THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[DreamySkies]

Today he'll get my note. 48 hours later I'm still very glad I sent it. As silly as it sounds, I think his reaction or lack of will tell me what to do or not do, next. It's NOT that he hasn't already told me... but it still feels like a scrambled/mix message to me.

 

I've constantly thought about what I want to talk to him about... A month ago, even as early as two weeks ago, I was still writing to him and thinking of ways for us to get back together. I started a letter the first day we went no contact and I've constantly come back to it rewriting it and the such. It started out with me making promises that I felt would reunite us. Now it documents "ah ha" moments and realizations I've had. I talk about what scares me and confuses me and the route best to take to overcome that obstacle or issue. Along with nice things that have happened or memories that popped up. In a way, it's become a journal , even though I have kept a separate journal. I read somewhere that you shouldn't send a letter until you can come back to it and not change a thing about it. I haven't made it there yet and don't expect it'll ever be a letter I actually send to him.

 

Today, this very moment, I still want to find a way back to each other and reunite. It's not what I want to talk about with him though. It's not that I want to avoid what isn't being said. He's already said it. We didn't talk about getting together when we first met. It just happened, over a period of time. This has to happen similar... I can't write a letter with two boxes asking him to check yes, or no, if he wants to get back with me. I miss him. I miss his company and I miss my dog... errr his dog.

[JSB]

SENT YOU A LETTER - expressing my deepest feelings for you. . I guess from your lack of response you don't care. Guess you have moved on. I am so angry but at the same time I miss you. I made mistakes. .but I guess our relationship or our friendship is really not important to you. I sometimes dread waking up to face my reality but at the same time, this haunts my dreams. I sometimes wish that time would speed up and I would be over you. Be able to enjoy the sun, be able to enjoy being at home relaxing without thinking of you. I want to be able to enjoy the music I hear and not click passed every single song on the radio. I want to enjoy having normal happy thoughts. I want to look at my phone and not expect or wish to hear from you. I wish somehow I could numb my heart. I avoid talking to a lot of my friends & hearing their happy stories while I sound so sad. You just can go about life like I never existed and it pisses me off!

[js0905]

So today is day 18 and he threw a couple of breadcrumbs at me...

He texted me "Hi Beautiful, How are you doing?" I didn't respond. I'm letting him go, we have done this dance too many times. When he didn't know what I wanted from him I allowed him to behave like this. So he lost respect for me and our relationship or whatever it was.

 

Then I said no more and told him exactly what I wanted. Needed him to contact me at least every 2-3 days, not a lot to ask to be able to have me whenever he was/is in town. He kept that up for a month and then went silent until now.

 

He made me feel bad and I cried on and off for a while.

 

Now I feel so much better knowing he is not getting a reply from me ever again....

 

Good bye Bill, soon you are going to realize how much you miss me and what you lost.

All for been such a self centered a hole and you are going to regret it.

[stillgrieving]

Day 47...

 

getting over it slowly.. day by day. last week i was really miserable and crying a lot on my way home, on my drive to work. this week has been better. i started going to yoga and working out more, not sure if its the endorphins or just keeping my mind busy. its sort of a catch 22 because i've felt so depressed that i don't even want to do anything so how can i possible muster up the energy to go work out? but anyways, i've worked out 4 times this week which is something i haven't done since my single days. tomorrow is valentines day and i plan to spend it with friends. i'm not expecting him to get in contact for vday nor ever again really. i have my first date in a long time tonight. not terribly excited about the date but its a way to get back on the horse. we'll see how it goes.

[DreamySkies]

Let's all not be shocked.... to date, I have not received a response. :stupid: Although it doesn't help that a mutual friend mentioned he wasn't in the office today, giving me yet more reasons to think "oh, maybe he just hasn't received it." Regardless he'll be in his office eventually. Just prolongs the agony and wait. However, realizing how this has made me feel I will never put myself through it again. I'm starting to think maybe him not responding, would be the better outcome. He has our son's ashes though. I have trust that he won't do anything with those. In time when I have moved on, I can ask for them back. Or even just send a note and ask him to mail them back to me months or a year down the road.

 

I feel so foolish right now. Even though I felt so confident doing this.

 

I'm ready to move on. Feeling this crappy when I have a three day weekend less than a hour away, is horrible. Instead of trying to go out and be social, all I want to do is go home crawl in to bed with my dog and wake up on Monday. I'm giving up. I so desperately wanted to come back here and say something encouraging for those of us who still hold onto an inkling of hope of reconciliation.

 

Actually, no. Scratch the self pity party. I'm going out tonight. Kiddo goes to his dad for the long weekend and I'm going to go have a nice dinner and a few beers and say hello to everyone I meet. I'm a fun, intelligent and pretty woman, who doesn't need his pity. Doesn't need his acceptance. Even now, through this I am relying on HIM to make me happy, to make me feel better. NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE THAT CONTROL over my happiness. I'm going to master finding out how to make MYSELF happy.

[JSB]

People, honestly, DO NOT GET IN TOUCH WITH THEM. I'm past 3 months of BU and I wish I didn't send him all these emails and texts.

When you get in touch with them you don't heal and they see you as a weak meek person, if knowing this helps you not to message them. Don't do it. Message me instead, if you'd like to.

 

I agree. ..everytime I do send a message, I feel terrible about it. Why do I need to keep repeating myself? It's not because he didn't see it, it's because he is not listening. It's crazy . . We are stronger than the connection that we had with "that person".....

[js0905]

This is for days 19 (yesterday) & 20 (today)

Strangely enough I thought he would have contacted me today again.

 

He hasn't and I suppose that says it all....

We are totally done and it is bittersweet now. I wanted him to contact me again so I could keep on ignoring him.

 

If he had explained and apologized I would have thought about it but he never even bothered or tried ;'(

 

Moving on to bigger and better things I guess.

 

Happy Valentine's everyone!!

[sadbutrue]

Day 43

 

Im so sad today...Thinking about my ex and his new girlfriend on valentine's day...It's not fair...

[Fame1977]

This is pretty much the opposite and that we talk all the time.

In fact it's even weirder that you asked if I was mad at you for NOT talking to you.

I have a sneaking suspicion you are trying to get back with him and not sure about it, yet.

I really am sorry for dumping all that stuff on you today. I was going on not so much sleep, and I couldn't take it eating me up inside.

The fact you gave a vague answer, sucks. Bad. I wish you would have said yes or no to seeing someone. Seriously. It's pretty simple. I'm trying to move past something so I CAN BE your friend.

[alr85]

Day 2-- Had some weak moments/weak and confusing moments. His sister called me, which I shouldn't have entertained. She told me that **** told their mom that I was the one who said I didn't want to keep in touch. That combined with him reaching out on Sunday gave me enough of a glimmer of hope that things were fixable that I reached out to him this week. I was honest and told him that we miss him/I miss him. I was met with cold one or two word responses and then no responses at all. Earlier in the week he sent out a few "I miss you but" and "I care about you but" just enough to keep me hopeful in case he changes his mind. . He still has my child's car seat just riding around in his car and he still has a whole bunch of stuff on my patio waiting for him to come pick it up while I'm at work. I asked him to please come and get his belongings and to respect me enough to stop reaching out to me and then (maybe a little harsh and childish) I told him that he left us and doesn't deserve to check in and know how we're doing. It's been almost 3 weeks since BU. I'm proud of myself for jumping back on this wagon. After a hit like this week, it would be easy to go "psycho nut case" on him but I know where that will take me. I'm at least making it hours at a time now instead of minutes. Soon it will be days at a time. I've only cried twice this week. Here's to day 3. Cheers.

[js0905]

Today is *Day 21*

 

I'm still having ups and downs.

 

The good thing is that I'm able to go longer and longer periods without thinking about him.

 

I have to face the fact that there is no going back now. He didn't contact me at all for Valentine's Day & that was a real shocker, downer and sobering experience.

Basically it woke me up to how very little he cares about me now.

Last time that we went NC for a long period of time he reached out to me on Day 23 a couple of times and then on Day 24 a couple of times.

I didn't reply until Day 28 because I still wanted us to work out and wanted to give him a chance.

 

Now we are obviously done since I'm never, ever reaching out to him unless he has a great apology and excuse for been such a disrespectful ahole =(

 

Ahhhhh, Crap...

[guychris14]

DAY 47 . .

 

Well I'm happy to have got this far but am in no way Healed.....need more time and lots of it. I've stopped kidding myself and properly and fully gone NC, by this I mean the phone number is now erased, my Facebook deleted.

I have been on a couple of dates but was really not ready for any of them, in fact felt really guilty and couldn't wait to leave, so no more dates for me ,at least not for a long while. I'm just going to be on my own now and see where that takes me. . . I'm going to try to look after myself and care for myself, Put my energy into work and me...and who knows what the future might bring?

 

I used to be so happy being single just living my life and never needed a girlfriend.....I hope to maybe be like that again. Everything is in Gods hands now so lets begin.

[js0905]

*Day 22*

 

Yes 8 more days to 30 and then what? I really hope on that day I magically stop thinking about him.

That would be so good for me, just for him to get out of my head.

 

Met this new guy and he is nice and sweet plus I find him attractive but he can't kiss....ugh

That is a huge thing with/for me, I tried to overlook that in one of my really long relationships but it ended it.

 

It's that an awful thing to say/do? Kissing is just such a big part of what I want/need in a relationship.

 

Bill was such a great kisser amongst other things.... ; )

 

Oh well, moving on I suppose.

[TheGreatPotato]

Day 7:

 

Emotions are still fluctuating, but overall I'm feeling quite confident that I can keep this up. I definitely miss her, but I don't miss the way she's treated me, and see no need to reach out to her when she won't reciprocate.

[js0905]

*Day 23*

 

Another day & soon I'll be at day 28 again, which is the farthest I ever gotten with this ahole.

Fell for that last year after he contacted me on day 23, wont do it again.

 

Plus he wont contact me again either.....

 

Then it will be Day 30, 60, 90 and so on.

 

I wish there was a magic pill I could take to just get over him.

[DreamySkies]

I don't really care what day it is nor what it will be.

 

Even after everything I thought... the "note" plan wasn't well received. The excuse was he wasn't sure how to contact me...after I reached out and texted him having heard his father was ill. He did respond and he acknowledged that he had received the note but was not ready to allow me back into his life. We had a few exchanges, mostly on my part and it ended with him not responding. I wasn't on my best behavior so I was relieved that he responded at all.

 

Sunday I texted him a novel and apologized and clarified what I wish I would have said the day before. No response.

 

Today I tried very hard not to break down, but I couldn't control myself YET again. I texted him again and was very clear in my want/need.

 

He responded with a very lengthy text clarifying and honoring what I had asked. He wished my son and I safe and happiness, in closing.

 

I did not respond. There's nothing to say. Any mixed signals and hope I had when I embarked on NC initial was nothing more than my own insanity and desire. I can't mistake anything now. Thankfully, I was able to see my counselor today, who returned from maternity leave. The only direction I am going now, is onward and upward. I'm going to really focus on myself and dive into who I am. I spent the past month in limbo, hoping for the best but expecting the worse. An entire month that I could have been using to distance myself and heal.

 

I deleted him and all of his friends from social media. I deleted the year + of texts, I deleted all his/our photos off my phone. It does feel a bit empowering. I received the "Uncoupling" book in the mail and I have a few other books that were recommended as well. I want to start reading them but don't want to jinx myself and cause myself to remember anything about our relationship right now.

 

My goal is to stay busy. Easier said than done, especially when you're a single mom and can't just piling on the social calendar and so forth. I'm going to try my best. That's all I can do.

[korben]

Day 4 since she broke contact, and I replied to her.

 

I really thought I was starting to do better until she started contacting me.

[DreamySkies]

Day doesn't matter (hah)

 

Feeling good. Feeling really good. I thought I'd be a walking zombie today, if I were to remind myself of how the first NC route when. Nope, I feel great. Like I left 50lbs of heartache some where for someone else to deal with. I've of course thought about him, as I am writing this. I am just at a much better place now than I was a week ago. I don't feel like I want him as badly as I did. Maybe a crummy way to have to experience it but perhaps the note and follow on texts seems to have pointed me in a much happier direction and place.

 

Interesting enough I've also found that I wouldn't go back, even if the opportunity arose... tomorrow or next year. I wouldn't. Even though we never had trust issues, him leaving feels like a betrayal and I never want to fear he would do it again over something small or big. I don't feel guilty anymore either. I have felt really "off" hanging out with a guy one on one or even chatting/texting someone who I know has expressed interest in me before. Mostly because I felt like it was disrespectful, if I really loved him and wanted to get back with him. Now, I just smile. I can do whatever the heck I want... I'm single and the world is mine for the taking.

[js0905]

This is for yesterday *Day 24* and today *Day 25*

 

Up and downs again today but feel a bit better I think.

Still would take him back in 2 minutes if he would only apologize and/or explain.

 

Just read this and wanted to post it here -

 

"If you’ll discount your boundaries, needs, feelings etc, they’ll be OK with that because they’ll get to remain in their comfort zone.

If you’re willing to do a little or a lot of the effort, great, and if you’ll pump them up, even better.

You end up giving away so much of you that you may feel compelled to fight solely on the basis that if you were to ‘win’, you could restore your sense of self.

Instead, you are likely to end up losing even more because in getting sidetracked, the battle takes you further away from who you are but also takes you further away from the very things that you may profess to want.

So many people tell me that they want mutual love, care, trust, and respect along with stability and a sense of direction and yet, they’re in chaos due to fighting a prolonged and sustained battle that if only their ego wasn’t so heavily involved, they would have stepped away long before."

 

Let's stay strong....

[stillgrieving]

Day 53...

 

Almost 60 days! Time has definitely not flown by. It has been the longest 53 days of my life. I am doing better. Calmer. Less emotional. I must say I feel angrier now. A month ago I would have given my left arm just to her from him. Now? I don't really care. Went on my first date last week and it went ok but no sparks. I think I will start online dating in March.

[Monkey ai]

Day 11

 

Last few days were hard for me, I am sad, not we are not together, I am sad and dispointed the modern love, fear has been consumed everyone… he is online dating site already, and I thought I want do that too, but I want wait for myself… went out for few dates, the guy was really into me, i love the feeling be adored and cared, but I don't feel same as he does, so told him I am not not ready for any relationship, because I still have broken heart… sometime I wondering if I made right move to tell him" contact me only he want to working on the relationship"

 

I am thinking to find a therapist , I want to be healthy and love again...

[js0905]

*Day 26*

 

Funny how I really thought 2014 was going to definitely be a better year....LOL!! ?

So far it has sucked, I'm really, really down and it can't be all him either.

It's probably hormones and other personal issues but OMG!! I need to snap out of it because it's scaring me a bit.

 

Anyway I'm almost at 30 days.

I believe he has a new GF already and he is on a dating website while I pretend that I no longer care....

[LilSprout]

82 days no contact (I'm now adding in December)

 

I have actually spoken to a friend of his in this time but they contacted me and I kept it very short and sweet.

 

My life has got much better and I am genuinely a lot happier. But I still think about him ALOT. I still miss him a great deal and really still would like to try again. It's frustrating, I have sort of been seeing someone else but there just isn't any romantic pull there, I pretty sure I'll be ending it soon because I don't see the point in being with someone just because.

 

I really would love to talk to him soon, see how he is and so he can see how much I have changed and grown; I think he'll be pleased. Whether anything happens is another matter and honestly irrelevant right now. I just wish he would leave the uber spiteful psycho girl he's seeing right now, the least I want is to see him happy and not have his life torn to shreds by someone so emotionally and mentally unstable.

[sadbutrue]

Day 50

 

He didnt contact me, and probably never will.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 8. Im so glad I found this forum! I need the support desperately.