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This is making me crazy.


Rose21

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But I would never tell him the name of the site. He would be able to tell it was me right away. And he would be very upset and offended by the detail I go into here, and all the things I ask for help.

 

then why do you do it?

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then why do you do it?

 

Is that really your business? The site is here for people to come and get advice on things they may not feel comfortable talking about to people in their real world. Sometimes we just need to talk in an anonymous environment.

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Is that really your business? The site is here for people to come and get advice on things they may not feel comfortable talking about to people in their real world. Sometimes we just need to talk in an anonymous environment.

 

what's wrong with me asking that? if she wants to post the details of her personal life to get advice, why can't i try to find out more in order to help give advice?

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what's wrong with me asking that?

 

As long as you are not questioning her right to post here, nothing. But I think the poster has amply tried explain the reasons she posts. If you are asking her in context of the phrase you quoted, then, again, the question could be asked of all people who post deeply personal information and there should be no implication that she should not be posting simply because people in her real life would not like it if they knew about it.

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As long as you are not questioning her right to post here, nothing. But I think the poster has amply tried explain the reasons she posts. If you are asking her in context of the phrase you quoted, then, again, the question could be asked of all people who post deeply personal information and there should be no implication that she should not be posting simply because people in her real life would not like it if they knew about it.

 

that's making a mountain out of a molehill.

what i'm implying is that she is very into her bf, by all her comments on here. which is great. nobody is stopping her from that. it's just that if she loves and respects him sooo much, why do things that she knows will offend him? why disrespect him like that? i would understand if she loved someone who was being abusive toward her and even though he would be offended she would need a place that could help her out....but it's like ENA is just for venting for her? which in my view would disrespect him...since we as strangers know so many little details about them.

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I'm posting this so I don't try to call anymore.

 

Here is why she is posting. She told us on the first page. It helps her cope/ignore feelings that she must call him (as we are all advising her not to do).

 

If your argument is "If your boyfriend would not like your posting about him and you love him, then you should not be posting about him" then we may as well close down the forum.

 

Rose21 seems to cop a lot from a lot. She has every right to post her thoughts, worries and concerns and we have every right to respond or not to respond. But to question why she is posting on that basis is not reasonable. It is subliminally accepted that this is or should be a safe place to come and release your worries/problems irrespective of what people in your real world may think. Indeed, it is the whole rationale for the place.

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if it's to vent why not just write in a personal journal?

 

Because she wants to start a thread.

 

If no one replies it becomes the same thing as a personal journal. But people seem to want to reply. She is just leaving that option open.

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no it's not the same thing as a personal journal, because it's written publicly and for the purpose of an open forum. a personal journal would be a real diary or a locked online journal. it would be different if she was totally anonymous but people can see her pics and pretty much everything about her life...it is her choice to disclose so much information but she's also exposing her bf to the world...i mean someone could easily find out his name and everything. that's what's disrespectful in my view...the fact that he would be offended by what's going on but rose is still doing it? just because somebody CAN do it doesn't mean it's right or smart to. and that's what i mean by advice. i'm not being paternalistic but advice doesn't have to answer the question/comment in the thread directly.

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It is also very common on forums for the controversial threads or threads that cause the most 'what's up' kind of reaction to get the most replies. Human curiosity in many cases. That is what makes it interactive.

 

People say if you don't like what you read don't respond if they respond in ways that seem contrary, but it is a forum. If the rules are not broken forums would whither up and die if people just stopped responding to clarify, out of curisoity, or to just say "huh"? This is like saying we can only respond to threads in which we are in total agreement with the OP and if that is the case, what is the point?It would be so boring and non beneficial that people would stop posting or coming to the forum altogether.

 

And it goes without saying that people who post the most threads will have the most responses in nine out of ten cases simply because these are the threads that float to the top daily.

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i mean someone could easily find out his name and everything. that's what's disrespectful in my view...the fact that he would be offended by what's going on but rose is still doing it? just because somebody CAN do it doesn't mean it's right or smart to.

 

I do agree with this, just b/c Rose has her myspace link on her profile and has provided pictures on here multiple times with a direct link, and her page isn't private. I'm sure her boyfriend is on myspace too, so it may be easy for someone to track him down.

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just because somebody CAN do it doesn't mean it's right or smart to.

 

I agree...and that is a whole other question. But why single out Rose. I mean everyone is in a similar boat? Take yourself even. You have pics on this site. What if a friend of your parents came on here, found your pic, said "Hey, that's Laisla" and then read a thread about you thinking about selling sex. It may cause your parents some discomfort (it may not, I do not know their values).

 

Do i think it is necessarily smart to plaster pics of yourself all over the site whilst at the same time disclosing sensitive info....no I don't but I won't question someone's right to do it.

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I agree...and that is a whole other question. But why single out Rose. I mean everyone is in a similar boat? Take yourself even. You have pics on this site. What if a friend of your parents came on here, found your pic, said "Hey, that's Laisla" and then read a thread about you thinking about selling sex. It may cause your parents some discomfort (it may not, I do not know their values).

 

Do i think it is necessarily smart to plaster pics of yourself all over the site whilst at the same time disclosing sensitive info....no I don't but I won't question someone's right to do it.

 

firstly the reason why i said that comment was because rose is one of the few members i know enough about to say something like that. if there was another member who was doing the same i would give in my 2 cents and see if that might help them.

second, if i post pictures i do only of myself. i'm responsible for myself. when there are other people in the photos i colour their face in. nobody but a very few know my name. i'm not putting anybody else's safety or security at risk.

you can't use the same argument for my case because the dynamics are different.

lastly, i gave that comment in order for rose to think about it and reply back to me so that i could help her with advice. i'm not here to debate with you because this isn't a debate website.

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lastly, i gave that comment in order for rose to think about it and reply back to me so that i could help her with advice.

 

That's fine. As I said before if you were not implicating that she should not be posting because her b/f would not like it then I have no problem with it. When I read your comment it sounded to me that was what you were implicating and I wanted to make sure the OP understood that she had every right to post as she wants to post.

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Wow alot went on while I was gone.

 

Yes, I post alot. But what would someone gain from tracking down my boyfriend?

 

To what, tattle on me? Doesn't seem mature.

 

I have the right to come to this site just like everyone else. A personal journel isn't for me, I would rather come here for advice. My boyfriend has no reason to ask me what I write here. Frankly, he doesn't care. He knows it's my business and he doesn't want to know.

 

It's the same reason I don't ask him for his myspace password. He would give it to me, but I wouldn't want it. It would just drive another obsession, and I would want to look at his page everyday. And if he asked for my password in return, I wouldn't want to give it to him so it wouldn't really be fair.

 

Posting here, is just like expressing my thoughts. You don't always want people you love to know your innermost thoughts. Expecially if if is at the concern for them.

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And my profile is now private.

 

Well if that is the only thing you get out of this thread then it is a good thing. As much as everyone has a right to decide how much identifying information they want out there, less is always better in my view. Once you leave a trail on the WWW it will always be there in one form or another and you just never know in future how that may come back to you.

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Well if that is the only thing you get out of this thread then it is a good thing. As much as everyone has a right to decide how much identifying information they want out there, less is always better in my view. Once you leave a trail on the WWW it will always be there in one form or another and you just never know in future how that may come back to you.

 

i agree. that's a good step rose. when i commented on you i wasn't putting you down. i was trying to get you to think of it through his eyes. like, just because he is not reading your messages does not mean it can't be disrespectful. but the fact that your profile is private is giving him some of that peace & anonymity back.

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And although you may know "me" based on the posts I write here, that doesn't mean anyone is entitled to an opinion that really relates to ME. .

 

Well on that i disagree. EVeryone is entitled to form an opinion of you when you post threads...just like they can have an opinion of me, or anyone else here. You can't control anyone's opinions of you no more than anyone else can control other people's opinons about them.

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