Getting back together really does happen!

[Obssessive]

Yes I really believed begging and pleading would work but there is a sad truth to tht approach. That is that you become an annoyance to your ex. They will not view you in any other light when you are behaving that way. now that we are back together obviously a lot has been discussed and sometimes things come up now and then about when we were split. She told me that when we first split she just wanted to be left alone. She had made a decision and the more I kept telling her she was wrong the more angry and defiant she became. If you asked her about me back then she would say I was a f###ing nuisance. She dreaded looking at her phone, seeing me or getting a call from me because she knew that she would just get from me and emotional blackmail. When I started to look to my self that was when she started to notice me again. I gave her the space to remember the good things about me and the fun stuff we did together. Its almost like you need to become neutral to them again, like a blank canvas which allows them to project the positive points about they remember onto. while you are begging and pleading you are changing into a self pitying annoyance which is not attractive. The most important advise I can give is that you must et them go and I mean completely! When she wanted to try again I was honestly in a position where I felt I didn't need her back to make me happy, I was doing ok thank you very much. We got back together with myself in a stronger mental and emotional state which is what we both always wanted to begin with.

[Obssessive]

Cn anyone confirm I'm actually repling and not posting new posts. think I'm doing something wrong!

[DJ12]

Hi,

 

I came on this site a 2 years ago after my ex dumped me looking for some hope and inspiration to get her back. I promised myself that if I got her back I would post on this site to inspire others. Back then I had in my head I would post an inspirational story about how my ex realised what a mistake she had made and how much she realised she loved me and came running back blah blah. Well here I am and the story is quite different from what I expected it would be. Yes I got her back and all that but the main thing I wish to share is the difference in myself and how important it is to your life whether you get your ex back or not.

 

I had been with my girlfriend for 6 years and we had always had an up and down relationship due to my depressive tendancies and health anxieties. I would drive her mad worrying about illnesses and obsessing over little stuff that meant nothing. 2 years ago we moved from a house I owned to one which we bought together. This should have been an amazing time, new beginning, a house that was ours. Unfortunaetly I became obsessed about my health and it was the last straw for her. One rainy sunday she came home and told me it was over. I cried I begged but she had had enough. Over the next few weeks she spent most of her time at her friends house and would only come home once a week to get clothes etc. In all this time I texted called begged and generally annoyed the hell out of her. I booked into to see a counsellor to help my health anxiety, told her I was changing and that it would be better. This is important! she didn't want to be with me but I would not accept this and could not leave her alone trying to explain why it would work and how I would change. I didn't stop to see how she might be feeling, how hurt and how upset she was too.

 

This went on for 4 months while we decided about what would happen with the house etc. I only saw he once, maybe twice a week. During this time I would make sure that whenever she was home I would be there cooking dinner or cleaning trying to show her how different I was. None of it worked. although we were civil it was never like it was before. I would sit at home or work crying and moping wondering how I could live without her, how to stop this pain, how to get her back.

 

There came a point where I was called in by my boss and basically told my work was suffering and that I was close to losing my job. I went home that day even more depressed than normal. I felt like ending it. I told my ex this in a teary phonecall. It only made the situation worse. She could see it for the emotional blackmail it was. I want to tell you that she was adamant that it was over and that we would never be back together. That night was the longest of my life. In the small hours of the morning I realised a simple truth. SHE DIDNT WANT ME ANYMORE.

 

The next day was different, although still depressed I felt oddly relieved that it was over. I had no need to let the hope of getting back with my ex hold me back and control my every waking action. I was free I suppose. I continued with my anxiety counselling but now I really focused on it. This was for me and my future, not for my ex or anyone else. It was to benefit me in the long run not to appease a person that no longer wanted me. I joined a gym with my mate and started working out. A cliché I know but after a month of dragging myself there while still depressed over my ex I started to actually enjoy the gym. I bought some new clothes and started to go to the pub with my mates while looking up some old friends. I developed a life outside of my ex. During this time I was still making sure I was home when my ex was and still cooking her meals etc. I didn't mind that to vbe honest as that's just the sort of person I am but I realised I was planning my life around when my ex was back. I made a desiscion that from then on I would be out the house if there was somewhere else I could be.

 

it had been around 6 months since we had split with my ex rarely in the house. I didn't text or call her unless it was absolutely neccassary and I never mentioned our relationship. I had my own life now. I was fitter, better dressed and socialising without making a timetable around my ex. I even went on a few dating sites and met a couple of people for drinks etc. It was liberating and I realised my life had been defined by my ex and not by myself.

 

One day out of the blue while I was out my ex texted me asking why I was out a lot lately. I politely told her I was moving on and trying to enjoy my life. She stared to comment on my appearance when I saw her and that I seemed happy and had a lot going on. After a few weeks she found out through a friend that I had been dating and also that I had still been going to counselling and doing very well. I don't know whether all these things got my ex thinking about me positively again but what I do know is this, IT DIDNT MATTER WHAT SHE THOUGHT. I was doing all this for myself and not for someone else. I was concentrating on me and not what my ex would think. I felt good, I looked better and I had a busy life. I was single and it felt great.

 

It was probably 3 months since I had really started focusing on myself. I had a text from her asking if we could talk. I called and she asked if we could try again as she could see how I had changed and was surprised that I had stuck to the counselling to sort myself out. You know what? I was shocked, it was totally out of the blue and I realised something which stopped me in my tracks. I didn't need to get back with her to make myself happy. I was happy with myslf and who I had become. I was now in a stronger mental and emotional state than before. I still loved her but she was no longer my sole reason for being. Over the next few weeks we chatted and spent time together discussing all that had brought us to this place. We cleard the air and became close again.

 

This ramble is at its end but I would like to make some points which I feel importnant to getting your ex back or even if you don't.

 

1) resist the temptation to call/text or bump into them to beg or plead for them back - they don't want to hear it, no matter what you say they have made their descision.

 

2) invest in yourself, new clothes ,new look, join a gym all the clichés really work but you have to work at them till they do.

 

3) feel sad but only allow yourself a period during the day to do it. get off your butt and do something else.

 

4) work at what it was that made them leave. It will only benefit you in the long run.

 

5) be polite -resist the blame game, don't talk about the relationship

 

6) move on - sounds hard and it is but you will never have any hope unless you get on with your life whether they come back or not you will be better for it.

 

Hope this helps someone somewhere.

 

Thanks

 

Thanks Obssessive I have had a really bad time recently reading this really lifted my spirits everything you said is spot on when you get the option to message hit me up man. Good on you for overcoming adversity for yourself I know thats the main reason to your success.

[Wolfshook]

Remembered another one.

Guy I worked with few years ago was with his gf for about 2 years. I quit the job so we lost contact for few months,then after few months I needed him for some project I was working on, I contacted him through fb and seen that he removed all their pictures together and had his relationship status to single. Didnt ask him anything (guys dont really talk about those things). Met him yesterday and he was with his ex,they looked really cute together. Idk how long were they separated.

[Beautilicious6]

My story

I started going out with this guy on Oct 18 2015. We met on a dating website I think n the beginning of 2015 but it wasn't til the 18 of October when we finally met in person. I fell in love with him & gave the relationship my all. He was very insecure & jealous & always accused me of messing around with other people. Which I never had sex with anyone else the whole time we were together. He lived almost two hours away which I would go see him every single weekend since the first time we actually met in person. It had got to the point where i started going to see him thru the weekday as well. I admit he cheated on me twice but i still stuck around. It was something about him that i loved & was willing to stay by his side. I've been n relationships before with men that have cheated so i thought well I'll jus try to work this out cause if i start over the next guy will probably cheat too. I didnt want to have to start all over again anyway. So I gave him a chance. I know that he loved me (his family did as well). He told me i was the best thing that had ever happened to him (besides his kids) & he really did love me and wanted to be with me. We planned on moving n together which we did around mid April. Then come maybe the end of may he said he wasn't happy and wanted to go back home. I tried to talk him into staying which it worked for a few weeks then he said he had made up his mind and he was leaving. He ended up leaving while I was at work around June 13. I was devastated. I didnt contact him tho and on June 15 he texted me saying he regretted leaving me, missed me, and wanted to come back so i agreed to pick him up on that Friday June 17 after work. He texted me June 16 Thursday and sed he was having doubts, cold feet, & didnt think he could do it so once again i was left heartbroken & in disbelief. Today is June 19 Sunday and I'm jus a wreck. I love him so much & put a lot on the line for us to be together and now this. I want him back so bad because I've never giving anybody my heart. I haven't contacted him since Thursday but i can't help but to keep checking his fb page and checking my phone to see if he's texted or called. He does have a troubling background so maybe that's why. Idk. He says he's scared that i will hurt him the way he's hurt me was also why he left. That's not my intentions . I love him with all my heart. He's always had trust issues the whole relationship. Its not jus with relationships he has trust issues in general. He came in town to pick his check up from work on yesterday & he didnt even bother to tell me he was n town. I was told by somebody else that worked with him. That really hurt me & I said to myself "he doesn't love or care about me any more" but jus 4 days ago he said he regretted leaving, missed me, cared about me, and wanted me back. I'm so confused right now.. I'm not eating jus laying around all day miserable. He's 31 & I'm 34. Really don't wanna talk to anybody about it cause i feel like a fool. I'm not going to lie I do want him back..Any advice would greatly be appreciated. Thanks!

[Bonki]

Oke.. here is my story. (Sorry for the bad English).

 

My ex-gf and I know each other since October 2006. I was 14 and she was 13 at that time. In december 2006 we got a 'courtship' (I don't know it's the right word for it. But in my country it means the relationship you have when you are young). Well we had one date at the cinema's and the rest was just talking online. Not very serious and after 3 weeks she broke up. Although it wasn't very serious (we didn't kiss or anything) I felt that I really loved her. We stayed close friends. Around summer 2007 we tried again for one week. Again she broke up. This time we didn't see each other, only online talking. Again we stayed close friends. It was hard for me, because I still loved her. But I didn't give up and kept staying around being the best friend I could be. And yes I was for a long time in the friendzone, but we had a very special bound.

 

Around january 2009 I was giving up on her and was losing the most of my interest. We were still friends and yes I really loved her, but sometimes it takes too long. I met a new girl (I was 16 and she was 14). When me and that girl started getting closer, I got a note from my ex-gf: "I think I like you Well, at that point she was too late. I wanted to try with that other girl. But we stayed friends. Around april 2009 it didn't workout with the new girl. Me and my ex-gf were growing back to each other and she was really trying her best to be with me in a relationship (this time a real relationship). It happened! In september 2009 we were official a couple! I really really was the luckiest man on earth! We had a great time together, but the last months I kind of neglect her and took her for granted. I was focussed on school and we didn't do very much together. After 2,5 years she broke up with me in June 2012. Again. The reason: "I lost my feelings for you." I was devastated. We still talked via whatsapp. She wanted to be friends, but I said I didn't knew I could. She was getting emotional, because she didn't want to lose all of me. At that time we were both a bit egoistic. When I was clubbing with friends she got angry and emotional. "Was I already over her that quick, because she doesn't have interest to go clubbing right after the break up". And more like that kind of stuff. On the other side was angry for contacting me so much and trying to control what I was doing. Blaming her for breaking up with me. So yes we kept contact, but most of the time it was very emotional contact from both sides.

 

Around July 2012 there was a twist in my mind. I would fight one more time for this girl, because my feelings for her are so deep and i thought this was nog the end! I got a new haircut, new clothes and tried to find the mistakes I made in our relationship. I didn't always let her see how much I loved her and I didn't always let her see how much I appreciated her. Didn't take her out that much anymore. I had a kind of a plan (yes stupid, but it worked). Just dating again, but without her knowing that we were dating dating. Just doing things as friends. The first date we had was just a drink in the city. The next date was bowling and eat at a place (not a fancy dinner, just our favourite kebab place). It tried my best to be the best of me and as happy as I could be. Sometimes we talked about our relationship and she said she didn't know. It was fine the way it was now. Ok, painfull, crying in bed. But I didn't want to give up. So a few days later: next date. To the beach. I managed to hold her hand almost the whole day! At the end of the day we had dinner at the beach and I paid for her. When we were in the train back home. I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie at my place. She agreed. We watched 'the lucky one' she lay between my legs and while watching I stroked her arms. She didn't mind. After the movie I asked if she wanted to go to a place to watch the stars. She agreed again. We sat there and hugged. When we fold the carpet where we laid on, I saw a look in her eyes that gave me a sign. I kissed her and she kissed me back. It felt awesome! But it finished yet. We drove back home.

 

After that night we became closer and closer. She sended me a message with: "would you please wait for me?" Is said that I couldn't promise her, but for now I was there for her. A few more dates happened. We went swimming where I managed too hug her a few times in public. One time she came to my place after work when she had a fight at home. We kissed again and were almost having sex again, but we stopped in time. The last date was at the zoo. We sat down at she asked me to try again. I agreed.

 

What did I do next to the dates? I gave her time and space. Not time and space like physical, but more emotional. I didn't push. I kept calm. When it got hard I held it in and cried in bed. I never let her see that I was going through a hard time sometimes. She was saying she doubted her decision to break up. I answered that I would give her the time to figure out. Was it succefull? Yes, I think it was a succesfull reconcilation. We broke up again, but it has nothing to do with our first break up (not the very first, but the first real relationship).

 

Now four years later. She broke up with me again last april. Again I am devastated. I had (have) very much stress with my graduation. I failed my internships two times and it broke down my self-confidence. I think I was near a depression. We had a lot of fights the last months of our relationship. Sometimes I claimed her and was very egoistic. I got angry because she wanted to go on citytrips with her best friend. Got angry about small stuff. We irritated each other. She couldn't handle it anymore and broke up. I hate myself for the mistakes I made. I really really love her. But my stress made me kind of blind for my environment. I know it's not an excuse. But I think that if I didn't stress out that much or succeeded one of my internships earlier, that we would still be together.

 

I still hope for a new reconcillation, but I doubt. We still talk and this time without any fights. We still care about each other, but she don't want a relationship anymore. You never know what the future brings. And I still have hope. But at this moment I don't know if I want to fight again or to let her go. I just don't know yet.

[dukedog35]

Didn't want to post my whole story here since it is a very new work in progress, but there is hope, and I owe a lot of that to this thread. Thank you to all of those who pour out your heart and soul and share your stories here. The positive nature really helped me the past few days. Although this thread is filled with stories of people getting back together, in a weird way it helped bring me to the reality that it may not happen for me, but if it doesn't I'm going to be okay and I can find happiness again. Ironically, being able to accept that I think was my saving grace in my chances of a successful reconciliation.

 

If you are interested in my story, it's in the "Getting back together" forum and called "Turning hurting into learning"

[Insomnia007]

So.. last summer I went to a psychic just for fun really. She told me that I would meet a women in the winter (I have been single for 10 years) and that this person is also the person that I will have children with. I didnt thought much of it since you never know what is true and what is not..... Time goes by and during the winter a new woman began to work at the office. One friday at a collegues house, she showed up. Little shy, sitting in the corner. I dont why but I felt sorry for her, something sparked when I saw her sitting there by herself. I talked to her and we had an awesome night. She told me about her crappy relationship that just had ended. I took her number at the end of the night and we started to text each other the upcoming weeks. I first thought that I was going to be a rebound, that was what I were waiting for but the texting got deeper and deeper. We met and slept with each other the first night and ever since then. We started dating seriously and we had so much fun! I liked that she was as nut as me. First I was a bit surprised that I didnt become a rebound as her feelings became stronger and stronger realizing it could get serious. Anyhow we fell for each other deeply! It was a lot of passion, awesome sex and lots of love! I was in love, she was in love! The psychic was right... we even planned to travel around in asian during this fall. We had so much plans but there was one thing I didnt wanted, and that was children. She was eager to plan her future having kids which frightened me.

 

I dont know why but one day i started a fight that got way to big. We broke up and then got together. Then had another fight the next day and she was done. The last relationship she left during the winter, was a relationship where her ex boyfriend treated her like crap for 3 years.

She needed to be by herself and said that we met to soon after her last breakup. It was not the right time in life for us to meet. We broke up last month. We work at the same office. The first week I tried to text her telling her that she was my destiny (Its true, never felt like this before). But she was cold... I told her that she should seek me up in 2-3 years, she told me to do the same. Since then, Its really tough working together. One month of NC now and im leaving for another job next week. I have to move on. We dont talk to each other, when I look at her, she dont look at me. When she look at me, I dont look at her but she is sad. I have seen here several times going to the restroom due to crying. I really miss her... i hate that I ruined it... my biggest mistake of all times.

 

I have had so many bad relationships in my previous life (4 ex girlfriends cheating on me. One even ended up jumping infront of a train). I sometimes have a hard time handling feelings.. I dont know why I even started the fight from the beginning.. hate my self for that but I also think that cought her realizing it was to early for her to be dating other people after her last relationship. I feel like this lesson really woke me up, telling me its is time to handle your feelings from the past as I have had a hard time due to the past.

 

Next month i will be selling everything that i own and taking my backpack to travel around asia. The trip that we were supposed to do, I will do by my own now. Going away for 6 months. I really hope that we will find our way back. For the first time ever, I have done a lot of thinking what I want with my life and now I even wants kids. Didnt want that before...

 

I love you and miss you baby. May I see your beautiful blue eyes more time and when I do, I will never let you go again.

[nihongo]

I think the 6 months will be good for you and her to reflect. Good luck! But why did you post it on this thread? This is a thread for stories where people get back together.

[BrokenGator]

Insomnia, don't come back from the trip and start chasing her. If she wants to be with you, she will go out of her way and find you. The ball is in her court.

[Insomnia007]

Insomnia, don't come back from the trip and start chasing her. If she wants to be with you, she will go out of her way and find you. The ball is in her court.

 

Will do as you have told me. Its up to her.

[BrokenGator]

Will do as you have told me. Its up to her.

Please enjoy your trip. Don't let her spoil it for you. You sold everything you had for this trip... Don't sell your sanity and soul for someone who doesn't care about you anymore and doesn't want to be with you.

[Thebighere]

If you would like advice for your situation, it is best to start your own post. This thread is for stories of reconciliation. Good luck.

[dukedog35]

Getting back on track with a success story....

 

I was having a drink with my cousin the other night. He is married to the love of his life, they have an adorable 2 year old daughter and another on the way. I was floored when he told me that his now wife broke up with him at one point in their relationship. They'd been dating for about 6 years at the time. He said it came out of nowhere and they didn't talk for 7 months. Obviously they worked it out and have lived happily ever after up to this point!

[Ebullition]

I've been having a rough time with my current situation lately and have been talking with numerous friends about their experiences. Last night, a buddy of mine told me a story about two close friends of his. I don't have all of the details but I'll relate what I heard....

 

This couple had been together for a few years and by all accounts were very tight. At a certain point, the guy brought up the idea of marriage. The woman wasn't so sure. They went to couples therapy and it was revealed that the woman wanted to go off on her own. Understandably, the guy was devastated. She moved 2000 miles away not knowing what would happen next. They spoke on the phone maybe 2 or 3 times in the space of a year. He was worried that she would find someone else. On the other hand, my friend said, she was thinking about the guy the entire time. She eventually realized that she wanted to be with him, moved back, and they were married very shortly afterward. Whoa. Mind blown.

 

Hope that helps. I sure helped me put things into perspective.

[Robinthehood1]

Hi,

 

I came on this site a 2 years ago after my ex dumped me looking for some hope and inspiration to get her back. I promised myself that if I got her back I would post on this site to inspire others. Back then I had in my head I would post an inspirational story about how my ex realised what a mistake she had made and how much she realised she loved me and came running back blah blah. Well here I am and the story is quite different from what I expected it would be. Yes I got her back and all that but the main thing I wish to share is the difference in myself and how important it is to your life whether you get your ex back or not.

 

I had been with my girlfriend for 6 years and we had always had an up and down relationship due to my depressive tendancies and health anxieties. I would drive her mad worrying about illnesses and obsessing over little stuff that meant nothing. 2 years ago we moved from a house I owned to one which we bought together. This should have been an amazing time, new beginning, a house that was ours. Unfortunaetly I became obsessed about my health and it was the last straw for her. One rainy sunday she came home and told me it was over. I cried I begged but she had had enough. Over the next few weeks she spent most of her time at her friends house and would only come home once a week to get clothes etc. In all this time I texted called begged and generally annoyed the hell out of her. I booked into to see a counsellor to help my health anxiety, told her I was changing and that it would be better. This is important! she didn't want to be with me but I would not accept this and could not leave her alone trying to explain why it would work and how I would change. I didn't stop to see how she might be feeling, how hurt and how upset she was too.

 

This went on for 4 months while we decided about what would happen with the house etc. I only saw he once, maybe twice a week. During this time I would make sure that whenever she was home I would be there cooking dinner or cleaning trying to show her how different I was. None of it worked. although we were civil it was never like it was before. I would sit at home or work crying and moping wondering how I could live without her, how to stop this pain, how to get her back.

 

There came a point where I was called in by my boss and basically told my work was suffering and that I was close to losing my job. I went home that day even more depressed than normal. I felt like ending it. I told my ex this in a teary phonecall. It only made the situation worse. She could see it for the emotional blackmail it was. I want to tell you that she was adamant that it was over and that we would never be back together. That night was the longest of my life. In the small hours of the morning I realised a simple truth. SHE DIDNT WANT ME ANYMORE.

 

The next day was different, although still depressed I felt oddly relieved that it was over. I had no need to let the hope of getting back with my ex hold me back and control my every waking action. I was free I suppose. I continued with my anxiety counselling but now I really focused on it. This was for me and my future, not for my ex or anyone else. It was to benefit me in the long run not to appease a person that no longer wanted me. I joined a gym with my mate and started working out. A cliché I know but after a month of dragging myself there while still depressed over my ex I started to actually enjoy the gym. I bought some new clothes and started to go to the pub with my mates while looking up some old friends. I developed a life outside of my ex. During this time I was still making sure I was home when my ex was and still cooking her meals etc. I didn't mind that to vbe honest as that's just the sort of person I am but I realised I was planning my life around when my ex was back. I made a desiscion that from then on I would be out the house if there was somewhere else I could be.

 

it had been around 6 months since we had split with my ex rarely in the house. I didn't text or call her unless it was absolutely neccassary and I never mentioned our relationship. I had my own life now. I was fitter, better dressed and socialising without making a timetable around my ex. I even went on a few dating sites and met a couple of people for drinks etc. It was liberating and I realised my life had been defined by my ex and not by myself.

 

One day out of the blue while I was out my ex texted me asking why I was out a lot lately. I politely told her I was moving on and trying to enjoy my life. She stared to comment on my appearance when I saw her and that I seemed happy and had a lot going on. After a few weeks she found out through a friend that I had been dating and also that I had still been going to counselling and doing very well. I don't know whether all these things got my ex thinking about me positively again but what I do know is this, IT DIDNT MATTER WHAT SHE THOUGHT. I was doing all this for myself and not for someone else. I was concentrating on me and not what my ex would think. I felt good, I looked better and I had a busy life. I was single and it felt great.

 

It was probably 3 months since I had really started focusing on myself. I had a text from her asking if we could talk. I called and she asked if we could try again as she could see how I had changed and was surprised that I had stuck to the counselling to sort myself out. You know what? I was shocked, it was totally out of the blue and I realised something which stopped me in my tracks. I didn't need to get back with her to make myself happy. I was happy with myslf and who I had become. I was now in a stronger mental and emotional state than before. I still loved her but she was no longer my sole reason for being. Over the next few weeks we chatted and spent time together discussing all that had brought us to this place. We cleard the air and became close again.

 

This ramble is at its end but I would like to make some points which I feel importnant to getting your ex back or even if you don't.

 

1) resist the temptation to call/text or bump into them to beg or plead for them back - they don't want to hear it, no matter what you say they have made their descision.

 

2) invest in yourself, new clothes ,new look, join a gym all the clichés really work but you have to work at them till they do.

 

3) feel sad but only allow yourself a period during the day to do it. get off your butt and do something else.

 

4) work at what it was that made them leave. It will only benefit you in the long run.

 

5) be polite -resist the blame game, don't talk about the relationship

 

6) move on - sounds hard and it is but you will never have any hope unless you get on with your life whether they come back or not you will be better for it.

 

Hope this helps someone somewhere.

 

Thanks

 

Obsessive - I love reading this post. My wife of 11.5 years (together for 17) has told me she doesn't think we can be happy together as a married couple and wants to move on. We are yet to physically separate - we have three boys together and that complicates things - but it's coming. I love her more than the day we married and genuinely want her to be happy. I want both of us to be happy and you have confirmed that everything I am doing right now is the correct course of action. If you are happy with and love yourself, your true self, others will take notice. It's a long road ahead but I am confident we can find a new love together. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Popbradley]

I have a couple of storeis but will share why I am here.

 

Fiance and I have been together for 7 years. Came home one day and she told me she didn't love me anymore, needed to find herself, wanted to be free, felt suffocated,etc. she just had a lot of reasons but her actions seemed to totally contradict what she wanted. Wanted to break up but was crying when I went to the airport to move back to California. Kissed me, called me her baby, told me she loved me countless times, etc. I've been back for a month now and tried to be her friend but quickly realized I was pushing her away by constantly asking how she felt about us and getting upset when she would give the same answer "I don't know."

 

Been in no contact for a couple weeks now and it's hard but getting easier. Seems it's very rare for relationships to be mended when it's the girl who is the dumper (I've researched for days) AND even worse chance when she loses feelings so I feel very hopeless in my situation but you never know what the future holds. I have prayed and decided to give it to God. Heck maybe one day in the future she will even read this thread and get in contact with me again. Saying all that stuff I actually have 2 stories from family members with both happening.

 

 

1. First one is my step dads best friend. Guy actually was with his girl for a few years. They got engaged but 2 months before the wedding (same as me) she told him she didn't love him anymore and was sorry. He was devastated and begged for her to reconsider but she had non of it. He finally cut all contact and went his separate way. A year later she called him up and told him she made a mistake. He was reluctant at first but decided to give it another shot. They worked it out and have been together for 10 years with 3 kids.

 

2. My cousin actually had been with his girl for a few years. A few months before they where to be married he came home and shocked his parents by saying she left him because she didn't love him anymore. He ended up dating a new girl and his ex started dating a new guy. Don't know the exact details but they ended up getting back together after a year and a half and are now married.

 

3 I almost forgot about this one as I just heard it today. My dad actually married his current wife after being together for 3 years. At the 4 year mark his wife started to act strange and distanced herself from him more and more. She sat next to him on the couch one day and said "I'm sorry... I just don't love you anymore. I feel nothing anymore." My dad begged her to reconsider but ended up telling her she should maybe just move in with her mom. My dad ended up drinking for the next couple of months and wouldn't leave the house. Finally she initiated contact with him and they start talking again. After 4 months of talking about random stuff and not talking about the marriage or anything she told him one day she doesnt know why that happened and why she felt like she did but it went away. They have since been together 8 years.

 

4. My aunt and uncle actually split up at one point as he left her for another woman. She prayed all the time he would come back and after being apart for 2 years he finally came back. Apperently he wasn't too happy but felt like he needed to come back. Even told my aunt he hated her and would never love her (crazy I know) but after a while he started to love her again and have been together for 30 years.

 

It doesn't happen one every case but it's very common and I believe even if they say they don't love you they can be fighting other things in there life. It's always possible but don't live on the hope of getting back together. Why I decided to give everything to God. He knows what's meant for me and if it's my ex I will see her again

[SwaseyLove]

This may not be entirely relevant, but for anyone here who has broken up with someone, how long as it taken before you've given up this hope for reconciliation? I.e. how many days, weeks, months, or even years, did it take for you to be able to fully heal and move on? I'm asking because its been 12 days since she dumped me and it feels like nothing will ever get better again.

[CrusnikPT]

2 months and 6 days, if anything i'm feeling worse each passing day. So yeah.. it does take a while.

[Wolfshook]

This may not be entirely relevant, but for anyone here who has broken up with someone, how long as it taken before you've given up this hope for reconciliation? I.e. how many days, weeks, months, or even years, did it take for you to be able to fully heal and move on? I'm asking because its been 12 days since she dumped me and it feels like nothing will ever get better again.

 

Took me 6 months to just accept it all and decide to move on. Then she contacted me with all her "I love you" b*ll and ghosted me. It set me back huge time. So I hope I'll be healed by the one year mark... at least..

 

Btw you're asking in wrong topic, I doubt it that people who have moved on are looking at this topic...

[roundandround]

Love this thread ^^ I'm taking my time to read through every single post. On page 73 for now. Thank you everyone for contributing.

 

Has anybody come across reconciliations after breakups from 8 year old relationships? Is that too long to reconcile? My ex is now with someone else.

 

My story is under getting back together, is there any hope for reconciliation (couldn't post the url).

 

Do let me know if you have any thoughts. Appreciate any!

[Pry Moon]

I hope this is the right thread to ask for advice but I hope someone can encourage me...

 

So I was dating someone for 3.5 years, starting sophomore year of college. We were each other's first S/Os and had a great time. Really fell fast in love.

My junior spring, I crushed on another girl and tried to leave her for the other, but she pleaded with me and we never actually broke up, but it did deeply

affect her. Then we graduated and went to different grad schools (major regret) in different cities. This caused some stress/friction and our program stress

probably made us take it out on each other, but we started fighting more this past spring until one day after a week of bad fighting in late May that I want some time to

myself to figure out what I want. She didn't protest or plead this time. She just let me go, though I wish she hadnt. About a month later this past July, after

thinking about what caused our fights and stuff, I decided that what we argued about was not important anymore and that I wanted to date her again.

 

She said she no. Which shocked me I guess, since she had always seemed to love me, even more than I loved her. So naturally, I pleaded and she just kept pushing

away (expected since she is the stubborn type). In the end, she told me she just wanted time by herself. And she also stopped texting me as much as she did before she knew

I wanted her back. She told a mutual friend of ours that "she felt bad for saying no, but that she needed time to work on herself, and that I needed time to work on myself." And

this was the day after I called her and she told me that she "doesnt see us ever working out again." So it's strange that she told our mutual friend one thing, and me another.

I also know that she told her family and friends that I wanted her back, which is good, right? She also said in July that she thinks I am just reeling for the break up and that we

"need to find ourselves again and see where that goes."

 

Well as July slowly came to a close, it seems like she was less and less interested. She didn't want to attend a concert with me because she didn't want to go thru me trying to get back

with her. She also said back in June that she put away, but did not throw away all of our photos that she had on her desk. When I asked her about the photos earlier this month, she said

she did not want to tell me whether she still has them "b/c it would either be hurtful or confusing." I assume she still has the photos, but just doesnt want me to think that she is planning on

getting back together. Or is that just wishfui? I went to a concert recently and she didn't ask me anything about it other than "who did you go with."

 

Since the begining of August I haven't been texting her and have been giving her that space, but after sending her an innocent snapchat yesterday, she asked me if she should mail me the clothes I left at her apartment or

throw them away.. IT kinda hurt, and the conversation quickly changed directions so I never gave her a hard answer. But she hasnt pressed it again. Currently, the conversation stands with "do you want to date other people."

She hasnt answered in a day.

 

So any ideas on where she is at? I know it's only been 3 months since we broke up, and only 2 since I asked to date her again. Is that way too ambitious? My sole piece of hard evidence that things arent over

is what she told our mutual friend, which I believe to be what she honestly believes because she has no reason to lie to her. My main question I guess is this: why doesnt she just tell me that she needs time? She did

at first, but not she is saying she's done and moved on. She also just moved back to her school apartment so maybe being without her family will help her think of me again...

[Wolfshook]

I hope this is the right thread to ask for advice but I hope someone can encourage me...

 

So I was dating someone for 3.5 years, starting sophomore year of college. We were each other's first S/Os and had a great time. Really fell fast in love.

My junior spring, I crushed on another girl and tried to leave her for the other, but she pleaded with me and we never actually broke up, but it did deeply

affect her. Then we graduated and went to different grad schools (major regret) in different cities. This caused some stress/friction and our program stress

probably made us take it out on each other, but we started fighting more this past spring until one day after a week of bad fighting in late May that I want some time to

myself to figure out what I want. She didn't protest or plead this time. She just let me go, though I wish she hadnt. About a month later this past July, after

thinking about what caused our fights and stuff, I decided that what we argued about was not important anymore and that I wanted to date her again.

 

She said she no. Which shocked me I guess, since she had always seemed to love me, even more than I loved her. So naturally, I pleaded and she just kept pushing

away (expected since she is the stubborn type). In the end, she told me she just wanted time by herself. And she also stopped texting me as much as she did before she knew

I wanted her back. She told a mutual friend of ours that "she felt bad for saying no, but that she needed time to work on herself, and that I needed time to work on myself." And

this was the day after I called her and she told me that she "doesnt see us ever working out again." So it's strange that she told our mutual friend one thing, and me another.

I also know that she told her family and friends that I wanted her back, which is good, right? She also said in July that she thinks I am just reeling for the break up and that we

"need to find ourselves again and see where that goes."

 

Well as July slowly came to a close, it seems like she was less and less interested. She didn't want to attend a concert with me because she didn't want to go thru me trying to get back

with her. She also said back in June that she put away, but did not throw away all of our photos that she had on her desk. When I asked her about the photos earlier this month, she said

she did not want to tell me whether she still has them "b/c it would either be hurtful or confusing." I assume she still has the photos, but just doesnt want me to think that she is planning on

getting back together. Or is that just wishfui? I went to a concert recently and she didn't ask me anything about it other than "who did you go with."

 

Since the begining of August I haven't been texting her and have been giving her that space, but after sending her an innocent snapchat yesterday, she asked me if she should mail me the clothes I left at her apartment or

throw them away.. IT kinda hurt, and the conversation quickly changed directions so I never gave her a hard answer. But she hasnt pressed it again. Currently, the conversation stands with "do you want to date other people."

She hasnt answered in a day.

 

So any ideas on where she is at? I know it's only been 3 months since we broke up, and only 2 since I asked to date her again. Is that way too ambitious? My sole piece of hard evidence that things arent over

is what she told our mutual friend, which I believe to be what she honestly believes because she has no reason to lie to her. My main question I guess is this: why doesnt she just tell me that she needs time? She did

at first, but not she is saying she's done and moved on. She also just moved back to her school apartment so maybe being without her family will help her think of me again...

 

You should open another thread,this is for success stories,not questions.

[Yayadd]

to me

Me and my ex dated for 1 year. He's a very good guy and always there for me. His business always take his time, I was patient for sometime but as a woman we always feel neglected. He told me he was stressed and feels guilty for not taking care of me, so he needs a break. I was devastated , during the break he was always in contact with me. Anyways I got so drunk one night and called him, started lashing out on him. Next day he sent me a msg to say no more contact, blocked me off all communication. told me he can only love and respect me from a far but no more friendship since I accused him. I called him back and he said he was gonna ring back but he didn't. Next week I sent him a letter to apologise for my behaviour in the relationship, judging him with my past experiences and told him to give it time. ( the letter was to pour out my emotions and not accuse him but to apologise) But he never replied me back. Is there a chance of getting back together? What can I do pls? Any advice is needed. I haven't contacted him still. I decided to give him some time but what if he never reaches out to me anymore. But at the meantime I'm working on myself but can't get him off my mind cause I knew how much we loved each other. ( I just wished I could be there for him)

[Lees78]

Bump for this positive thread.

 

My three stories.

 

1. My first gf's parents split up for a year or so just after university because he wasn't ready to settle down and her parents were not accepting of him. They both saw other people, and then reconnected and have been married 40 years.

 

2. My colleague was childhood sweethearts with her husband, and then they were apart for 7 years with other people. Both got engaged to others, but didn't go through with it, then reconnected and got married. They've been together more than 30 yrs.

 

3. I went back to the girl I turned down, 4 years later. She chased me for 18 months but I was not in a place to have a relationship emotionally so turned her down multiple times. We stayed friends, thanks to her magnanimous behaviour! We gradually grew apart as I moved away and she started seeing other people, but were always facebook friends. I also had a 2 yr relationship. She had always been on my mind all that time, and I on hers, but we were in different countries and never simultaneously single and in vaguely the same place. Then she moved 8000 miles away and bumped into someone I knew from work in my new country, and we reconnected and started chatting and shortly afterwards started a (very) LDR. That lasted 8 months before she broke up with me due to the distance and commitment phobia. I hope we reconnect again, but it's not looking good right now. I can't explain what made me go back, but I wanted to for so many years and finally after the push from her messaging me about the colleague and a whirlwhind of messaging and Skype and the like which just flowed so naturally, I wrote her an email saying how I really felt. She felt the same and we had an amazing time together. I really hope when she leaves the Falkland Islands we can try again, but at the moment it is early days as we are only just broken up almost a month and going NC, she has been seeing someone else since we broke up. Just got to hope that we end up reconnecting as happened by chance before.