HoliPoli Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Sometimes I feel so lucky that we are even on speaking terms at all when i know so many don't even get that chance. At the same time I'm ashamed at how much pain Ive allowed myself because I havent enforced NC. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Don't put yourself down too much holipoli we are all human and make mistakes It is especially difficult if the ex is still contacting you. Although it's really horrible to have to go through in many ways I think it is easier if the ex decides for you that he never wants to speak to you again as then you have no choice but to cut them from your life. Have a go at singing this it's rather jolly and trying to sing the chorus might distract you from your ex a bit...haha I've only just got it Link to comment
lemonhaze Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I think a lot of people here could be on speaking terms with their ex, we just choose not to. Link to comment
Melting Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Day 7 NC I have been doing really well and feeling very positive, but this morning I have awoken with great sadness and missing him. Hopefully it is just a bad day Link to comment
Delliem Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 BU Nov 16th Day... I have lost count already, for good reason. I haven't posted on here in a few days. I guess it's because something finally snapped in me, and that connection ended. After weeks of her plaguing my thoughts, giving me countless dreams, and being unable to operate.. I just woke up one morning and it was gone. I admit that I had some help.. which I don't know how I feel about yet. I ended up posting a thing on a dating site a month ago to meet new friends (I just moved to this area for my ex, and we broke up pretty much the second I got here.) A few days ago I got a message from someone, and we chatted and got to know each other a bit. Then the other night she invited me over to play the wii and watch a movie, and while there we ended up breaking out some wine. Things got a little heated.. no sex, but, everything else. We almost crossed that line, but I retreated from it. I'm.. a gentleman. I've never done this before. All the times that I've been sexually involved with someone, it has always been a LTR partner. However, I keep telling myself that we're both adults, and that neither of us really wants anything to spring from this. She's kind of in the same shoes as me with her ex, and all this started when we talked about how long it had been since we last had an intimate moment. We both agreed that it was just hormones happening. But that we both wanted it to happen. In terms of my ex, it somehow broke that attachment. I kept feeling like no one would find me attractive again, that she was the best thing to ever happen to me, and that no one that I've ever been with has had that connection with me before. But after that night with this girl, I've kind of come to my senses and regained my brain. We really weren't right for each other. She was obsessed with the honeymoon phase but couldn't connect with the real relationship phase. I think it was just the massive amount of time together that had blinded me. And now, having seen things from stable ground.. I don't know if I could really take her back again, at least not unless she did a lot of growing on her own. So.. NC doesn't even cross my brain right now. I haven't had an urge to check up on her, she hasn't crossed my thoughts, and I've done a complete 180. I feel like myself again, right from Day 0. I don't recommend that people go out and get a FB, especially because this was a mutual assistance situation. This just.. broke her hold on me, and made me realize that I am me, without her. I have my own happiness and wishes, and I'm quite capable of standing on my own two feet. I'm still a gentleman. Or so I tell myself. This was just something that we both needed at that moment. There's no guilt or regret, and I know that in a normal situation, I'm a full loyalist and take my time. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Man, I WISH I could be on non-speaking terms with my ex. Anyway, Day 6. Marginal success. No contact until she dropped my present off at my desk and started to walk away. I whispered "Hey, c'mere!" and gave her her present. She seemed happy. It was a movie she always wanted to see with me (Black Swan). I figured I knew her well enough that she wouldn't attach emotional significance and just accept it for what it was. I was right. I'm sure there's some emotion there, but...seemingly all good. She thanked me over IM, I returned a smilie, then said I wouldn't open hers till after work. I was busy and didn't want to even deal with it. We chatted a bit, and I was a bit too responsive as usual. Ugh. I need to keep my cool from now on. Later in the day she was flirting with another coworker in front of me. Ugh. It made me so sick and angry. But the day finally ended. While on the bus, I stalked the flirted-at coworker on FB, discovered he was married, and was still pissed she used her flirtylaugh at him one too many times. Also on the bus, I opened her gift to me. It was a painting of two things I had always asked her to paint for me. She combined them; a robot-superhero. Meh. Mixed feelings overall. Two days left till vacation, then it's a solid week of potentially no contact at all. I'm so looking forward to it.... Link to comment
carrie8484 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 DAY 34 NC Im 100% certain he wont contact me over Christmas now. As much as it hurts, I know its probably for the best. I have to try and look forward the best I can. Guys, you need to know that NC means NO CONTACT, that means not responding to anything the ex says unless they are saying something that will really, really show they are having a change of heart. You are letting your exes drip contact your way and you are lapping it up. Some of you guys are posting in the wrong section of the forum, some of you look like you could be on the verge of reconciliation, so you do not need the no contact challenge becasue you cant or wont keep NC anyway. Lets keep this thread for complete NC yeah? and those of you who have exes reaching out in positive ways, lots of luck x Link to comment
Unlucky2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Day 3... ...of no contact, yes it's difficult, thankfully have few things on today to keep me busy, including trip to my therapist since I know I need to talk to someone. Just miss having him round the house, the odd text that I used to get which still made my heart race after 9 years but I know I have to stop thinking about that. I think it's worse because it's Christmas, I used to buy him loads of presents because I know preme he thought Christmas sucked and I was always the excitable one even though I am a grown adult, worse this year since it's also the first one without my dad who died 6 months ago. I know no contact is the way forwards, some days just easier than others and today not a good day. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Guys, you need to know that NC means NO CONTACT, that means not responding to anything the ex says unless they are saying something that will really, really show they are having a change of heart. You are letting your exes drip contact your way and you are lapping it up. Some of you guys are posting in the wrong section of the forum, some of you look like you could be on the verge of reconciliation, so you do not need the no contact challenge becasue you cant or wont keep NC anyway. Lets keep this thread for complete NC yeah? and those of you who have exes reaching out in positive ways, lots of luck x Indeed. Maybe we need LC or NIC threads here too. But that might prompt more people into trying that method, which is really not recommended in most cases.... Link to comment
minimini Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 !!!!!!!! No WAY minimini!!!!!! I'm so obsessed with him!! hahaha he's amazing! I can't believe that so many people have never heard of him! You are seriously the only other person I know who knew about him before! I'm so jealous that you've been able to see him live! I've been trying to search to be able to see him but can't find it anywhere! Where did you see him?! Haha!! No one, and I mean NO ONE I ever talk to has ever heard of him. I used to see him in club called Largo in L.A. Used to go like every other Friday night. Ah, those were the days! Now that I think about it, I saw him the night before 9/11 when he ended his show early because he was flying to New York to be on David Letterman the next day. Needless to say, he never made it... It would have been a big break for him. I also have a signed t-shirt in a size I might have been able to fit into when I was 13. ;-) He is SO poetic and talented and funny!!!! I'm so happy to have met a fellow fan. If you haven't already, listen to Indian Lover.... It's brilliant!!! Link to comment
minimini Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Day 3... ...of no contact, yes it's difficult, thankfully have few things on today to keep me busy, including trip to my therapist since I know I need to talk to someone. Just miss having him round the house, the odd text that I used to get which still made my heart race after 9 years but I know I have to stop thinking about that. I think it's worse because it's Christmas, I used to buy him loads of presents because I know preme he thought Christmas sucked and I was always the excitable one even though I am a grown adult, worse this year since it's also the first one without my dad who died 6 months ago. I know no contact is the way forwards, some days just easier than others and today not a good day. Oh gosh!!! I'm so sorry!!! Hang in there. No contact is certainly the way to go, but go easy on yourself. I know this holiday will be though for you. Remember we're here for you. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 O I'm sooooooo jealous!!! I'd like to get my ipod signed by him, Jude and ludovico would be very cool. That's such a shame he couldn't make it for that interview! He needs to be recognised for his talent! I've told so many people about him so I guess that helps a little bit...haha Yeah I've listened to Indian Lover it's lovely, I'm also astounded by how he plays 'You mama you' another great one. On another note I'm on day 18 of nc I've relapsed in my healthy eating but I think that's mainly because of christmas not because I'm unhappy! Promise to start again tomorrow (Christmas doesn't count... ) A friend of my ex who was also going out with one of his best friends has recently just been contacting me. I find this a little odd as I only met her twice, both times were at a club so we heard about each other a lot more than we actually spoke/saw each other. She's saying how she'd love to catch up and everything. I think it's really sweet and everything but I can't help but wonder if this has anything to do with my ex even though I know I'm being absolutely ridiculous. I'm not sure how I feel about starting up a friendship with her as obviously she has connections to my ex and still talks to him etc. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Indeed. Maybe we need LC or NIC threads here too. But that might prompt more people into trying that method, which is really not recommended in most cases.... If you mean me I suppose you could come on out and say so. Fine, I don't need to post here if it's going to get nothing but indirect complaints. for a time this thread was full of supportive people then the Nazis had to come in. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 nooooooooooooooo holipoli stay!! This is a supportive thread Link to comment
AnnaN Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Around Day 40 I think I'm doing pretty good! I am not going to break NC on Christmas day, I can't guarantee about New Year's though... Link to comment
brandnewday47 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Day 4 again. As I do work with her, I thought I'd try to throw out a peace offering of sorts and be the bigger person. Well, I heard absolutely nothing back from it and it did set me back. Kind of a crappy feeling heading into this holiday weekend. I'm going to have to come back from this; i have a feeling the abandonment issues i may have could be sneaking back into my emotions. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 If you mean me I suppose you could come on out and say so. Fine, I don't need to post here if it's going to get nothing but indirect complaints. for a time this thread was full of supportive people then the Nazis had to come in. Please stay. Actually I meant myself. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Around Day 40 I think I'm doing pretty good! I am not going to break NC on Christmas day, I can't guarantee about New Year's though... Whew! Good luck! 40 days is a HUGE deal! Let us know how it goes. What do you hope to accomplish by making contact? Link to comment
JLKLEE Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 End of day 2 and right now I don't care if I ever speak to him again! Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 End of day 2 and right now I don't care if I ever speak to him again! Wooo! Good attitude for now. Anger is healthy and awesome. Keep it up! Link to comment
Unlucky2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Day 4..... Saw a friend last night and was angry, today just feel sad again... Out buying things (food and drink Xmas) that I normally would have shared with ex, difficult day.... I'm not going to break no contact over Christmas, no point. Well done everyone on here, just wanna get christmas out the way, how bad is that! Link to comment
AnnaN Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Whew! Good luck! 40 days is a HUGE deal! Let us know how it goes. What do you hope to accomplish by making contact? I have no idea what I hope at this point, but I know what I will accomplish... a kind and friendly text/call back. On New Year's it's his nameday, which is important here, like birthday, in case something happens with us in the future, I don't want to be the mean, angry, still hurt or whatever one who didn't send a wish. But still... it's holidays, it will be better to see if he sends something first. Link to comment
minimini Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 So, I was doing NC for a while and then he sent me a friend request on f/b and I ended NC just to the extent that I can now see his f/b page. Still didn't write back to his last f/b message which was on Dec. 1 and didn't like or comment on any of his pics or statuses. So, technically, NC, but not really according to the terms of this challenge. Anyway, I broke even my own personal NC rules yesterday by liking some lame status of his. I was having a good day I guess, and let it slip. I'm annoyed with myself. As far as my personal version of NC, I was on like day 22. Blah!! Without access to his f/b page, I was becoming a stalker. Not at all now. That's all, for what it's worth. I'm a bit dissappointed in myself. I made up my own rules and still didn't stick to them. Link to comment
minimini Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I have no idea what I hope at this point, but I know what I will accomplish... a kind and friendly text/call back. On New Year's it's his nameday, which is important here, like birthday, in case something happens with us in the future, I don't want to be the mean, angry, still hurt or whatever one who didn't send a wish. But still... it's holidays, it will be better to see if he sends something first. I know you feel like you don't want to be the mean on that didn't send a wish on his birthday.... but if you do, you will just be angry if you don't hear anything back. The anticipation of whether he will write or not will get to you to. Don't do it if you can help it. ;-) And, of course, it's better that he sends something first. Good luck. Hang in there. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 day 19 nc---I think Christmas may be getting to me a bit...but it's over soon!!! yay... I think.... Link to comment
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