THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[hater13]

day 37...i just counted lol

 

Feeling alright. Missing him, had a weird dream about him.

 

He was sitting beside me talking to me, he told me he removed me from fb because he had problems lurking my profile too often. Then he said that he was going to remove my friend from his friends list because he knew I had her password.

 

such a WEEIIRRDDD dream

 

may 15th...

[Animelover6764]

day 37...i just counted lol

 

Feeling alright. Missing him, had a weird dream about him.

 

He was sitting beside me talking to me, he told me he removed me from fb because he had problems lurking my profile too often. Then he said that he was going to remove my friend from his friends list because he knew I had her password.

 

such a WEEIIRRDDD dream

 

may 15th...

 

O.O

 

whoa

[Igelchen]

Day 7. End of. She didn't call. I don't care because I went out and saw a play and had a drink. New love Interest No. 1 wasn't there, as she had work. I was mildly disappointed but perhaps for the best as she ignored my message asking if she'd be there tonight and my last friendly hello. Despite kissing me and getting my hopes up last time we met. Ah well.

 

Tomorrow I will care again, because I'm not going out in the evening, and it will have been two days since she first called, and it was the day I'd decided to answer her on. But I guess there's no harm in leaving it a few more days, since she hasn't condescended to call me at all today. There is some grief to be had in the fact that I'm just not urgent for her.

 

I'll make an effort to appear online all of tomorrow. I have to ignore her until she shows signs of anger or confusion. I have my alibi to calm her... but I need to see her reaction. It's the only way.

[whadyousay]

Just came accross a video... I wasn't aware that I had any moment recorded in our relationship but sure enough theres one.. on our trip to cederpoint last year a friend I brought with us was bored and video recorded a discussion me and her were having, we were holding hands the whole time and she was smiling. That set me back a lot, I feel like crap now. cant wait for the gym to open in the morning, i need something to get my mind off her.

[j.love]

i was feeling like crap earlier but friends took me out for my birthday and made me feel so much better, asked him to come hang out with me but he didn't, oh well back to NC, i made amends and extended the olive branch, if he wants to reciprocate then thats his business

[Igelchen]

Day 8.... mein gott. I don't plan on being around much today, though only since I'm going for lunch with my grandparents. Nonetheless, it worries me that having said she'd try me again later, my ex didn't call yesterday at all. I mean, that ought really to kill any hopes of mine that she's about to announce regrets, oughtn't it? But it hasn't.

 

Mind you - if she had regrets so soon, I'd have to tell her it's too soon and warn her that I really haven't changed much; that my mates would kill me if I took her back; and that the way she hurt me and betrayed my trust I'd be ill advised to do so. Then give it a couple of days to think about. But I already know my answer. Why else would I be fantasizing about this at any little excuse from her?

 

Dreamed about her again last night.

[doejan]

Today is day 7 for me and I will not text him! In fact I changed his name in my phone from his name to "Don't Do It!" So whenever I feel the urge to call or text I will be reminded not to. It will also keep me from answering the phone should he ever decide to call me again. Yup, day 7 but still feeling blue.

[Igelchen]

Tomorrow will be day 1 again, as carrying out the Perfect Plan Mach II has required me to become less available, but not completely unavailable. I've pushed it to its limits this week to push my point home, but I've just realised why becoming slowly less available is essential. Otherwise it's just LC. And she'll get used to not hearing from me often.

 

She called again, twice, and seemed concerned, while I was out at lunch.

 

 

 

[12:51:22] *** Missed call from [ex]. ***

[12:52:04] [ex]. : hey [igelchen], is everything alright with you?

[12:52:32] [ex]. : if you don't want to talk to me, that's ok, but I want to know if everything's alright...

[13:23:16] *** Missed call from [ex]. ***

[13:24:22] [ex]. : ok, fine, i'll leave you alone. i thought that you enjoyed talking to me, but .. well, let's just stop that. entirely. i'm not mad at you , hell no, i'm just impatient. hope you're ok. bye

 

That's pretty much the reaction I expected.

 

So I fired off the following:

 

 

From: email removed

To: email removed

Subject: calls

Date: Sun, 16 May 2010 13:14:55 +0000

 

Hey, sorry I missed your calls. I was out at lunch. I'm fine. And I'm not ignoring you, and yes of course it's still nice to talk with you. I've just been busy... I figured you’d probably call back sometime when I was around, or you'd email me if it was urgent. I should be around later, or failing that, tomorrow (I'm at home today). Or I could call you, but I've no idea when you're around since you've got me blocked. Was ist deine Nachrichten?

[Igelchen]

However her reaction to this was NOT as expected.

Ah, of course, I blocked you, totally forgot about that... I'm not at home now and I don't know if I'll have time to call you tomorrow, but we'll see. Don't wait for it, never do. I was just wondering if you're ok, and now I know that you are.

She's evidently mad at me for not being available and so has decided she's not available to call me the next two days. Yeh, right. She's daring me to be bothered by her carefree unavailability. Fishing to find out whether I really have been unconcerned at the lack of contact, and am really "fine" as I told her, or if I'm playing a game.

 

Playing a game, of course. That's her professed idea of how relationships work - * * * * ing with people's heads. Which means that yes, I AM bloody bothered by her professed unavailability (what, she can't find three free minutes to drop me a line? Sure. Whatever.) But I can't let on... My only hope is to remain unaffected. Though at some point it may be necessary to reveal that far from being fine, her unexpected departure has * * * * ed my exams, sent me home and got me drugged up on fluoxetine.

 

And I wish I could edit my posts so I could just add this to my last one instead of creating five times the number of posts as before. Not really sure this is relevent to the no contact thread any more.

[sighh]

Day ??

 

Feeling great!

 

Had a friend tell me that she told him that she is missing me. But, that doesn't matter. I'm not going to contact her.

[Belts]

Day 2

 

I was going to send her a final letter, but I decided not to. So that officially makes this Day 2 of NC. Heard from a friend that she went out to the bar last night with a decent couple who is looking out for her. She is apparently doing better, and has not found a rebound yet.

 

It's hard not to think about how the whole lie about me taking pills from her dad is going to ruin this, though. If she convinced her dad that I was doing that, which I was not, chances are he will not want to see me come around ever again. I don't know if she has, though. Maybe it will blow over and she will realize that I didn't do that.

 

I battle the urge to try calling her, or contacting more of her friends to find out details, but I have been winning so far.

[anu1560]

Day 8:

 

Feelings: Do I have any feelings. Should I be having any feelings. Its just blank. Don't know if he ever loved me or if I ever loved him. Wish we never met. Opened my facebook today and saw his updates. Do I have to tart the No Contact again? I didn't contact him but saw his update and the moment I saw, I logged off. No facebook for me it seems now.

 

My paper got rejected today. Which made it worse actually. Cried and screamed for sometimes. Wanted to talk to him so badly. So I am becoming a failure at professional and personal life.

 

No. I am not going to make myself go into negatives. I am not a failure. I am not. I will arise and the day I do, I will be happy again.

[coolchick64]

Day 3

 

Okay, this time I'm seriously gonna do this. I ignored an email he sent yesterday. I don't have any desire to contact him. I'm not going to hang onto hope. I know this relationship isn't possible. It isn't good for me. He's not at a place in life where he can give me what I need. My only goal now is to move on and feel good again, without him.

 

I've been fueled by anger and bitterness the past few days. It's made NC an absolute pleasure, but I don't want to feel bitter. I just want some peace.

 

I was reading a blog on breaking up and it suggested that you do daily affirmations as cognitive therapy. I've always thought affirmations were Stuart Smalley-type stupid, but you know what? I'm up for trying anything at this point. So, every time I post here, I'll post my affirmations. I invite all of you to do the same

 

Affirmation du jour: That a**clown doesn't cherish me and I deserve to be cherished.

[j.love]

Today was a good day, it was college graduation, I saw him and we didn't talk much. It really didn't faze me. I'm hoping his silence and weirdness is because he still has feelings for me and its weird for him to be around me. (at least that's what i'm telling myself, cause the other alternative hurts) so here's to him missing me and needing his space to get over it.

 

I'm not gonna contact him at, the balls in his court. I'm moving on and focusing on me.

[Scattered]

Day 29

 

Been thinking about her for the past few days because the end of the term is coming up and we'll be going to same school again in three weeks. I'm wondering what to do tomorrow, I mean, I do want to get back with her, I'm just not sure if it's a good idea to talk to her yet. She has a boyfriend now, they made it official, and they're going through the whole "Honeymoon" phase. Should I even bother? I mean the earlier I build trust with her the better, right? But everything I do to convince her that I'm better will lead me to being alone or even worse, the dreaded abyss that is the "friend zone." So confused!

[TheJerseyKid]

Day 29

 

Been thinking about her for the past few days because the end of the term is coming up and we'll be going to same school again in three weeks. I'm wondering what to do tomorrow, I mean, I do want to get back with her, I'm just not sure if it's a good idea to talk to her yet. She has a boyfriend now, they made it official, and they're going through the whole "Honeymoon" phase. Should I even bother? I mean the earlier I build trust with her the better, right? But everything I do to convince her that I'm better will lead me to being alone or even worse, the dreaded abyss that is the "friend zone." So confused!

 

My advice, fwiw, is to back off and remain NC as long as someone else is in the picture. You will most likely get friend zoned fast, and lets face it, would you want your ex talking to someone else while YOU two were dating? Let her go through the rebound phases and see where she is a few months from now. Sometimes it takes a failed relationship in between for people to see what they had. Don't interfere.

[Scattered]

My advice, fwiw, is to back off and remain NC as long as someone else is in the picture. You will most likely get friend zoned fast, and lets face it, would you want your ex talking to someone else while YOU two were dating? Let her go through the rebound phases and see where she is a few months from now. Sometimes it takes a failed relationship in between for people to see what they had. Don't interfere.

 

Sounds like a plan! Just found out that she's feeling really down lately and she's been posting on facebook about hating someone but mentions no name. I think she's finally starting to really miss me so I'll keep to NC for sure!

[paulod]

Day 60 of NC!

been total NC now for 60 days (split up just over 3months ago) apart from a 10min work phone call last month that wasn't awkward at all? we seemed to just chat like we always did?? laughed and joked for a bit, all good I suppose!

 

Been thinking about her a lot, miss her and love her every day, whew its hard, very hard! some days I just want to pick up the phone and let her know how much I love her,want to be with her, but I know I cant and wont do that.

My head is clearing and gone are the long days of depression,long bouts of crying, feeling sorry for myself (just every now and then it all creeps up on me and I gotta get it under control)

Am sorting out my own stuff without worrying about her issues as well,and I seem to be actually getting somewhere now I'm totally focused on me rather than us which is brilliant!!

Long way to go yet but just got to keep plodding along with my lil baby steps...it's a marathon not a sprint...long term, keep thinking about the long term positives not short term ones, I'll make it to the other side...oh yes I'll make it there one day!!

[hater13]

O.O

 

whoa

 

yea I know. So odd.

I don't even have reconciliation dreams anymore. Just odd ones like that

[Live-N-Learn]

Day 30 of NC today. the day is about over and I feel pretty good. People kept telling me that I would feel different in 30 days and it's true. I am not totally obsessing and actually had a pretty good weekend with friends. I still miss the thought of us but not to the point where I talk about her all the time and can not function. Things are getting better.

 

I really hope she does not break NC again like she did 3 times last week. It really set me back for about 4 days.

[hater13]

day something

 

I've concluded there is no way I'm ever going to contact him.

 

I tried breaking up with my ex earlier, because I realized how incompatible we were. The next day he called me and told me that he has "lung problems" and that he was likely getting a surgery this summer. I asked my ex when he would be getting this surgery done and what exactly was wrong with his lungs.

 

Not only did my ex NEVER tell me exactly what was wrong, no name of the disorder or anything, BUT he didn't even have a surgery date scheduled. We live in CANADA where you have surgeries scheduled MONTHS ahead of time. UGHH you jerk, why would you lie about that? Well it worked I did stay with you, even if I knew it wasn't going to work I stayed a little bit longer to spare your feelings. JERK!!

 

I guess he couldn't even make up a fake disease because he knows I'm a health sciences student, who is premed...

 

what a true douche

[j.love]

Day 1: 9:56

 

Starting all over. I can tell today is going to be a bad day, I'm gonna do my best to distract myself, I start work today.

[BobbyC]

Day 27

 

She texted me again this morning. Apparently my barber called her, they had the wrong number in their files (our numbers are only 1 digit apart). Do I repond saying so or just let it go?

[anu1560]

Day 9:

 

My landline is broken since Friday. My cell phone is not working from now. Should I even get them fixed. It actually is very convenient right now. Because now I don't expect a phone call also. If they were working I still will keep hoping that he will call, which by the way never happens. Makes me sad that it doesn't happen. This way atleast I am not hoping that there will be a call.

 

Well. I started with a good day. lets see till 10.00PM tonight. The days are usually pretty good. The evenings are the worst. Had a crappy week last week with all the professional set backs too. But hoping to have a better week this week. Wish me luck.

 

One question for you guys. If I keep writing in this forum, do you think that keeps me still obsessing about my ex? I mean this way he is in my mind everyday right. I keep writing about him right. Am I giving myself the time to heal if I am all the time writing here?

[j.love]

do you live in my head???

 

i was thinking the exact same thing. however i feel that right now being on the forum is helpful, its way to vent about your feelings and connect with people who feel the same way you do.

 

however, i do believe that it can be harmful to your personal healing process. when i'm in bad moods i do my best to not read some posts because they can make you feel worse. so i usually try my best to stay away when i'm in those moods.

 

so i think as long as your not prolonging the healing process or making a sad/depressing day worse by staying on the forum and focusing on the break up only.