epsilon2x Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I keep seeing this everywhere about guys saying stuff like "maybe I'll build up the courage and ask her out for coffee sometime" Am I the only one who's not on the same page? To me it sounds ultra boring and that every girl should stand you up on that. Even if one of my guy friends invited me to go get some coffee, I'd have to be really bored to get off of my computer or whatever I'm doing to go get coffee. Why not just take girls out somewhere fun. I just want everyone's view on the coffee date thing, because I never have, and probably never will because what I do works like money. Heres a summary of what I do for anyone that is wondering. Step 1: Go out with your friends to places where plenty of girls hang out. Meet a girl, get her number, arrange a date. Step 2: In the Summer I might invite them to do something more outdoorsy, but in the winter like it is now. I'll invite them to come bowling or come to a club with me. We'll have a couple drinks, bowl, dance whatever. Just have a good time. I don't wait till the end of the night to get the kiss, I'll usually do it on the dance floor, or if it's not at a club I'll just do it whenever we're having good fun. Step 3: Usually don't take it any further than kissing. Take them home or back to their car. Set up plan for new date or possibly just leave it open. Step 4: Second date, go out to a more laid back place. Make sure to kiss her within the first 10 minutes to reinstate the reason why you are going out with her. Do something casual and take her back to your place. Have some good music playing and just talk and eventually have sex with her. Step 5: She's into you, you've had sex. There's really not many mind games after this, just have fun and do what you want to do. Whether it's staying with her or moving onto the next girl. Summary. For people who don't get a lot of date this sounds far fetched. But really, it shouldn't take longer than 2-4 dates to sleep with a girl and keep her for a while. It's just practice. Keep everything exciting and be aggressive. Don't be a doormat, and don't wait for her to make the first move. You should make the first move. Anyways, for all you confused daters out there wondering if you should ask a girl out for coffee. Maybe you should try out this strategy first. Link to comment
asthesparrow Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I love going out for coffee with someone as a way to get to know them. It's cosy, it involves a lot of conversation, and if I enjoy an hour or two of spending time with them and can keep good conversation, then I will feel way more inclined to go for drinks/to a club/..to their house I live in a city where the cafe/bar lifestyle is the most common though! Link to comment
karvala Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 But really, it shouldn't take longer than 2-4 dates to sleep with a girl and keep her for a while. It's just practice. I'm sure it is, and I'm sure you get a lot of practice. However, you may want to be aware of the fact that many of the folks out there are looking for relationships, not just to sleep with someone asap and "keep them a while". Perhaps you should rename your thread "Scoring and Coffee???" so as not to confuse people. Link to comment
KG Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 "Whether it's staying with her or moving onto the next girl." Wow.....is all. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 If you're having troubles getting the courage up to ask her for coffee, how does on expect to sit for several hours with them talking? I think, me personally, if you're shy, quiet, nervous, etc. a coffee date is a horrible idea. Nothing like awkward silences as you sit face to face with each other. Coffee dates now in my relationship are vital and are a stable in our weekly dates because it forces us to catch up and talk. I guess it just depends. I prsonally think the first few dates should be something fun you can do together. Link to comment
hers Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 "Kiss her within the first 10 minutes to show her the reason why you're w/ her". That's sad, actually, that that's all you're "with" her for. I'm sure you enjoy scoring w/ girls so quickly & moving on to the next. I'm sure they don't enjoy it as much. This isn't dating; that's how to get into someone's pants easily. Good for you! Hooray! And then you can show them how awesome you really are by beating up a bouncer! You're the man now, dawg! If any guy is wondering if this logic really works, I'm sure it does, if you're interested in something less than a relationship. Don't take this as good advice if you actually want a decent relationship based on something other than sex. Link to comment
kamila Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 this is too funny .. in a very sad way though .. I'm not sure how old you are.. but that's not mature at all! just remember what goes around . comes right back to you.. so play on if you wish but don't be surprised of the consequences Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Am I the only one who's not on the same page? To me it sounds ultra boring and that every girl should stand you up on that. Even if one of my guy friends invited me to go get some coffee, I'd have to be really bored to get off of my computer or whatever I'm doing to go get coffee. Why not just take girls out somewhere fun. To you, yes. No offense, of course. It's just that everyone has their own preferences. If you prefer to take a girlfriend out to some bowling alley or go-cart facility, then fine. Have at it! To me, however, if the lady can't enjoy a tall, iced chai latte with whole milk while carrying a conversation, the she is the one who is boring because to me, it's things like this (social skills, intelligence, shallow vs. deep, etc.) that will determine the overall success of any plausible relationship (friendship or romantic). It's actually funny you bring this up. I recently asked a girl out for some coffee and she never even replied! HA! Scratch that lady off my list... Nothing personal with her, but I think I just need to find someone who is more in tune with the things I prefer to be a part of, ya know? Link to comment
kamila Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I LOVE tall iced chai latte .. .. no seriously I agree with you 100 % .. one needs to know whether the potential partner can carry a conversation.. I don't care how out of this world gorgeous the guy can be .. if he can't talk/listen .. it's a waste of time .. but I don't think the OP is looking for someone who can talk .. he's looking for someone who can do something else.. that's the idea I got from the post anyway .. Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I LOVE tall iced chai latte .. .. no seriously I agree with you 100 % .. one needs to know whether the potential partner can carry a conversation.. I don't care how out of this world gorgeous the guy can be .. if he can't talk/listen .. it's a waste of time .. but I don't think the OP is looking for someone who can talk .. he's looking for someone who can do something else.. that's the idea I got from the post anyway .. ...You like iced chai lattes, eh? Link to comment
hers Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 It seems that the OP recommends not taking her to your place/going to hers on the first "date)" so he appears to her that he respects her & isn't in it for sex. If that's the OP's reasoning, then his advice for those looking for a meaningful relationship is ridiculous. Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I just got the impression that he's into warm apple pies... Link to comment
kamila Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 It seems that the OP recommends not taking her to your place/going to hers on the first "date)" so he appears to her that he respects her & isn't in it for sex. If that's the OP's reasoning, then his advice for those looking for a meaningful relationship is ridiculous. I know.. I think when you kiss her within the first 10 minutes the second date.. that's gonna confuse the lady .. then you take her home and make it clear what you want .. no no .. the whole plan needs a lot of editing .. how about you make it clear since the first date what you're looking for so everyone is on the same page .. and no drama gets in .. wolf_22 .. yep I do.. and it's even more delicious if the guy has some interesting facts to talk a-boot Link to comment
flash83 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 im with everyone on kissing in 10 minutes.. that is a terrible idea. coffee isn't boring unless you are. its a time when both people get to know each other and figure out if there is chemistry between the two. i want to be able to converse with my partner at all times including just sitting around during coffee or doing something fun. if i need to be constantly doing something fun to have fun with my partner then i know something is wrong. Link to comment
LBP Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I take girls out to coffee because I like coffee. Taking time out of your day to have a coffee feels very zen. You just sit and chat and maybe munch on something and discuss the world at large. Some people accomplish this by smoking cigarettes. I prefer coffee. Whenever I'm out and about during the day, with friends, it's a guarantee that we will sit and have a coffee at some point. I'll see a nice coffee shop and say, "Hey! Let's have a coffee! What say you?" I love it. It's great... Peaceful. You forget about everything except for the good conversation and tasty beverage. Link to comment
jennamajig Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Wow...am I the only person that thinks sex on the second date is *never* anything I would be into? If I met a guy with the idea that he wants to "score" on the second date, there wouldn't be a 2nd date. I'm old fashioned. I like getting to know the person before even thinking about inviting them into the bedroom. This can take some time that extends beyond 2-4 dates! This sounds like instructions on how to score, not how to start a meaningful relationship. Oh, and I don't mind coffee dates at all. Especially in the age of online dating, they are a good way to break the ice. If you can't maintain a conversation during a coffee date, you cannot last through a dinner date is my thought. Sure, there can be awkwardness if you are shy, but if there is a connection, something will happen in the silence to get the conversation moving over coffee. Course, I don't actually drink coffee, so I'll be sitting back with my tea (or hot chocolate in those winter months) and a pastry Link to comment
hers Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Wow...am I the only person that thinks sex on the second date is *never* anything I would be into? If I met a guy with the idea that he wants to "score" on the second date, there wouldn't be a 2nd date. . But not suggesting sex on the first date says that he respects her & ok w/ waiting! (Till the 2nd date, that is). Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 OP, you sound pretty young. And you really can't plan exactly what you're going to say and do on every date. Every person is different. You gotta improvise a little more. And coffee is just a get to know you type deal. It's simple, easy, inexpensive, and easy to make a quick exit if you don't click. Link to comment
coldplay. Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Im for the interactive date over coffee, sometimes there just isnt a topic to hit it off on and it can be really awkward. So why put yourself in the situation, why not go have fun be active, be daring, because those are the kind of people others want to date, sure its nice to sit and have coffee with someone, but not a stranger and thats what in essense they are. A persons ability to make conversation is not who they are so i disagree with some of you on that, isnt life more about actions than words? I dont mean that in a cliche'd sense either. Having fun with someone and having a conversation come hand in hand or else there is no attraction, so going into a conversation with nothing to work off of just seems foolish. "If you want to know someone walk a mile in their shoes" I think OP's idea is valid and touches the points ive just made, to his date, he seems interesting, because he doesnt put himself in a situation where cant be thought of otherwise unless the person truly is a bad fit. He knows what he wants, and isnt shy about it. Link to comment
crosstownTraffic Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 And this type of having sex on the 2nd date, then moving on to NEXT GIRL, if things don't click is the reason why we have so many STDs now in the world! I would imagine he thinks he's giving good advice to the guys here, but in the sense, he expects to score on the 2nd date, THEN move ON, if things don't work out.. he is NOT! This is true player fashion. You ought to go write columns for link removed, OP. that's the place for this advice. We've been there, done that and know it's not for our own good to get into bed quickly with someone you hardly know! Especially not in these times. I like the idea of going bowling or something active. I do NOT like the idea, that the 2nd date is automatically bedtime play! Wow, where does the girl get a chance to know what you are really like? And that you are very sexually active and she could be putting herself at risk sleeping with you? Or, does that come out in the 3rd date, IF she's lucky! Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 You pretty much hit the hammer on the nail on this one. To everyone else. Wow. Just because I take them somewhere exciting or fun must obviously mean I don't know how to talk to a girl. And everyone is taking the "move onto the next girl" to literally. It seems like alot of people on this forum have trouble even asking out ONE girl. Well of course if you can't even get one date you're gonna call me an idiot on that. If you're not interested in the girl, yes ditch her, go to another one. It's not hard. Whoever said "what comes around goes around". What am I doing wrong. I'm not disrespecting any girl, sex is mutual, all the time. Does this mean that some girls are just going to want to sleep with me and leave me? Who cares? I don't, that's why there is casual dating and casual sex. Most normal people can go out or fool around with a guy or girl without automatically thinking they found a soul mate. And to everyone who misinterpreted the kiss within the first ten minutes. Maybe I worded it wrong. I'm talking about on the second date. You should have already kissed her on the first date. If a girl is going to go out with me on a date, I KNOW I have it in the bag at least for a kiss. Just don't take it any further. If she agrees to go on a second date, OBVIOUSLY she didn't mind kissing you. Grow a pair of balls and just go for it at any time, preferably early on. For all you epsilon bashers out there. I'm 21. I get with girls of all ages 18-28. They're all pretty much the same. You can argue it all you want, but until you've played the field and have some more experience, I wouldn't go by just logic. This post wasn't meant for me to get bashed. I'm just throwing out there what works for me. Most of the time when you get bashed it's just others showing their insecurities. O well, maybe someone will get something out of reading this. Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 "Kiss her within the first 10 minutes to show her the reason why you're w/ her". That's sad, actually, that that's all you're "with" her for. I'm sure you enjoy scoring w/ girls so quickly & moving on to the next. I'm sure they don't enjoy it as much. This isn't dating; that's how to get into someone's pants easily. Good for you! Hooray! And then you can show them how awesome you really are by beating up a bouncer! You're the man now, dawg! If any guy is wondering if this logic really works, I'm sure it does, if you're interested in something less than a relationship. Don't take this as good advice if you actually want a decent relationship based on something other than sex. You know what. If they didn't enjoy it they wouldn't be doing it. I don't force them to have sex with me. It's because they like me and I like them. If this isn't good advice I don't know what is. I don't beat around the bush. What's up with that sex comment. It's obvious the only reason why you ask out a girl is because you find her attractive. Having sex is 100% more natural than kissing a girl or holding her hand. There is no way that good sex is going to make any relationship WORSE. If anything it will make it better, so I'm not sure where you get your opinions from. Link to comment
Bartok Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 As a quieter guy, this seems like an excellent idea. Do something fun that requires some conversation, but isn't based solely ON conversation (like the "coffee date" is). Gives me time to get to know her so that if we have a dinner date later on, I'll feel comfortable enough to keep the conversation going. Don't really care about steps 3-5 yet. I'll get there when I get there. Link to comment
dr_styles Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I can't really comment properly given I'm dateless (rant: and I am about to lose it!), but I would probably always ask to take her to lunch. Coffee risks been too casual/social. Same with getting lunch together. Dinner seems too forward for the first thing. Link to comment
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