whadyousay
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Everything posted by whadyousay
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after seven months of not being with her almost as long as we were together (1 year) and it still hurts and I still want her back. I keeping breaking down, wondering if she will want me back.
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shes playing head games damn it. I didnt listen and should have waited now iv told her me or him and if him im changing my number and never talking to her again. how the hell could she tell me shes going to leave him for me and then say shes not so sure now. iv gotten into a lot of trouble and im falling into depression again. i am extremely angry right now want to go and slash all her tires
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I miss her soo bad right now. Im really depressed today but its been building up. I've been on several dates, made out with some good looking girls, spent a lot of time with friends and I lost weight and got some muscles. I keep forcing myself to think everythings going to be ok but its not working. One thing I didn't mention was I was driving on a back road and I just swerved infront of a simi, I know my fiberglass camaro would not be a match against an 18 wheeler. I dont know whats wrong with me and why I cant get over her. 6 months since our break up and im not a bit better than the day we broke up. I keep thinking about going to KY and shooting myself, noone would ever find me in the hills and she wouldn't ever know, so it wouldn't hurt her. I keep listening to lady antebellum "need you now" and Saliva "Rest In Pieces"
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Just came accross a video... I wasn't aware that I had any moment recorded in our relationship but sure enough theres one.. on our trip to cederpoint last year a friend I brought with us was bored and video recorded a discussion me and her were having, we were holding hands the whole time and she was smiling. That set me back a lot, I feel like crap now. cant wait for the gym to open in the morning, i need something to get my mind off her.
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Im feeling a little better, I got a rebound and im hoping it will work out as she likes very many of the same things as me. I still miss the ex for the little things she did that made me smile. I've been writing a journal and try to keep it up to date, I feel like if something were to happen to me I want her to read about the things i've said about her both good and bad. Some days I think moving on is the best thing but others I feel really down and barley keep myself from driving to see her. I do believe she didn't want to hurt me as shes said many times, I still keep thinking what went wrong? What can I do to better myself that someone will stay with me? I really want to see her but I know my feelings will come out and ill break down, I still cant be her friend right now. At one point I thought drugs was the answer, they helped pass time and I was soo messed up I didn't feel the pain BUT they aren't, dont fool yourself into thinking that they are. In the long run I know ill be stronger for next time this happens, i'll be ready. Every since she got her man I've been going to the gym a LOT im getting pumped which I never had before. I keep thinking that i'll run into her one day and she'll think omg you're soo hott im sorry i left you, and she'll still be the same 300lb girl she has always been. im still confused. MESSAGE TO THE PEOPLE HURTING: It will get better, I thought it wouldn't but it will get better. I know it will and will continue down the road to healing from her.
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happened to me too, she said she would pay me to change her oil for her. I ignored it and after a day i got a "I guess thats a no" she chose some guy over me after a year and im suppost to be friends with her and have her rub him in my face and hurt me, no way. Keep going man she'll want you back one day but it might be too late for her. stay strong, I know I am. im hurting right now but im going to be an azz to her behind her back so I dont talk to her. Im not sure what day im on but it feels like forever.
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last night I emailed her asking for a time she would not be there so I could get my grill. She has sense tried to get a conversation going with me. I emailed her back and told her I cant be friends with her, told her I have 3 girls that replaced her since she "replaced me" with 1 guy and that I got my car fixed. heres what she wrote, does it mean anything? also the "bomb" was a big capacitor and I said right under the picture that it was a cap, I just wanted to show her what I made I'm glad that you're seeing someone. I want to help you move on but everything I did just made it worse. Nothing I could do would help, only hurt. I'm so sorry I hurt you, you have no idea how sorry I am. You probably think I'm a heartless * * * * * , but I really do care about you. I understand how you feel. It was selfish of me to want to be friends with you and still have you in my life. Yes, I did lie to you about Jeremy but you were sending me pictures of non functioning bombs and sounded suicidal. I didn't want to set you over the edge. I was so scared. I'm so glad you got your car fixed. I know how happy it made you - a lot more than I could ever make you - so I'm glad you have it back. It's probably for the best that we just not talk anymore, but please believe me when I say that I really do miss you. Every time I see a car go by, I want to talk about it with you. I wish you could forgive me and hope that one day you will.
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Yeah like everyone else in the world I have done a few bad things which iv really been thinking about lately. I knew we had problems and I asked her to talk about it with me but she said she cant that she tried, none of which I can remember. I never realized it but about a month ago (which im guessing is about when she met him) I went Low contact with her. Thinking about it now maybe hes just something to piss me off? We stopped making love after a month after the break up but we still always slept in the same bed and she would always cuddle with me. I wish I could know what shes thinking. Also maybe a bad thing I wanted to give her the key to her house back but I DID NOT want him to have it (after a week of dating her she gave it to me) so I broke it in half after I locked the door and set it on the step, then I relized I forgot my phone so I had to open the door...now its suck in there and I told her I didn't mean to break it in the door (which I really didn't) yeah we can always dream, but I want someone better...but i want her...well either way im not letting my next relationship have the same problems as the last one, I have to be better. I feel bipolar over her. ALSO: Everyone on here has really helped me, I just want to say thanks and I will do the best I can to help anyone that i can.
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The thing that hurt the most was probably when she cam right out and said she replaced with with him because she had too. Im the same way, I feel ontop of the world some days then down others. I have those thoughts too but I also try to move on some days. I know I will never get her out of my head, and to make things worse I met a girl that I might have feelings for and this girl has the exact car and color I recommend to the ex, White 93 GT Convert 5.0 stang plus that girl has the same name as the ex's BEST friend. I think im going to get a diary and write in it. Gosh that sounds gay....
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Im finding it really hard to not talk to her or see her. I want to know how she is doing soo bad. I have been spending time at a buddy's and her lives right down the road from her so I pass her house several times a day. She doesn't really go places but iv noticed her car not there for a while, shes been spending a lot of time with him I just know it and cant get it out of my head. my friend kept saying dude just stop thinking about her who cares what shes doing and he called her a BI**H. I keep thinking about her and all I did wrong. And the rebound isn't working, like most girls shes not really into me and stopped texting me. I thought about going and telling her that I dont want anything to do with her unless im completely over her and healed and that she would have to stop being such a BI**H to me or if she would take me back because I feel like iv changed alot (Which I have) but that would be breaking NC and im hoping something will happen. I stopped counting the days of my miserable life since we went NC. I still remember trying to tell her bye on the phone, she said "you dont want to talk to me anymore do you?" I said "No" she said " I hope you'll forgive me one day and we can be friends"
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
whadyousay replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I think my blood pressure just went through the roof im soo mad all these things and other that I talked mellow with you about and never wanted to fight with you we only argued one time in while we were together. I still dont wish to ever say these things to your face but maybe I shouldnt have been so lets talk about it. I hope you're happy what you've done to me, now iv been on drugs and drunk since you've been with him I hope you're happy. -
Post here instead of contacting your ex!
whadyousay replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
How could you do this to me, you knew I wasn't over you yet! There are things I hate about you sooo much but I dont see why I ever let you yell at me and treat me like crap! I love you but im sick of it, im sick of you. Its my fault you don't want me, I know it is, I lost my job and was forced to cut back spending so I wont screw up my future like you did but you were soo used to me taking you out every single night that when hard times came around you wanted that back so you found him. How dare you say you replaced me as friend with him when you're sleeping with him! You make me sooooo mad. I even still miss you, it still HURTS are you happy now??? I know he bought you that $60 game. You gave me hints you wanted it really bad but you were broke too so you have him get it for you and it turns out you didn't want it after all so you have me go into the store and tell them it doesn't work and demand his money back!!!!! You never cared about me did you? You gave me some of the happiest times in my life but some of the worst. You're told me you dont want anyone right now, that your grades were going down because of me, and that you're going to france and dont want to hurt me when you leave which every month I ask when you're leaving its always 9 months and never goes down. I hope he dumps you when you get your hives, why did I ever tell you that i was worried about some guy snatching you away from me if we were to be friends and tell you no you cant think like that you do look good. good im feeling like im about to have a seizure the room is spinning. -
Its day 3 since I started NC but it feels like a month, its driving me nuts. I passed by her house 4 times yesterday going to and from my friend house and while friends that are girls were on my bike she was home all 4 times because her car was there, first time I stared at her house waiting for her to come out second time I briefly looked and last two times I didnt even look. I felt great yesterday and im still making progress, I have a date with two different girls on two different nights, one of them has the same glasses as her. I saw again her aunt and uncle on facebook and I saw the newsfeed saying she like her sisters status. I feel sad now but I feel like I dont want her back but at the same time im like AC current I go positive-negative-positive.... and I want her back again then I dont. I want her happy but I want to be as well. let me live my life and move on, should I hate her for hurting me?
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Last night I dreamed that I was watching over her from heaven or somewhere in the sky in a cloud or something, in this dream I was happy seeing her with this guy and happy shes not hurting. I woke up this morning and I had a smile on my face. does this mean im moving on? Or that im not moving forward at all?
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im on day 2 of NC but I have to start over so day one. I always have been a person to not drink or ever do drugs but since she broke up with me its seems to all be going down the drain. Last night I broke NC I might of messed up BIG I have never done drugs in my live but I got high and all the pain seemed to go away. I do not support drugs, i just dont know what came over me. I looked at my phone to find I id text her and at 3am. I told her I was sorry for being an angry person and I told her I dont like her bf but im happy that she found someone and he makes her happy and also said im happy you got everything you ever wanted. I think I screwed up big and I really dont want to get kicked off this site for talking about drugs, all m. shes probably going to text me back soon but I dont want to see it. I really dont want to do drugs either all my friends do it. If she finds out shes gone forever even as a friend. I miss her so much. I feel better though, i think that telling her to be happy and that im happy got me closer to healing but I cant do it again, any of it.
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im still on day one and shes still visiting in OR until tomorrow, i went back yet again to her house to get more things i left and in doing so I saw her condom box laying out... im still sick to my stomach, iv went out to see friends and usually riding the ninja around makes me feel better but I just miss her riding on the back. at this point im grossed out and I really feel like just cuddling with a random girl even if I dont want her. its really hard for me and im still in the middle of wanting her back (and doing anything at all possible even the extremes that wont work) and wanting to move on. Iv also been holding my phone all day, I haven't gotten a text but i think it would really do my heart good if she texted me saying sorry and I miss you, my phone automatically displays a preveiw of the message so I cant just leave it in the inbox. Im still doing NC no matter what unless she comes out and says I want to be serous with you. Would it be bad for me to visit her neighbor but not even look at her if shes around? im really not good at thinking.
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would it be considered contact to open a text? im starting today, i let her go last night and its really hard to keep from calling her. I love her, i really do. I feel like im dead inside. iv ben drinking and cutting my pain away. it hurts, i just want her back soo bad. why does she want him and not me? I was good to her.My life is falling apart, i like you theresa and I always will. This is my first day.