apology to men

[penelope13]

I want to apologize to the men on this forum (and actually in general) who are experiencing abuse and in particular emotional abuse, since it seems your problems are not taken seriously enough.

 

Recently I have been reading up on emotional abuse a lot and I have followed many threads here.

 

While there is a lot of literature, discussion, and resources out there for women who are in abusive situations, hardly any focus has been given to the abuse men can suffer as well.

 

Even some of the leading experts in the field brush off the possibility that men can be abused as well.

 

The only reason/ excuse I can think of is that of course statistically speaking more women are abused then men and that many of the women who became experts in the field started to get involved in the field due to personal experience with abuse. thereforee their views are necessarily skewed.

 

However, I think it's about time that abuse is discussed in a gender neutral way. The psychological implications and behavioral patterns are the same regardless of who is doing the abuse and who is being abused.

 

In many ways I believe, for men it is even much harder to recognize and admit that they are being abused, since of course everyone who is still stuck in old fashioned views considers it impossible that a physically stronger person can be abused by someone supposedly weaker.

 

So all you guys out there, I sincerely want to apologize for this injustice.

 

P.

[My Advice]

Pen I don't believe for a moment men are less emotionally abused on average than women. It goes against every experience I have seen. Nevertheless, a very well thought out post.

[Comatose]

So all you guys out there, I sincerely want to apologize for this injustice.

 

P.

 

Apology accepted.

 

Although I have no problem admitting the ex was a psycho.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Thank you! We appreciate that!

[thejigsup]

Abuse against anyone is wrong. It doesn't matter the gender. Men feel pain, too. Women should be prosecuted just like the men are. It's just wrong to abuse another human being!

[Raistlin]

Thank you for taking the time to write out your thoughts on this issue.

 

I have been emotionally abused and blackmailed in the past... and no one then, or now, takes me seriously when I need someone to talk to. I am emotionally scarred and have a hard time dealing with certain emotions and situations... and I have no way to learn how to cope since no one will aid me and I just keep falling on my own.

 

Just knowing that women do take this seriously is a step in the right direction. Now, if I could just meet one that wouldn't try to take advantage of me and would be supportive... I'd be set.

[Cognitive_Canine]

The problem is that many guys feel ashamed to be abused by a woman. They consider it unmanly. It keeps many from speaking up about it because it is typically a "woman's problem". Male anorexics face the same dilemma.

 

It really is said how stereotypes are keeping people down. No one should ever be abused.

[DN]

Another reason that men do not complain is the fear that they will be the one arrested, charged and jailed.

[purpleduckie]

ya, and men get the short end of the stick when it comes to custody battles too. =(

[grymoire]

if a woman complains she is likely to get enormous sympathy and support.

 

if a man does the same thing he will be asked to quit whining adding to his existing pain.

 

Thanks a lot for a very thoughtful post!

[Maverick4444]

Hi-

 

Thanks for the apology. As an addition, I'll let you know this:

 

1. The cops were called to my residence by by ex-partner who told them I attacked her (which I did not). They handcuffed me before she told them the truth and let me go. She was drunk. She was also the one who usually threw things, etc.. and abused me physical as well as emotionally/mentally. I can't say I wasn't guilty of saying mean things back.

 

2. The last time we fought/broke up, I called the cops on her because she was throwing things at me and attacking me. The cops showed up, took my story, took her story, said they could take us both in. They laughed at the idea of me being abused by her and pretty much dismissed it.

 

It doesn't seem right for guys. It kinda blows.

 

Just_Tired

[top bloke]

Wow!! Just wow!! Penelope you need not apologise for anything. Coming from a woman it shows an expansion of your insights and maturity as you go on. It is appreciated by men in general. Abuse is gender free and it is up to each individual how they tolerate it. Personally I just have learnt that it is a display of immaturity of the abuser and i just turn my back and walk off with a smile and my composure.

[yeawutever]

Yes there is still that double standard when it comes to who is the abuser. If it's the guy then he go to jail but if it's a woman then she will be excused as being depressed or suffering from her past and/or terrible childhood. I don't see what does that have to do with abusing, thus treating the OP poorly.

[penelope13]

Personally I just have learnt that it is a display of immaturity of the abuser and i just turn my back and walk off with a smile and my composure.

 

Walking away is easier said then done for the abusee. From what I have observed and read so far, the abusee is trying to justify and rationalize the abuse. Depending on how damaged their self image is, they even believe they deserve to be treated in such a way.

 

don't see what does that have to do with abusing, thus treating the OP poorly.

 

This discussion is about the double standard. I am not in an abusive relationship, but a number of my (male) friends are experiencing it.

 

I am trying to figure out a way to help them, but as so often, if they don't realize themselves that they need help, it is an impossible task.

 

I would like to hear people's ideas how the double standard could be diminished.

[top bloke]

Exactly !! They try to rationalise the abuse because they dont realise the value of themselves. We are taught to be polite ..gentle and non aggressive. These qualities are lost in translation sometimes.I used to take it but realised that it had a massive effect on ny stress levels.You see my heart would feel heavier after ....I was taking the burden on and taking it personally. Once I realised this I understood that we must take the power away from the abuser by turning on our heels ..walk away.Their disgraceful behaviour I will not allow to control me or be a burden on my good self. They have the issue..not me. Its amazing the change of heart they soon have. Rarely if they persist with this behaviour as I walk away then it is time for a kick in the shins and plant them .. Then they get the point..