THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[RitaTrue]

Day 83

 

After talking with a friend (thank you Mot) and talking to a few others on eNA, I have re-realized that I need to put myself first, and not stick to my ex's timeline. I still go back and forth time to time. But these words give me peace.

[RitaTrue]

I've also noticed something else as far as doing NC.

 

I'm no longer angry at my ex. Even when I try to be, the anger really fizzles out and dies. I'm glad I'm over the Anger hump for now.

What I'm really feeling more nowadays are the struggles of self-forgiveness. How do I forgive myself for the mistakes I've made? How do I forgive myself for hurting someone else?

 

I feel that finding that secret is the last key to me finding freedom.

[Pisces72]

Just registered. Its the end of day 3 for me. I think of her often. I can't wait to see how I feel at the end of 30 days. I've been spending hours reading all of your stories guys, it really helps.

[tujna]

OMG, what a life, I went through hell to heaven in 8 days. Too bad heaven was not for long. But, it is true that the best things happen when you least expect them and with who you least expect it. It was so great, though. I just wish it could happen again. Is it OK to miss two people at the same time?? They are so different, but, yet, I love both. It is such a different feeling for both of them. One is really really deep and entrenched in me for many years; the other one is all excitement, friendship, understanding. Both are deep but the first one is able to kill me - the second one always revives me when I least expect it. I am so happy to experience what I do. I thing I love both of them and would be happy with either but what will life offer me - who is going to stay in my life and who is going to leave??

[northpickle]

Day 6

 

After a wobbly day of feeling guilty yesterday, right now (at least this second) I have no urge to contact you at all. I guess everything that needs to be said has been said. You know how I feel, I know how you feel (I think, you never really open up!) but the important bit I have to keep at the top of my mind are the words "I can't see us being in a relationship at the moment". I can't wonder at every little thought that may or may not be running through your mind because I'll never know and you'll never tell me.

[lonelyheart2]

day 12 = SO my date yesterday just made me miss you more which sucks as it's completely backfired on me! He was really nice and everything he just wasn't you. I can't stop toying with the idea of contacting you but I have no idea how you are feeling at the moment. Why do I never bump in to you at uni?!

[soybeans]

Day Two

 

Had an alright day at work today. I was being a lot more cheerful than Tuesday (worst day ever) and felt okay through most of my shift. Didn't have to run to the bathroom and cry in a stall for five minutes. Even though I'm exhausted, I'm thankful I was there instead of sitting alone with these thoughts.

 

I still think of you quite a bit. I miss being with you but I don't miss how we fought every night before we went to sleep. I don't miss driving 40 minutes after work to get to you, only to be ignored or treated poorly. I don't have an urge to contact you. I am not angry. I am not sad. I am just indifferent and another thing, I refuse to feel sorry for myself anymore. What you did to me caused so much pain but what's the point of dwelling on that now? You were toxic for me, you are a selfish person and you don't deserve my love.

 

I restored my online dating account. I'm not taking it too seriously, I haven't really even went on it. I just want to put myself out there and see what comes of it. I kind of hope you see it but either way it doesn't matter. It wasn't to make you jealous. Besides, I know if I met anyone I would likely compare them to you...or...the illusion of you that you created in my mind.

 

I'll be okay.

[Melting]

Day 3 BU 1st Sept.

 

I honestly thought I would be in a better place by now, maybe it is because I have heard from you so much it has stopped me from moving on. The words you say don't exactly help!

 

The fact that I have to work with you so closely does not help at all! I fear if I even look at you, I will go weak at the knees.

[Pisces72]

Well, day 4 nearing a close. I am just gonna read through this whole thread as the days go by. Maybe I'll finish by the time I reach day 30 lol

[Pisces72]

SON OF A *****! Back to day one..I'm so pissed at myself. This will NOT happen again.

[northpickle]

DAY 7

 

I feel dreadful today, probably because I went out drinking and dancing last night. I'm having a weak day. And you emailed me last night and I don't understand what you mean and I'm tempted to reply...perhaps you did that deliberately? Made it vague on purpose? But actually no, I don't think you did. I think you were probably just a bit drunk.

 

I've gone from thinking "I don't want you back now anyway" a few days ago to really really missing having you in my life. And at least I do have the option of having you as a friend, a lot of people don't have that. But that's not enough for me. I'm very sad today

[lonelyheart2]

day 13 = one step at a timeee la la lla I can't remember the rest of the words to that song....

[Airbag]

Somewhere around day 100.

 

Still torture.

[Pisces72]

Somewhere around day 100.

 

Still torture.

 

Really? How would you describe the timeline of your emotions from day 1 till where you are now?

[Melting]

BU 1st sept Day 4 NC

 

I just can't get him out of my head. It is driving me crazy!

 

I need to move on and just don't know how.

[AnnaN]

BU 8 days ago

I broke NC yesterday, I 'confirmed' it is over for him

I am on my way to 2 days NC hoping it will be easier.

[Cityslick]

DAY 10

 

4 Year relationship

BU Sept 16

Her new relationship started Sept 25

Last contact Oct 26

 

 

I find it ironic that the one night my cousin invites me out it's a) the one weekend I know you're probably gonna actually be in the city to hang with your friends and b) he's hanging at a bar literally less than a block away from the nightclub you always go to when you come downtown.

 

Why is it that even when I try to forget and try to suck it up and not think about you anymore do you constantly stay in my head? Of all people and places and things, why the coincidence? Everyday I fight with myself only to end up at the same conclusion, OMG I'm still in love with you yt I know you don't want me at all. Why did I have to learn a life lesson with you?

 

SO....obviously I can't go. I can't risk the chance of seeing you because I wouldn't know what to do or say or I'd probably have to struggle with not crying in public. Sometimes I feel like its been too long for me to still feel this way...

[Tomuch2hope]

Still in like Flynn.. don't know how many days now, but its not long as I broke NC a little while ago.

[Airbag]

Really? How would you describe the timeline of your emotions from day 1 till where you are now?

 

Just like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Happy, sad, happy, sad, and now I'm feeling really depressed at times...

[Jim Wormold]

Broke 5 week NC to have 1 amazing call, then receive rejection text, then force call on her

to tell her I love her and so on and so forth, only to realise she was must be thinking - how

ironic this guy is telling me about love when he cannot even sense I am not up to speaking

to him.

 

So back to NC and feeling guilty like hell for upsetting her healing and pushing myself on her

with call.

 

I only make things worse.

 

Please guys learn from my stupid mistakes, I cannot seem to myself.

 

Day 5

[hodgeheg]

I actually had to work this out - I'm impressed with myself for losing track

 

31 days no contact! Began the moment he drove away.

 

I'm feeling pretty good about my life, not quite there with feeling pretty good about myself but I'm getting better

[lonelyheart2]

day 14 = So Im getting a bit more excited about my life as could be moving in with my sister and her little boy in the next couple of months which will make life sooooooooooo much better but I still have this niggling 'i wish I could tell him about all this' in the back of my mind, I still miss his company, I can live without it but I miss him and I think I'm just going to have to live with that feeling. I think I could reach out to him as a friend but I don't think he wants that so I guess I'm just going to have to cope with the whole missing thing and hope I don't think about it by the time I meet someone else *sigh*

[AnnaN]

Day 3

Although I woke up with my heart beating like crazy, like the last 10 days since our break up, I don't feel the need to contact him.

[soybeans]

Day 4

He texted me this morning around the time he used to always send his good morning texts. It was him seeing if we could exchange our things Tuesday. I want to do it but I don't, because then I'll know that was my last connection I had to him. After that, he and I are totally free to become complete strangers. It hurts. I wanted him to miss me or feel some sort of regret but I can tell he doesn't. What did I expect? Hes so stubborn and hard-headed, always having to be right, he would never show that sort of weakness. He said it himself, he doesn't have a conscience.

 

I have to keep reminding myself what he did to me and stop only focusing on me missing him or our old times. And what he did should be enough to make any sane person want to stay away for good. But for me, I just keep feeling I will never have anyone love me like he did. It was all a facade though. I THOUGHT he loved me, but his actions proved the complete opposite. So then why am I feeling this way.

 

I hope I can make it through work okay today. I hope when I see him I won't be weak and try to work things out. I hope I'm strong, hand him his bag, and walk away with my head held high. That would be my ideal way of it going down but I know even if it does, afterwards I'll be a mess and the wound that has started to heal will be ripped open again.

[Melting]

Day 5 NC BU 1st Sept

 

I can do this......