What a shy guy does to show interest in a girl(List of signs)

[Alezia]

I suppose it depends how long this situation has been ongoing - and may be a better clue.

[happpybear]

dear lord quite some time, like 6 months of confusing hot/cold behaviour

[Alezia]

I think after a certain amount of time, you have to start taking it at face value. If you keep initiating, but the guy makes almost zero effort to maintain your relationship, it's because you see more in it than he does. If you keep acting consistent during this time, and he is still unable to initiate like a grown adult, it'd probably just take a loss. I don't know, maybe I am particularly jaded right now.

[happpybear]

I think after a certain amount of time, you have to start taking it at face value. If you keep initiating, but the guy makes almost zero effort to maintain your relationship, it's because you see more in it than he does. If you keep acting consistent during this time, and he is still unable to initiate like a grown adult, it'd probably just take a loss. I don't know, maybe I am particularly jaded right now.

 

 

Ya agree, I'm not really initiating anything beyond that of friendliness at this point. I assume he isn't really all that into me, despite the occasional signals he puts out. It is just a weird situation and i know that he is the shy type ( and others have told me that he is shy) I understand shyness and think it is cute,however, when does the shyness become just plain weirdness? Like 6 months later and we are still going in circles, makes no sense.

 

and if he isn't interested, then still, why all the weirdness? Why can't he have a normal adult conversation with me like normal people do? I don't get it...

 

I think i'm just gonna stop interacting with all together, just smile and nod when i see him and leave it at that. Quite frankly i'm tired of trying to figure out what his issue is.

[vacant]

shy guys, do you do this? feign disinterest?

 

Yes. Speaking for myself at least, it isn’t a purposeful decision so much as it's an automatic fight or flight reaction to my social anxiety. If I’m around a woman I’m attracted to, it can take a lot out of me just to stand there and keep my composure, nonetheless be my charming self and show interest like “normal people” do. That being said, I’ve pushed myself enough now to have made some beneficial improvement in this area though it’s still a struggle at times.

 

just to clarify, he is not outright avoiding me, when I say he keeps me at arms length, I mean conversationally, like I will ask him stuff and he will make a joke and deflect and not really answer the question, like i can't get into his head you know?

 

In order to offset my anxiety, sometimes I use humor to take the focus off of myself. It’s a guarding tactic not unheard of among shy or anxious types.

 

I'm not really initiating anything beyond that of friendliness at this point. I assume he isn't really all that into me, despite the occasional signals he puts out. It is just a weird situation and i know that he is the shy type

 

I think the default mentality among many shy or socially anxious guys is the assumption that women only interact with us just to be friendly or polite. It’s counter-productive thinking, and personally, I’ve probably missed more than a few opportunities because of it. I can only imagine how frustrating/confusing/weird that can be to women. Years ago in one of my old jobs, it took me over a year just to get comfortable enough to ask my crush for her number and a date. Yikes. I’ve come quite a way since then, but do know that this kind of behavior isn’t unheard of.

 

He’s shy. You said it yourself. The fact that he can talk to everyone else normally except you sticks out to me. He might be interested in you, but just feels too intimidated and overwhelmed to deal with it. His awkward, occasional flirting could be his way of testing the waters, but he’s just clueless that you're actually reciprocating. Really, who knows? Either way, he has no reason to dislike you. Now obviously it's up to you, but I’d say continue to be friendly at least, and if he comes around good for him! You've got your own life to live.

 

Ladies, we’re not all a lost cause.

[happpybear]

thanks vacant

[Alezia]

ONe year?? Did she initiate or approach you any during this time? I just can't see why it would need to take that long.

[vacant]

ONe year?? Did she initiate or approach you any during this time? I just can't see why it would need to take that long.

 

Social anxiety can be brutal to a guy's self esteem. And no, she never really initiated anything or approached me other than us saying hi to each other in passing if we just happened to be working the same shift. She's a pretty quiet person too. The only reason I even ended up trying was because I eventually found out through a co-worker that she thought I was cute. That came as a total surprise to me at the time as I'd never really had any positive feedback from women before, let alone from someone I was interested in. She gave me her number and seemed flattered that I'd asked for it, but it never went anywhere for other reasons. Lesson learned.

[Alezia]

Well okay, if it is from both sides I agree that it is possible. I would assume if she had asked you to go take a coffee with her, you would have accepted right?

[Jake]

I think after a certain amount of time, you have to start taking it at face value. If you keep initiating, but the guy makes almost zero effort to maintain your relationship, it's because you see more in it than he does. If you keep acting consistent during this time, and he is still unable to initiate like a grown adult, it'd probably just take a loss. I don't know, maybe I am particularly jaded right now.

 

I disagree, your logic applies to many other situations but among painfully shy guys it can be anything further from the truth in most cases.

[vacant]

Well okay, if it is from both sides I agree that it is possible. I would assume if she had asked you to go take a coffee with her, you would have accepted right?

 

Absolutely.

[Alezia]

I disagree, your logic applies to many other situations but among painfully shy guys it can be anything further from the truth in most cases.

 

So I am taking that if you would be in the situation, you would refuse the coffee offer?

[Jake]

So I am taking that if you would be in the situation, you would refuse the coffee offer?

 

Oh no quite the contrary, I'd accept without hesitation. When I said I disagree with you I was referring to the post that I quoted when I said that. Just because a shy guy doesn't reciprocate the same amount of interest doesn't mean he some how has less invested in the potential relationship.

[happpybear]

I think i am giving up at this point. I'm taking your advice Alezia, taking things at face value. I am not getting much from him therefore there is not much there. If he is into me, he knows how to find me. If he is this shy that he can't even have a normal convo, then how would we ever communicate in a relationship? And if he isn't into me, then he is a bit rude and standoffish as he won't even sustain a normal conversation with me, so that tells me that he really doesn't want me to talk to him, so I won't beyond the superficial chitchat. What else am I supposed to think?

 

Like don't get me wrong, I am not trying to be mean here, I understand shyness, i am shy myself but this is ridiculous. Inaction is a form of rejection, no?

[lalalollipops]

What I don't get is if they like you, by would they act like a jerk and put you on the spot in front of other people?

Like what's the logic behind that? The putting you on the spot I mean.

[lizzie93]

ahahaha. oh my god. The things that you have listed are kind of true . There was this guy in my class who displayed more then half of those things that you have listed.

The only things that he did not show were those about going on date and all.

May i know, does he like me if he keeps asking me out ?

He did ask me out quite a few times but I always rejected him since it was always with his friends and I am a pretty shy girl .

ANd I don't think I am polar opposite with him , i think we are about the same 0.0 Which is why I dont want to go out with him as it will be quite awkward.

He talks to me less in person and more on text and fb . 0.0

It feels like he is a completely different person because in person , he only talks more when he is alone with me and pretty much ignore me the rest of the time ? Although I do catch him watching or staring at me sometimes but he does not turn away , instead, he will smile sometimes or i will smile at him first.

And I do not understand him as his attitude towards me changed after I rejected to go for some church event with him last christmas. He dosent stare anymore and dosent text me daily anymore. Its like we've become complete strangers.

To make things worse, I have to be in the same class as him for the another 3 more months.

[happpybear]

sounds like he still has a crush, but because you rejected him he is distancing himself from you, can't blame him really, he can't be friends with you. Also he is probably embarrassed because you guys have to see each other a lot. Best to just leave him alone and let him save face

[Cris987]

Lemme add some more to the list:

 

1. Won't really talk with girl in person but IM / texts you proactively.

2. Tries to engage girl into online activities like watching videos together (e.g Nestin.TV).

[Hellhound1]

1. Won't really talk with girl in person but IM / texts you proactively

 

That is so true!

I can be fairly nervous around new girls, always much more comfortable texting/IM than face to face until I get to know them.

[HermitCrab1]

- When trying to say something be overly formal when they shouldn't be

- sometimes stuttering or being tongue-tied.

[Pineapplejuice]

Awesome thread. In some way I'm glad I found it, on the other hand not because it would have been better if I didn't "need" it.

 

Lizzie93: Yes, I guess he has still a crush on you. But I can't make up if you like him too or not... If you like him you really should tell him or let him know you want to go on a date. It's okay (although a little harsh) you rejected him before, but don't care about what happened, just go for it. Otherwise you really can't blame him for keeping distance. Seems like he tries his best to deal with the situation.

 

 

Well so there is this guy I like. We talk like casually, always surrounded by some casual friends, so loads of casuality in here. Then there was this e-mail where he told us he couldn't come over to a little meet up with some of those friends because he didn't feel well. So I responded with a hug and all the best and such. I didn't ask him anything in that message, although he didn't answer it. So I guess there's two options: or he's too shy to answer, or because of a lack of interest (or my message wasn't that open enough). I hope it's because of the shyness... That would be okay. But, some of us need to take the first step, in any way. It's hard for me to be patient so I prepare myself for taking the first step. But how? Or should I wait for him? I'm not sure who's more shy, me or him. I think he (or us both) can be hiding it.

 

So, I hope someone can give some advice, help or thoughts, any would be welcome. Thanks!

[compunerd]

I can honestly say I've done a lot of this. I really try my best to push myself not to (when I am single) but inevitably I do.

 

I did most of these with a girl that worked at my local little caesars but I guess she wasn't picking it up or wasn't interested either way but this was a about 1.5-2yrs ago. Friended her on Facebook and kept making small talk and I would "Like" something a hell of a lot quicker than I would even think about commenting on something, like a cute tattoo she had done with her son's name, Riley. We even became friends and went through my basement and found a lot of kids toys and stuff that I haven't used since my little cousin grew out of them and put them on facebook and within 5 minutes of posting that I was giving it away she said she'd take it and just asked me to tell her how big it was and a picture so I sent it to her and a couple days later, met her in the school parking lot thats a half mile from my house and she followed me with her boyfriend and we loaded it up and away she went.

 

She kept asking if I was sure I didn't want anything for it and I told her simply "If Riley (her son) has fun with it, that's all I need"

[Pineapplejuice]

I feel sorry for you she's got a bf. Just keep on acting cute and stuff. At least, if it doesn't work out with her, it will give you some practise for the next one.

[RaiderPride6]

This has answered a lot for me, but i still have problems. I'm a sophomore. I like a senior. He's really shy. If I ever asked him something, he'd give me one word answers. Won't look at me.. Well, looks when he doesn't think I'm looking then quickly looks away. Sometimes I see him blushing.. Or his friends nudging him when I walk by. My friend told him I like him so he knows. A week after, he almost got the courage to ask me out, but chickened out the last second. Since then, he hasn't said A WORD to me. Not like we ever talked before, but now he just COMPLETELY IGNORES ME. He'll still watch me in the halls or during his bball games, but if I say "hi" or "great job", he can't even return a "hi" or "thanks". He'll look down but use his peripherals to look at me and wont say anything. Now all he does is try to be even MORE secretive when he looks at me.It frustrates me a lot that he hasn't done anything.. I'm really confused. We've been at this since about October. Is he just nervous? Does he not like me? how do I get HIM to talk to ME since he won't respond?? I tried signing up for his senior pictures to show him i like him, but idk if that will help. Also he just got a bruise on his face from basketball and im worried he'll be too embarrassed. If anyone is still on this thread, help.. Please..

[police750]

When I was in highschool 5 or so years ago I was extremely shy. Still am shy now, but hugely better than I was I think. Carpe diem I like to say. Anyhow there was this girl that I really, really liked. Initially I was very flirtaceous with her - we were both in the same youth group. But then her friends worked out that I liked her, confronted me about it (friendlyly of course), and after that I became much more reserved, less talkative etc when I was with her (and they were there too). Perhaps I was embarassed, conscious of them knowing. Anyhow, I had no problem flirting with her or asking her out via email. But whenever I saw her I froze/couldn't talk. I even got the courage to call her (big step for me) but when she picked up I froze, I couldn't speak. She had to do all the talking.

 

I guess my advice to you would be that I have no idea whether he still likes you or not, but given that you know that at least he did at one point, his actions of "ignoring you" don't neccessarily mean that doesn't.

 

So if I were you I would either gently approach him and talk to him. Start up a simple conversation and see what he does. And by a conservation I don't mean "hi" I mean like "how are you?" or "how are you finding history?" or whatever. Ask a question. Does he look down awkwardly, give short answers, yet make no attempt to leave the conservation? Or you could send him a message via email/facebook. Some people here mightn't like that idea, but it does give the guy much more time to respond. He can think of what he wants to say and compose himself, rather than have to work out a response straight away.