THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Qut81]

i think ur goal should be to move on and let go.. however long that may take..

 

Yup that is my goal. I think it will take 3 months to get there....hopefully sooner.

[CanesGirl85]

Day 7 and feeling awful today.

 

the whole pedestal struggle, thinking I'm missing out on something that could have been awesome. Like if I tried it out his way and gave it more of a chance, it would have been like in the beginning and he wouldn't have kept me in limbo (even tho he probably would have gotten comfy and not progressed things)....I keep thinking I was too clingy and too loving, and wanted too much from him. But I have to remember I wanted a freakin RELATIONSHIP, a label, a show of good faith that i meant something when he got back with me...I wasn't asking for the million dollar lottery for crying out loud

 

I hate this. I didn't know it was possible to make the right decision and break it off when the guy has his cake and eats it too only to think you were a fool after he doesn't call you for a week. I guess that pro ves he really doesn't care about me, so I made the right decision by saying thanks but no thanks.

 

*sigh* I just want to stop thinking about him, because I doubt he's suffering over me...I hate this. Please give me the strength to not answer if he calls, though he probably won't anyways....

[hulk7280]

do you really wanna go through this rollar coaster of a relationship for another year???

 

hang in there.. i know its rough.. but suffer a little now.. so you can feel great later

[Puckdog27]

Ok. Im joining the challenge for the hell of it. I broke up with someone in mid March. My choice. I really have no interest in going back, but seeing her with some of our friends (posted on Facebook by a friend) and knowing she is seeing someone has made me kinda miss her a bit. So I decided to do the challenge just to ensure I dont get myself in the wrong direction.

 

This is officially Day 1.

[imjgh]

Could someone tell me if it's best to let them know you are going NC? I want him back but know it's not going to happen. We've tried once before but he just couldn't get back the feelings he had at the start. It was my barriers and issues that resulted in the first split. I did change when we tried again though.

 

He finished with my on Thursday, we chatted for a bit on Saturday then I saw him on Sunday. It was obvious he is happy enough just being friends. Actually he'd go either way, whichever is easiest for me. This is a good, respectful guy so if I said contact was difficult he'd respect that and not contact me.[/QUOTE]]

 

it sounds like you are still in touch on a regular basis...if so why are you thinking of nc? nc should be about YOU, not them, it's about you getting on with your life since for most of us who have done this we are setback when there is contact--all sorts of questions about who contacted and why and what is ....blah blah blah...

 

nc is to give you time to get centered in your new life. period, that's it. if you want a clean break i would personally tell him that it's over and that there won't be ANY contact from that point forward.

[Rebel-D]

It is over. He ended it on Thursday, this was for the second time and I'm sure he means it. I want him to want me again but I know he won't. I think I should go NC is so that I can get over this. I thought that I'd fall in to the friends thing quite easily but after seeing him I'm not sure I can. I just don't know whether to let him know how hard it is and that I won't be contacting him for a while.

[imjgh]

 

It is over. He ended it on Thursday. I want him to want me again but I know he won't. I think I should go NC is so that I can get over this. I thought that I'd fall in to the friends thing quite easily but after seeing him I'm not sure I can. I just don't know whether to let him know how hard it is and that I won't be contacting him for a while.

 

go nc. period

 

nc is for YOU and YOU only...foget him.

 

wanting him to want you...you can't force someone to do stomething no matter how hard you try.

 

staying friends is very hard...most can't.

 

do not let him know, that gives him the power. do this for yourself...easier said than done. we all hold out hope that somehow or someway it will work out and i guess in a very small number of cases it will--circumstances can play a part in this.

 

good luck....

[Ixtapa]

57

I think Im gonna contact him in a couple weeks.......just dont want to pass an opportunity to see him when Im in his city.

[ellie999]

day a lot....

 

well 11 since she last contacted me, 50 or so since i contacted her

 

went skidiving today. just had an urge to do it. unbelievably awesome!

[jarias2311]

Day 6

 

Still feeling the initial pain from the breakup. I do miss her dearly, but right now I know that this is the best thing for me to do if I want to heal.

[Rebel-D]

 

go nc. period

 

nc is for YOU and YOU only...foget him.

 

wanting him to want you...you can't force someone to do stomething no matter how hard you try.

 

staying friends is very hard...most can't.

 

do not let him know, that gives him the power. do this for yourself...easier said than done. we all hold out hope that somehow or someway it will work out and i guess in a very small number of cases it will--circumstances can play a part in this.

 

good luck....

 

I've already said I know he doesn't want me back. I'm not going to ask or try so that isn't an issue. If it's about "power" then he has it already.

 

Ok, so Day 1 of no contact complete. I was a mess earlier this evening but called my sisters and feel better for it.

[adamt]

I'm on day 10.

 

women are hard to fathom out. she wanted a break 5 weeks ago so we didnt speak for a couple of weeks apart from an email saying she missed me and was thinking of me and didnt think we were over.just we had to sort out a few things and she would be intouch. then two weeks later she wants to meet. she then breaks up with me.

 

its does seem to get better as the days go by, i find afternoons at work hard as the feeling builds up when my mind drifts. waking up better now. and joined a gym today and thinking forward to get through it. hoope the gym sorts me out and tires me out

[lionquack]

Day 1

 

I foolsihly broke NC on day 16 as I heard she is leaving the country. I text her so we could talk to get closure before she goes. She obviously already has closure as she is leaving the country.

 

I was feeling so down. Last night I went out dancing and met a new girl. She is hotter than my ex and i find her attractive. I got her number.

 

I'm guessing she likes me too. We are goign out Friday.

 

Today I feel 100% better. at the moment i coudl not give a stuff about my ex. She dont deserve me like all my friends have been saying all along.

 

peace out.

[Elektro]

Day 13 (apart form her breaking NC once with me not replying)

 

Rock bottom yet again after an ok day yesterday, this is sooo frustrating!! I went to bed last night in quite a defiant mood about my break up with an ex who cheated on me but has since tried to continue with LC, even though 2 weeks ago I wrote her a pleasant and civil email explaining why staying in touch is not a good idea for now. She responds telling me she doesn’t know what to say and doesn’t understand and is “sad” (I know!!)

 

She is away on holiday at the moment and emailed me a very short message last week just saying she may have a gift for me from her holiday. So this obviously means she expects us to meet up on her return next week. Ok so I was civil to her after the dust had settled with the cheating and the subsequent break-up, but surely she should respect my email about my reasons for NC. I made sure that email was upbeat and in no way self pitying… even though I was in a bad way as I wrote it, its not easy telling someone who was your world that you no longer wish to hear from them. But I didn’t want anymore of her pity, I had lost enough self respect already with my reaction to the cheating incident.

 

But I miss the good times with her, my memories and am really sad that I wont get to spend a summer with her…

[hulk7280]

Day 18..

 

getting better.. still think about her alot.. i cant wait until that fades and i feel indiffrent..

[Puckdog27]

Day 2

 

Was out with friends last night. Had dinner first at a buddy's place who lives in our old building, where she still lives. No issues. Out with friends again tonite. Her Bday is next Wednesday, may be tempted to send wishes. Thats the only obstacle up ahead.

[Ixtapa]

wow....can't believe its been that long since my last attempt to contact him !

[lionquack]

wow....can't believe its been that long since my last attempt to contact him !

 

well done. that is a major achievement

[Ixtapa]

well done. that is a major achievement

 

Thanks lionquack.....still thinking of contacting him again though...so can't say that I have moved on yet

[Rebel-D]

Day 2 and I've had weak moments but doing ok now (8.30pm). Have got Saturday planned so less likely to ask him if he wants to go the film we both want to see. He won't even have noticed that I am making and effort not to contact him.

 

I'm still not sure NC is the way to go.

[looking4ward]

day 2- Messed up by emailing "I miss you"- he responded kinda strangely and now I'm back to being a mess. Crying my eyes out- but the crying seems to make me feel better for a bit afterwards. Going out of town for a bit tomorrow- that should help distract me and clear my head, gotta give him time and space (and hopefully he will miss me enough to give me another chance).

 

_K

[jarias2311]

Day 7.. (started at 3pm on 6/3)

 

Just been hanging out with family trying to not be alone right now. I miss her very much still but I don't plan on talking to her until she contacts me and it's for a valid reason.

[lionquack]

Day 2 -

 

Have no feeling for her atm. Been busy seeing someone else.

[Elektro]

Day 14

 

Cycled to work today for the first time this year, it’s a 6 and a half mile journey. Cycling to work should not really remind me of her in the slightest, (there is no link there really because I didn’t really know her last summer) we never cycled together or anything like that! But of course all I could think about was her. All I could think about was how the last time I cycled to work last summer, it was around that time that I first started to see her around work. It wouldn’t be until the end of last year that we got together, but still, I just couldn’t stop thinking “the last time I cycled to work I still had her to look forward to and I didn’t know anything about it yet…” it made me very sad. So much for exercise making you feel better.

 

This is the latest thing that is really annoying me and getting me down, even things that shouldn’t remind me of her, remind me of her! What the hell? Does anyone else get this? Songs, films, TV shows, places etc that have no link to the 5 month relationship with my ex, remind me of her and get me down! It doesn’t make sense, its like ill watch a film and think hmmm the last time I watched this it was x amount of months until I met her. Im going to the city where we had our first date this weekend, im going with friends and I know we are going to have a good time. But part of me is dreading it, I know I will be bombarded with memories that will make me sad, I wish I could shake all this sentimentality and nostalgia of her and us, I can’t get rid of this idealised version of her in my head.

 

Right now I cant see away to get out of these, periods of being really down, despite having a list here as long as my arm of why my ex is no good for me, all the bad things she did (cheated) and why I deserve so so so much better.

[imjgh]

Elektro,

 

i know exactly how you feel about everything in your life reminding you of her...i just went through 30 days nc so i can understand very very well...

 

my situation has turned yet again so today i start again new....

 

imho you are doing the right things, getting out...doing fun things that challenge your body like biking....all good stuff.

 

i've said it before and i think it bears repeating, time will make things easier day by day but that doesn't mean today will be easy. you said you deserve better and you do....go experience life today, it's the only chance you have to make the most of this day...

 

hang in there and good luck