Getting back together really does happen!

[Tired Tiger]

And as if truth isn't stranger than fiction:

 

I also found this website FILLED with stories of people getting back together with their lost loves:

 

link removed

 

Not only was I once a paid member of that site, it's how ex-ex and I originally met! We had both had 'situations' of people from the past reappearing - hers after like 15 years, mine after 23. Somehow we managed to find each other through all that, and the rest is history!

 

That site actually was supplanted by many of the old-timers with another 'invite only' hidden site (still focused on the "lost love" phenomenon). Hundreds of members, all dealing with the reappearance of - or lingering feeling for - loves from their past... anywhere from 15 to over 50 years later. It's actually a whole subculture of it's own. As with anything else, they don't all have happy endings (some are actually quite destructive), but I know of more than a few who actually married after 20 - 30 - 40 years apart. Not something I'd recommend waiting for, though.

[Evillink88]

My girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago because it was a culmination of issues. I was heart broken at first but then I decided to take control of my life by improving myself. She also took the time to improve herself as well. We met a few times as friends and then I asked her if she still wanted to be in a relationship with me; when she said no I said I could not be friends with her anymore. I called the next day to see if she was home so I could return her DVDs. She picked up and she wanted to take a mini trip with me to talk about things. Sometimes people just need space and time apart to think about things. She realized our relationship was not broken. She likes the new me and I like the new her. It is almost a month now since we were back together. We are working out issues and growing together.

[adviseseeker]

Aw that sounds like my story! Any advice on getting over the awkwardness? I've only seen him once since he agreed to take things slow and he seemed to push and pull. Don't know what to think of the situation...

 

Found success story:

 

I just talked to a good friend who said her parents broke up 2-3 times before they got married, they had dated through highschool, college and after graduating. They still kept in touch because she was friends with his sister, and both were jealous when the other dated someone new. They ended up together and are happily married!

[minou]

I like your advice Tired Tiger. Thanks to all who have posted here.

[kvb10]

Question about getting back together.

 

After a few months of no contact, is it safe to initiate a friendship?? Or does that ruin the chances of getting back together?

[kvb10]

 

I joined ENA last March in the aftermath of what seemed a sudden and shocking break up. At six months and a day, after various incarnations of 'LC', we turned the corner toward working things out. In hindsight, I'm actually pleasantly surprised that it happened that quickly. Today, we're still sorting out a few logistical things, but we're happier and more in sync than we've ever been.

 

I am happy for you.

 

How long did you wait after initiating LC?

Did you guys start out as friends in LC?

When you did LC, did you both decide that you would do it as friends, or did you not really decide what it was?

 

I am asking because of my previous question. I am wondering about the friendzone vs getting back together.

 

My break up is still fresh and while I believe we could have a future, it could just be my hurt feelings and emotions. However, if we don't have a romantic future then I do want to be friends. I am wondering if you think that reconnecting as a friendship would hurt the chances of a romantic reconciliation...

[Tired Tiger]

Hi kvb,

 

I should note that I'm not particularly comfortable with labels, thus why I usually put some sort of quotation marks around things like "LC" and "NC". Semantics aside, we really didn't attach any conditions to anything after the break up. I think we both understood that emotions ran high and didn't want to jump to define any boundaries beyond the physical separation for a while. The concept of "NC" had been raised early on, but the concensus between us was that it seemed drastic and unnecessary, being that we still had the ability to talk honestly and keep the extreme emotions in check. Never was the word 'friends' mentioned. If anything, it was more like limbo.

 

I left the majority of the initiating of contact up to her, and she did. There were a couple segments of quiet (3 weeks and 4 weeks), but it was never announced or wrapped up in conditions. It was as simple as my respecting her boundaries and being patient. When we did communicate, I consciously tried to listen to the best of my ability. By doing this, I was able to learn and understand what was happenning to a far greater degree than just what was said during the initial break up. This knowledge was invaluable.

 

As for your question about friends... I'm going to say this is a bad idea, at least as a means to attempt reconciliation. You won't be able to decide about a platonic friendship for a very long time, should that be where things end up. As long as one or the other has emotions even vaguely related to the romantic relationship, the attempted friendship will be out of balance. I wouldn't even try and think that far down the road. Right now, you should focus your energies on your own composure and emotional stability. The stronger you become, the better your chances for happiness - be it with the ex or with someone else when the time comes.

[JBaker]

As for your question about friends... I'm going to say this is a bad idea, at least as a means to attempt reconciliation. You won't be able to decide about a platonic friendship for a very long time, should that be where things end up. As long as one or the other has emotions even vaguely related to the romantic relationship, the attempted friendship will be out of balance. I wouldn't even try and think that far down the road. Right now, you should focus your energies on your own composure and emotional stability. The stronger you become, the better your chances for happiness - be it with the ex or with someone else when the time comes.

 

Not only would the friendship be one-sided, it would also take you more time to move on. In the back of your mind you will be hoping that friends will lead to more. This will cause you to avoid dating other people or actively searching for someone new.

 

The phrase I have heard here that I like very much is "be friendly, not friends."

[kvb10]

Thanks guys!

[minou]

My aunt and her husband separated once for 19 months. Within a week of reconciliation, he proposed and they have been happily married for decades.

[FirstLove1607308205]

Umm...bump? lol. Been lurking and have seen about three more recent success stories. Perhaps those people would like to add their stories to the cache?

[Lastchallenge]

Thanks for sharing I hope to soon add my success story

[bullonparade]

A guy I work with and has slowly been telling me his story the last two weeks. Tough to get all the information - kind of seems like I am interviewing him. "Tell me your story so I can post this on the internet." Anyway...he dated this girl for a couple of years and suddenly he breaks up with her then landed in another serious relationship where she had kids. This is when I met him, I never knew of the ex. He dates this girl for a good 2 years then he gets dumped by her and he is hurt. He drinks, he does the one night stands, he trys to stay connected to her, he is devastated. One day he writes the first ex a letter telling her he goofed up and never forgot her. They met up - he cooked her dinner - they have been dating for a solid year now.

 

What I've picked up. They went NC. They never forgot each other. The issues he had with her she worked on. I don't know his issues since I am only getting one side of the story. But she went through a tough time. She gained a ton of weight then a year after the breakup she got active and got in great shape. She never dated anyone else but had some one night stands. This didn't bother him since "He had needs, she had needs." Their time apart was good because they realized they needed to work on some things but the intention wasn't to get back together - it was to move on. Hope this doesn't give anyone false hope, just thought I would share.

[caveman12]

For anyone who is familiar with my story,

 

-GF painfully broke up with me after 5 years, lack of commitment, other issues, several warning signs, no action from either party

-She quickly found a rebound

-I was DEVASTATED, I pined and whinged for months

-Went NC/LC for around 5 months

-I found a rebound - failed quickly

-Her rebound failed

 

We drew closer around Halloween 2009, after 8 months apart and lots of raw feelings, both rebounds long gone (incidentally my EX EX girlfriend's has since got back with his EX who was as unhappy like I was about the situation

 

Anyway, long and careful recovery process is several months in now, we had a fantastic Xmas together, best we've ever had. We are completely in love (we both always had been, needed a wake up call/new experiences I supposed to affirm it.) We were both very young.

 

We have recently moved in together, it's fantastic. Like a new relationship. We've had many comments how happy we seem to be (and it's true!). I'll admit, I've found some of the past hard to let go of, but if any success is going to come of your reconciliation YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE PAST.

 

I intend to propose to her around the beginning of November. That will mark 6years since we first got together and roughly one year since reconciliation (and it gives me a chance to save for a ring!!)

 

Good luck ENAs, thank you so much for your advice during some very hard times.

 

- Caveman

[DazB]

Excellent stuff mate Really pleased for you and it was nice to read about your Christmas being the best yet.

[Shelley.]

All of my friends who are in relationships have broken up at one time or another. 5 of whom have been long term relationships 2-3+ years but they all seemed to work it out.

Baring in mind im only coming up to 20 and I don't know maybe young relationships are just easier to get back on track.. Who knows!

But theres been my best friend and her ex who is a couple years older than her at 23.

they have broken up for longish times 4-5ish months twice but have just started spending time with each other again, so maybe they will make it 3rd time lucky.

 

I holding out hope that I can start over with my ex. missing him so much.

[minou]

Caveman 12 thanks so much for updating. That is so awesome! Lots of happiness to you.

[TSandullo]

Many congratulations caveman12.

 

Wishing you both a wonderful new relationship together.

 

I hope that all issues that were present have been resolved and never rear their ugly heads again.

 

Thank you for the hope you have given us and thank you for demonstrating that patience is key if there is to be any hope of reconciliation

 

I'll admit, I've found some of the past hard to let go of, but if any success is going to come of your reconciliation YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE PAST

 

MINT.

 

TS

[jmr19114425]

excellent post caveman...really gives me hope..you said something there though: "Like a new relationship."

 

I think for 2 people who have been in a relationship where there were actual issues and then broken up and then go to get back together, it has to be A new relationship, not like one...This is nothing against you, just a point I wanted to bring out...What you said and TS quoted it: YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE PAST is spot on - there can't be the baggage from old to move forward to new...

[Agrajag]

I've noticed that eNotAlone can be a particularly negative crowd sometimes. A lot of "get over it" or "give it up" sort of answers. Success stories are how we'll learn what actually works. Yeah I'm sore about my ex walking away from the relationship - and yeah i think she's still in love with me. But since I'm in NC for a few weeks I might as well try to think of it constructively.

 

It's highly likely she's not going to just find another guy...it's more than likely we won't end up back together. It's also more that likely I won't be as interested in her after 3 weeks of NC. But it doesn't hurt to find how people make it happen.

 

How did these people reconcile?

How were there feelings communicated?

What did/didn't they do?

[doiiiieeezie]

I've noticed that eNotAlone can be a particularly negative crowd sometimes. A lot of "get over it" or "give it up" sort of answers. Success stories are how we'll learn what actually works. Yeah I'm sore about my ex walking away from the relationship - and yeah i think she's still in love with me. But since I'm in NC for a few weeks I might as well try to think of it constructively.

 

It's highly likely she's not going to just find another guy...it's more than likely we won't end up back together. It's also more that likely I won't be as interested in her after 3 weeks of NC. But it doesn't hurt to find how people make it happen.

 

How did these people reconcile?

How were there feelings communicated?

What did/didn't they do?

 

 

There is a lot of negativity here, and it's good to get away from this board for a while. However, this thread has always given me hope, not based on a fantasy but the common thread that it takes time, patience, friendship and unconditional love to succeed in anything. As Conan O'Brien said on his last Tonight Show : " Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

 

Anyway, back to the topic

 

1- A friend of mine was cheated on by his best friend/gf. They knew each other for years, but only dated for a month or so. He pretty much lost it and closed the door hard on her. She went crazy too. But about a yr later, they got back together. How did they reconnect? Well she kept around when she could, moved on and he realized that he was crazy about her. He was with someone else but whenever the chips were down, he needed his now gf, and she'd run to his side every time. Patience on her side made things work out, and while they have their issues, they are stronger than ever.

 

2- My sister and her husband dated for 8 months, he proposed, and then he got cold feet. He kept breaking up with her, and she'd go no contact with him. Finally, she had enough and was ready to move on. He recognized his problems and got counseling. Anyway, they got back together and have happy ever since.

[resilient7]

loved the post..i really wish i could adopt your way of thinking.i was only 4 months with my ex but after 1 and half i still cant let go.feel as though no one will ever come close to her.im lying cause my state of mind right now tells me i am never gonna find anyone to replace her..

[Tangz]

I think the longer you are apart the better the reconcilliation will be.

 

Im not sure if me and my ex will get back togeather in the short term future. From one angle I think we might, on another I dont think we will. What I do believe is that we will love each other for a very long time and that maybe even a year or two down the line it may happen. We had such a great relationship I just think we've "met too young" and have given each other too much space where we forgot about our own relationship.

 

IN keeping on the subject my sister and her boyfriend went out for 5 years during late highschool years (so say around 17 years old till they were early adults 21 years old). They broke up. Over the years they both moved on and he ended up with a girl who he was marrying and I think had a kid, he also moved to Canada. My sister of course moved on and had relationships.

Last year I was talking to my sister and she said that before she went away on her overseas trip (this is about 6-7 years ago now) he came back from Canada in an attempt to take it back up with her. Now if she wasn't planning on her long overseas trip she would of said yes and who knows what would of happened. (Not quite a success story but there was only one thing stopping them). I think they were apart for about 5/6 years.

 

First love is the best love I think.

 

My mate who spent about 2 and a bit years with his ex GF (who was a bit of a * * * * * and took him for granted and she was the dumper) has now been broken up with her for 2ish and a bit years now. Well this mate of mine has just been in limbo with a girl hes been with for about year and a half now and this ex of his has been txting him recently alot and been saying things like "now I know how great of a guy you were" and is inviting him to go overseas with her at the end of the year. Will they get back togeather? Well he's moved on now and if things don't work out with his current in limbo relationship then he will definitely go back to her (friends/benefits at first!). If not well hes moved on now and I think this gives us dumpees hope as it shows you WILL get over your ex and there is always chances for reconcillations!!!

[resilient7]

hi moonbug,i was wondering what was it that you ended up regretting?

[resilient7]

good story...wondrering how it will all plan out at the end...