THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[HoliPoli]

Hes playing xbox tonight - like every night. Like how low can I possibly feel? A stupid video game is worth more to him.

 

I don't want to stop posting here, but I don't think I want to count the days of NC either. Isn't that a reminder in itself that they're not here with us? I remember an old ex boyfriends sister counting the days its been since her ex-husband was killed in a car accident and I remember thinking "How sad?"

 

I don't mean to offend anyone. I'm just in an angry mood is all.

[Raaawr]

Day 4

 

Uhm, I think Im going to do something bold and mail her a token of my feelings for her. I have men telling me dont do it under any circumstances and I have women telling me to go for it, so truthfully Im at a loss. Is it so bad to send her something similar to what I used to send her last year? Or is it a really good idea to show her that I still care. Im confused and my head hurts.

[chrissyoh]

Aaaand on to day 4! Still feel uncomfortably ok with everything! when will those inevitable feelings come along?! I guess if I'm being honest (my heart) i still expect her to text me sometime soon (i have actually made some bets with some friends of mine as to when or if she will). I don't think she will get in touch (my brain) and i know it's all done (she doesn't want a relationship at this time of her life so nowt i can do there) but it's strange that I've been in a lot less meaningful relationships and felt a lot worse keeping myself busy though, doing a lot of exercise (always have though), eating and sleeping well so i guess i cant complain too much! As the previous poster (Holipoli) has stated i dunno if counting these days will do me any good so i may stop it and just do it whenever I'm feeling low! As ever, good luck to you all and take care

[businessman]

Starting day 8 today. No word from him since the 23rd or so. I think about him more than ever, but I'm realizing that this truly isn't the time for us. I need to heal... plus he's found someone new. I would be the happiest person in the world to receive the "i miss you" text.... even if it's just because his new fling aren't working out.

 

This is by far the longest we have ever gone without talking... even since our official breakup in July. I've met other people..... actually 3 people right now that I'm quite interested in... but as I have an international lifestyle and am moving to new countries every six months, it makes the dating process quite different/difficult.

 

I miss my ex so much, and I want to fix things more than ever. But I need to not forget that this is a time for me... a time for me to fix things myself.

[northpickle]

Day 33

 

Been to work - didn't think of him once. As soon as I step out the door and onto the street to walk home - BAM! I feel sad again. Why?

 

I suppose it's because work doesn't remind me of him (I only started the job after we split up) but walking down the same streets we used to walk down as a couple is still a bit raw. I even got a flashback to New Year's Eve when I walked down the very same street to meet him for our night out together, which was epic!

 

Is this still normal 3 months on? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a jibbering wreck and things are so much easier and I'm a lot happier and in control now. But this NC is making ME miss HIM more now! And I'm starting to get the flashbacks and memories like I did in the beginning, although they are much more brief and easier to deal with.

 

I'm actually wishing he would get in touch now, I miss him that much. Although I doubt anything that he would say would make me feel better. What a conundrum! Sighs

[jbug]

3 days and stiil want her

[lonelyheart2]

Day 13 - hardly thought about him today as I was so busy. Like you northpickle as soon as I finish work thoughts of him enter my mind too, I am also not a jibbering wreck anymore but I just can't stop missing him and the way we used to be, he feels so far away now. Maybe the thought that he has well and truly left my life has finally set in.....it does tend to feel like nc makes us miss them more than they do though, in truth we have no idea how they feel they could be thinking about us a lot or not at all but we have to just think about ourselves for now. It's starting to feel like I never met him, we never had a relationship and it was all just a really good dream.

[Angler]

Day 10. Meh.

 

I miss her, and still want to be with her, but feeling better about life without her.

[northpickle]

Day 13 - hardly thought about him today as I was so busy. Like you northpickle as soon as I finish work thoughts of him enter my mind too, I am also not a jibbering wreck anymore but I just can't stop missing him and the way we used to be, he feels so far away now. Maybe the thought that he has well and truly left my life has finally set in.....it does tend to feel like nc makes us miss them more than they do though, in truth we have no idea how they feel they could be thinking about us a lot or not at all but we have to just think about ourselves for now. It's starting to feel like I never met him, we never had a relationship and it was all just a really good dream.

 

Hi lonelyheart - thanks for the support, I'm right here with you. This really sucks! I need a big rant actually, I'm just about to have some food then will write an epic novel on here!

[jbug]

at least ur eating north. good job

[meowmix88]

I don't want to stop posting here, but I don't think I want to count the days of NC either. Isn't that a reminder in itself that they're not here with us?

 

Same here, which is why I've been slacking off. I'm still NC, but find it means more when I'm not counting and just doing.

[northpickle]

at least ur eating north. good job

 

I'll be perfectly honest with you here, I've only just, this past week or so, got my full, three meals a day appetite back. It's taken 3 months, from eating nothing at first and gradually built my metabolism up again But going to enjoy getting back to a healthy weight now by filling my face! Next step - exercise! I bought the Zumba game for the Wii this week so going to give that a bash tomorrow. Step after that - give up the ciggies again (stopped 8 weeks before BU and then went straight back on 20 a day when we split)

 

I do have a recovery plan, it's just been slow progress, and the NC is really helping to get my life back on track, BUT however well I'm doing, I still love and miss him so so much!

 

I still need another rant, this is just my warm up

[lonelyheart2]

haha looking forward to the epic novel Having other people who are going through the same things makes it seem a lot easier and makes me feel a little less crazy!

[northpickle]

Well, I'm not sure it's going to be an epic novel after all - decided I just need to write some logic down and then try and take my mind off him for the rest of the evening. I'm perhaps getting a bit too tired for a novel!

 

I absolutely know that no good will come of contacting him (and I'm not going to) -

 

 

• If I send a chatty email, I'll probably get one back the next day. And I've already told him I can't be "just" his friend. So it would be pointless, it would upset me and it would probably be quite cold "so he wouldn't give me the wrong impression" or similar
  
• If I were to send something more personal, it would probably warrant a stubborn or quick and cold reply and/or with him apologising for the hurt again, or similar. (I am guessing here, of course, I'm just reiterating to myself that no good will come of contacting him!)
  
• I really don't know where his head is at and some of his post-break-up behaviour has been a little on the strange side (from the very little I've seen or heard) - heavy drinking leading to irresponsible behaviour as an example. After playing it cool with me as far as social networking goes it was only last week he untagged himself in almost all of our photos together then blocked me. Over three weeks after any contact. I know he's none of my concern any more BUT I really think I should leave him be. I suppose I hope that he's not angry with me or anything, though I can't think of a reason why he would be. He knows where I am. I am worried about him though, trying hard not to be! He's a grown lad!
  
• As soon as I contact him, I'll be back to living my life waiting for a reply from him, and I don't want to go there again. Right now I'm not expecting to hear from him at all and although I miss him, this is definitely easier on me.
  
• He told me he missed me just 2 and a half weeks after BU. So to stroke my own ego (!) chances are he is missing me now. Maybe not as much as I miss him, but who knows. It's up to him to tell me stuff, I'm not going round chasing after him
  

 

So then, in conclusion, I WILL NOT CONTACT HIM! I'm doing OK, I really am, most of the hurt has subsided now and I'm really pulling through. But I do dearly miss him in my life, not sure how daft that sounds, but I do. If I was to go back and read my super long BU thread from the start I would probably not recognise myself in some of the posts, I was so topsy-turvy and what seemed like my whole world have caved in.

 

But however heart-wrenching and upsetting those early days were, and as the fog cleared I certainly see our relationship differently, our communication was at times rubbish, there was absolutely no mistaking that special and amazing bond we had / have. No question at all. I still believe that now. And maybe it was never meant to last forever, I really don't know. And at times I still question myself, I barely fought for anything after it ended, maybe I should have. But no, I will not beg or plead. He surely knows how I feel. I will retain my strength and if he wants me in his life, he'll have to man up and contact me. I'm moving on regardless, and it will be his loss

 

Ahhhhh...turned out longer than I thought!

[Raaawr]

Long but good.

 

 

Day 4

Broke no contact and looked at her facebook page because I am an ABSOLUTE MORON. And tomorrow Im going to drop some "special" present off to her house that will hopefully make her smile. I hate myself. Like I actually hate myself. God Im an absolute idiot.

[jeepman41]

Day 4

Broke no contact and looked at her facebook page because I am an ABSOLUTE MORON. And tomorrow Im going to drop some "special" present off to her house that will hopefully make her smile. I hate myself. Like I actually hate myself. God Im an absolute idiot.

 

 

 

I don't think you are an idiot but it does sound like you are still emotionally invested in the relationship.

[Raaawr]

I don't think you are an idiot but it does sound like you are still emotionally invested in the relationship.

 

Its not over yet. We on a "break". My entire life I dont believe in them, still dont, but because she cries and sounds so confused I give her time while I spend 2 weeks tearing myself up. Never again.

[Tom1990]

Day 3 (Yesterday): Success. Work continued. We almost made eye contact over the cubicle wall. She saw me look away. It made me sad, because I know I would have smiled at her, because her gaze makes me happy. I have no idea if she would have smiled back. I must admit, that night I left her a gift in a Facebook game we are involved in. NC continues though, with the exception of that.

 

Song for the day: Glee's Mike Chang Jr., "Cool".

[Tom1990]

Day 4 (Today): Success. Feeling stronger. I don't have to blast tunes into my headphones all day long. I can take breaks. I can listen to her voice without feeling upset. Again, our gazes almost met. I did a double-take to smile at her but looked away at the last minute. I think she did the same. We must have looked epileptic.

 

On my way out today, we passed in the hall. She saw me from afar, looked away the whole time, and I don't think I've ever seen her sadder. I wanted to reach out to her. I wanted to smile that tight-workplace-smile and say "G'night". Instead, again I left her a gift in the Facebook game. Hopefully friendship can happen in time for our group gaming nights next month. I'm tempted to continue on about what she may or may not be feeling, but that is not my job right now. I must focus on me, or else all this will be for nothing, and I will have to start over with "Day 1".

 

Song for the day: Glee's Will Schuester, "Golddigger", just because it's fun.

[Tom1990]

Day 4

Broke no contact and looked at her facebook page because I am an ABSOLUTE MORON. And tomorrow Im going to drop some "special" present off to her house that will hopefully make her smile. I hate myself. Like I actually hate myself. God Im an absolute idiot.

 

Does it have to be tomorrow? Maybe wait til Monday, give yourself the weekend to just be with yourself...?

[dobbin]

day 4 nc - feeling better

[jeepman41]

Its not over yet. We on a "break". My entire life I dont believe in them, still dont, but because she cries and sounds so confused I give her time while I spend 2 weeks tearing myself up. Never again.

 

Are you saying you don't believe in breakups? Sometimes a breakup is necessary when a relationship becomes broken, as it does happen. Loss of attraction, neediness, insecurity can all precipitate one. But when one door closes another always opens, sometimes with a better view.

[minimini]

Okay... I'm out! Maybe I wasn't ready... or maybe I don't need it anymore. I don't know.

 

On Day 5, I failed by checking his myspace page. The next day, coincidentally, he sent me a friend request and a "you are my everything" message on Facebook. I accepted the request.... yes. I spent the next few hours checking what he had been up to since we de-friended (3 months ago). There were "lovey dovey" messages between his wife and he and a lot of other things that should have bothered me... at least hurt a little... and for some reason, they didn't. It was SURREAL!!

 

Maybe I'm just finally far enough removed from the emotional affair that I'm actually disgusted by how he can say the things he says to his wife and then the things he says to me, in practically the same breathe! Really, I don't believe a word he's said over the past year any more. I think I've finally reached the, "What the hell was I thinking??" moment! Maybe all I needed was to be a witness to his life again... so I'm not left wondering. I really don't know. I just know that I saw his pictures, his page, his everything... and I didn't even feel in love with him, or hurt, or sad, or happy, or ANYTHING. Maybe I'm just blocking all the feelings.... but here, 24 hours after, I feel the same. Just fine.

 

It's a lot of maybes, I know. So, I may be back here (though I hope I don't need to). I hope I can still count on your support if I come back. I'll still be here for you all. For now... I'm signing off of the challenge.

[Melting]

Day 5 NC

 

Had today off work, its emotionally taking its toll on me seeing him every day. I need like a year off work!

 

Booked a holiday today, so that will give me 2wks where I don't have to see him and hopefully I can heal alot in that time.

[Fela Kuti]

Went NC after a 3 months relationship. Lasted a month because I foolishly contacted her, thinking she could've changed her mind. Also because I missed her so bad. Turned out she was still on her decision. Now I'm back at square one. I hope I can make it this time.