doesn't contact you, has his new rebound, why do you care if he doesn't?".

 

Thanks to the NC, I value myself more, and I am waaaaaaay from applying anything to get him back. NC is truly for oneself to reflect and grow. I think I am on the good way even though it will continue on being rocky. No matter what, if he wants to get in contact, he can do it but as for me, he is not a priority anymore.

 

Summing up, I have all these mixed feelings but to a great extent, I am relieved. Cheers to 30 days and many more until I dont count anymore.

 

@lolita I just read your post and I am sorry you feel like this. I myself have always wish for my ex to contact me (I assume many dumpees would wish for it to happen) but after awhile, I stopped stressing myself about it because it just hurt me anytime I havent received anything. I know we strive for this acknowledgement that they miss us or want reconcilation. My tactic was ...whenever it poppes into my mind, I told myself "stop", breathed in and out 3x and focus on something else, easier said than done but such small steps are beneficial in the long run. Apart from that, I can only agree with honeybal.

It is normal but cheer up, it will eventually get better!

[lolita]

Day 47

 

Hi lolita! The no contact is not for your ex to come back, it's for you to try and move on. If you are doing all of this for your ex then you're missing the point of no contact! Be strong and think only of yourself! I would be lying if I didn't think like you at times, but I'm doing my best to focus on myself because I'm the most important thing in my life, not my ex. If I take a day off because I'm sad it's for me, not for my ex, switch your thoughts to doing things for yourself, not for your ex because at this point, to protect your own feelings just assume that he does not gaf about you anymore.

 

 

 

Thank you Honeybal and Layla 21

 

I agree that NC is for healing, taking care of ourselves and learn to live without them and move on. I just wish he would see these changes in me, maybe he does and remain quiet or as you say I should assume that he doesn't GAF about me anymore.

I guess I m a bit down too bc of the medication I m taking to quit smoking, it really messes up your brain!

I just want to be over these feelings that he surely don't deserve, I wish I would meet someone new, someone with a sparkly personality as him.

I wonder if he only knew that I am still in love with him and thinking about him. Maybe he thinks I totally moved on. I don't know ! good luck to everyone in this painful journey!

[Kris22]

Day 58

 

It wasn't my fault, it wasn't his fault. It was just a super sh*ty situation, which sucks but there is nothing I can do to change that

[Honeybal]

Day 48

 

Lolita if you really want to see your ex nobody is stopping you, maybe you should do it so you either get back together like you want, or finally move on when he rejects you again. If you can accept both outcomes then go ahead and contact him, but honestly I don't think enough time has passed for him to really miss you. If you want to meet someone new keep trying! In a years time we will all have moved on from this, I'm sure of it

[AMC1995]

Day 30

I don't feel that depressed anymore, but , I miss her the same regardless. I guess I felt like destiny cut things off too shortly for me to really absorb the breakup. What I mean is, I still feel like I have business with my Ex. Unlike others here, I don't have the satisfaction of thinking that Breaking up with my Ex was for the better, nor did we do anything bad to eachother. Just timing and circumstance really ate at her with the LDR we had. Sometimes I want to reach out and talk to her again, what I'd do to see her smile and laugh at me. Of course I'm trying to move on, but regardless .. I like clinging on to this hope in the back of my mind. I just feel like I can easily contact my ex and ask her what she's up to y'know? it just feels Easy AF lol.

 

I don't like the idea of dating other people now that I think about it more and more today. I kind of feel sour at the idea honestly. Just doesn't feel right. Hooking up? sure why not, but I don't think I can date right now. Maybe she'll contact me before the spring semester ends, who knows. I just know that I love her with all my heart.

[Honeybal]

Day 49

 

I keep remindind myself not to feel bad that i still miss him because everyone moves on differently. Im just glad I havent reached out at all, a big difference from when we broke up 2 years ago.

[TiredOfDating]

Day 11.

 

Been thinking about him a lot today. I know he doesn't have his kids this weekend so I wonder if he's sitting alone and thinking about me. This would be a weekend spent together if we had not broken up.

 

I fought the urge to reach out earlier while doing some spring cleaning. He had stored an old sled in my garage awhile back and its still here. I don't want to get rid of it without asking. But I talked myself down for now. I may have to move into a cheaper house soon so I will wait until I HAVE to ask.

[lolita]

Day 48

 

Lolita if you really want to see your ex nobody is stopping you, maybe you should do it so you either get back together like you want, or finally move on when he rejects you again. If you can accept both outcomes then go ahead and contact him, but honestly I don't think enough time has passed for him to really miss you. If you want to meet someone new keep trying! In a years time we will all have moved on from this, I'm sure of it

 

Hi honeybal,

 

No it's like I want to see him, I mean yes of course I would die to see him but I don't want it to be initiated by me. I m pretty sure isn't seeing anyone and after talking to a friend about the whole story I came to analyse the break up on a different angle! Yes my ex needed his space to heal from his drug addiction and to chase his own demons. So I guess that in that case anyone would have broken up to focus on itself.

 

So I don't know I ll wait and see ... I m on 35 days NC and 3 days no smoking ! It's so hard ! I m less emotional these last days which is good cos weekends are always the hardest.

[Honeybal]

Day 50

 

That's great lolita! But remember to always focus on yourself, and try not to think about him. I feel great today. I was out on a date last night and I just felt great about myself. Felt bad for my date because I felt like I was using him for an ego boost. But it really helps! I love my ex still but this is the right thing to do.

[lolita]

Day 50

 

That's great lolita! But remember to always focus on yourself, and try not to think about him. I feel great today. I was out on a date last night and I just felt great about myself. Felt bad for my date because I felt like I was using him for an ego boost. But it really helps! I love my ex still but this is the right thing to do.

 

Oh that's great that you went on a date maybe you will start developing some feelings for the new guy in course of the time ! At least it distracts you from thinking about your ex. And everybody needs a little ego boost sometimes !

 

I was talking with the new cute guy but he kept disappearing, one day I had enough and i told him I won't contact him anymore, Bc what's the point to try to get to know each other if he replies me days later . He gave it some thoughts about it and actually called me on Saturday we stayed 9hours on the phone! That was crazy and since that we talk every day all the time. So it helps not to think about my ex and also makes me hope that I could fall in love again .

Last night I really had the urge to contact my ex but I think it's all mixed up with the cigarettes cravings. I miss him still tho..

let's keep up and go on date and come here to heal and talk .

[Honeybal]

Day 51

 

There was no spark with the date so I don't see the point in seeing him again. I feel better lately because I no longer wake up with the sinking feeling of not being with him, I don't check my phone for messages, and most days I go to bed feeling ok. I still cry but I embrace the crying. The more i feel everything and express everything, the faster I'll get over it.

[Lostinlove31]

Day 49...

Been a while and been busy too busy too post. Too busy to focus on my ex. Still think about her from time to time.

 

At times i feel the no contact rule is stupid but at times i feel that is truly necessary. And honestly i am discourage to date again and try to be in a relationship. People just don't want to put the work in that is required. And saying let's be friends after a breakup is such a slap in the face.

[TiredOfDating]

Day 14. I was doing so good in the beginning, but the last few days have sucked. I think about him constantly, miss him.

 

Dating isnt even on my radar. It took me 2 years of off and on dating to find him. I scan through Tinder but the thought of actually talking to someone else does not appeal to me at all.

[lolita]

Day 51

 

There was no spark with the date so I don't see the point in seeing him again. I feel better lately because I no longer wake up with the sinking feeling of not being with him, I don't check my phone for messages, and most days I go to bed feeling ok. I still cry but I embrace the crying. The more i feel everything and express everything, the faster I'll get over it.

 

 

I feel you, I went on a date early January I was so unready to meet someone new but I thought jumping into something new will help. That date was a total disaster, felt no sparks, no connection... right now I do have that with the new guy but as we haven't met I don't know yet if he could be someone who will makes me forget my ex. Deep down I still hoping that once he is healed from his drugs addiction he would look for me and why would he keep our photo still on social media? It makes no sense to me!

I m on Day 36 I think, I haven't cried for awhile thanks god. Honeybal the more you express the more you let it go.

This NC is so hard tho! But at the same time what to text them...

[Honeybal]

Day 52

 

DOn't text them at all! I just want to forgive and forget. My therapist helped me realize that I associate extreme emotions with my ex. So i need to try and separate the two. Im glad Im so busy I work full time and Im taking my masters so I don't have a time for a serious relationship, being with him was exhausting, I barely slept so we could spend time and I was always tired when we were together. I needed this rest.

[layla21]

Day 35 (round 3)

 

Back to my studies after a long and busy weekend/ start of the week.

Recap:

- Cried because I wanted to tell him about this job opportunity and missed him dearly (10min) on Saturday, thinking about wearing the necklace he gave me as a lucky charm but decided against it

- Didnt think about him once on Sunday and Monday

- Dreamt about us being back together on Tuesday but woke up and felt nothing at all

 

Overall, the last days have been okay. Today I felt the urge to check up FB of his new girl as I wanted to see if they did anything on Vday or so but I told myself "you blocked her, so don't do this to yourself". I am still hoping or waiting for a message from him though and I know I should let this thought go but it takes time. I am slowly moving on and it's the best I can do.

[Kris22]

Day 63

 

I miss him so much it hurts. I think about him all the time, I want to reach out, but I don't know if he thinks about me too and what if he wants nothing to do with me. My lease on my apartment is up soon so I thought about moving in with a friend, but that friend is moving in with someone else. I don't know what to do. I just want to be happy again, but I don't know if I can find happiness out here again or if I should move back home. I'm so lost.

[Honeybal]

Day 53

 

Plans tonight were cancelled and kinda bummed. But looking on the bright side and just going to enjoy a quiet night in. Tomorrow is going to be busy with a lot of chores. Miss him, but I know he is not worth it.

[lolita]

I made a mistake I m actually ending day 38 !! Lol I can't believe I ve skipped one day counting of my no contact!

 

I have been distracted a lot with the new guy that keeps me on my toes but my heart belong to my ex still.

 

I know you guys told me to hold on the texting ... and I know it's too soon so I was thinking maybe within 60 days of no contact I might try to just talk about collecting his clothes once and for all.

 

The new guy is litteraly eating my brain!up! It's so dangerous it reminds me the beginning of my ex and I relationship ! Hit off like crazy for nothing at the end !

 

So forcing myself to get nobody inside my head and heart beside my ex who doesn't care lol how ironic !! And I know this isn't the right forum but 6 days smoking free too lol

[TiredOfDating]

Day 15.

 

Not doing so well these days. Maybe because I have had way too much time to think, not a lot to keep me busy. So my mind wanders.

 

I often wonder if I'm the dumper or dumpee, basically so I can justify that if I'm the dumper, its up to me to reach out first for reconciliation. My last email to him was saying I would leave it up to him to reach out first, so I need to stick to my guns. But he also knew I was quite angry, and he avoids confrontation. So I have these internal battles with myself about reaching out first.

 

He dumped me in January, but then he changed his mind, said he wasn't ready to completely end our relationship, just needed time on his own. I didn't do NC so well during the break. And when we agreed to meet, I ended up telling HIM I had to let go, for my own sake because of something he said to me. Yet, he seemed devastated when I said I was done. And he admitted that despite what he said about not seeing our relationship as serious, he would probably feel differently the next day.

 

I miss HIM terribly. I miss US terribly. Every little thing that comes up lately reminds me of things we did, talked about, places we went and wanted to go. I was doing really good the first week or so, but I think my anger kept my other feelings squashed.

 

But at the same time, I KNOW that NC is best for now. He needs to clear his head, I need to fix my own life. I have a mess going on right now that I am so glad he's not here to see. So in a way, I believe our breakup happened when it did for a reason. And while I know NC is for ourselves, I also know that he won't miss me if I don't give him reason to. I didn't leave him alone much during the break period and it pushed him away. But if I left him alone, he would reach out. I have to leave things be at least another 30 days.