A Question about Virgin Girls

[Kalika]

Why does every virgin girl have every kind of sex but vaginal intercourse..??

 

Every virgin girl I know or have ever heard of will fool around, get fingered, masturbate, have oral sex, or even anal sex... yet they will not have sex.

 

Isn't that kind of hypocritical?

 

I really am genuinely curious to understand the thought process behind it, especially when there are religious reasons for remaining a virgin.

 

Any takers?

[Mythical_Suicide]

Because they think that as long as they aren't having vaginal intercourse they are virgins.. Just a way to make themselves feel better and look better towards others.. I think it's stupid.

[littlestar]

I guess they figure they can still classify themselves as pure and innocent but still have fun minus the penetration.

[laisla]

Why does every virgin girl have every kind of sex but vaginal intercourse..??

 

Every virgin girl I know or have ever heard of will fool around, get fingered, masturbate, have oral sex, or even anal sex... yet they will not have sex.

 

Isn't that kind of hypocritical?

 

I really am genuinely curious to understand the thought process behind it, especially when there are religious reasons for remaining a virgin.

 

Any takers?

 

LOL. good question. i think they are just trying to keep up their image. there a lot of different definitions for being a virgin. i guess in the true meaning of it, it is someone who has never had physical/sexual relations. that would include foreplay. but now we define it as vaginal sex. they are only trying to justify themselves. and you're right they are hypocrites. if a woman does everything but vaginal penetration, there's more of a chance for the man to believe her if her hymen is intact, that she was a "total virgin" because there is no other outward "proof" (i know not all hymens break) of her being a virgin.

 

when i was one i did NOTHING. i have kissed guys but that was it. never even did any heavy making out.

i started fooling around about 2-3 months before sex but i never really considered myself "pure" during that time. but it's not like i told everyone i knew that i was a virgin.

[FreeFalling]

... granted i'm a guy... but...

 

I think there is still a large difference between oral and actual intercourse.

For those guys who are willingly virgins and expect the same of their partner, but do all the other stuff, perfect match.

 

Yes, its gray... No one should go around claiming to be virgin in the sense of innocent, if they've done such as oral... but there is still (In my mind) a very big difference between all that stuff, and actual intercourse.

 

So its not hypocritical to do everything else, and not the 'real' thing... since they are apples and oranges.

[Mythical_Suicide]

What really gets me is the girls who will have anal sex but not vaginal sex because they want to remain a "virgin".

[Jelina]

Well not every virgin girl because I am a virgin and I have never done any of that. But I do know some other girls who say they are virgins but aren't. I think it's because they are afraid of becoming pregnant. It has been easier for me to stay a virgin due to the fact that I had my first bf at a late age and because he is also a virgin.

[Maroney555]

I know some younger women (girls) don't know the difference and how if you do one form of sex you really aren't considered pure or a "virgin." as far as masturbating, that's a whole different argument haha

[LAYAAN]

I agree thats totally being a hypocrite.

I guess, many men and women don't care these days. If men are asking for experienced women, where are these women gonna collect experience? You do it yourself or do it with someone. Ultimately you draw your own boundaries and you define what is right or wrong according to your values and morals. Truth is not pure white in today's world. Women are getting reconstructive surgeries of hymen and lying about being a virgin to their husbands.

My mom always says "men don't see virginity that way. The more inexperienced you "appear" in bed, the more he sees you as a virgin."

[itsallgrand]

I think some people get caught up in this arbitrary "value" of being considered a virgin.

 

All sorts of attributes and so-called value attached to this status. Differs from person to person.

 

Seeing how my first sexual encounter was not of my own choice - I was sexually assaulted - and I grew up with a Catholic background, it hit me full force how devastating and cruel this arbitrary "values" attached to virginity can be.

 

A woman's or girl's worth, to me, is not in any way determined by her virginal "status" nor what has happened to her or what acts she has engaged in sexually.

 

In fact - I think these arbitrary rules were once put up to scare a girl into not engaging sexually at a young age. Essentially a fear based form of control. But there was also an element in other people basically placing their own ideals in heads to try to brainwash girls into a form of compliance - - lots of opportunities there to abuse the power of authority once that is established a girl no longer understands that her sexual being and her body is HERS and in HER CARE and she can do what she wants with it.

 

I think it's essentially a condescending attitute that drove adults (mostly men!) to teach girls that they had to be concerned about being virgins or pure or whatever other garbage - it takes the power and rights of an individual out of their hands, and into anothers.

 

If you believe you are somehow "better" to be a virgin - that's a big liability and opportunity for others to use that against you in the form of guilt, shame, secrecy - because it implies that for those who engage in sexuality young they are "less than".

[hiphop3]

having anal sex but not vaginal sex is pretty weird to me.

but having oral instead of vaginal makes a lot of sense to me.

without vaginal penetration you're still a virgin

no one will say you're no longer a virgin if you have received/given oral sex.

[laisla]

good post itsallgrand.

 

i think a high value was placed on women to be virgins in the past was due mainly to the reason being that they did not have very good methods of birth control. if women were having sex then as they do today - there would be a LOT more children born to unknown fathers. it is a way for communities to keep track of whose child is whose, and to control their women, families, and the life span.

[itsallgrand]

I think having oral sex CAN classify as "losing your virginity".

 

To me, losing virginity isn't merely a physical act. It's a transition in a state of mind and awareness - to a new one where you become aware of your sexuality and are in the process of exploring it.

 

You can't hold on to it and control it. But if you are lucky enough to have good people in your life and a strong sense of self - you can guide it in a healthy direction and have a say in what physical acts you are or are not ready for. You get the right to guide the process and grow at your own speed.

 

Innocence is of the mind and emotions, not the body. That's my take anyways.

[MyheartorHis]

Some of them might be trying to keep their "innocence", some might be scared of getting pregnant, and some might think that they are saving something for marriage?

 

I'm not sure... ask them.

[Mythical_Suicide]

To me (as well as most others I have discussed this with..) sex is sex, regardless of whether it is penetration sex or just oral sex.

[sarey]

I know I'm probably a bit too young to post here, but I am a virgin and to me being a virgin means having no sexual intercourse. I have had sexual contact, some of which I had no control over(I won't get into it), but I've not been penetrated, which to me, means you are still a virgin.

 

edit:

 

Anal... that's penetration isn't it? So... surely that'd mean no longer a virgin? I don't know. Or is it just the vagina not being penetrated? I've not had either... so *shrugs* lol

[speak]

I'm a virgin girl - and I've had NO type of sex ever and I intend to stay that way until my wedding night.

 

Not every virgin is that way...it just depends on the person. People are people and everyone is a hypocrite about something.

[hk87]

I know I'm probably a bit too young to post here, but I am a virgin and to me being a virgin means having no sexual intercourse. I have had sexual contact, some of which I had no control over(I won't get into it), but I've not been penetrated, which to me, means you are still a virgin.

 

edit:

 

Anal... that's penetration isn't it? So... surely that'd mean no longer a virgin? I don't know. Or is it just the vagina not being penetrated? I've not had either... so *shrugs* lol

 

I agree with sarey. I have had oral sex, but anal or penetration are not going to be happening soon.

I'm not completely pure, but technically I believe I am still a virgin.

 

hk87

[lauren51791]

I'm a virgin, but masturbate, give head, have been fingered etc. To me your virginity is something that should be guarded, I'm not saying that I'm waiting until marriage but I'm waiting until I find the right person that deserves my virginity. Thats the best way I can explain it. Giving head and getting fingered doesn't have that kind of significance to me.

[Taomagicdragon]

I love absolute statements. Not every virgin is as you described but to answer to your question on virgins who do everything but:

 

Virginity is as much a state of mind as it is a physical act, Many people compartmentalize sex so that until they open each box they're still not "fully fledged". It may partially be to save face, maybe to act better than others, or maybe that's how they were raised/educated on the topic.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Why does every virgin girl have every kind of sex but vaginal intercourse..??

 

Every virgin girl I know or have ever heard of will fool around, get fingered, masturbate, have oral sex, or even anal sex... yet they will not have sex.

 

Isn't that kind of hypocritical?

 

I really am genuinely curious to understand the thought process behind it, especially when there are religious reasons for remaining a virgin.

 

Any takers?

 

I am wondering why masturbation is included in this laundry list. Masturbation is a solo act and has nothing to do with a partner so that shouldn't be on this list. As for the other stuff, well, if you have done the other stuff...if you have gotten naked in front of a partner and had sexual interactions but just not vaginal penetration, you are basically just a technical virgin. Virginity is really about sexual innnocence regarding a partner...someone who has been naked with a partner and has had their hands or mouth etc touching their genitals and giving them an orgasm is no longer sexually innocent and should not be sitting there waving virginity around as a badge of honour as if they are so pure and innocent. Some of these techinical virgins have given blowjobs to countless men...I would hardly pat them on the back for saving themselves for someone they love because they didn't. A penis in the mouth is sex, just not vaginal sex...having a guy ejaculate in your mouth or on your body, or right beside you means you are sexually experienced and it is very misleading to say to someone proudly "I am still a virgin" when a man's penis has been in the mouth and you have been in contact with his bodily fluids.

[purpleJ]

In my opinion virginity has different meaning to people

I believe its a mental state as mentioned and just because one doesnt have vaginal intercourse doesnt make them a virgin

people that do it due to religious reasons..im guessing there is a reasoning behind it which i have no idea but I do know in many cultures girls are still expected to be virgins on their wedding night, mybe theyre just worried about the hymen being intact?lol

No idea, but would love to see some more responses

[Lusif]

Up until last month I'd done everything but sex, and I knew that by society's standards I was a virgin... but really, it's hard to think of yourself as 'virginal' when you're dry-humping, being fingered or giving head, etc.

 

But anyway, I honestly don't know. Reasons I've not had sex with different guys: no condoms/too lazy to get some, condom split when we put it on, scared it'd hurt/his penis was too big (!), didn't get round to it, he didn't want to take advatange, he was sleeping with someone else and I didn't want to be his 'bit on the side'.

 

I can't speak for other girls, though.

[Lusif]

Also, I was never proud of being a virgin - sad, I know. I didn't want to 'get it over with', as such, I wasn't that flippant; but it wasn't a flag I wanted to wave, it wasn't something I wanted people to know.

[Taomagicdragon]

In my opinion virginity has different meaning to people

I believe its a mental state as mentioned and just because one doesnt have vaginal intercourse doesnt make them a virgin

people that do it due to religious reasons..im guessing there is a reasoning behind it which i have no idea but I do know in many cultures girls are still expected to be virgins on their wedding night, mybe theyre just worried about the hymen being intact?lol

No idea, but would love to see some more responses

 

Virginity before marriage is a religious construct that was put into the doctrine for various reasons:

 

Islamic: More of a value that the girl hasn't been touched by another male; akin to territory. It speaks to sort of naivete in that, in the culture at the time of being established, girls were kept out of the realm of sexuality and, for many, their first venture was on their wedding night. Now women are brought into the realm of sexuality much sooner (via tv, education, etc).

 

Roman Catholic: Was indoctrinated by the early church as a means to stem the tide of STD's and, with an uneducated populous, was put into the most accessible form of communication; Sunday Mass.

 

Other cultures: Hindu and Judaism borrow from the Islamic belief of value being associated with "pristine conditioning", many third world countries prize virgins because of the mythos surrounding them; in one country it is believed the purity of a virgin can cure STD/STI's and, in Africa, this is seen as a salve for AIDS and is practiced often, sadly spreading the disease.