THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[saluk]

Crugsta, you gotta let go of that hope for anything to change in you. If you are spending NC continuing to pine after her you are going to be sad forever. NC is not about getting them to return, it's about working on putting them out of your mind so YOU can move on.

[saluk]

I am doing day 5 of NC. But know what? I haven't really stopped looking at his fb or his pics. I just dont contact him anymore. I think I should stop even that right? He has shown no sign of contacting me back and is seems pretty happy without me ( saying from his profile pics and status updates on whatsapp). But he was never the kind to display his pain anyway.

 

Few people post their sad things on facebook. In fact, sometimes when they are sad they post more happy things there to try and make themself happy.

 

But yes. NC works by eroding that connection you have with someone so you don't feel it as strongly. You then start to replace the hole in your heart with other things, as the memory of them starts to fade, because you aren't keeping it alive. By looking at FB or even a picture of them you might have, you renew those connections again and undo a lot of the progress you might have been making. You know you are healed when you don't even WANT to look at a pic or open their facebook.

[Tom1990]

Day 12. I broke NC to wish her a happy new year, and to suggest a thing we'd wanted to do before but haven't yet. She read, but didn't respond (thank God). I peeked at her profile; she kept me on her close-friends list, and I saw she's still had ups and downs (10 years of an abusive husband doesn't heal overnight, or even in a year). I'm glad I broke NC. It can't last anyway, because I have a book of hers, and she still has one of my fencing foils.

 

Gonna start over on NC tomorrow. But for now, happy new year, and good luck to all who are healing.

[madforyoy]

My ex bfs mom called me up to wish me for the new year. No one in his family knows we broke up yet. We were both doing NC for 6 days till today when she handed over the phone to him, which he reluctantly picked up to wish me Happy New Year, I wished him the same n thats all .he gave the phone back to his mom...

Should I consider this a break in the NC..or should I just continue?

 

I still wonder how he could go all partying,drinking with random chicks after the breakup ( which happened 1 month ago after which we met the week on christmas,which went pretty bad) and not care about texting me even a single word at all. He really doesn't miss me.

[Tom1990]

My ex bfs mom called me up to wish me for the new year. No one in his family knows we broke up yet. We were both doing NC for 6 days till today when she handed over the phone to him, which he reluctantly picked up to wish me Happy New Year, I wished him the same n thats all .he gave the phone back to his mom...

Should I consider this a break in the NC..or should I just continue?

 

He broke NC; you didn't. You're still going strong. Keep it up!

 

I still wonder how he could go all partying,drinking with random chicks after the breakup ( which happened 1 month ago after which we met the week on christmas,which went pretty bad) and not care about texting me even a single word at all. He really doesn't miss me.

 

Maybe he does, and maybe he doesn't. It's not your problem anymore. Again, keep it up. It sucks he made contact with you, but you got this.

[Tom1990]

After sending my ex that new year's message, I've been FB-peeking at her, and it's been killing me. I need to knock it off. I am going NC again.

 

Day 1.

[Tom1990]

Day 2. I went to a party with some mutual friends last night, knowing I might run into my ex. My ex didn't attend. People mentioned her once or twice, but no lingering (and uncomfortable to me) discussions.

[allibaidoo4]

Well it's day 9 of Nc have not spoke to him at all but of course u checked his Twitter so now I'm at day one , this is really hard . I just have to tell my self he doesn't care about what I'm doing or how I'm doing so why should I care about him

[Tom1990]

Day 3. I had a stupid dream about her last night, this morning I messaged our mutual friend about my ex (the mutual friend hasn't responded yet), then I looked at my ex's FB page and got all wound-openey again. Now I am contemplating cutting all ties and blocking her. Ugh.

 

Tomorrow I shall start over, day 1 again....

[allibaidoo4]

Day 2, of not looking at his social media and Day 10 since we last spoke, it has been really hard for me I cant wait to see a therapist because I seriously feel depressed and finding it hard to function. Still have yet to hear from him on why he decided to ignore me like a coward than break up with me. Just shows what my worth was to him.

[saluk]

Block her on facebook Tom1990! Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure!

 

I believe Facebook stalking is number one the worst thing you can possibly do to yourself when it comes to breakups. It's even worse than texting them and not getting a reply, or even texting them and getting a reply. It's so one-sided, and your diseased brain will infer the worst from anything you see there. You need to be thinking about how to make YOUR life work without HER - not fantasizing about how amazing HER life appears to be without YOU compared to your sorry state.

[Hls923]

Day 5 16 days post BU

 

Together for 1 1/2 yrs.......Went NC after he ended it, but responded to his Merry Christmas text. Asked to bring me a gift-I said No. I texted photos the next day before I deleted them, he asked again to bring my gift- I said No.

NC for 6 days, then I broke it to wish Happy New Year. Now been in NC for 5 days. The longest we've gone NC is 1week. He broke it off this time because he met someone.

We were on and off throughout, but never because of another person. He said many, many times that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me...... Silly me, I believed him.

My heart wants so badly to hear from him, but my head is hoping that I never hear from him again. There is still the unfinished business of the Christmas gift, but I really don't want it. All I wanted from him was his love, without that I want absolutely nothing from him.

[Tom1990]

Block her on facebook Tom1990! Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure!

 

Excellent quote.

 

Yeah, FB stalking is horrible for breakups. Nothing tears open those wounds quite like seeing the hyper-inflated sense of self that are Facebook pictures. I'll definitely block her if I feel the urge to FB-stalk. Right now, however, the urge is nil.

 

Oh! I should edit to add, I did unfriend her. I told her I can't sit by and watch her move on, she said do what ya gotta do, and that was that. I got her address so I could mail her a thing of hers, she did the same, and that was that. I've no desire to reach out to her, ever again. Maybe we can hang in the future, maybe we can't. I'm going to try to not bother myself with that.

[jex24]

Day 1 of full NC.

 

We officially broke up 2.5 years ago but he's been around ever since. After 2.5 years too long, I am cutting the cord. I'm tired of him stringing me along, trying to be my "friend", his constant drunken confessions of feelings that he tries to cover up, all the lies, all the bull. Everything. Yesterday was it. I told him to never contact me again, and then I blocked his number (because I know with absolute 1000% certainty that he WILL contact me). I AM DONE! DONE, DONE, DONE.

 

I lost my best friend and the love of my life in one fell swoop. The hardest thing I've ever done, but I'll get through this. One day at a time.

[saluk]

Day ###

 

Broke my own rules and FB stalked yesterday. Didn't hurt. Didn't feel anything. They don't post a lot. Probably too busy planning the wedding, right Not bothered. Honestly!

 

My real issue is I'm still having trouble dating, and trying to figure out how to get myself in the right mindset. I'm not going back in the past anymore, but I don't know how to go forward. I just don't have the effort to put into it to reap any kind of reward. And every time I DO put in the effort, I get bored of the girl really quick and end it. I don't know. I'd really like to be with someone, but it takes a lot of time to get to the "being with someone" phase. And I'm still a bit afraid of being hurt again.

 

Day 1 of full NC.

 

We officially broke up 2.5 years ago but he's been around ever since. After 2.5 years too long, I am cutting the cord. I'm tired of him stringing me along, trying to be my "friend", his constant drunken confessions of feelings that he tries to cover up, all the lies, all the bull. Everything. Yesterday was it. I told him to never contact me again, and then I blocked his number (because I know with absolute 1000% certainty that he WILL contact me). I AM DONE! DONE, DONE, DONE.

 

I lost my best friend and the love of my life in one fell swoop. The hardest thing I've ever done, but I'll get through this. One day at a time.

 

Welcome to the club! Truly, you lost those things 2.5 years ago. It's just they were replaced with a zombie that kind of looked like your friend, and you kept him chained in the attic and feeding him pieces of your brain every so often, thinking, maybe enough of your brain shavings would turn him un-undead? Time to kill that zombie and face life in the post-apocalypse.

 

Wow that turned a bit gruesome lol. Don't really kill him, just walk away for good. I think it's my cue to walk away now

[Hls923]

I am on DAY 6 of no contact, I saw his FB cover photo this morning. It's one he's used before, that makes me know that he is not happy. He has posted it before, and explained the significance to me. I feel bad that it makes me happy knowing that he sad, hoping that he is sad because he misses me. I don't consider it breaking no contact, because he has no idea that I can see it, and it actually helps me to not contact him. I miss him and I want to contact him, but looking at his FB helps me stay away. I can only see his profile pictures and cover photos, only what is posted publicly.

[jex24]

Day ###

 

Broke my own rules and FB stalked yesterday. Didn't hurt. Didn't feel anything. They don't post a lot. Probably too busy planning the wedding, right Not bothered. Honestly!

 

My real issue is I'm still having trouble dating, and trying to figure out how to get myself in the right mindset. I'm not going back in the past anymore, but I don't know how to go forward. I just don't have the effort to put into it to reap any kind of reward. And every time I DO put in the effort, I get bored of the girl really quick and end it. I don't know. I'd really like to be with someone, but it takes a lot of time to get to the "being with someone" phase. And I'm still a bit afraid of being hurt again.

 

 

 

Welcome to the club! Truly, you lost those things 2.5 years ago. It's just they were replaced with a zombie that kind of looked like your friend, and you kept him chained in the attic and feeding him pieces of your brain every so often, thinking, maybe enough of your brain shavings would turn him un-undead? Time to kill that zombie and face life in the post-apocalypse.

 

Wow that turned a bit gruesome lol. Don't really kill him, just walk away for good. I think it's my cue to walk away now

 

Lol truth. And I like it gruesome.. I'm ready to kill that zombie. Also I can relate to your issues with dating. I'm not sure if I haven't found the right guy yet or if I'm just stuck in my own head and am not allowing myself to open myself up to someone else. It's been a really big struggle for me though. It's tough to be in the right frame of mind after a bad breakup.

 

Day 2 for me. Work was a decent distraction today since it was so busy. Tonight is going to be tough because I know he'll be out drinking and there's a very good chance he'll drunk text me. His number is blocked though, so I'll never know. But I'll still wonder....

[SeanCages]

but it takes a lot of time to get to the "being with someone" phase. And I'm still a bit afraid of being hurt again.

 

Right after I broke up, I made alot of dates, but usually cancelled them last minute. Now I'm taking things slower and actually have a few dates set up of which I'm sure will be interesting.

 

The point is you first need time to get to the 'be alone with yourself' phase, before you can get to be with someone else.

After my first big ex, that phase took years. Now it's way faster but still, it's never easy. Try to be alone, figure out what you want in a girl, and pursue that. When you go out to a bar, a fling is a fling, just do it and be done with it, but dating is another level.

[Hls923]

DAY 0

 

I did not contact him today, but we did have a short text exchange yesterday. Today I went to visit his parents. I'm having a really hard time with that situation. I love them like they're my own family, I'm finding it extremely difficult to just walk away from them. This was not our choice, this was his. It's not fair that we all have to suffer. I learned a lot from them today too. Today was the first day we saw each other since the break up, so naturally that was the focus of today's visit for the most part. I did say that if I am to continue visiting, that we will not be talking about him, we will just be visiting with each other.

 

But I did learn today that in the 20 years since he got divorced he has only brought about three or four women to meet his parents. And out of those women he and I were together the longest… A year and a half. He never even introduced them to the one girl he told me he wanted to marry years before me (she ended up being a cheating liar)

 

They honestly thought that he and I will be together forever, just like I thought. They agree that he is being incredibly stupid and he will regret it very soon. He was actually there when I first got there, but I did not stop. I went down to the gas station and sat there for a little while and then went back and he was gone. I told them that I had been by earlier but did not come in because I saw his car, And I wasn't sure if he had the new girl with him. His mom said that I should have gone in anyway, and she would have made them leave! LOL.

 

She did tell me that apparently last night was their first date…… Three weeks after he broke up with me because he was interested in her. His hair was different, he was saying how much money he spent on the dinner, and that they had wine together. He is already being a completely different person, it will never last. He does not have the money to keep up such a show, and he does not drink. He's on a lot of medication because of his MS, so he does not drink at all. !!!! She is also newly divorced, and 13 years younger than him. She's also leaving to go on a cruise soon. I think she's probably not interested in jumping right into anything with anyone, let alone someone so much older, who lives in her building, with a progressive disease worse than her.

 

His mother still believes that he and I should be together, and that we will be together. And then she went on to tell me how she and her husband (S.'s dad) had been separated for a whole year many years ago when S. was a teenager because her husband cheated, but then they got back together after a year apart!!!! I told her that of all the problems that S and I had, there was never another person involved, So this time it is much different. I told her that he would have to come to his senses very very soon, and I would settle for nothing less than the marriage that he promised me so many times........

 

This will actually help me stay no contact, though, because if I were to contact him right now he would probably want to kill me!! because his mom wanted to call him several times while I was there and tell him to come back over so that she could give him hell, but I insisted that she did not. As I was leaving, she did call him, and while the phone was ringing she said she loved me and that I should call her when I got home. I called her to let her know I got home safely, and she told me that when he answered she yelled at him "why the hell did you break up with H?! ".... Apparently his response was "what are you talking about? "…… And then she hung up on him !!!! He is probably not very excited to talk to me at all right now.

 

It felt good to know that I was something special to him, different from the others, and perhaps there is some kind of a chance for us. I feel really good about everything tonight, hopefully I don't wake up in the morning and crash. Either way, I know I have the support of his family, and they are rooting for us.....

[saluk]

I've been great at being alone for a while. I'd prefer not to date if I can help it. Except I'd really like to be with someone too, and Im trying to head in that direction.

 

Update: it seems they decided planning a wedding is too hard or slow and decided to elope. Broke her family's heart, I never would have expected her to do something like that. I came close to sending either a "wth is wrong with you" or an insincere "congrats" message. Managed to get under control, but I have a sick feeling about him now. Part of my acceptance was that she was in the right place, but I have a hard time believing that now. I have to widen my acceptance bubble a lot. Still going to church tomorrow, but considering once again to leave. But then, I've conquered all before and am stronger for it. It's her life, se is free to make her own mistakes.

[SeanCages]

Well, I'm 4 months after the breakup now. That's pretty good. It's been a swell four months too, lots and lots of fun, lots of new people. Only mornings sometimes hurt. I'm also getting in shape again, and I've starting earning some money. January should get me about 3500 euros, which is great to finally to some things I've been wanting to do for so long (take a monthlong trip to Asia for example)? Last time I spoke her is 2 months ago.

 

Anyways, I'm dropping her stuff off at her place tomorrow. Basic stuff, a lamp, a calculator, that kind of stuff. She wanted to pick it up, but I said I'd just leave it by her door, it's exams, we both don't have time for possible confusion or drama.

I still don't know if she's still with her new boyfriend, I'm guessing so, but that hasn't bothered me at all the past few months, until exams now, but I guess that's kind of normal. We were often broken, but exams, we were a great team. It'll fade come february. I also wrote a letter to her. When she wanted to talk 2 months ago, it was clearly so she would feel better about her (rebound) relationship. The letter is for me to close things up.

 

Anyways, tomorrow we'll be cutting our last strings. It's a strange sensation. But I'm 100% ready for 2016. It's about time I made things happen start to finish.

[saluk]

3 days post hearing the nuptial news.

 

She's disrespecting her family and not even caring about it. Her parents are crying every day. Honestly, she's acting like a bratty rebellious teenager, at the ripe age of 23. She never went through a phase like that before, so I guess she felt she needed to do this to find herself.

 

Meeting a guy, getting engaged after 4 and a half months, and then getting married a couple weeks after the engagement, and moving into his apartment? A single dad who has shared custody? And is in the air force and has to leave for 2 or 3 weeks every few months? Is she really happy to stay at home with his kid (and whatever kids they have in future) basically raising them by herself? I guess his income will be decent so there is that.

 

It works for some people I guess.

 

She's so not who I thought she was.

 

When they revealed it at church (on the mic) the entire room gasped. "Hey guys, so remember a couple weeks ago when we told you about our engagement and you celebrated for us? We decided to skip the wedding and just go to the courthouse! Aren't you happy for us?" *Drops mic*

 

So yeah, I've been having some pretty sleepless nights processing all this. But honestly, it's getting better. I felt OK to unblock them on facebook (not that I will be following or visiting their pages, but just symbolically). This whole process starting when she dumped me has taught me so much and how to be emotionally stable. After 3 days I'm at the point that took me 10 days to get to when they got engaged; 15 days to get to when she started dating him, 30 days to get to when I first realized she was over me and starting to pursue guys, and 6 months to get to after being dumped. I've got this guys. And I'm more sure than ever that I'm looking for a mature, stable woman, and that she is about as far away from that as you can get while staying within my absolute dealbreakers.

 

Heck, I could probably loosen some of those dealbreakers and still find a better woman for me than she could ever be. She doesn't want me, I don't want her, it's all good.

 

Except... I still want her to be happy. And I think she's made that very hard for herself with her decisions for. So that still makes me a little sad. For her and her family - not for me.

[saluk]

I've been up and down. Today... probably a little bit better. I had a walk around town, people watching. I got really lonely and nostalgic, but kind of a good kind. I was thinking about my own sadness, and what the future looks like for me, and how to deal with those emotions. I wasn't thinking about sadness in relation to her or what's going on in her life, I was thinking about it purely on my own. I think that's healthy. I hope anyway.

 

And then I've sent a couple messages on OKC, and chatted with some people. I'm meeting up with an old friend next week.

 

I just really don't want her to be married to him. It makes me kinda sick. Sometimes. Sometimes I think it's fine. They are still going to have a wedding in a few months, so there is that to look forward to. Barf, having a wedding when you are already married? It seems so weird to me.

[allibaidoo4]

well I don't really know what day it is but it has been three weeks of NC. I have not heard from him since the break up.I have finally accepted it.I am still chock here and there but I have accepted it. I refuse to look at his Instagram page I do not want to cause my self anymore pain. All i want to so is move on! and I want to do it fast! I want to forget that I was ever in love with such a pathetic selfish person.l know I deserve way better.

[Hls923]

Well, today is the one week NC mark again. One week is the longest we've ever gone without contact since we met over a year and a half ago. I'm going to do whatever I can to keep myself occupied today and not contact you. You broke up with me a little more than three weeks ago. I hate that you did this to us over somebody you just met. This sucks, you suck.