Online dating...nada!

[nutbrownhare]

I guess the thing is to be honest about who you are. If someone is turned off by the fact you have a couple of degrees when you mention this on your profile, they're just as likely to be turned off in real life. After all, it isn't a statement about being a better person or superior to anyone else, it's just a statement of how you've spent your life. It will be a turnoff to some, and a turnon for others; but which are most likely to be right for you?

[JadedStar]

I honestly can't say that his request for a 'slim or medium' build woman will deter many. I have guy friedns who can attest that there are some VERY large women out there who 'see' themselves as medium or averege build.

 

And I also don't think 'widow' hurts to have that there. Many women also can raise their eyebrows at 'divorced" (did he cheat and that is why she left?!?) or 'single" hmm, why is he 54 and single/never married?

 

Truth is someone can draw conclusions about ANY status so keep on being honest KG!

[nutbrownhare]

Hi Grymoire! My reaction to this is that, although there's nothing wrong with it - it wouldn't attract me because there's nothing to hold on to, if you see what I mean. It doesn't tell me very much about your personality other than that you incline towards the cerebral and don't give much away. It would be good to say what characteristics you are looking for in a partner, because it would tell me something about you, and whether we were on the same page. (I appreciate that elsewhere this would be 'fleshed out' a bit, and this is just a bit of the whole!)

 

This is not a criticism, and I guess others would have a different reaction - this is purely my personal response.

[grymoire]

Thanks for the honest feedback... plz send it to via PM as I don't want to hijack KG's thread.

 

nutbrownhare can u tell via PM what specifically you would look for in my profile?

[JadedStar]

To be honest it looks fine to me Gry. not that i was online doing the dating thing for long, so i am not really 'experienced' per se, but figure i have read enough threads about it from others to have a more than average inclination to know what works and what doesnt...but for me I really didn't put a HUGE amount of stock in what that free writing part of the profile stated. For me as long as nothing jumped out as a redflag it waS cool so long as the main things were there - a pleasant photo that was appealing to me, he was in my age range, he didn't smoke and drink no more than 'casually', had no young kids at home, and lived near enough to me. Those were the intial things that had to click for me (everything else i needed to meet in person to see if there was a click, the profile part didn't really do it) and the free keying part i just needed that to be mildly interesting (because if he were like me, even tho i love to write, i was always suffering from writer's block when i signed up for those things and i realized he might have been the same way, i was forgiving of it because of that). If it was succinct, that was fine, as long as it told me some of his interests, written in good grammar and w/out misspellings (i think a person should alwaYs spellcheck their profile and make sure it is grammatically correct..i'm not an english teacher but this can say something about a person if they put no care into making it correct).

 

I doubt many people really emailed or responded to a man because he had the best written profile on the site. Most are looking for that main criteria match i mentioned in the above paragraph.

 

i WOULD remove the last part about marriage. You might scare women off even if the ARE looking to get married. She might feel a profile is WAY too soon to mention it and think you are just out shopping for a wifey!

[Honey Pumpkin]

This is my online profile.. can you guys help me tweak it?

 

Thanks for taking time to have a look at my profile. I will provide the essential details here and unfold the rest if we both are interested in taking this further. So here it is... I completed my M. S. from New York and currently live and work in California in the software industry. I am down to earth and easy to be with. I don't want to expound about my expectations in a partner. But at the bare minimum I have to say that I give more importance to personality and character rather than caste and horoscopes. After all marriage is about two peoples' lives. If you get the good vibes then message me and I will get back to you.

 

Enuff said

 

 

Erm, it's a little formal somehow.

I will provide the essential details here and unfold the rest if we both are interested in taking this further.

Maybe a bit more humorous?

 

So here it is... I completed my M. S. from New York and currently live and work in California in the software industry.

 

How about "I was lucky enough to live in New York when I was studying for my MS, and now I live in sunny California, where I'm a software engineer [or whatever]"

 

I am down to earth and easy to be with. I don't want to expound about my expectations in a partner. But at the bare minimum I have to say that I give more importance to personality and character rather than caste and horoscopes.

 

This needs tweaking.

I'm a down to earth guy, and am good company and a good conversationalist. I don't have rigid expectations about what my partner will be like, but her personality and character are the most important things to me [Grymoire, I don't understand the caste and horoscope reference - are you advertising in a specific dating site that will use such references?]

 

After all marriage is about two peoples' lives. If you get the good vibes then message me and I will get back to you.

 

I would be more upbeat, "if you like my message and feel there is potential, then I would love to hear from you!"

 

You need a wee bit more about you, I think: what are your hobbies, what are your characteristics?

 

I would say that you're funny, smart, sensitive and kind, looking for someone with similar traits because character is the most important thing in a relationship. You're looking for someone with that special zing. Just try and put in a bit more!!

[JadedStar]

I think by 'caste' he is referring to social class and status, and he isn't into all that....if i were a female reading that, that is what i would assume. and the horoscope part about he doesn't buy into the signs and 'leos are good with aries' etc since most sites ask for your astrological sign and even which you prefer in your potential mate (i also find that a bit silly to ask for).

 

Gry, if i am wrong you might want to tweak it as that is what most women will likely think (not that i think there is anything wrong with saying it). I thought it was actually an interesting statement.

[jul-els]

No, read what I said - I said, if they had ALWAYS lived at home; that to me is a bit of a red flag. I don't think it's the same thing if you have been independent for 19 years.

 

Anyway, I was just trying to be honest and say my thoughts on online dating and what I didn't mind (height, looks), and what I do care about (location, education).

 

Yeah, I realize that. I didn't mean it to sound critical, even though it came accross that way. I appreciate your honesty. It's just that if I were looking to date online and I told someone I just recently had to move in with my mother I don't think the vast majority are going to make that distinction. There's just a certain social stigma that comes attached to it. Woe is me. But like I said, I'm not really looking right now but I still find the prospect of that scenario to be a little bit of a bummer.

[JadedStar]

Yeah, I realize that. I didn't mean it to sound critical, even though it came accross that way. I appreciate your honesty. It's just that if I were looking to date online and I told someone I just recently had to move in with my mother I don't think the vast majority are going to make that distinction. There's just a certain social stigma that comes attached to it. Woe is me. But like I said, I'm not really looking right now but I still find the prospect of that scenario to be a little bit of a bummer.

 

YOu are correct and i wouldn't advise mentioning that at all if you are creating a dating profile. That is something you would want to get to know a person first so that you can give your explanation, because sometimes moving back at home has reasons that are legit other than 'peter pan syndrome'. lol

[Honey Pumpkin]

I think by 'caste' he is referring to social class and status, and he isn't into all that....if i were a female reading that, that is what i would assume. and the horoscope part about he doesn't buy into the signs and 'leos are good with aries' etc since most sites ask for your astrological sign and even which you prefer in your potential mate (i also find that a bit silly to ask for).

 

Gry, if i am wrong you might want to tweak it as that is what most women will likely think (not that i think there is anything wrong with saying it). I thought it was actually an interesting statement.

 

Well, Jaded, I did a lot of online dating, so I suppose I'm just noting how this would have read to me Unless it's a specific Indian dating site, I would have read the reference to 'caste' as being that he was looking for someone from the same culture, and I would have moved on.

 

I feel like I'm being really picky - I'm sorry, I don't mean to undermine, I'm just sharing my experience from onlien dating. As a woman, you are INUNDATED with messages from guys; it needs to be as good as you can make it, I think.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Yeah, I realize that. I didn't mean it to sound critical, even though it came accross that way. I appreciate your honesty. It's just that if I were looking to date online and I told someone I just recently had to move in with my mother I don't think the vast majority are going to make that distinction. There's just a certain social stigma that comes attached to it. Woe is me. But like I said, I'm not really looking right now but I still find the prospect of that scenario to be a little bit of a bummer.

 

I wouldn't mind it too much; the guys I spoke to who did live at home, I kind of asked them had they always lived at home or not. If it were a temporary thing, that was easier. If they had never lived away, I wasn't really interested. Unless they were a carer, maybe...

 

But Jaded is right, absolutely don't mention it on your profile! This was just something that I used to ask about when I started chatting to a guy. And remember, I'm a bit older, I'm in my mid thirties and live alone, so my criteria are going to be a bit different.

 

 

I think there are going to be a lot of people in your situation, so don't worry - I didn't mean to be insensitive.

[JadedStar]

Well, Jaded, I did a lot of online dating, so I suppose I'm just noting how this would have read to me Unless it's a specific Indian dating site, I would have read the reference to 'caste' as being that he was looking for someone from the same culture, and I would have moved on.

 

I feel like I'm being really picky - I'm sorry, I don't mean to undermine, I'm just sharing my experience from onlien dating. As a woman, you are INUNDATED with messages from guys; it needs to be as good as you can make it, I think.

 

But if he said 'rather than caste' how would you interpret that other than he doesn't believe in social class or hiearchy? even on an indian site it would mean the same thing - he doesn't believe in the class distinctions.

 

So what did you think it meant? I am trying to figure out what different meaning a person could get from that? (this isn't sarcasm, i am really trying to see how someone else could interpret it other than he doesn't go for class distinctions)

[JadedStar]

I wouldn't mind it too much; the guys I spoke to who did live at home, I kind of asked them had they always lived at home or not. If it were a temporary thing, that was easier. If they had never lived away, I wasn't really interested. Unless they were a carer, maybe...

 

I think there are going to be a lot of people in your situation, so don't worry - I didn't mean to be insensitive.

 

Ah we are viewing things differently then, because i think if he were to put thta he was living at home with mom in his dating profile it will be a killer and many women wont reply in an effort to find out the details.

 

And i don't think it matters how much or how little one has done online dating...we are all going to interpret a profile in our own way regardless. Even tho i have not dated from it much, i have read literally hundreds of profiles from both men and women.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Ah we are viewing things differently than, because i think if he were to put thta he was living at home with mom in his dating profile it will be a killer and many women wont reply in an effort to find out the details.

 

And i don't think it matters how much or how little one has done online dating...we are all going to interpret a profile in our own way regardless. Even tho i have not dated from it much, i have read literally hundreds of profiles from both men and women.

 

Sorry, I think I'm offending you somehow? Apologies if I have, I was just sharing, I didn't mean to tread on any toes!

[grymoire]

I am on a specific Indian Dating Site. That site specifically asks for details such as Religion, Caste, and Horoscope. Indians are big when it comes to Religion and Caste and most would want the horoscopes of the guy and the girl to match. That is why I said I am more interested about personalities meshing rather than caste and horoscopes.

 

Sorry about the confusion. I must have told that it was an Indian site.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I am on a specific Indian Dating Site. That site specifically asks for details such as Religion, Caste, and Horoscope. Indians are big when it comes to Religion and Caste and most would want the horoscopes of the guy and the girl to match. That is why I said I am more interested about personalities meshing rather than caste and horoscopes.

 

Sorry about the confusion. I must have told that it was an Indian site.

 

Ahhhhh!! My apologies, Grymoire, that makes a lot of sense now. Thanks for clearing that up

[JadedStar]

Sorry, I think I'm offending you somehow? Apologies if I have, I was just sharing, I didn't mean to tread on any toes!

 

LOL no not at all! I was just making that distinction that when you read a profile i wasn't even sure if extensive experience or not a lot would make a difference (more thinking out loud than anything) - but no HP, no offense was taken at all....

[grymoire]

Ahhhhh!! My apologies, Grymoire, that makes a lot of sense now. Thanks for clearing that up

 

no worries HP.

 

I am going to incorporate the changes you have suggested...

 

OK... So I should I also mention about my hobbies and fun stuff right?

[JadedStar]

I am on a specific Indian Dating Site. That site specifically asks for details such as Religion, Caste, and Horoscope. Indians are big when it comes to Religion and Caste and most would want the horoscopes of the guy and the girl to match. That is why I said I am more interested about personalities meshing rather than caste and horoscopes.

 

Sorry about the confusion. I must have told that it was an Indian site.

 

I thought it might have been an indian site, but if i read that on link removed that isn't an indian site i would have inferred the use of caste as classe distinctions, but maybe that is only because i have used that word in that case myself rather recently. LOL

[jul-els]

This is my online profile.. can you guys help me tweak it?

 

Thanks for taking time to have a look at my profile. I will provide the essential details here and unfold the rest if we both are interested in taking this further. So here it is... I completed my M. S. from New York and currently live and work in California in the software industry. I am down to earth and easy to be with. I don't want to expound about my expectations in a partner. But at the bare minimum I have to say that I give more importance to personality and character rather than caste and horoscopes. After all marriage is about two peoples' lives. If you get the good vibes then message me and I will get back to you.

 

Enuff said

 

I agree with Honey Pumpkin that it sounds too formal. Too serious really. Lighten it up a little.

 

The part where you say: "I will provide the essential details here and unfold the rest if we both are interested in taking this further." Comes accross too business like. Also sounds like you're putting the cart in front of the horse, i.e.; taking what further? You don't even know who the person is yet.

 

Something resembling: "I'm not real great at introducing myself via machine but if you take the time to talk to the genuine article you'll find I'm a warm and wonderful human being." Y'know just a bit more playful. Pique their interest more.

 

I would go into a little more detail about what you're looking for than what you have provided here, too. You don't need to go into too much detail, but just give a general idea. Also having to talk about that stuff during your first conversation has the potential to give it a kind of an interview vibe, imo, so to prevent that possibility it's better to get that stuff out of the way upfront while they're reading. If they want to know more they can always ask.

 

Other than that I would say it looks pretty good. Just add a bit more spice with a little more playful/humorous tone and you're good to go. Good luck! Knock 'em dead!

[grymoire]

I thought it might have been an indian site, but if i read that on link removed that isn't an indian site i would have inferred the use of caste as classe distinctions, but maybe that is only because i have used that word in that case myself rather recently. LOL

 

haha.. yea... there is no way I would use that term in a non-Indian site..

 

even on the Indian site I find it very offensive.... may be its just me... but i totally hate the whole thing.... its 2009 now.... just 2 days back i came accross a profile of a very good looking girl living very close to me... i was totally interested... read through her profile and then got very upset where it said "you are filtered. only brahmins need to apply". We both are hindus (religion match) but caste differs (she is a brahmin and i am not)... arghh ](*,)

[jul-els]

I'm a bit older, I'm in my mid thirties and live alone.

 

I beg to differ. I'm 41. See what I mean? Ouch.

[grymoire]

The reason I did not mention my hobbies and interests is because if I tell everything in the profile then what is there to talk during the date?

[nutbrownhare]

The reason I did not mention my hobbies and interests is because if I tell everything in the profile then what is there to talk during the date?

 

If you have something in common with the other person there's MASSES to talk about on a date - you've just short-cut the process which tells the other person you have these interests!

[grymoire]

If you have something in common with the other person there's MASSES to talk about on a date - you've just short-cut the process which tells the other person you have these interests!

 

ok.. so i can talk about my interests in movies, music, sports etc yes?