Getting back together really does happen!

[hpinky]

I've been doing no contact for just three days now and it's showing some improvement. My ex broke up with me for a month now. We work together. Lately I've just been civil and not say much to him. He's been coming up to me today talking to me. He even told me how pretty I looked today. I was texting a friend of mine and he saw and was like "texting your boyfriend?" I said excuse me. I'm going to keep no contact with him for a while longer and see how things are going. Hopefully it'll be a success story on the thread

[Destiny2112]

Well this is not a "and they lived happily ever after" reconciliation- story, but I would still like to post it.

 

My friend M had a boyfriend called S. They were together for 3 years until S suddenly, out of the blue, broke up with M and completely disappeared from her life until this very day. As M found out later, S went back to his ex and they were together for 2 more years until it ended again (I don't know the reasons). S and his ex were in NC during the entire time of his relationship with M. Only at the end of S's relationship with M, he had run into his ex and probably old feelings started to show up again.

 

Well, M was really devastated and heartbroken, but that break up turned out to be a blessing for her eventually, since she has now found the love of her life, F, and is getting married to him on 1 st July. She met him a few months after S had left her. That was 5 years ago now.

 

So reconciliations do happen! And even if that is not always the case, sometimes that's for the best, in order for you to meet the true love of your life. Either way, everything will be fine eventually!!

[hpinky]

I really like this thread and hope that it doesn't end here. Anyone has anymore stories??

[sada88]

I have two more stories...'cept they are more on the selfish dumpers side.

 

1. There is a friend of mine that has been dating this guy for a month but he was hung up on his ex. His ex came back into the picture and my friend's boyfriend cheated on her with the ex and sort of gave my friend a STD. My friend broke up with him and he went back to his ex.

 

2. Another one of my friend "dated" this guy for approximately 2-3 more and according to him, his ex was a nightmare. The guy just got out of a really long relationship and I guess my friend was more of a rebound. Anyway, the guy was completely no good. Dealt with drugs and smoke weed and whatnot. He always prioritized his ex first. Anyway, his ex came back into the picture and he dumped my friend for his ex.

[hpinky]

That's so sad for your friends.

 

A friend of mine was dating this girl for a year or so, she dumped him over the summer and when she came back she wanted to get back in the relationship. He took her back. She did it again for winter break and he didnt want to put up with her breaking up everytime theirs a break in the school year so when she wanted to get back together he refused to. Their fwb now.

[sada88]

Uh..I'm more inclined to think good riddance. The first guy was a cheater and got a STD from his ex. Him and his ex are both into hardcore drugs. He also didn't treat my friend right either. Personally, I think they deserve each other. My friend deserves someone better. Likewise with the second scenario. His girlfriend treated him horribly and he still went back. The 2nd girl's boyfriend treated my friend more like a friends with benefits scenario nor did he ever take her out.

[hpinky]

I wish we could control our emotions easily. I want to turn off the feelings I get and turn off my thoughts about my ex.

[TSandullo]

Hey everyone.

 

I just remembered this one today when I was watching Gladiator again.

Russel Crowe stared in A Beautiful mind, somewhat based on the life of John Nash, famous mathematician.

I love John Nash.

 

Anyway, the relevance of John Nash in this thread is the fact that he met his wife whom married in 1957, divorced in 1963.

Through the years, he was admitted due to his schizophrenia and released in the early 70s where he resided in his ex wife's residence.

 

Well, they remarried in 2001.

 

GBT does happen, even when you are a genius mathematician who suffers from schizophrenia and believes that the communists are conspiring against you.

 

TS

 

 

 

p.s - John did have a thing with someone who sired a child from him, whom he left. So in many instances GBT doesn't happen....

[hpinky]

My ex has told me that he doesn't know if he wants to get back together. I even asked him to tell me the truth if it's no he never does then I'd be ok with that at least it'll be closure. He told me that he honestly doesn't know. He said one day he does and the next he doesn't. He asked for space and time where we don't talk bout the relationship. I said ill give him that but goodness it easier said then done. Can someone give me advice on how to control my emotional urges??

[mat347]

I have a story for you all.

 

My good friends (who are the ones trying to get me to stay in touch with my ex because they say she still has feelings).

 

They dated for about 1.5 years but he never really took her out or hung out with her with friends, he also started drinking alot and working alot more. I think she got fed up and left him. They were broken up for about 6 months and of course he was miserable. She dated another guy for awhile, he fought to get her back, changed his ways (drinking/working so much) and they got married two years ago and are as happy as ever.

 

I see their story and listen to what they are telling me about my ex but I'm starting to think we can't be like them.

[CMS]

My ex has told me that he doesn't know if he wants to get back together. I even asked him to tell me the truth if it's no he never does then I'd be ok with that at least it'll be closure. He told me that he honestly doesn't know. He said one day he does and the next he doesn't. He asked for space and time where we don't talk bout the relationship. I said ill give him that but goodness it easier said then done. Can someone give me advice on how to control my emotional urges??

 

Be mindful of your emotional urges, identify the triggering condition so that you have more time to neutralizing those thoughts.

 

Also it might be easier for yourself to not put yourself in those positions where you pressure him to give you a definite black and white answer, take it at face value that you are broken up and grieve what you had but eyeing towards moving on. Let go the break up, grieve for it and accept it, those steps helped me a lot.

[HE16]

The first thing my aunt said to me after the break up was that her eldest daughter, my cousin, and her husband dated for a year, broke up for three, then got back together after a chance meeting and have just celebrated their 12th anniversary and have two kids.

 

Then she told me about her youngest daughter, who dated a guy in university but things fizzled out. He moved to the other side of the country, but she never gave up what he calls "stalking him." This was before the time of Facebook and mobile phones, so you have to hand it to her. Anyway, a few years later he visited some friends and she happened to be around. They got back together and are now expecting twins!

 

At first I was angry at her for telling me this. I mean, how can I even begin to give up hope after hearing that?! She explained to me that both of her daughters had moved on and were in much, much better places by the time they got back together with their partners. Sometimes you have to move on before you can go back!

[markyspark]

I guess it shows that there is still hope, no matter what..a lot of the recent stories seem to be based on chance meetings - However, we should all do what we can to improve ourselves, move on and wipe our own slate clean

 

It can happen...admittedly not in every case...but it is possible...thats just how this crazy world of ours works

[Tateziwin]

Read 1 Corinthians 13 v4-9

 

It helps me.

[learning2relax]

My best friends broke up and got back together.....

 

They met at a conference for work. He was freshly divorced. She fell in love. The lived in different states a considerable distance apart. She tried to keep in touch with him but being recently divorced, he wasn't ready for a relationship. That is what he told her the last time she called him and spoke to him on the phone fairly recently after the conference.

 

Fast forward a year or two later......She goes to the conference (same one), she is sitting in the front row for the keynote speaker and taking notes. He comes in late and happens to sit next to her (the last seats available were the ones at the very front). She senses that it is him sitting next to her. He leans over at one point and asked her if she caught what the speaker said, she didn't look at him but showed him her notes. After the presentation, he asked her if he knew her. She looked at him and it all came back to him.

 

They have been together ever since, eventually got married and have two grown children and going strong!

[hpinky]

Be mindful of your emotional urges, identify the triggering condition so that you have more time to neutralizing those thoughts.

 

Also it might be easier for yourself to not put yourself in those positions where you pressure him to give you a definite black and white answer, take it at face value that you are broken up and grieve what you had but eyeing towards moving on. Let go the break up, grieve for it and accept it, those steps helped me a lot.

 

I appreciate your advice. It's so hard to completely let go, it makes me wonder how it's so easy for him to let go. He makes it seem as though this whole process doesnt affect him at all. He has told me that this break up it's very difficult for him but if it's so difficult then why is he wanting it? I don't understand men.

[learning2relax]

This thread is about stories of people getting back together. Please post your own stories or requests for advice in a separate thread. Thank you.

[scotsguy]

Bringing this thread back on topic, I wanted to briefly share my own story. My girl broke up with me in March last year. Usual reasons of loving but not being in love, no spark anymore. I messed up for the first few weeks and broke all the rules. But by the middle of April I was on track and did not initiate further contact. I was actually very strict about this. However I did respond to some attempts at contact from her. Most I ignored (calls, messages) but if it seemed particularly important I would respond in a detached way.

 

Through her contacts I could tell that she wasn't completely over me, but to be honest it got to the point where I started to not care anymore. You can only take so much before you cant be bothered with the drama anymore. Towards the autumn, september I think, she sought me out in person "to talk". Turns out she thought she made a mistake and wanted to know if I would consider trying again. However - and it's a big however! - she was still living with her new bf at this point. I told her to get lost and I wasn't going to compete with anyone (had to be strong here!). Just before Christmas she called me to meet. She had left the guy and again wanted to know if I would give her another chance. She realised she had messed up by leaving me and wanted another chance.

 

Too soon I thought. She had only just ended it with him and I didn't want to be a 'rebound', nor did I want to give her the impression she can just walk back in whenever she likes. I told to come back in summer if she still felt the same and we would see where we stood. We did keep in touch a bit during this time, not regularly and not often. In May she wanted to talk about things again, and we had a good honest discussion about what happened and what would be different next time. I made it clear to her that this was her second chance, there wouldn't be a third.

 

So as of about a month ago we are officially back together. We're taking things slowly, which I'm more than happy with. We're happy together, determined not to fall back into what happened before and we both feel positive about our future.

 

I won't lie. Its not an easy process. I still struggle with her having lived with another guy and having had a completely separate life I know little of. But I won't let that turn into resentment and ruin things. It just isn't worth it. And it's true what people say - just when you're ready to move on (or already have) they often come back. We're lucky that she came back just before. Because I was definitely ready to leave it all behind. Any other details? Well we dated for 4 years before, broken up for a total of 14 months with some contact in between and we're both fairly young (20s).

 

Any questions please ask and I'll try to answer. This place has helped me enormously so I think I owe you guys something.

[kuteknish]

yay for you Scotsguy!!

[learning2relax]

Another one I remembered.....my brother.

 

My brother, "J" was dating "S" and this was his first real, serious, committed relationship. She was about 3 years older than him and this was not her first real, serious committed relationship. He was about 20 or 21 at the time. Her frustration was growing with his immaturity and lack of relationship skills (e.g. she would come over to watch him play video games with his roommate). S broke up with him and told him that it just wasn't working out. J was devastated.

 

Lucky for him, his roommate had been there done that and advised J to play it cool and not react. He told him to respect her decision and if he runs into S, to play it as if life is good and he is unaffected. I don't remember the specifics here but if i recall, S went on dates with other men. She stayed in limited contact (LC) with J and was trying to be friends although J had no interest in friendship. He just was polite and stuck to the plan. J had a vacation for a few weeks in Europe coming up. In one of the conversations, J shared this with S.

 

The DAY that J got home from his trip, S called him. She wanted to meet as she wanted to talk to him about some things. She related that she realized that the pros in J outweighed the cons as well as against the people she had recently gone on dates with - and they reconciled.

 

They have been married ever since and have two children. One that is going to be a Sr. in High School next year and another that will be in 8th grade. They are a tight knit family.

[GaelicSoul]

Hi ScotsGuy,

 

After the initial breakup did you go NC for a long time, when did she start calling you again? I think you handled it expertly. IM currently 5 months NC since my ex of 3 years broke up with me, i havent heard anything from her nor have i contacted her.. I got the i love you...but im not...routine. Wish you all the best in the future dude.

[professorplum]

Great news Scotsguy I admire your focus and self discipline. You sound as if you coped with this remarkably well.

[scotsguy]

Gaelic, for the first few months there was NC on my part but she would keep contacting me. Sometimes I responded but often not. I think she was very confused during this time - no excuse of course. When I did respond I would always remind her that it had to stop because it wasn't helping either of us. She always wanted to be friends, and of course I said that wasn't possible. After a while the frequency of her calls decreased. Rather than a couple of times a week it became every two weeks or so (and usually on a sunday morning - go figure!). Possibly the longest I went without contact from her was about a month. Though I didn't initiate any of that contact.

 

I suppose in retrospect I'm coming accross on here as quite calm and composed - that wasn't the case at the time believe me! I did what I had to do, but boy did I struggle with it. There were nights I cried myself to sleep. If she called me and I ignored it, I spent days overanalysing it and wondering why she called. It's a really horrible feeling. So I guess I handled it well, in the sense that I didn't give in to her contacting me. But it still messed with my head just as much as the next guy.

 

Another thing I should make clear about the actual reconciliation process which is often a source of some debate here - when we met at Christmastime, she made it very clear what she wanted. She didn't beat about the bush, she just came out and said it. And during our infrequent contacts in the months that followed she was equally focused on that point and wouldn't let me forget it. So while this will not be true in all cases, sometimes they do just come right out and say it. And it makes it a whole lot easier when they do!

 

Kudos to you for making it to 5 months without cracking. I hope you've used the opportunity to do some real personal growth. Stay the course, and I do hope tremendously that things work out for the best for you (whatever outcome that may be). You never know what's around the next corner. Thanks for your kind wishes.

 

Prof Plum, thanks for your encouragement focus and self discipline - yes. Coping took * a long time. This was my first serious relationship and the break up hit me hard. I believe being focused and disciplined helped me heal quicker - it still took many months, but I can't even imagine how it would have been if I had kept in contact initially.

[krifle]

Prince Williams left Kate Middleton after 4 years. She was apparently devastated and cried for weeks. Obviously he came back.

 

I'm sure he wasn't such a douche about the break-up though, like most guys.

[krifle]

Also, a friend of mine was reminiscing with me the other day about the day his GF broke up with him in December and took off with another guy. Tonight, they got back together. (So a 7 month split)

 

Honestly, I don't think they'll last forever. But it's young love, and it's a wonderful thing no matter what.