THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Lavender25]

same here, im checking my email and phone regularly but havent had anything for well over a month now. all i can think of is her out getting close to another guy.. i miss her voice, i miss her personality and everything we had. chats with her before i went to bed made me sleep like a log, happy thoughts. i cant help but wonder if she thinks of me or if she still feels anything for me whatsoever. i long for a message off her, to know she misses me as much as i miss her or just to know im in her thoughts. or maybe she hates me because i was bitter due to her ignoring me, i just dont know. im sure shes on her profiles though, she was always on them and she must get loads of messages off other guys shes gorgeous.

 

YOU are gorgeous.

 

I just felt the need to say that. I've been thinking the same things. Thinking about how my ex is such an extreme distancer that if he even starts to feel an INKLING of an emptiness because I'm not there then he will just fill it with something else or SOMEONE else. Someone that is better than me. I was writing in my journal and I wrote that and stopped... and thought... and realized that what I just wrote was only a reflection of how I felt about myself.

 

We need to start thinking more highly of ourselves. Yes. We got dumped. We made mistakes. But so did they. And THEY chose to leave. We would have chosen to say and work on it and try to fix it and FIGHT FOR IT. That speaks volumes for us and our character. But they didn't want to. THEY are the ones with the problem.

 

Not to sound full of myself but I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm compassionate, responsible, smart, goal-oriented, beautiful, and a fun girl to be around. It's unfortunate that one of the issues in my relationship with my ex was my insecurities because I'm starting to put more value in myself and don't see that being a problem anymore. And he left me so that he can be single? From what I've heard he's been stuck at his mom's house with no car, quit one of his jobs, didn't get to school this semester and spends his time with his "friends," gives guitar lessons a few times a week, stays up all night playing video games and then sleeps all day. You left ME so you could do that? OK. Have fun.

 

I'm starting to wonder if I regret this breakup or not. Yes, I still ultimately hope that we will be together again. But I think back to all of the other times that we've broken up and I wouldn't take those back for the world because during those times I have learned so much about myself and did so many things that I don't know if I would have done otherwise. So I guess you could say that after 44 days of NC I am starting to cherish this time apart... but hope that it's only temporary.

[bravebird]

Day 14

 

 

 

I feel the same way. Every time I check my email and there's nothing from him, it's like another F-you. Wonder if that's how it's feeling to him when he doesn't hear from me . . . like I just don't care. Part of me sincerely hopes so.

 

I just cannot concentrate on work this week. Today has been absolutely hopeless. Not upset exactly, just distracted. I'd better get my **** together or my life's gonna go from bad to worse in a hurry.

 

Same here. Although, I feel like I messed up by not returning his phone call and only responding to his "are we through communicating?" email with a very short, blunt response (basically ignoring his original question and saying what's up)...I feel like he's thinking, "oh, she must not want me to bother her." (which is what we agreed on upon him breaking up with me), but he broke it anyways after 1.5 months. and now...? he gets to break NC and then just go back to pretending I don't exist anymore. It's especially hard to maintain NC now that my daily commute goes right through his neighborhood...this sucks a**.

[frangimond]

I would say no it doesnt.

 

thanks Puckdog.

 

How about email abuse to the guy she cheated with?

[Talus]

same here, im checking my email and phone regularly but havent had anything for well over a month now. all i can think of is her out getting close to another guy.. i miss her voice, i miss her personality and everything we had. chats with her before i went to bed made me sleep like a log, happy thoughts. i cant help but wonder if she thinks of me or if she still feels anything for me whatsoever. i long for a message off her, to know she misses me as much as i miss her or just to know im in her thoughts. or maybe she hates me because i was bitter due to her ignoring me, i just dont know. im sure shes on her profiles though, she was always on them and she must get loads of messages off other guys shes gorgeous.

 

I know how you feel on that one... The big nights(weekends and Wednesday nights here) are the hardest, if I'm not out doing something myself I'll beat myself up all night and feel so sick at the thought of her being with another guy. Due to the way my relationship ended I know that's not what she wants to do. It'll happen though, I know it will. I'll probably do the same eventually, but I just know for a long time there's only one girl I want, and until that goes away, I won't be with another in any way. Still, you always second guess it and wonder if that's what they're thinking too...

 

Just hang in there, some nights are very rough and the more you think about it, the sicker you make yourself.

[frangimond]

day 2. not so good. couldnt sleep. am still on sleeping pills. i hate them. i have so much hatred for the boy she cheated with. so much hatred for her.

 

and yet so much love as well. I would do anything to be lying in her arms right now. anything. anything for her to call and say it was all a mistake.

 

i am still so certain that she is the one for me, the love of my life, the one i want to grow old with. so certain.

[lotus26]

I am ready!

am ready to take the NC challenge also....

Its day 3, it would be day five but he contacted me wednesday to let me know how bad he felt and how he misses me a bit (how nice of him) i replied, but played it cool, didnt want him to see my heart is breaking.

 

My question is though i DO want to get back with him, I read that NC is the best option as it gives them space and time to miss you. If he contacts me again and i dont reply will he think that i am just over him and not contact me again?

arrrgh so confusing! wish none of this ever happened, i dont know what to do.

[Talus]

day 2. not so good. couldnt sleep. am still on sleeping pills. i hate them. i have so much hatred for the boy she cheated with. so much hatred for her.

 

and yet so much love as well. I would do anything to be lying in her arms right now. anything. anything for her to call and say it was all a mistake.

 

i am still so certain that she is the one for me, the love of my life, the one i want to grow old with. so certain.

 

You really think the love of your life would cheat on you? Not having a go at you, but if that's the case then you are really lowering your standards. The love of your life will have the same respect for you that you had for her. She wouldn't cheat.

 

Just some food for thought... It's early days mate, hang in there.

[frangimond]

I am ready!

am ready to take the NC challenge also....

Its day 3, it would be day five but he contacted me wednesday to let me know how bad he felt and how he misses me a bit (how nice of him) i replied, but played it cool, didnt want him to see my heart is breaking.

 

My question is though i DO want to get back with him, I read that NC is the best option as it gives them space and time to miss you. If he contacts me again and i dont reply will he think that i am just over him and not contact me again?

arrrgh so confusing! wish none of this ever happened, i dont know what to do.

 

I know that feeling of wishing none of this was happening. Dont contact though. if you got back together do you think it would work? or would you still have the same problems?

 

The point of NC is to rebuild ourselves without the distraction of the other person. Its time to get back in a relationship with ourselves. Lick our paws, as one of my friends put it. so dont contact!

[frangimond]

it's really too bad.. 2 weeks after we broke up he already seeing someone else.. day 7.

 

All the more reason that you dont need to be with him! keep up the NC! NC is about starting a relationship with ourselves again. keep going. it will get easier (I say this when I am on day 2......but I trust that it will)

[lotus26]

I think the reason i am finding it so hard is cause everything was great and then bam! over. I think the grass must have been greener, geez i dont know.

you're right at the moment i want nothing more than to be with him again, but i cant pretend nothing has happened even if we did get back together.

Possibly when these crazy emotions i am having steps aside i will be able to see things more clearly.

Its hard though i just want to message him with i miss you, but i wont

But i can do this!!!!

[frangimond]

I think the reason i am finding it so hard is cause everything was great and then bam! over. I think the grass must have been greener, geez i dont know.

you're right at the moment i want nothing more than to be with him again, but i cant pretend nothing has happened even if we did get back together.

Possibly when these crazy emotions i am having steps aside i will be able to see things more clearly.

Its hard though i just want to message him with i miss you, but i wont

But i can do this!!!!

yes you can do this! i am in a similar situation - i.e. everything was great.....its hard as you cannot just turn the love off even though the relatinship is turned off! i read somewhere that love is like addiction to cocaine! so we are slowly weening ourselves i gues..... when i quit smoking the key was distraction so maybe thats what we need now? i wonder if talking about it is helpful? but i guess when i quit smoking i did talk a lot about it! anyway nice to have support on here. nice to be chat with people in a similar boat.

[lotus26]

The situation suxs, i have become obsessed with checking my phone, he lives 2 streets away i have taken the week off work and have left the house twice sincelast sunday, i fear bumbing in to him.

This is my first real break up, i am 26 but this is the first guy i ever even considered being the one. I wonder what he is doing all the time, i wonder if he is out having a great time, i wonder if he thinks about me.

Leaving the house and doing things seems so daunting, but i know its time.

Its gets harder and harder as the days go on, thought it would get easier.

Thanks for listening to me vent, sometimes its easier to a stranger, friends seem to sugarcoat everything so they dont hurt you more

[mellow]

i broke contact today. yeah of course.. things went to * * * * . I sabotaged my friendship. i need help..

[frangimond]

how do you stop the anger? why is it a constant battle of controlling anger and sadness over and over and over and over? why does this have to happen? why doesnt someone tell us this when we are 5 so we make sure never to fall in love? why is this not against the law? why isnt my ex and the boy in jail becuase of this?

[coolchick64]

why is this not against the law? why isnt my ex and the boy in jail becuase of this?

 

I've had this exact thought---so funny to hear you say this. I guess that's where the saying "All's fair in love and war" comes from. Translation: you can get away with anything and there's no consequence.

[ackerman]

still crying for her about 40 days since we last spoke, just random uncontrollable outbursts. i'm starting to believe i need help, i dont know who i am anymore. suppose to be going out tonight but i just dont like the club scene anymore, seeing all the couples together having a good time and me just sat there missing the girl i love. why do bad things always happen to me, i've always been there for other people but i'm always left by myself. im losing weight and not eating properly, i cant get her off my mind no matter how hard i try. i want it all back so badly, she was everything to me. not a good day

[Lavender25]

Full of anxiety today. What used to be uncontrollable pain and sadness and depression has turned into the feeling like my chest is going to explode. This happens almost every morning. It sucks.

[Talus]

So I msged her drunk... as i am now. I deleted her number so this wouldn't happen. I feel so crap. I was doing great then all of a sudden, BAM! She pops into my mind and I've been crying for the last hour. I hate this, I miss her so much. * * * * life. It shouldn't be this hard.

[coolchick64]

Day 15

 

I'm feeling so much solidarity with all of you. This does absolutely suck. I've been through a lot in my life--a lot---but this has been one of the most painful things I've experienced. Lavender, I know exactly what you mean. At first, I was totally wiped out--in bed all day, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I'm functioning again, but I have this dull, throbbing ache that never seems to go away. I really wonder when I'll feel normal. And I feel like such an idiot for struggling, knowing how he just skipped away, happy as a clam. He doesn't deserve my grief, but here I am.

 

Ackerman & Talus, my heart breaks for both of you. Keep posting as much as you want. We're all here for you. Ackerman, I highly recommend therapy. You'd better believe I'm seeing mine every week, and it does help.

 

Stay strong everybody.

 

CC

[lotus26]

On to Day 4, its KILLING me!

has he thought about me this whole weekend? or just out drinking booze with his buddies having a wonderful time!

Is he wondering why i am not contacting him? does he care?

I hate this feeling.

[Lavender25]

Another anxiety attack this morning. It's so uncomfortable but I just try to breath deeply and remind myself that it's only temporary.

 

Almost 7 weeks NC... you'd think after a 6.5 year relationship he would've tried to check in on me by now. Is he thinking about me at all?

[icyness]

Oh wow you guys, I'm reading through all the struggles everyone is having and my heart goes out to each of you..never thought this could be so rough, but then again, never expected it in the first place.

 

I don't even know what to think or feel anymore.

I shouldn't be shocked by any means since it's been a month and a half since we've spoke..but I am. Everyday that goes by and I hear nothing from him, it crushes me that much more inside.

 

I want to believe the time will end this pain..but as it goes on, my feelings intensify and I'm really wondering if I'll ever truly get over this.

 

How can you share your life with someone for so long only to become a vanishing existence to them?

 

*hugs* to all of you guys.

Their loss.

[confusedandsad]

My boy friend broke up with me two weeks ago. We were having a good weekend and when I tried to get close to him, to be sweet and intimate… he initiated play fighting. He got out of hand and hurt me. I got upset and went to sleep. He got up and told me that he is not making me happy, and went on about other things in his life that are unsettled right now. He is 40 years old and I’m 27. We dated for almost a year. None of us have kids and have never been married. He was very loving and super attentive the first 3 months of the relationship. I told him back then that I needed to go slower and that I was not sure how I felt about him yet. About two months ago he told me that his feelings have changed for me… that he feels less for me and he thinks that it’s because I had him at arms-length and that I was standoffish with him in the beginning. He felt I was dismissive and mean at times. ( I never felt that way – never knew he did either). I was not mean to him… but he is very sensitive. Like if I tell him not to go right and go left on the street because we are trying to find our way to somewhere…. He’ll take it as if I’m telling him he does not know how to get around… or that I’m ridiculing him. He became snappy with me over the last few months/ stopped giving much attention/ and would not really try to make me happy. He became mean, and he would show almost no intimacy. He was abused by his mother physically and emotionally. He was abandoned by both his parents. He tried to live a better life by moving far away, and getting into the Marines. He has been out of the service for some time now. But I could see how he wears his old scares. He obsesses about working out and his looks. He is so focused on his job and on himself that he completely started treating me bad.

He is very vindictive. If he feels that someone has wronged him, he wants to get revenge… even if it as insignificant as me waking him up in the morning earlier than he wanted to get up. He will get me up early the next day because of it.

But what happened? Do some men do this kind of stuff for no reason… was it my feelings toward him at first… or was it his abusive life he had that is making this happen? He contacted me last Sunday, and sounded really friendly and talked about all the things going on with him. But since then… no call … no contact.. no nothing. I have not contacted him at all either. I don’t know what to do...

[Anonybrit]

Day 1, broke NC yesterday, which was also day 1..

 

Feel terrible, hate life.

 

Wrote her a letter so when she gets that and replies I will have to reset, but that should be it from then on. Other than that she won't contact me, I am sure of that, she could go weeks without caring even when we were together so..

 

Going through the worst time in my life right now.

[ackerman]

day 40 something.. had a text come in today, jumped up to see who it was from but it wasnt her its unhealthy to keep doing this, only feels like yesterday she was texting me all day everyday. cant help but wonder what they are doing can you? probably has someone else to text by now.. im still holding on to hope, may sound silly but i wont ever give up the hope of having her back in my life someday. i will continue to keep her hairband close to me, i want her with me even if this is all it is. most guys if you asked them if they could get with any girl in the world, celebrity, model, you name it would probably name someone famous, an icon or crush, but i hand on heart want nobody but this girl. i would choose her over anyone, she is and will forever be my dream.