THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[kennyc90]

Day 53

 

This will be my last day of NC. I'm sending her and her family a Christmas card tomorrow. Yeah, I completely thought about all of this and the reason why I'm doing it. Her family has taken care of me since the beginning of this year. I need to find a way to pay my respects to her family. I am aware that I most likely won't get any sort of response from her. I'm not planning to actually contact her any time soon since she's still with her new boyfriend. I can't believe she has a new boyfriend. Till this day, I can't believe she has a new boyfriend. I won't interfere. I won't view him as "competition."

 

NC is a great way to heal and a good place to start. I've healed enough to the point that I understand the whole situation and I can continue to love her while I continue to live my life and achieve my goals. I'm completely aware with what I do. I study my patterns and try to understand why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling here and there. I've learned to hold onto some hope and not just toss all of it out the window because honestly, hope is what's driving me to become a better person. It's hard to explain lol but I'm learning how to hold onto it and move on with my life at the same time.

 

I won't be calling her or texting her or facebook her (she blocked me anyways -.-). I believe that time heals and even changes attitudes. So yeah, I'll just say that I've learned a lot, not just from here, but also from a whole bunch of self helping books and I'm gonna apply all the knowledge I've obtained and use it in my situation.

 

One thing though, I'm an open guy. I don't mind having flings here and there with other chicks. I used to be that guy who would feel guilty about being intimate with other girls because of my love towards my ex, but nope it's not like that anymore. I mean yeah I love my ex with all my heart, but if I saw a super fine chick standing in front of me and wanted to have sex, then I'm all for it. In the end, I wanna be with my ex but I'm going to have to test my patience. I'm definitely not "looking" for a relationship, but I don't mind going on flings.

 

So yeah, I'll be going NC again after I break it tomorrow, but I'm gonna be writing in my own personal journal with how I feel. I will probably make an online journal here too.

[josephine89]

I broke my NC a week ago. I don't know what day I was up to, probably like day 11 or something. I've been avoiding posting updates because I'm ashamed.

Basically I got home from work on a Saturday afternoon and felt like * * * * . I felt like nothing would make me happy except talking to him. So I phoned him and we talked for about 20 mins. It was like we were old friends who hadn't caught up in a while. He was really nice and he ended the conversation because he was running late for something but it felt comforting to talk for that short time.

I want him back so bad. I know I broke it off and I feel so proud of myself for ending it but I would give anything in the world to be in his arms.

Why can't I let go? I still really love him so badly even though I haven't seen him for almost two months now.

In the back of my mind I feel like he's away on holiday or something and I'm waiting for him to get back. I feel like it's not over.

He's made no attempt to contact me and I know he wouldn't want me back. I heard from a friend he was "pursuing" another girl but she rejected him.

Anyway I guess I am going to try NC again. I want to already be over him. I really don't want anyone else, no matter how good looking or smart or charismatic. Everything about him was what I wanted and I think it's going to take a very long time for me to come to terms with our break up. Sigh.

Day 1

It's Xmas Eve here in Australia and I'm going out to a Xmas party with friends.

[piruru]

Broke NC to wish him merry Christmas. Surprised to find he is still in the country. Nothing changed. He was still offhanded and distant yet i had the feeling he was trying a little too hard to appear "getting on with his life." Whatever. Point is that he no longer wants to know or gives a damn. I sent him two messages after our phone call, one to say I'm sorry that I still missed him, i wasnt going to contact him again and one to say i would move on finally. Feel crappy about myself, but in a way it is a good thing as I have finally, finally accepted that it is over. I will treat it like the person I love has died.

 

Day 1

I have decided to put the ex behind me. I will be okay if we never contact each other ever again. I will not care anymore. It is time to look after me-- the most important person in my life! I realise that if I devoted my efforts to thinking and caring about this relationship to other areas of my life, I would improve dramatically.

 

I think I am developing feelings for a guy who keeps asking me out, but acknowledge that I am in no way ready for another relationship. I need to heal. Never jumping into a relationship ever again without sorting my personal issues out first.

[perio]

13 weeks today.

 

Well, a bit of a surprise last night. My ex wife gets the girls tonight and all next week for Christmas. This morning was our Christmas and it was wonderful. However, In the middle of the night as I was looking for a charger, I came accross notes that my ex had hidden to have me find unexpectedly. They were from last summer and were sweet and very powerful. I was caught completely by surprise and simply wepted. I wept not out of needless but out of grief. I realized there is still work to he done. It was like hearing from a ghost.

[piruru]

Day 2

 

After acting like a complete fool yesterday, I finally got my act together. I feel like I am really moving on this time and that I'm not stuck in the past anymore. He isn't controlling what happens this time-- I am! Feels quite good actually. The first time I've felt good since we broke up.

 

I did all the usual Christmassy things with the family. Thought about the ex a couple of times but kept telling myself that it was over and quickly quashed the thought. It's great that I finally can tell myself that it is over and fully believe it. Now I can get on with my life.

 

I feel kind of free. A little too free but that's okay.

 

I am hopeful for the future again and things are looking good. I don't feel like I am faking my feelings of being "over it" anymore. It feels genuine this time. I guess yesterday's phone call has really helped to give me gain closure.

[perio]

Piruru

 

I think it’s wise to be cautious about this fella that you find feelings for. I have a friend of over two years that I am now involved with. We are taking it slowly and she is aware of my breakup and the processing that I have had to do. I have been honest with her. I have tried to go slowly and in a “healthy” way with her. It’s going well and I do believe it has helped get perspective and moved along the healing process. I guess what I am trying to say is that when you are ready; I would take a step in that direction. I don’t know if we are ever “ready” for a relationship, kind of like being ready to have kids. There always seems to be more work to do. I think if you’re honest with people and take small steps, engaging in someone else can be a good thing, even if it’s just to grab some coffee or a movie.

Merry Christmas

[piruru]

Perio~ Thanks for your comment and input. I haven't really given another relationship much thought yet, but I can see how it would be beneficial. I really don't think I'm ready for another relationship yet though. At the moment I'm content with being single

 

Days 3&4

 

It's kind of amazing but I haven't really thought much about the ex at all recently. It's like I have really given up on it. Moved on or whatever. I am completely indifferent towards him. I really don't even regret it if we cannot be friends. It's a shame but I don't care anymore.

 

I am working on improving myself for real this time. I'm doing things for me to be happy about myself instead of doing things so that someone else would be happy about me. It feels good.

 

I had a lot of dreams about overcoming obstacles over the past couple of days... I don't know if it is related or not.

 

Regardless, I feel free. I'm free. It's wonderful.

[piruru]

Perio~ Thanks for your comment and input. I haven't really given another relationship much thought yet, but I can see how it would be beneficial. I really don't think I'm ready for another relationship yet though. At the moment I'm content with being single

 

Days 3&4

 

NC has officially ceased to be a chore. It has become almost natural.

 

It's kind of amazing but I haven't really thought much about the ex at all recently. It's like I have really given up on it. Moved on or whatever. I am completely indifferent towards him. I really don't even regret it if we cannot be friends. It's a shame but I don't care anymore.

 

I am working on improving myself for real this time. I'm doing things for me to be happy about myself instead of doing things so that someone else would be happy about me. It feels good.

 

I had a lot of dreams about overcoming obstacles over the past couple of days... I don't know if it is related or not.

 

Regardless, I feel free. I'm free. It's wonderful.

[iwannarun]

He texted me on Saturday to thank me for something, and I texted him back saying you're welcome. That's the only contact I'd had with him. The days are still hard, and I miss him a lot...every single day. But I'll be okay. I just CAN'T text him...I don't want this to be harder for either of us. I need to heal.

 

 

But honestly? Yeah this sucks.

[lostgirlaus]

I spoke to him 5 days ago about getting my money back and he said he transferred and it would take awhile since there would be bank holidays.

 

He texted me today and asked if I had recieved it. I said yes, and he texted back saying he was just making sure and I said it was fine. He replied with a "np". It just seems like an excuse to text me... I wanted to text him back and ask how his xmas was but I didn't. I still miss him so much.

 

It's been nearly 2 months since the break up, and no, it doesn't get any easier. It's so much harder around the holiday season and if we were still together, it would have been our 1 year in 3 days.

 

I miss and love you so much baby, but I know I did the right thing.

[Starrgrl]

Day 22

 

Doing pretty good. I'm moving on to better days, better things, and I'm going to smile and laugh and be content.

[piruru]

Day 5(?)

 

Stopped counting the days of NC. It really doesn't matter how many days anymore, but I felt it necessary to report my progress.

 

Barely thought about the ex today. I only thought about him when I considered his impact on my life and did not think about him as an important person in my life anymore.

 

I read a personality book today and figured out some things about his personality type that I did not know. It helped me gain more peace and understanding about why we didn't work and why he acted the way he did throughout our relationship.

 

Nevertheless, the relationship is completely over and though at times I feel a sense of grief about it, mostly I am just glad it is over now. No more stress, no more pain. The worst part is over. If we ever do start talking to each other and being friendly again then at least I know it will not be worse than this.

 

Sometimes a thought pops into my head and I end up reminiscing/ruminating about what could have been again but I usually manage to stop it before I let it affect my mood. At the moment I'm staying positive and it's sticking to me. It just gets easier.

 

I admit to myself that I still have feelings for my ex, but I know that they are no longer reciprocated. I have chosen to put them away now. It doesn't mean that I've stopped feeling them, merely that I will do my best to ignore them and put them out of my mind until I no longer have to ignore them.

 

The only scary part of what is happening to me is that guy that I have feelings for. I'm afraid that I am merely projecting the feelings that I had for my ex onto a different prospect. I am worried that my feelings are not genuine, that I will be unable to see this guy as he is, instead just seeing him as what my ex used to be to me. I don't know if this makes sense as it is getting late but my point is that I don't want to rush in and ruin everything. No rebounds, thank you.

 

How can you tell if you genuinely like a new person or if you're just looking at them as a rebound?

[WhatSetsUs]

It's been a long while since I posted in this thread but I'm feeling suuuuuper down right now.

 

Its day 9 for me right now, but I know I'm gonna break it soon. I thought I was gonna do it tomorrow, but I think I'll wait til after New Years. I am feeling so low and all I want is to get my ex back. I'm still very much in love with her and no matter how hard I try I can't let her go. I'm getting real antsy and I need to do something about this situation. I can only sulk for so long.

[Still Ill]

Day 1

Bit of background, split up yesterday for the second time in our 2 1/2 year relationship. First time I broke things off then chased her back, second time she broke things off saying that things weren't the same (they weren't) and that our break up was still there and she couldn't get past it. 3 months apart followed by 1month back together. During our original break up I committed all the classic no no's (pleading, showing hurt etc.) This time I'm going straight for NC. I told her when we broke that I couldn't be friends or talk to her in a casual capacity because it hurt too much and the temptation to try and get her back would be too much.

 

So...day 1 of NC and being single...went out done some shopping with friends, played in our weekly football game (soccer) and went home. Started off not thinking about her too much, but still every second of the day I thought of her or us, by the end of the day predictably I had worked myself into depression mode and felt fairly ' * * * * '. This will be a tough few months but I'm looking forward to improving myself and setting myself free of her 'chains'. Getting her back seems an impossible task at this stage.

[piruru]

Day 6

 

In general things have been going well. I've been dedicating myself to fulfilling other areas of my life so I don't feel like too much of a failure. Today I managed to score a great deal for myself so I feel quite proud of that.

 

The only part of my recovery process that I am dissatisfied with is that I sometimes lapse into bouts of recalling how wonderful and special my ex is. Sure, he's a pretty unique guy and everything -- he's an artist, a model, a fashion designer and art teacher -- but he's not the only guy in the world. I'm fixated on the fact that I can't and probably won't ever get another guy like him ever again. It makes me kind of want to give up on love and relationships entirely... Which I recognize is very sad and wrong. It's very frustrating that I can't convince myself that he is just a giant turd that I should just shake off. Instead, I seem to think of him as some kind of god who graced me with his presence. * * * . So very, very wrong.

 

He was also very handsome. And dressed well, every time. Not to mention, his family was rich. I have trouble telling myself that he isn't perfect. I also have trouble looking at other men because I keep comparing them to this guy realizing that most of them are lacking. That said, I have started to look at other men now and have opened my mind to a new relationship. I don't want to rush and I wouldn't say that I am ready by any means, but if anyone is interested in me at this point, I would definitely consider it.

 

I hate my ex for showing me what was beautiful and then taking it away from me before I even got to enjoy it. It's so hard to find that beauty again.

[dedem]

Day 1

I will try. I've already told him that I will be taking a month to myself. And since I know it's cheating to get e-mails from another site stating whether he replied... I've blacklisted the site from my email. I will see nothing from him. Hear nothing from him. Say nothing to him. Then when the 30 days are up... I will need all the help this site can give over whether or not to resume contact, because he does want to be friends and was begging me to forgive him. However i understand that someone like him could easily be saying stuff, he may never respond to me again after the thirty days.

 

As for background... he and me split up four days ago. I'm entering my "numb" stage of grief. It comes and goes at random, so I take the time now to focus and think things through.

 

His reasoning for dumping me is that it just wasn't going to work, we were just too different in his eyes. He also had no clue what love really was, so he got mixed up when he started having feelings, which he said were likely friendship feelings.

 

His promise was null, and he knew it, but lied to me in an effort to make things alright, to feel love for me.

 

At the moment the thought of speaking to him without getting my daily I love you and inability to call him kitty man sickens me. However I'm hoping after 30 days I will get used to the idea that he just does not love me as any more than a friend, and love him as only a friend. Though that may take much, much longer.

 

I am going away to a place where I will have zero internet connection, for three days. Am fighting back tears at the realization that I will not be able to call him like I used to when I went down there, like i promised to a few days before the breakup.

 

I'm assuming that our no talking over the holidays brought on his one, major flaw-he thought way too much, and was just too logical. I may have been willing to die for him, but he was the kind of person who would save himself before thinking of even me.

 

I hope he goes gay, like he feared he would. It would make it so much easier for me to be friends with him (been there done that with the falling in love with a gay guy, now I'm numb to the hurt of him taking a man as a partner, but a girl makes me want to die).

[Ryankeith]

Day 6

 

 

I hate my ex for showing me what was beautiful and then taking it away from me before I even got to enjoy it. It's so hard to find that beauty again.

 

Wow, I can totally relate to this. I have felt so strongly that what I have experienced with this love of mine will always and forever escape my grasp. I will never me complete again.

 

I must admit that I have been avoiding posting here lately. So much can happen in such a short amount of time. I have felt embarrassed and betrayed all over again by this beautiful young girl. I allow my affections for her to overwhelm me and cloud my judgement time and time again. Will I ever learn? I don't know, but I pray to God that he can help me make some sense of what has been happening to me.

 

I broke NC when she called and asked to meet up with me. I agreed. BIG MISTAKE! We drank coffee and talked for awhile, and afterwards went and shared a nice lunch together. She was being VERY loving towards me during this entire time. We reminisced for awhile and laughed. It was great. She began to tell me she loved me and we held hands and kissed repeatedly. I honestly felt like she had somehow changed and things would be different. I could not have been more mistaken. That very same night I found out she went to a party and became intoxicated and spent the night with the same guy AGAIN. I was devastated all over again. How could a person knowingly treat someone else this way? It baffles me every time I think about it. I could never do that to a person, let alone someone I 'love'.

 

My brain will not process these actions. I fail to understand how she is capable of so carelessly breaking a heart whenever she pleases. She claimed she didn't want to drive home drunk so it was her only option to stay with him. I am completely shattered now. Every time I am still my thoughts crawl back to her side. I often find myself driving or walking around aimlessly. I'm not sure how long a person is able to withstand such horrific sorrow. It's just not fair. I love her and in return I receive heartbreak. I just don't understand.

[perio]

About 14 weeks

 

Im feeling pretty good. Questions still linger but I keep from spending much time on them. I really wish I knew how she is doing and how her sister is making it. I do worry about these things but try to keep that to as little time as possible. Im am sure Im in a place where I would keep my emotions under control if I were to commuicate with her. I dont see her reaching out just to fill me in. I think I would only stutter step if she where to indicate an iterest in a relationship. I could not immagine that happening though. I am firmly on the side of staying apart at this stage for some time to come. I dont wrestle with staying away decision. I am very sure I will not contact her again. Its just that two humans that shared once should be able to touch base and say hi from time to time. I keep in loose touch with most of my exes and it appears to be a good thing for all. hhmmm.

[Still Ill]

Day 2

Had time to kill so inevitably ended up thinking about things, even broke my total Facebook hiatus, didn't see anything from her but eventually I will and I will look too much into it. So Facebook NC starts today, for me it just makes things easier. Ended up having a few drinks and going to the club. Had a good night, helps things. Overall I'm feeling better than I thought but still fairly sad. I do remember the first time we split there was a kind of lull where I managed to get through some of the first few days easier than the hell I ended up putting myself through near the end/middle of our 3months apart.

 

Day 3

Surprising myself with how good I feel if I just nip feelings and thoughts in the bud and immediately think of myself and improving myself, starting back in the gym, going out more with friends etc. Still hope this isn't a temporary lull until the real pain starts but for now its not so bad. My friend ended up coming to mine and we had a few beers and talked * * * * for a few hours, a good way to spent the night. Spent a bit of time in bed thinking of things but soon fell asleep. Get the odd urge to text her and still get hopefully she may pop up on my phone when I get a call/text. But being realistic and expecting nothing.

[piruru]

Day 7.

Nothing much. Thought about ex a lot at night. Missed him. Feeling crappier by the hour that he doesn't contact me.

 

Day 8. NYE.

Today is a bad day. I couldn't stop thinking about the ex and what I could have been doing with him instead of my so-called friends. It was a slow torture. I remembered when I was cold and he used to hold me close to keep me warm too. I could feel the texture of his shirt like it was yesterday. Painful.

 

What I didn't realise is that even if we were together now, he wouldn't give me time of day and probably not even NYE!! But my heart continues to pine for him.

 

I feel miserable. I know that it is a choice, but somehow I can't feel good and happy again. I feel like my face has settled into a permanent "miserable" expression and that I've forgotten how to smile.

 

Walking around and seeing so many of my friends being sweet with their boyfriends made me feel sick with envy. I was so lonely. I think my biggest problem is envy. I always want what I cannot have. When I had him, I didn't treasure him and what he did for me. I thought that all of my friends were getting much better treatment. So i pushed him. Repeatedly until he could take no more and left for good. Now that he is gone, I miss him.

 

Even my friends' boyfriends who used to like me but that I used to think were repulsive have began to look attractive to me. Maybe it's the fact that they are my friends' boyfriends now. Guys who I used to dismiss as no good are now looking alright. It gets to the point where I am probably desperate enough to go for all of them.

 

I just want to be with somebody... It doesnt matter too much who it is.

 

I don't think I even miss my exes... Just what they were to me.

 

Something is wrong WITHIN me, I know that now.

 

Also I spoke to my ex-ex today. It was a happy new year call. He mentioned he was out with his girlfriend and some friends and I pretended not to give a damn. I pretended that I didnt even remember her name.

 

He ended the call first and I felt like a giant pile of crap. I felt like I lost the battle. He ALWAYS ends the call first. I can never beat him at this game. I hate it. I have done NIC with him for months now but he still manages to outdo me. I dunno if I am taking this too seriously.

 

Either way, I am so scared of falling in love now. I'm not sure if I want to experience it ever again. The pain associated with it is too much. Too exhausting. I am sick and tired of love and relationships.

[piruru]

Day 8

 

Spent the day being productive. Didn't think about the ex until now. I really miss him... Or rather, what he used to be.

 

I'm so disillusioned with relationships right now. I'm torn between never wanting to get into a relationship ever again and jumping back into the dating scene just to forget all the bad stuff. To live in fear or to go into it despite my fear and hoping for the best.

 

The biggest problem I face is that I have no opportunities to meet guys right now. It's kind of pathetic.

 

There's the guy that I am sort of interested in, but I probably won't see him until 18th January. Hmm.

 

I'm questioning my reasons for wanting to jump into a relationship. They are:

1. Boredom

2. I just want a relationship because it feels good

3. Future goals.

 

I don't know if these are good enough reasons to start looking yet.

[MeticulousMan]

Need to vent a little, i'm not angry i just need to write this down somewhere, and ENA is the perfect place : )

 

Day...let me add this up now, I stopped counting a week or so ago

 

It's day 38 of NC, and I feel quite good in general because I have been working on myself for around 3 weeks now, and I feel like i've actually made some progress in my confidence and my shyness, Id be the first to admit I'm not cured, far from it! But I am happy to be making progress.

 

Anyway I guess it must be boredom or something, because I was really considering for a while today that I should try to get in touch with my ex, be friends or something just so I can speak to her again. It sucks I suppose to know that I'm still not as far moved on as I want to be , but I don't know what else I can do. I blocked her on facebook etc., we are long distance, opposite ends of the country so very very unlikely we'd run into one another.

 

I have her mobile number and address and if i wanted to i could always get in touch, but I'm strong enough to keep myself going with the notion that if she wanted me back she will be the one to break nc, as one of my close friends said the night that i broke up with my ex, if i leave her alone and she comes back by myself, then that's the only way i'll know for sure she comes back out of love for me... Oh well, that's kind of a sad thought in a way...if she dosen't come back it is sad i mean, but I know it's for the best : )

 

Maybe I just need to find something to occupy my time a bit better, i'm gonna try that, if you read this then I hope things work out for you in the best way possible!

[dedem]

Day 6

 

God, this is painful. Yeah, over my vacation I did fine. I watched a lot of TV and read, doing both took the pain away. But the whole time I spent hoping he'd contact via home phone and say he made a mistake, that he did love me. I was a fool. Now I'm upset again because there's nothing. I expected as much, I asked for space and I got it, i guess. I've started eating again, but not as much as it used to be. It's a start.

 

I keep going over and over about how it just would never work, and I still cry. I see all these people in what appears to be happy relationships, and I get sad. I keep telling myself, would I want him back after all this hurt and pain? The answer is the same, an I don't know.

 

It's taking all my strength not to dial him and beg him to love me, even if it's a lie. Sometimes we are less unhappy in being deceived by those we love, than in being undeceived by them.-Francois La Rochefoucauld, Maximus.

 

But this sinking feeling in my heart proves it, it was never meant to be, it just was a fairy tale spun to create false happiness where there was none, that I got caught up in before realizing he was only creating a story. I will never get my happy ending, at least not with him, and it's time to wake up and smell the coffee before I let myself become bitter.

[WhatSetsUs]

Day 14

 

I went to the mall with my dad and younger brother...all I could think about was my ex. Literally everything in that place held some kind of memory of my ex. On top of that, I felt like the mall was packed with couples. So much affection. It just hurt. I'm in a terrible mood. All I want right now is to be with my ex. I'm so happy the holiday season is finally over. But I don't think I can hold NC for much longer. I need to talk to her. I want her back.

[Starrgrl]

Day 26

 

I'm moving on. I feel great.