THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Hi Its Me]

Day 2

 

After this weekend, I am thankful for Monday as it means my time is occupied by work and the gym again! As difficult as it will be, I really need to start living MY OWN LIFE and see where this new path leads me. I miss her though, I miss her very much..

[serb87]

Day 45

 

Feeling awesome! have not contacted her since the breakup. Went on a few dates which were awesome! Seriously feeling stupid for staying with her as long as I did thinking and expecting that she would change...

Guys/Girls stop dwelling in self pity and doubt, go out and have fun, you really don't need them to be happy!

[alr85]

Its only day 5 since we talked after a previous 21 days and its been 2 1/2 months since the break up. Can't believe I was dwelling on him so much. I spent this entire weekend out with friends and with my daughter and I realized that for some ungodly reason I was using him as an anchor to keep me depressed until now. Reaching out to him last week was the best thing I could have done. It gave me the chance to see that he hasn't changed one bit and it dawned on me that he never will. I hope he never dates anyone with children again. He is so not mature or compassionate enough to understand the complexities and responsibilities in parenting. I hope he changes for the sake of the next woman but i have my doubts. He never deserved me and yet I still continued to give him so much power over me. It almost feels like self-sabotage and like if the wound was starting to heal, I ripped it open again. I deserve to be happy. Everyone on this board deserves to be happy. I went through every phase of grief and I'm sure there's more sadness that will pop in now and again as I adjust to being single but I dodged a bullet in getting out of that relationship. Thank God he was strong enough to go. It was best thing he could've done for me. I dont loathe him, I don't love him. I feel indifferent towards him. Indifference is its what I've waited for.

[windingwings]

It's Day 3 and I'm still lonesome, I have parts of my day where I miss him. I try so hard to grasp the thought that he's happy now and in love with someone else, so quickly yes but at the same time, he's experiencing something we could never have. He's had a month to work on this relationship but now I'm out of the picture. He still continues and life goes on. I would be lying if I said there wasn't a little bit of hope deep inside me, I read everything people say and I wonder if this is just something he's doing to get his mind off of me. We've loved each other for four years and all of a sudden it changed.

I just wish I had some kind of sign he was thinking about me, but then again I did tell him never to message me ever again and I think he won't. I'm trying to do other stuff but there isn't one thing I can do that reminds me of him. I'll still keep going though, Day 3 is going to be a long one considering I'm not working today and there's no place to go.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 8

After the drunk text on Friday night he called me yesterday and left a lengthy message. It started out saying he hated me, then he ended saying how much he loved me. I was hoping he wasnt drunk, but the first words that came out of his mouth....I knew he was.

 

It was heart wrenching listing to it. I dont want him to hurt. I know how it feels and its awful.

 

I didn't call him back like he begged me to. A few hours went by and he text me. He said, I hope you had a good weekend. Then another one asking if I hated him or something.

 

I was with M the whole weekend, so I didn't have a choice to reply unless I wanted to get in a undesirable argument with him.

 

I kept my phone on silent but it vibrated and M Kept asking me who was texting and calling. I would tell him it was one of my girlfriends just to stay away from a fight. He went through my phone when I went to sleep...but didn't find anything.. that pissed me off..

 

We got in a few arguments this weekend. It was not the best couple days for us. All that we have been through has made him insecure and its taking a toll on our relationship. He is scared to leave me alone. I can tell by the wayhe has been acting. Just wont let me out of his site.

 

My Ex was never a jealous person. Let me go and do as I pleased with my girlfriends. Even my best guy friend would come to town and he would say " go have fun". But I never gave him a reason to worry about me in the first place..

 

I know M Is insecure because of what I have done and I dont blame him but we cant go on forever if he cant trust me. He will have to let me go with friends or hang with my sisters without him from time to time.

 

This is such a mess.

[trying2bestrng]

Just goes to show you. Dont get into a relationship when you're not over your ex.

 

In my defense...I thought I was over my ex. The new wore off and I started to miss him.

 

So for those that are watching their ex date new people. Chances are its a rebound and it wont be blissful forever.

[Lovebug]

Day 36

 

Right I had to break NC for a while as I went into LC to sort out moving house/getting deposits back from the 9th Feb until the 22nd. In this time I kept the messages strictly to business until he added onto the bottom of one of his emails that he was very sorry for the upset he’d caused and then I wrote slightly more than I should have in response…(basically that it wasn’t his fault if he was unhappy, that I’m keeping busy, but that I still feel the same way etc.)…whoops but there were still messages after that. He wouldn’t take any money towards any of the bills either which was a nice gesture just probably only done to ease his guilt.

 

I was then determined to stick to NC but then I ran into him before the start of a half marathon at the beginning of March. It wasn’t too awkward and I kept all emotions in check, he didn’t look displeased to see me, maybe off-balance (I mean by my wishes we’d avoided meeting since Dec) but all we said to eachother was ‘hi, how are you?’ ‘fine, how are you?’ ‘fine’. I think he thought I was going the same way as him but I didn’t and then I didn’t see him again after the race.

 

Which makes this day 36 again and approaching 4 and a half months since the BU. I think I might be finding things easier, I am definitely finding more things to do and I have started doing my work again. It is just that I still have dreams where my ex and I are happily going out and when I had food poisoning last week all I wanted to do was speak to him. I can see where we both went wrong, I know odds are there will never be another chance, but I do still see him as someone I want to spend my life with.

 

I have gone on a few dates, well not really dates but I’ve just said yes to going out to places that I’d like to go to anyway: dance classes, drinks/snacks in town etc. I’ve declined movies and drinks at houses and proper dinners out because for me they would be far too datelike. I have fun when I am out and I have been able to be myself again if that makes sense, it keeps me busy and from dwelling, but I just find myself wanting them not to be interested in me as a potential partner or have any physical attraction for me but more see me as someone they can talk to or play boardgames with and just hang out with generally and do fun stuff together. I have been open and explained my situation to each of them from the start, but it doesn’t appear to be much of a deterrent. It is not that they are not all nice people, I wouldn’t hang out at all with them if they weren’t, I just don’t like the pressure of them trying to kiss me at the end of the evening or lingering hugs goodbye where I have to avoid looking in their eyes. I know it would be unfair to enter into a relationship with anyone at this point when I know that I still want one with my ex. Granted I would need to be convinced that him leaving out of the blue wouldn’t happen again,… but I’d want to be convinced

 

I booked to go to Switzerland for 10 days from tomorrow to visit friends, I hope this will allow me to see even more clearly. At the moment what I would like to do is email him when I get back just to sort out getting some stuff of mine that he moved out with back (in a friendly manner) and just see how he replies...

[Hi Its Me]

I decided to do something which I haven't done in a very long time. I spent some money on ME ! I always saved money for our future or spent it on her when I was tempted to buy a new shirt or shoes or whatever but today during my work break I went out and bought a few clothes and a pair of new shoes and it felt great At the back of my mind, which is kind of silly, I thought "if only you could see me now!" but I genuinely felt good and still do. I miss her though. I miss everything about her and all the things we used to do together.

 

But still... onwards I must march and no looking back!

[AlienQueen]

I met my exs friend today, asked if my ex had asked after me on the weekend I didn't go to the meet, no one mentioned a thing, I should of expected it, but feel down now that he didn't ask after me. Feeling down today, finding things to do. Apparently hes ill after the meal they had, I'd usually be by his side, hope he misses me. I guy who breaks down when he breaks up you the first and second time, will probably not let go easily, as I already know he's not being doing well at all and hasn't changed, I see why a while between things are good.

 

Some of my other friends have already seen change in me, so thats good, just hope the heartache will go soon, I need to be strong again in 2 months when I have to see him again

[AlienQueen]

I decided to do something which I haven't done in a very long time. I spent some money on ME ! I always saved money for our future or spent it on her when I was tempted to buy a new shirt or shoes or whatever but today during my work break I went out and bought a few clothes and a pair of new shoes and it felt great At the back of my mind, which is kind of silly, I thought "if only you could see me now!" but I genuinely felt good and still do. I miss her though. I miss everything about her and all the things we used to do together.

 

But still... onwards I must march and no looking back!

 

Thats really awesome! I love having money for myself, my ex is always skint, when will he learn haha, but yer I still miss mine, only been a month and 1 week though

[CovertCactus]

Day 18. I hope she's miserable.

[sadbutrue]

Day 95...

 

He didn't even contact me xD he must be so happy -.-

[windingwings]

Day 95...

 

He didn't even contact me xD he must be so happy -.-

I kind of fear that this will be me as well lol, there's a lot of stuff in his room to remind me of that he won't be able to get rid of so my ex would have to be truly heartless to just not message me one day.

How long were you guys together?

[FreelyPB]

Day 14 of NC

 

They say if you let something go and it comes back to you then it's meant to be. I guess I'll find out in due time.

 

 

What I appreciated about him...his vocabulary. Smart men are sexy.

[windingwings]

Day 3 is almost here, in the meantime check out my latest post; link removed

[Hi Its Me]

Day 3

 

Was tempted to turn on FB again just for a few seconds last night (so I can take a peak on her profile) but I didn't. I think I am at the bargaining stage right now, telling myself that she just needs time, will come back once she really feels the loss, etc. I might be setting myself up for even bigger disappointment, but I simply can't forget about her or us at the moment, even if I wanted to. I wonder how she is doing..

[AlienQueen]

Day 8

 

Stayed up chatting to a guy I really liked last night, my thoughts are on him at the moment, hoping to go on a date with him soon, I want to be careful though because I really don't want to use him as a rebound.

[trying2bestrng]

I decided to call my ex yesterday morning being that he was back at work and sober.

 

I should say that I am much stronger then I was a couple weeks ago. When he would text or call I would shake and was nervous to talk to him. Or didn't know if I should break nc. I wanted him back. Implementing nc was the best thing I did. He came back but he was a mess. Worse then ever with his drinking and he admitted doing some drugs.

 

The man I fell in love with is gone. So at this point I am offering support.

 

Basically I said " I could never hate you. You dont show any interest in me unless you are drunk. I didn't hear from you all week... The text friday was nice but then it was a drunk text and a voicemail. I do not want to talk to you when you're drunk. I dont like that part of you".

 

He said " I need to put the sauce down, I have been a mess and it has caused a lot of problems for me. I do miss you very much and it wont happen again. Im sorry"

 

I said " you're better then this and the fact that you know you need to stop is progress. I will never abandon you if you need support to stop but as long as you are drunk... I will not help you".

 

He started crying and said "that means a lot, you have always been good to me."

 

I ended the conversation saying that I will always worry about him and would love to see him pull himself together.

 

He said he will..

 

So now we will see what happens. I hope he does pull himself together. Any girl would be lucky to have the "sober" part of him. If he manages to get clean then who knows, maybe that girl can be me in the future.

 

Until then... I am staying where I am at and wont hold my breath.

[windingwings]

trying2bestrng - Your situation is really mature, I like how you're able to just call him and say you'll be there for him and hoping he gets better. You should just change your username to "strng" now lol.

 

I'm on Day 3 I think, not able to keep my emotions going and I'm still in shock he found someone so fast. I want to believe he's just a rebound but then I know that my ex is really a romantic and he will do anything to keep love going. If he ever does come crawling back which I doubt because of the distance between us, I want to be strong that day and say, "Maybe we can just be friends.." I hope it happens and I don't believe someone can just forget four years in just three weeks, there's going to be something missing there I just know it, but I won't drive myself crazy over it.

[trying2bestrng]

Windingwings,

 

It has been a long road to get to where I am emotionally today. When I found out my EX had a girlfriend my heart was tore to shreds. To think he was being intimate with another woman made me want to puke (literally). As much as I hated to not beg and plead him to dump her and come back to me.... I knew I had to. I had to give him space and time to play out his relationship with her. Starting NC was necessary. Not only for him but for me as well. The emotional roller-coaster was more then I could bare most the time. I cried and prayed a lot for some kind of resolution. I had to keep telling myself that his new woman could never be me. Just like your ex's new boyfriend can never be you. DO NOT underestimate NC. It can be very powerful. He thinks about you everyday, don't think he doesn't. When you start to do the opposite of what he thinks you are going to do he will get curious. Its a mind game, all of this. It will not work if you keep breaking NC. You must give him time to experience life without you and decide if the relationship he is in now is what he wants. I know you have done really well so far but remember what your goal is when you want to break NC.

 

Do not sabotage this by showing your weakness to your EX. It just makes you that much more undesirable. Show strength and courage

 

That is advice is for everyone that is doing the NC challenge. Do not defeat yourself by breaking NC. It will work! You may not get the answers you want but you will get the answers you need. I can not express how important it is to stay away and just drop off the face of the Earth as far as your EX is concerned. No matter how much you cry and beg to your EX, you are only hurting yourself, even dropping a line saying "Hi" is the worst thing you can do. You may get some pity but that is not what you want.

 

I have followed a few people on this thread since I decided to start NC and all of them have improved. Some got the answers they needed to move forward and some started new with their EX's. They could not have done that without NC. All the answers will be revealed and that is what we are all looking for...."Answers". Stay strong!!

[Moon711]

Thank you Trying for your words. I'm new here. My NC consists in no contact from me, and if he contacts me I will answer very briefly. It's been 8 days since I last spoke to him and said I didn't want to be FWB, he broke my heart once again. Yesterday he texted me saying he went to some place we used to go and that he missed me. I answer with a smiley and that was it. I can't stop thinking about him, if he misses me, if he is going to come around... I don't know if maybe he is with someone else and sometimes I feel I'm panicking. It's not easy to let go.

[sadbutrue]

I kind of fear that this will be me as well lol, there's a lot of stuff in his room to remind me of that he won't be able to get rid of so my ex would have to be truly heartless to just not message me one day.

How long were you guys together?

 

lol We dated for 3,5years (LDR). I feel better now, NC is the best way ..But I have my moments

 

What I appreciated about him...his vocabulary. Smart men are sexy.

 

So true... This is what I miss the most

[windingwings]

So like I said, everything has been finalized, I told him thank you and all that jazz and that we would be no longer in contact at all, maybe one day in the future to catch up like in a few years but that's it. I blocked him because I didn't want to see his robotic response, I think this is good but I can't stop laughing at how quick him and this guy are confessing their love on twitter, I have a feeling this rebound will end quicker than it started, its been a month already so I give them a couple more. I doubt he'll ever contact me but I'm sure one day he's going to miss hearing from me. I'm still so confused about rebounds, this one happened a week after the break up, like it was one week where he grieved apparently, then the week after they met and already fell in love a couple weeks in. Can someone explain this rebound thing to me better?

[Hi Its Me]

Day 4

 

Well, managed to break my previous record of 3 days NC but it feels like a win and also a defeat. I didn't break NC which is helping me recover but from the other end, she hasn't made an attempt either.. Whilst I would have not responded (unless to get back together) it would have been nice to know she wants to hear from me

[AlienQueen]

Day 9

 

Still wake up missing him, and still get that physical heartache, but when I think about seeing him again it really panics me, probably because I felt like I went backwards last time I saw him. Long way to go before I can face him, but because of future plans I will have to see him mid May, will try and keep my NC going past 30 days