Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Remember that anxiety that I didn't feel this morning? Well I took a nap today... and I felt it when I woke up. Couldn't get it together for almost an hour. Link to comment
bravebird Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 day 12. wondering if he will ever contact me again. Link to comment
bravebird Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 7 weeks NC today. No anxiety this morning. That's a change. I still think about him and miss him, but not as much as before. I'm just thankful that I don't feel that constant pressure in my chest anymore. you've managed to go 7 weeks NC and not see him at all, even by accident? Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 you've managed to go 7 weeks NC and not see him at all, even by accident? Well, there was a night 2 weeks ago when he and I happened to be at the same bar. There wasn't any interaction between us though. Being ignored didn't bother me. I actually expected it. He and I have been broken up before so it's almost like we have it down to a science. I've been wondering lately if us not blocking each other on facebook is what makes this a little bit easier? We can still see what the other is doing and whatnot. I almost wish he would block me because I know he knows I don't have the heart to do it. At least not until he posts flirty things to someone else or gets into another relationship. It's weird, though. I somehow still feel connected to him. Like, this isn't the end of the story. There's more to it and it's either going to be REALLY good or REALLY bad. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess.... Link to comment
bravebird Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 It's weird, though. I somehow still feel connected to him. Like, this isn't the end of the story. There's more to it and it's either going to be REALLY good or REALLY bad. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess.... ditto. i feel foolish for this though. how can i feel connected to someone who doesn't want to be with me and who i haven't actually spoken to in almost 2 months? what's that really all about? Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I sometimes wonder if it's denial... or if it will go away with more time. But then maybe it's because we are still connected and it will work out "further down the river?" I really wish my ex could have just told me that we would never be together ever again. That would have made this a lot easier. Link to comment
jonboi Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 21 Weeks No sighting of either of us Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 21 Weeks No sighting of either of us Crap. Looks like I'm in for the long haul. Link to comment
mellow Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I really wish my ex could have just told me that we would never be together ever again. That would have made this a lot easier. Yeah.. I am lucky I get that kinda closure even though it wasn't 100%. I asked if there's any hope for reconciliation since he mentioned that "If we still feel closeness, who knows" before I said goodbye indefinitely to him. "... and so, should I stop hoping for us?" he said "Don't hope for me." I said "Thanks." .. was good enough but he added "This is what gets to me about this relationship stuff. You should never hope for anything. You should never expect for anything. One day you'll just look up and be surprised." I don't know what he means to be honest, but of course back then when I was still in pain I saw it as a mean he was saying that if I dont hope and keep sticking with him as a friend maybe something will happen or whatever- but I don't knoooooow. But whatever, sticking with him as a friend while he's dating people around? Nah.. can't do it. Not now. I want to truly be friends, not a fall back girl. Someday maybe.. who knows. 4 Day NC since good bye (after it was broken from 8 days) Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Day 40 something... I'm having a bad morning. Had a dream that a former "friend" of mine sent me an email that said that she and my ex were developing feelings for each other and were going to start dating. I woke up shaking. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm starting to wonder if NC was the right thing to do. Link to comment
Nature Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 TODAY is my DAY 1- I decided to break all contact with the guy I am in love with. I said to myself today, I cannot make the same mistake again. I hurt myself over and over again by reinitiating contact for the last two years. I missed him too much. I cannot stop thinking about him or talking to him, visiting his website, investigating his whereabouts. I think about him all the time, he knows how I feel. I decided to break all contact but I mean ALL contact. When I saw this thread today it was like a godsend. I need to follow all the rules set out. I did not block him on msn because I cannot. I get feelings of fear and panic at the thought of never speaking to him again. I changed my passwords and gave to a friend of mine to look after me unti November, then I will sign in and check my mails. I need to know if he ever emailed when he noticed I stopped emailing. I fear he will call if I don't respond to his mails, which is what happened last time I tried to maintain NC. I hope this time I win this! Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Welcome to the club Nature : ) Link to comment
Nature Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Thank you! Glad to have found this thread. x Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm starting to wonder if NC was the right thing to do. Heh, well, I'm about to break mine. (see my new thread) I think there's a time for it, but if it'll help to reach out to him, you shouldn't hold back. It's all about what's best for you. You're clearly struggling with the ambiguity that comes along with NC. Given your history with your ex, you may need to hear definitively that it's over before you can let go. And there's always a chance he'll respond positively to working things out. Just weigh the potential gain against the potential for old wounds opening up, the pain that would come with hearing it's over, etc. I'm sure you've thought all that through. Know that whatever feels right to you is the right decision---NC or not. Link to comment
rigguy Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Day 20 something Damn it, felt so much better this morning. Went on her FB page at lunch ( guess back to day 1 tomorrow for me) and now feel so down. Don't do it!!! She seems completeley fine without me in her life, it is so hopeless/depressing. Made me want to call her, letter, something... I know I shouldn't, she did not bother to reach out once in 2 months but I need some sort of closure at some point, hate it when people use "I need time apart" lines, why can't this be straight forward. Anyone has an opinion on why dumpers don't generally delete/block dumpees from FB/MSN ect. Just don't bother? Link to comment
Nature Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Day 20 something Damn it, felt so much better this morning. Went on her FB page at lunch ( guess back to day 1 tomorrow for me) and now feel so down. Don't do it!!! She seems completeley fine without me in her life, it is so hopeless/depressing. Made me want to call her, letter, something... I know I shouldn't, she did not bother to reach out once in 2 months but I need some sort of closure at some point, hate it when people use "I need time apart" lines, why can't this be straight forward. Anyone has an opinion on why dumpers don't generally delete/block dumpees from FB/MSN ect. Just don't bother? I am sorry to hear that. I know exactly how it feels, when I had days I wanted to contact 'him' I went onto his facebook/website just to see his picture, only to find he is just fine, doing well...And I felt like idiot for doing it, never made me feel better only worse. So - WHY- I kept asking, why do I hurt myself like this. Why do I need this in my life. The other thing is, like you say, they don't delete you or block you which would make it easier, I begged him to block me so many times...he stops contact for a few months then comes back to talk to me again..just when I am on the road to recovery he returns and brings be back to point 1. How fair can people like this be? Then I realised he is also hanging onto me, so maybe that is the answer, but do not allow this to be 'hope' because I did and got me nowhere. The likely reason for not blocking you is because she may be hanging onto you. If she made a decision that it is over, she should not have done that. She is insecure and selfish. She is keeping you in her life 'in case' you are needed. That is why. Well, I think?!? Good luck my man x Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Day 20 Okay, technically I just broke NC, but I've decided to adopt a more loose definition that works better for me. For me, NC means I don't initiate contact and I don't respond to his contacts with more than a brief, in-kind answer. So, yesterday he wished me well for the start of the school year, and I wrote back basically saying, thanks, same to you. I'm not comfortable flat out ignoring him. It feels like a game. If it gets to the point where he contacts me too often, despite my requests to be left alone, maybe I'll go completely NC. So far, it hasn't been an issue (heh)---didn't heard from him for over two weeks this last stretch. Other than having a little freak out over his email (thanks again for all the advice ENAers!), I've had a decent day. I'm going out with a friend tonight, another friend tomorrow night, and may have a real date on Sunday. The weather's beautiful and I'm about to hop on my bike. Life's good. Link to comment
Singler Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Day 3 NC .... Today is bad.... I have the urge to call him but I know I should not.... Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Day 3 NC .... Today is bad.... I have the urge to call him but I know I should not.... stay strong, singler. I know it's soooo hard..but you're well on your way to healing! 3 days is great progress! Link to comment
Singler Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Thanks Danglets, I posted here and then called my MOM instead. She said I need time to heal and be strong and that I also need to give him time, otherwise he will be pushed further away from knowing I still want to be with him...the first 2 days were easier...today is tough. I will make it through so that tomorrow I can post 4 days NC! Link to comment
rigguy Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Thank you Nature, guess I am having a lapse of judgement. I wish you luck as well. Link to comment
Nature Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 YOu are welcome Rigguy. Do stay strong. DAY 2- I nearly mastrubated in my office at the thought of him today. I had cravings for him last night. I could not sleep, I wanted to hold him, eat him, adore him. I said his name about 10 times today, I wanted to hold his hand, smell his skin, hear his voice. I am obsessed I know. However, I did not break any rules. I did not contact him or visited his facebook. I feel a bit better. I must stay positive. My challenge is 60 days NC. Link to comment
mellow Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 nature- i find as you give in to your fantasies on full force- it's easier to let go- exhaust them as much as you could but dont relapse, see it as a memory that you need to wash away, good luck. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Day 52. I might see him at a party on Sunday. What do I do? Link to comment
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