lonelyheart2 Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Day 7 Why can't I stop eating junk food! I really want to blame you but I know it's got nothing to do with you......people have started to have fireworks? Seriously not feeling christmasy AT all!! I'm such a scrooge I really can't be bothered with all the christmas decorations and stuff..I'm so tempted to just go away somewhere and pretend christmas isn't happening... Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Why do i feel like this after 6 weeks? Shouldn't I be barely thinking about him? I'm just so mad at the injustice of the whole thing. I've ready everything and I know I shouldn't waste my time being mad. t's only getting worse. I want to move on! I want to forget he exists! I want him to hurt like I'm hurting! Link to comment
Swift Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Day 22 The urge to contact or find out about her is strong. The urge to move on is stronger Link to comment
Swift Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Why do i feel like this after 6 weeks? Shouldn't I be barely thinking about him? I'm just so mad at the injustice of the whole thing. I've ready everything and I know I shouldn't waste my time being mad. t's only getting worse. I want to move on! I want to forget he exists! I want him to hurt like I'm hurting! You feel that way, HoliPoli because you made yourself emotionally available in the relationship and it hurts because you believed that you and your partner were a long-term thing. Think about it, you're hurting because you tried your hardest. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Tomorrow is his birthday. I will not contact. I will not email or text or call. He does not deserve it. I have to stay calm. Link to comment
BitterSweet12 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Day 9 It feels like its been longer than 9 days. I hate him! Today, was just a day where I felt so much anger towards him. I don't feel anything but hatred towards him. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 You feel that way, HoliPoli because you made yourself emotionally available in the relationship and it hurts because you believed that you and your partner were a long-term thing. Think about it, you're hurting because you tried your hardest. Yea 3 years almost. I put everything I had into it and still wasn't good enough. He's the one that's not good enough to be loved by me. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Day 9 It feels like its been longer than 9 days. I hate him! Today, was just a day where I felt so much anger towards him. I don't feel anything but hatred towards him. I've read that anger is good. Mine is getting out of control though. I just feel like our whole relationship was a lie. Like all the "I love you's" were fake. We have to get past this. I literally have to focus and get a grip. I think we're angry because we know we were wronged and there's no justice for it. We need a real life Break-up Court to dish out a fitting punishment. Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Was 20 days NC yesterday, she initiated contact by sending me a voicemail telling me she misses me, etc... I made a short reply saying "I dunno what to say, my life is just starting to get good again" and she sent me some messages saying she's "so sorry". I didn't reply to those and I'm not about to start being in contact with her again. NC is really my choice at this stage as I know she wants to spend time with me. But nothing has changed, we want to spend time together in different ways and it would be a bad thing to open up my feelings again anyhow. I am beginning to see that she doesn't deserve me, and if that's not enough, she doesn't want me either. Short of her banging down my door begging for me back I will not be in contact with her. Even then.. I have been dating and there are girls who would just be much better for me than her.. I feel like I'm really moving on now. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Tomorrow is all that's on my mind tonight. I've decided to stay up until midnight to silently wish him a happy birthday. He doesn't deserve me actually telling him, but I want to do this to help me grieve and let go. There are many tears tonight as I think back on the birthdays before that we always spent together. I hope he remembers. I'll never know. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Good night big world. Tomorrow is going to be a NC challenge. I will do it. Link to comment
quirky Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 34 days of NC strange to say the least. I am convinced I will never understand him. Miss the fun and can't quite understand he'd let me go. I was obviously not that great. I now worry everyone that gets close will see I wasn't that great. Link to comment
ryan2600 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Day 4 NC total 15 days Funny thing this morning I was filled with a lot of anger of how things ended. Not so much sadness. One thing that does bring me sadness is the fact that she helped me get through the day when I was at work. Now things are over for good, and I am going to have to adapt to both the loss of her and the fact I don't particularly like my job. One problem compounding the other. I will have to continue to work on both areas. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Day 8 nc This is my first day off in ageeeeeeees I'm going to take full advantage and have a really big bubbly bath and relax. I just saw a post about this guy breaking up with his girlfriend because she was moving away. It's obvious he still loves her but even though he does he still doesn't want to be with her because of the distance...this doesn't give me much hope that you will decide to change your mind. I know Italy is far from England but you weren't going to be moving there for another year, and even then why did you have to tell me that I was 'the one.' You always told me that we would make the distance work somehow and I trusted you. I can't believe I trusted you so much Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Pushed away the thought of saying Happy Birthday. Today just feels so lonely. Not being a part of everything makes me really sad. Maybe he's sleeping in or out playing golf this morning. He was never one to really celebrate his birthday. This is all just a horrible dream. Link to comment
Swift Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Yea 3 years almost. I put everything I had into it and still wasn't good enough. He's the one that's not good enough to be loved by me. It's true. Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I still haven't caved, but it's tough. I'm trying to keep myself busy so I went out for lunch with friends and I have plans to go to a movie later -cant use the phone there. I hope this gets the point accross. I really hope he's shocked that I haven't messaged him. Oh I just know he was positive I would. I have to say it DOES feel wrong even though I know it's not. He would do the same thing and ignore me. Link to comment
dobbin Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Day 14 - That is 2 entire weeks of NC!! I need to celebrate! Feeling psyched right now! Stay strong fellow ENA!!! We can do it and we will see that we are much better off without them! It's broken for a reason! Never let someone be your priority when they only see you as an option! Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Well done dobbin! Doing so well That's so weird that you posted that quote I saw it just yesterday and thought how good it is! Congratulations on your 2 week milestone Link to comment
HoliPoli Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Well I made it and did not contact him at all today for his birthday. There were lots of tears and feelings of abandonment, but It's over now. 14 days of no verbal contact. There was an aggressive email I sent a few days ago to on old email account of his but i can't say for sure whether or not he got it. I honestly don't care if he had a happy birthday or not. Secretly I'm hoping it sucked, but I'm not usually that lucky. My short term goal is 4 weeks no verbal communication and the next 2 weeks complete NC. At the start of the new year I will restructure my goals for January. Baby steps, ya know? I think about how he made my birthday miserable last year. I think he actually ended up screaming or yelling at me and just being a jerk in general. That's not love. I wonder if he's past the stage of thinking about me. He has alot of "friends" so I'm sure it's easier for him to stay distracted, plus he has this insane ability to block crap out and just not think about it. Rest assured it'll happen with his next GF, God forbid he actually gets one anytime soon. I really wonder what it was about him that I loved. I can pick things out, but I'm trying to remember what exactly I fell for. Link to comment
brandnewday47 Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 End of week 1. As I will eventually have some contact with her due to work circumstances, I've decided to take a plan of action: Identify any physical/emotional triggers I have of her, and immerse myself in them. I will spend the next few days identifying these triggers, then one by one eliminate them from any unpleasant memories. In the past I've done this with success... without realizing what I was doing. This will just be a much more coordinated plan to move forward. I've also realized that as things currently stand it just wouldn't have worked between us. Unless she decided to open up to people about me and not convey an "embarrassed" mindset, then it's for the best it ended without going much further. Still though, I miss simply sitting next to her. Link to comment
BitterSweet12 Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Day 10 It's still pretty hard to go a day without thinking about him. I have this sudden urge to text him to see how he's doing. But I know that I shouldn't. I'm so confused. I don't know where to direct my feelings. I'm so out of the loop... when a guy hits on me.....I have no idea how to flirt or hit on him back. I totally lost my single mojo. Or maybe its because I'm not completely ready to let everything go. Which makes things super hard. Link to comment
The walkingman Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 13 days down, forever to go. Actually I may think about contacting her on her birthday 6 months from now if I haven't heard from her by then which will most likely be the case. Link to comment
Delliem Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Day 10 since NC Day 27 since BU I haven't done a post for the last ten days, since I just stumbled upon this place tonight. However, I feel that it's important that I take part in this challenge, since I need to get back on my feet so I can live again. I'll be doing a post every day until I forget, and if I forget.. chances are good that those thoughts didn't cross my brain that day I also should make a thread detailing my situation, more so to get my thoughts out than getting help. There's not much I can do for what I had other than NC now. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Day 9 - have to go to my job in the moment and I SO don't want to, was so mad with my manager as she didn't tell me my times for today until very late last night and yet again she still hasn't given me my weeks rota. Looks like Christmas may be spent alone this year......I'm feeling really sad and I'm not really sure if it's about the ex or my life in general. The ex doesn't exactly help and makes the situation 10 times worse. I hate that he's not affected by this at all just living his life happy as can be all excited about leaving. Where is karma?????? Link to comment
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