THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[brandnewday47]

Day 28 - four weeks on the nose... distance creates interesting perspective at times

[wannabebtr]

Did it day 2

[blueeyedme]

Day 9 - SUCKS! I'm in a bad place right now.

[ooshiegirl]

NC was broken on Monday by him after a week- he asked me for an address to ship my things. THAT exchange really hurt because he seemed so cold (it was also via e-mail). And then on Thursday I contacted him on Facebook chat to finalize details, since my e-mail wasn't working and I had told him the address wrong, and we end up having a long, fun conversation. I admit, this made me feel really good. Especially because today he contacted ME on Facebook chat, just to talk. We're also meeting on Friday to get a few of my things that I need right away and don't want to be shipped. But I don't want to be friend-zoned- I'll probably have to go into NC after Friday again. On the bright side, this might make it easier for him to miss me, since now we've ended on a much more pleasant note than in the past couple of weeks. Anyways, will probably resume counting on Friday.

[anu1560]

You certainly deserve better. Take it as if he did a favor to you by breaking up. I cannot believe someone saying these things to enemies also. Keep doing NC. You deserve to have someone not so verbally abusive.

[Eddie37]

This has been my first legitimately decent day! This is the least I've thought about her and my stomach doesn't churn every time I think about her not being with me. I think some of it, maybe most of it had to do with the fact that I spent the entire day at the lake with friends boating and jetskiing. There were some single girls there and I wasn't a basket case around them. I actually felt like I can be single again! But now I'm at home, by myself. Now is when I start to get really lonely...and miss her. Day 21; knocked it out like an Anderson Silva flying knee to the dome.

 

Don't want to get ahead of myself, because I think that can be stupid, but maybe I'm nearing the summit of the mountain they call Breakup, and maybe I'm getting ready for my journey back down and out of the wilderness.

[Eddie37]

I've been doing a helluva lot of grief work. Experiencing the huge spectrum of emotions, accepting them, purging, and allowing myself to feel whatever I'm feelings without pushing it aside. I've been writing in my journal, talking to friends, and just trudging ahead. And what I haven't done is contact my ex. I've been almost methodical about my grief work during this breakup...as opposed to my divorce 5 years ago where I fought it every step of the way. My initial goal from the very start was the heal fast and completely. I think I'm on my way.

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

Day 18. Seems like it's getting harder in some ways. I'm so anxious for her to contact me. I'm holding out hope that she'll come back to me. It sucks. I'm checking my email 100 times a day...waiting for her to say something...anything! When does this get easier?!!!

 

Dont do it...if theres one piece of advice i can give its dont wait! Dont wait for contact cause it might never come....i learned that the hard way. Every other day id tell myself she'll call soon shes probably starting to miss me. Well i got up to 150 days Nc and i finally broke it.... Please for the love of god dont do Nc to win her back.... Everyone told me the exact same thing an i didnt listen! Move on... I see myself in you and this is why im taking the time to post....move on! Youll thank yourself later trust me

[blueeyedme]

Day 10: Feeling more in control today as the last 3 days I was backsliding pretty bad and so wanted to reach out - glad I didn't buckle. The voice in my head this morning said "...if she wanted to talk with you she would." Duh... I'm not 'waiting' for her to call though I think she will at some point, nor am I ready to 'move-on' but I will be someday. I don't know if it will be at Day 30 or 330. The length of the path is different for everyone and only I will know when I have reached the end.

[EFromm33]

Today is Day 1 for me. We talked on the phone last night for awhile and agreed that the only way we're both going to get over this and be able to be friends is if we stop communicating for awhile. He dumped me and admittedly, I've been doing most of the contacting, but he seems to be taking things even harder than I am. Truly, I want us both to be ok, but realize I need to focus only on myself for awhile. I think I can do this. After a month of difficult, painful communication, I'm finally starting to accept that we're never going to get back together.

[Eddie37]

I've underestimated how desperate I feel at times. So desperate to contact her, to reach out to her, to connect with her again. I have to fight through these times when I feel like I'm just going to completely fall apart unless I talk to her. I can see why so many people break NC. The feelings of desperation take over and they reach out...only to find that their ex is not their to hold onto. Day 22 of no contact. Could be better, could be a lot worse.

[lauraaa]

Msg'd my ex on g-chat yesterday, after two months NC. Totally flipped on the guy for no reason at all, called him a drunk loser, things no one would ever say to a person's face. I suppose I have been trying to put off dealing with this, as I am a busy law student. You could say we split because I'm too good for him, but I just think I'm mean.

 

So this morning I sent an apology email, totally reasonable, unlike the person I was yesterday, off the hinges. Asked him to accept my apology without responding. And now I will start NC again. Thanks for having this board--and sorry for lurking.

 

So I guess tomorrow is day 1

 

God bless.

[Puckdog27]

Msg'd my ex on g-chat yesterday, after two months NC. Totally flipped on the guy for no reason at all, called him a drunk loser, things no one would ever say to a person's face. I suppose I have been trying to put off dealing with this, as I am a busy law student. You could say we split because I'm too good for him, but I just think I'm mean.

 

So this morning I sent an apology email, totally reasonable, unlike the person I was yesterday, off the hinges. Asked him to accept my apology without responding. And now I will start NC again. Thanks for having this board--and sorry for lurking.

 

So I guess tomorrow is day 1

 

God bless.

 

You may consider taking that behaviour into consideration. Guess Im just mean isnt the answer. Its classic signs of an abuse disorder. Lash out then remorsefully apologize.

[lauraaa]

You may consider taking that behaviour into consideration. Guess Im just mean isnt the answer. Its classic signs of an abuse disorder. Lash out then remorsefully apologize.

 

Please re-read, I think you misunderstood.

 

The way I see it, I picked a fight, and I tried to release some of the negativity by apologizing for once. When we last spoke, it was awful and it has been harder to heal without having tried to smooth things over. Here's what I wrote:

Good Morning,

 

I want to apologize for lashing out at you yesterday. Nothing mean i say is true, you are a brilliant man and have the strength to do anything you set your mind to. For whatever reason I perceive myself as still hurting but I'm sure it has nothing to do with you. I really wish that I had been more positive about your decision to end things, and perhaps we'd be friends.

 

Please accept this apology without responding. I hope that the next time I run into you I can be a better person.

 

Take care,

LM

[We515]

This is why I joined this forum. I need support with NC. I still love my husband. He got a job in Finland in April. I am still in the States. Before he left we had a lot of stress, surrounding his new job, school and some health issues. He met this girl and started BB msging her. I called her and basically said lay off, we have a good life and we are moving to Finland. I asked her not to tell him that we talked. Then we separated for a week, but he went to see her and she told him that she talked to me. He got angry said that I lied about talking to her and we were finished. He moved to Finland for his job a month later, however the last thing he said at the airport was that he did love me and wanted me to come over. (as we had planned) Then 3 weeks later he announced he wanted to be single. He started talking/messaging her every day, sometimes all day. She is very juvenile acting in her posts on FB. He is 31 and just earned his Ph. D. We were together for 7 years. Now he is saying that he loves her and thinks that she is the one. This has been going on since April. I went to see him and spent a week, then he asked me to come back in June. I did not go. Now he has to have surgery (maybe in August) and he wants me to come over to help him out when he has the surgery. I have tried NC and only made it a week. Then he contacted me and I started talking to him again. Then I tried it again, this time he got very angry.

 

I want to put our marriage back together. I need support with NC. And should I go and be with him when he has his surgery?

 

Ayana

[Eddie37]

What a dirtbag. Don't contact him, don't be his little puppy begging for scraps. Be strong, stand your ground. If he is going to come back to you it better be on his hands and knees. And until he comes crawling, full of remorse...ignore every attempt he makes to contact you and do not contact him. You can do this, you have to this or he will continue to use you and treat you like garbage.

[Eddie37]

Day 22 of no contact has been a doozy. There are these attacks of severe anxiety to hear from her. Checking my email, my phone...waiting...waiting...anxious... .ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. How did this little girl turn me, a relatively strong, confident man, into this mess?

 

I cried 3 times today. Not sobbing, just brief expressions of sorrow. I miss her. Still though, emotionally I feel more stable. I'm beginning to feel some actual distance from her in my heart and mind.

[brandnewday47]

Guys, I say this in that I admit.. while I may seem strong I am not. I did not contact her... but I broke down in front of family and myself openly.. and it all came out; how she had moved on to this relationship quickly and much more easily than I ever could (which says something to what I actually meant to her), how I may never find what I am looking for and this is just another disappointment, and how I may never ever find my match or have a child of my own.

 

I'm on the brink of 30 days (tomorrow), yet I feel as down as ever as reality of being early/mid 30's and having to start things over again is blunt to say the least.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to have a pity party here... just feeling pretty low now.

[Eddie37]

Guys, I say this in that I admit.. while I may seem strong I am not. I did not contact her... but I broke down in front of family and myself openly.. and it all came out; how she had moved on to this relationship quickly and much more easily than I ever could (which says something to what I actually meant to her), how I may never find what I am looking for and this is just another disappointment, and how I may never ever find my match or have a child of my own.

 

I'm on the brink of 30 days (tomorrow), yet I feel as down as ever as reality of being early/mid 30's and having to start things over again is blunt to say the least.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to have a pity party here... just feeling pretty low now.

I'm right there with you. All we can do is keep moving ahead, one day at a time. You can do it.

[Puckdog27]

Please re-read, I think you misunderstood.

 

The way I see it, I picked a fight, and I tried to release some of the negativity by apologizing for once. When we last spoke, it was awful and it has been harder to heal without having tried to smooth things over.

 

My point is picking a fight (especially out of the blue) and then apologizing for it is the same as a guy coming home and hitting his wife then telling her the next day "you know I dont mean to do that baby". Are the outcomes the same? Of course not, but they are still within the Cycle of Violence. Physical or emotional.

 

Anyway, I was just trying to point out a glaring behaviour that you may not be aware of. I didnt mean to offend you and you can take the advice for what you want.

[We515]

So today is going to be day 1 of NC. I should also note that the woman he is talking to lives in the states. They have not been physical and have been carrying on a long distance relationship via messaging/texting/skype/phone. They have also been flirting on Facebook. The killer is that we are very well known in our community and church and a lot of our friends have seen his behavior on Facebook and they think that he has lost his mind. Yesterday I noticed that he deleted the album with our wedding pictures from his Facebook page.

 

When they met she was in an open relationship with someone else. After 3 months of them messaging each other everyday, he asked if he could be her #2 in the open relationship and after 3 weeks of that they started planning a trip to Mexico together for December and he began to convince her to drop her #1. I made every mistake in the book. When he first broke up with me, I cried, begged, pleaded for him to work it out/explain why. When I went over to see him in May, I thought that we were having deep meaningful conversations, but he was only using me to work through the breakup. At first he was so sad and confused. I wish I had started NC from the beginning.

 

Now I am praying that once he and this woman spend some actual time together he will see how wrong she is for him.

[brandnewday47]

Day 30 is finally here.... though in reality i will feel better after 60

[lauraaa]

Puck, you're right. I'm glad that I promised not to expose him to that behavior anymore but I now see that I need to better develop my feelings about doing better in my next relationship. Maladjusted coping mechanism for sure.

[wannabebtr]

DAY 3

 

proud of myself for absolutely no contact, hiding all his friend on facebook helps too. out of site, our of mind, i guess. in a way im kind of thinking of him less and less and just seeing how badly he treated me. i hope he comes back in a couple weeks and i can just laugh at him.

[wannabebtr]

let me add, the only reason im not bawling my eyes out is because we have techinally been broken up since the end of may and there were times he would try to get me back change then change back we dont talk a few days he comes back says he loves me then calls me pathetic. SO, this has been happening a long time. when we first broke up i lost 10 pounds and bawled my eyes out every second. i think i gained a few pounds back too which is a lot healthier for me so im not underweight ( :