What a shy guy does to show interest in a girl(List of signs)

[Bartok]

*stuff*

Yeah, I know all that, my point is that we're taught all this incorrect stuff about women, about relationships, etc. when we're growing up, and in order to get anywhere, we have to get over it on our own... which is almost always easier said than done.

 

I've already gotten over much of this - I just wish I wasn't taught it in the first place so I wouldn't be WAY behind my peers in the relationship department.

[Happy Bunny]

Yeah, I know all that, my point is that we're taught all this incorrect stuff about women, about relationships, etc. when we're growing up, and in order to get anywhere, we have to get over it on our own... which is almost always easier said than done.

 

I've already gotten over much of this - I just wish I wasn't taught it in the first place so I wouldn't be WAY behind my peers in the relationship department.

 

The same applies to women. I'm glad you've gotten past it. There's nothing wrong with being shy. It's actually attractive--getting past the barriers is the hard part. We don't always know how to do that. It just seems that when it comes to shy guys (and shy girls, too), the rules go out the window. They act the complete opposite of what we women have been taught to expect. And we get confused when a man doesn't "follow the rules" so to speak.

 

I'm not sure you were consciously taught it. We pick things up as young kids and it becomes ingrained in us at a very early age, both boys and girls.

 

Anyway, sorry for the OT.

[red_sky_girl]

i like it when u say dont give up on them , they are worth it....i trulybelive this ...since i have a case right now with a shy guy at work...but some days i feel hes not interested and i overanalyze things and get tired ...how can i be more patient?

[red_sky_girl]

besides i think ive given him many signals.....its about waiting and being patient? what if he dosnt move at all ?

[M_LL09]

Hey,

 

I just wondered what you think of this, as your situation sounds a little familiar. Btw, I am pleased that the guy has started to talk to you.

 

Ok, well I have known this guy for about a year, though I'm not sure if you could consider him as shy or not. We were really attracted to each other first time we met (both drunk at the time) and had a brief fling, after which he said he wasn't over his ex (who he'd had a rocky rel with the year before). So he broke it off and got back with his ex. We were friends for ages, but then it got awkward as he knew I still liked him. He got his friend to ask me out on his behalf...which sadly went wrong as I felt intimidated by his friend doing the talking...then months later, after he went strange on me: not saying anyth unless he had a mutual friend with him, or only talking to me when he was drunk, whistling from a distance at me, and panicking when I said he liked our mutual friend...'you have got it wrong', etc...so I asked him out, though the response was not encouraging and communication then completely froze. 3mnths later I think he still knows I'm crazy about him...he doesn't say anth unless I make first move, not even hi! Then when I ask him how he is it's a two word reply, he eyes me up when he thinks I'm not looking, whistles (only at a long distance). Though when we are walking past each other he gets really on edge! I really don't know what to think as he kinda rejected me. He's either shy cause he likes me right? Or is just playing games now?

[Happy Bunny]

From the quote posted by red sky girl:

 

 

Well, how much are you supposed to be able to take? Just how much patience are you supposed to have? At some point it starts to become a game.

 

Ignore him back. That has some pretty interesting results.

 

 

Again, just how patient is patient? A month? Two? Six? Or longer? Is it a test?

[red_sky_girl]

From the quote posted by red sky girl:

 

 

Well, how much are you supposed to be able to take? Just how much patience are you supposed to have? At some point it starts to become a game.

 

Ignore him back. That has some pretty interesting results.

 

 

Again, just how patient is patient? A month? Two? Six? Or longer? Is it a test?

 

 

i dont know....it depends andim a kind of a person i dont have much patience...i get tired and frustrated quickly when i see nothing moves

[SometimesShy]

Ignore him back. That has some pretty interesting results.

 

...As a long time "love shy" guy, if the woman I'm interested in ignores me, then I assume that she's just not interested and I give up on her.

 

I know this sounds like an unfair double-standard, but you have to realize that for many shy people, our shyness is not a choice.

 

For shy people, dating usually requires that the other person is outgoing enough to make the first move, which is no problem for shy women, but next to impossible for shy men. ( there are almost no women willing to make the first move )

 

To try to get past my own shyness, I went the therapy route and had 6 months of treatment with a top psychologist here in Toronto. After 6 months my therapist told me that my shyness was incurable because it only manifested when I was around women I was attracted to. I am outgoing and not shy about anything else in my life.

[hcolton]

heey couuld you help me figure out if this guy is interested ?

i have a link that has the story. as much help as possible would be great! Thanks

link removed

[aurevoir]

This is great and all

but it is aggravating, just like everyone else pointed out,

[lucky_charm]

So much crap runs through my mind and by the time i figure what I want to say that's not stupid I look up and realize she left 10 minutes ago.

 

Mostly "OMG she is so pretty! wow look at her! Man, I should go say hi or something! Nah, she probably has a b/f, if she's that pretty then...........oh crap she's looking! LOOK AWAY, LOOK AWAY!!!!!!" LOL

 

I can so relate to this. Instead it is OMG he is so gorgeous, say something, say something, your leaving. FAIL! This guy definitely has a gf goes through my mind, as well.

[Green Mile]

Great list, I think all girls should read it and help a shy brother out!

[Pisces16]

I am sixteen. I've had a crush on this guy (a year older than me) for about two years now. This is my situation:

We met on the school bus (which is more of a small van) and first semester freshman year nothing really happened, second semester though, it started. He tickled me, complained about how I always read books in the bus, tried to make me laugh, tried to look cool and what not, all while ignoring me completely outside the bus setting. Near the end of the school year he asked me for a hug (not that that's huge or anything) but I rejected it and winked at him, he gave me a pouty look, etc. We saw each other again after 2 months of summer and it went from there, the tickling, he touched my legs, thighs; he would grab me from behind and (subtly) smell my hair. We were in the same service club but he hardly ever acknowledged me, again, outside the bus. He would stare though, and though we took very different courses (our school has a huge campus, its international) he always seemed to be where I was and only rarely would he smile or nod my way (I presume when no one was looking).

One thing he's always commented on is my hands. I am 5ft4 and petite, thus I have small hands, he is nearing 6ft and is quite lean and has significant larger hands. He's always commented on how small they are in a tender way and he loves playing with them (beginning with the pretext of a “thumbwar” it progressed until I was about houses in March (hence, moved buses). He began asking me who I liked, he was insistent and kept guessing it was my best friends boyfriend (she moved, and he is like a brother to me so I spend a lot of time with him) and also his best friend (who liked/s me). He would get really defensive and angry, and would ACCUSE me of liking one or the other. I denied it, and I think he did believe me but was too afraid to guess otherwise. When I asked him who he liked he never answered. Four days before I moved he appeared everyday on the bus (even though he had afterschool activities and rarely came) and complained about me moving, that he would miss me (and touched me, etc.). I told him not to lie, that he never talked to me otherwise. That he didn't care. He insisted that he cared, repeated it a lot but didn’t look me in the eye. He gave me a glorious hug before he was dropped off. I told him I needed to talk to him the next day, Friday, our last day. He wasn't there. He smiled at me occasionally and sometimes acknowledged me. Talked to me briefly when no one was around about mundane things but even that was rare. At one of the Habitat for Humanity builds we had he was there but didn't even say hi to me. We were picking out gloves and this girl (who was obviously flirting with him) was complaining about how big the gloves were for her small hands. We locked eyes at that moment, and I took the largest pair I could find and smirked, turning away. We Skype chatted a lot. We found out that we had the same taste in music, and we talked about love, loss, life. He kept on asking me who I liked; we talked a lot about prom and school. When my friend (the guy who liked me) asked I to prom and I said yes he interrogated me again. We talked a lot about who we liked, never mentioning names. He told me he liked this girl, but she confused him and so he asked someone else to prom. He never danced with the girl he invited. In one of the slow dances I saw him staring at me accross the room, intently; it was dark so I thought I was imagining things. But he commented on it later. He sounded angry but aloof. We stopped talking until last week: my first appearance on the after-school bus in months. He was sitting right in front of me and this girl who is also his cross country team came in and he invited her to sit on his lap but then asked her to move. The bus driver then told me to move to another bus since my house was sort of out of the way. He (the guy) commented on how I shouldn't have moved and as I left asked me if I was ok. I had cried that entire afternoon (alone, I NEVER cry in public) because I was overwhelmed by life and he had noticed. It didn't matter though, I cried all the way home again, alone in the bus.

Yesterday was different. Very different. I was on the after school bus again, and so was that...sleaze and him, the bus driver asked me to leave again, and I promptly left and as I waited (and wallowed with angst, hehe) the door opened all of a sudden and he came in. Apparently his house was also out of the way.

He pushed his bus seat back, and so did I. We laid down as if on a bed and he put his arm under my head, and said that he didn't care if I was uncomfortable all while re-adjusting himself to support my neck. Some mundane small talk and then he began. He tickled my sides, and I gasped. He is the only person that can do that. Make me gasp and sigh. It's ridiculous. He laughed and grinned goofily. He repeated multiple times how much he missed me on the bus. "Why did you move?" he pleaded. He ran his hand up my legs and played with my hands. His are much bigger now. We locked fingers, and he just caressed them. "They are so small," he sort of half laughed. I made a witty comment and he laughed and said "they're so cute." He said that a lot and then, after some more touching (I was kind of on top of him, we didn't kiss or anything, he just tickled/touched, it felt very intimate tough. Not necessarily sexual, but tender. It was the first time I had ever really responded to his actions. I usually half blew-him off. This time I went from his sides, to his abs, up his chest, tickled his neck (he laughed and half/moaned) he cupped my face, I cupped his and as the bus moved from side to side I fell on him and he pressed me hard against his body. We sat up again and he played with my hands again. "I love your hands" he whispered and chuckled lightly. I was melting. Whenever he would get too near I'd tease him and would push him back down on the "bed" my palm on his chest and it would start all over again. I laughed "making up for lost time", he said "yes" and smiled. Whenever we would stop and I'd just look at him, hand in my hair, he would give me this completely blank stare, almost like a glare. We were nearing his house and he began to get a bit fidgety. Before he left, we hugged, a lot and he squeezed me and left. I knew the routine, a quick goodbye and then don't look back, he never does. But his exit is always haste and angry. It's always been like that.

Today I saw a repetition of the pattern. As I was walking towards the bus, he glared at me intently from the front seat. Almost as if I had committed a crime. WE had to moved buses again but there had been somebody else in the bus so he ignored me (we talked for two seconds, I consoled him because he was disappointed in himself). We kept to himself the rest of the ride and left in the same fashion, without goodbye.

Of what I know, he does poke his friends and is a bit of a flirt but I don't think he's ever been like this with anyone else. I have a feeling I am not being played. I have talked with my mom about this. She says that, though he is extroverted and cocky with his friends, that he is shy and that he is head over heels for me, so does one of my friends. The rest think he is a jerk. My best friend hates him (but that’s because her BF and him don’t get along too well). I've hardly told anyone though. The secret has been kept. However, I do need advice. Please. I have never been in a relationship though I have been asked (many, many times) because I am the kind of person that would only get involved if there is a spark. And there definitely is one.

I actually gave him an electric shock (literally) in Physics once. I was there for an april fools prank pretending to be my BFFs BF and because of that the teacher used me as a guinea pig for their experiment I had to touch this static ball and my hair flew UP! He (the guy) was about to take a picture when I pushed him back, and electrocuted him a little. Everyone laughed except him; he gave me a disbelieving look, almost in awe.

I've never let anyone get to me like this. I respect my body but I enjoy his touch. I love his company when he is sweet and talks to me but I hate the fact that he ignores me completely in a public setting! He sometimes walks past and talks to my friends (who are all guys and in his grade) but never me. Or he stands near us (me) but nothing. Nothing. This is ridiculously long, but it feels good. I need to know, please. It feels, this feels, important. I don't think it's just infatuation. I am not saying that its love, but I think there is something more than just a silly crush. I have a feeling he feels something strong too. I'd hate to think that he is embarrassed of me. I have a very strong and vibrant personality, I'm not a follower, and I stick it to the man. I wouldn't do anything for popularity; I like the freedom of being me.

I am afraid though. I must admit, I am afraid that I have fallen too deep; I am a Pisces and he is Virgo (I don’t really believe in those things, but anything that will help!). Any advice? What should I do or expect? What do you think?

[goldfish69]

so for a shy guy, if he isn't txting you, msging you, or calling you, it doesn't mean he is not interested? (when i called, we talked on the phone for 2 hrs... but he never called me!~...and he rarely txt me, but bought me expensive gift ~~but the gift is not perfume or girly stuff, but a cookware.....useful but far from intimate?)

 

so is he interested or not? (we are not in a situation that we can see each other each day)....

[SA_Guy99]

so for a shy guy, if he isn't txting you, msging you, or calling you, it doesn't mean he is not interested? (when i called, we talked on the phone for 2 hrs... but he never called me!~...and he rarely txt me, but bought me expensive gift ~~but the gift is not perfume or girly stuff, but a cookware.....useful but far from intimate?)

 

so is he interested or not? (we are not in a situation that we can see each other each day)....

 

I can't say either way, but one thing you can't do is assume he's not interested just because he doesn't initiate contact. If he is interested, he's afraid of appearing desperate and clingy and/or he wants you to initiate contact with him so he can be more and more sure that you are interested in him, which will make him feel less nervous.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

A lot of good stuff here. Only thing I disagree with is the asking her out part. I’m shy and it takes A LOT for me to get the courage to ask her out. So no, what you suggest probably would not cause me to ask her out even if I liked her. But, if she is courageous enough she could ask me out (on a date not to hang out with friends otherwise it falls under the ambiguous column) and she’d know. Once I know a girl I like likes me (ex. she makes the first move) then it’s a lot easier for me to open up to her at that point.

 

The anxiety for me comes from not knowing how she really feels, suspecting there is mutual chemistry but not being able to verify it and ultimately realizing that despite all the ‘signals’ I may have received I have not actually gotten anything from her that could not be interpreted as seeing me only as a ‘friend’ in addition to being interpreted as a sign of interest.

 

The more ambiguous she is in her flirting and attention getting the less likely I am to make a move. The more obvious she is in her flirting and attempts to get my attention the more likely I am to believe it’s attraction and be willing to take the risk.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

This doesn't sound like shyness. I'm not sure what this is. Shyness stems from the anxiety of not knowing if 'she' really likes you, if the flirting is just 'friendly' or she wants more with you, that kind of thing. Shy guys don't stay shy about their feelings usually once they KNOW your feelings IF they feel the same way about you.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

so for a shy guy, if he isn't txting you, msging you, or calling you, it doesn't mean he is not interested? (when i called, we talked on the phone for 2 hrs... but he never called me!~...and he rarely txt me, but bought me expensive gift ~~but the gift is not perfume or girly stuff, but a cookware.....useful but far from intimate?)

 

so is he interested or not? (we are not in a situation that we can see each other each day)....

 

Honestly no. It does not mean he is not interested and could in fact be the opposite. Shy guys try to hide their attraction and often go overboard in hiding it. That's why we'll talk to a girl just fine that we have no attraction to and don't feel any sexual tension with. We'll avoid talking to a girl we do like under almost any circumstances due to the anxiety we feel when we are in her presence especially if it's a social setting and there is no 'reason' to talk to her beyond just wanting to.

 

If we have a reason, such as work related or school related, it doesn't seem so obvious that we're just trying to talk to her because we like her. This also extends to texting, IMing, calling, etc. Shy guys will be hesitant to initiate contact if he is unsure about your feelings. Maybe he suspects you like him but that is nowhere near KNOWING that you do. So he is still trying to play it safe by not giving away how he feels by trying to contact you too much. Confusing? Yes. But that is just how we are.

[jessy1685]

Hey guys, so glad I stumbled upon this thread and so glad it seems to still be going.

I have a guy at work who is probably 10 years older than me (I'm 25 he's 35), and he's a senior and I'm a junior.

Anyway, I used to see him looking at me a lot and it was only then that I started taking interest, and now, I have a crush on him but I am also too shy to approach him. The things he does are:

-Looks away when we make eye contact (he once gave me a look away smile)

 

-A couple of times I've tried to get past him and when I've said "excuse me can I get through" he gives me a really strange look before moving, the other day he actually said sorry but he again looked at me funny.

 

-If I talk to another guy or anyone for that matter I can see him looking over in the corner of my eye

 

-I was working with a friend and he kept coming past and stopping to talk on his phone where we were, he made a joke and shortly after gave me a big smile when we passed eachother, however the next day he's gone back to looking away when I look at him (and I do smile at him all the time)

 

-I noticed he was working on the side of the desk closest to me when I was in another room, then when I went and sat down he came and sat 1 seat away from me, despite there being 3 other chairs along the same desk.

He didn't initiate any conversation, I eventually asked him a question and he just gave me the answer but didn't carry on conversation.

And after that he glanced at me a couple of times.

 

I think that just about covers all the weird things he's done, sometimes he's rude or abrupt with me, other times I don't know.

 

So my 2 questions:

 

1. Can anyone interpret this for me, am I right in thinking he likes me but is shy, or is it all just coincidence?

2. Would a guy act this way if he has a girlfriend?

 

Any help appreciated, thanks.

[the_shy_guy]

I can't believe this thread is still active! lol

 

Oh how I've changed since I wrote this.

 

I've changed a lot as a person...not so much my situation with women.

 

If a relationships meant to be and you are READY, it will happen. If not...life goes on.

 

If I were to give advice on how to tell if a shy guy likes you...I would just say be his friend first. If the situation presents himself ask him light hearted questions about his 'love life'.

 

Okay...I've just thought of this and I think it's a pretty good way to find out if he likes you.......

 

....Ask him to describe his dream girl. If he likes you AND wants a relationship (because those are two different things) he will refer to you in some way. He might mention some of your attributes.

 

....If he doesn't then you simply describe your dream guy who is nothing like him.

 

The best bit of advice I would give is, we all need to stop mulling over whether someone likes us or not,especially if they don't know you very well.

 

LIFE IS MORE EXCITING WHEN YOU TAKE CHANCES

[Batya33]

That's great to hear the update. I've never been a fan of "meant to be" if it encourages a passive attitude towards relationships. I think both people should actively show interest (although, unless it's changed, when I was dating -- 5 years ago, and for 20 plus years before that) it worked better if the man was the one to ask the lady out the first few times although both people showed active interest) - it's certainly a truism that both people have to be ready to be with each other -single, interested, compatible goals - but I find it more helpful to encourage people to go for it as you wrote on the bottom.

[FrogIsFree]

I wish this post wasn't so old.. there are some lovely things said in it! I hope somebody reads this in the next two or three years! but I find that as a shy girl, a shy guy I like never stops looking at me as soon as my head is turned away ..I've caught him countless times, one time in two sets of mirrors, and he is so nervous he can't work out what to say to me when I am stood in front of him and gets so completely tongue tied.. very sweet. It's very flattering & he knows now that I like him back but he seemingly went in to complete shock and can't seem to process and get over the fact that I actually like him back..! so adorable!

[resilient7]

frogisfree....aaaawwww.I'm a guy but that got me weak in the knees for some reason

[rockerstar]

So to conclude, I hope this helps girls that are unsure about us. The best advice I can give is approach us when there are no peers around.

 

Okay...now this is where my problem lies. There is this guy who I think is interested in me, but I've determined must be shy. He won't ask me out on my own and its hard to get him away from his peers! Just the other night he organised a movie night at the cinema's and then it was back to his place for a coffee/tea, but it was just like going back to his male "harem" (as he lives with three other guys). And to be honest I was not impressed...the bathroom was FOUL. Just because your all guys doesn't mean you can't clean.

Anyway I'm getting side tracked. Because his shy...but his friends who live with him aren't, they take over the conversations and so I'm talking with them, more than with him.

I don't see how I can improve this...I guess its gotta come from his end. Oh and your right about he did hang around me...he stood near me whilst we drank coffee and then sat down next to me afterwards.

I don't know...I feel there is also a lot of peer pressure from his housemates to do something. And I fear it may just be this pressure that is making things more difficult. For instance we moved to the living room and I had the decision to either: a) sit near his housemate, b) sit in the two seater so he could potentially sit next to me or c) take the single seater. I took the single seater. But it was only because I'm not going to open myself up to attack either my his housemates. If we were alone, hands down I would have taken the two seater. But I'm afraid that he might not see this either.

Bwah!! Shy guys are so frustrating!!! It probably doesn't help that I've never had a boyfriend, so I don't even know what I can do to make things better. :S

[ninjamonkey16]

i just started dating a shy guy. he super sweet all time. he has a hard time looking me in the eye but hes getting better (: we've been friends for years before we started dating so hes comfortable around me. he has trouble with telling me what he thinks or feels or making decisions about what to do because he doesnt know if id want to do it. hes not as shy anymore but if i see any of my friends he slinks back and lets me talk and wont say anything and he gets really nervous if i introduce he to people even my best friend. its soooo cute (: