GOT STOOD UP, CANT TAKE ANYMORE HEART BREAK FROM HIM!

[Brneyegirll]

I have been dating this guy who's 44 yrs old, never married, no kids. I ve posted before about some of this. He has a home but lives with his parents (all his life except 4yrs). Anyways, here it is Valentines Day and im very hurt because yesterday he called me at 4pm to tell me about an interview he had been on and so on. By the way, most conversations with him stem around HIM not me or US. Anyway i asked him if he was coming over lat night which we were supossed to be together last night cause we had said this a week ago. He said to me yes but he was going home and might take a nap and that he would call me later. Well he lives accross the street and i seen him leave at 6pm. He didnt call so i called him around 7pm and a few times after that and he never answered his phone. I had even left a couple messages. See i had went out the night before with a friend and i think he was pretty mad about me going out but he hardly comes over to be with me and i had told him i was tired of sitting at home and not being together. So by 9pm last night, i was pretty mad and figured he was doing a pay back to me. So i called his cell phone for the last time to leave him a message..i told him i felt he was trying to pay me back and that i had seen him leave at 6pm and that i was no longer playing his games and that i will never bother him again! And im not going to call him again. But im very hurt over this guy and its very hard. Deep down i know i need to let this go. What should i do if he ever calls me again? I am 36yrs old and i cant take these childish games anymore with an immature 44yr old. I am very much in love with him but on the other hand, i feel like he has played with my feelings and heart so much in the 4 months ive been seeing him..i just want to hurt him back.

[Athena]

I'm so sorry for your hurt. I wish I could give you a big hug

 

To be honest and from what you have described, he sounds very immature, very selfish, and not someone who is very interested in relationships beyond what they can provide for him. I read a book about commitment and people who have trouble doing it. They talked about people who don't marry and why and one of the studies that was done revealed that most men who reach 40 and have never been married, are not very likely to - they just don't value that type of relationship. Not that they don't spend time with women, they do, but the relationships are generally about what it offers them. It also said that the the peak age for commitment for men was between 29 and 34. Past 34 the likelyhood of them getting married decreases. It said that a man at age 50 who is never been married is very very unlikely to do so.

 

So, I guess I would ask you what is it that you want for yourself? Do you want a man who wants to be with you and spend time with you and asks and is concerned about you and your life? My guess is you do or else none of this would be bothering you. If that's the case, I would contend that you've got yourself the wrong guy for what you want.

 

Does any of that make sense?

 

-A

[Brneyegirll]

You are very right. And i do aprieate your responding to me

I do want to get married again someday and i do want someone who cares about ME and not all their self. This guy has hurt me more than this time and i noticed alot of negitives about him from the beginning. I ask myself..why am i with him, why have i fallen for him? I just dont know. My husband of 12 yrs died and this guy doesnt hold a candle to him. So i dont know why i have been so stupit other than the lonliness i have felt losing my first love and best friend. The thing is the 4 months with this guy never filled my emptiness..just a tiny bit when i did get to be with him. Which was always on his time. I opened up all my feelings for him all the time and i noticed when i did that, he treated me worse and really backed off.??

God..ive made some stupid mistakes opening myself up this

[VickiRose]

Hey Brneyegirll! I've posted on one of your previous posts... Seriously, that man needs to be kicked to the curb... No joke... He's not even worth your time... Just let go, and try to forgive...

 

You have been through a lot... I think it's time to do what's best for you.... Go to a spa... Treat yourself...

[woobiegirl]

hey girl

 

As far as I'm concerned any man that age no kids and never been married and still living at home has some serious issues. He sounds like a very selish person. He is more than likely a narrasist person. You can look it up on line under google. It is called narracistic personality disorder

or NPD. I read up on it with someone I had been dating. and it really hit home. Especially when it came to the emotion part. More than likely he saw your number on the cell and just did not answer. I hate it when they play baby hurtful games. You can be assured he will call again when he wants something or a late night booty call. Kicking him to the curb sounds like a good idea. Pease look that stuff up, it will really help you alot. You deserve someone that is going to invest time in you. Selfish people are the worse.

 

Good Luck

Woobiegirl

 

[mahlina]

Throw him in the pitt!

 

He's a waste of your time...no wonder he's not married, and at 44, still living with mommy and daddy. He sounds like a brat for his age. Seriously girl, you can find so much better. I survived Valentine's. Actually, just off of work, and feel great. I thought about it as I drove home, and said, "feels weird to be single and happy on Valentines!"

 

Seriously, why would you want a man who neglects your emotional feelings; especially on a day that meant for couples to celebrate. He sounds inconsiderate. Before you'll know it, he'll retire with nobody, and if he's lucky, maybe his mommy/daddy will still be alive, & still be there for him.

 

What I'm getting at is that you'd rather be single and happy, than sad and tormented by someone who you wish could be, but isn't. In other words, you can't change this "frog" into a "prince." I seriously thought about it, and said "boy am I glad not to be with my ex, b/c our Valentine's Day would've been consumed with what he wanted to do," it would only be celebrated to his selfish/immature desires, which sort of reflects your b/f.

 

I hope that you feel better knowing that enotalone's here for your support (maybe more than what that guy will ever do....). I don't mean to insult you, but once you cut yourself loose from the unhealthy relationship, you'll soon realize how blind people are when they are in love, and know that life is worth living as long as it's 'without' that person who makes your life miserable. Cheer up! Hope this helps!

[Beec]

Maybe throw him in the pit and kick him to the curb is the right answer. But if you love him, it's not an easy answer.

 

If you want him to do what you want you need to give him waht he won't live without. I always call this emotional fulfillment, because sex is available lots of places. How to make him feel so special that he just cannot stand the thought of being without you. It can be done, and done consciously.

 

Nornmally emotional fulfillment comes from being interested in the person, making them feel special, etc. While you do this you must also remain aloof, vague and independent. He should need you without knowing that you need him.

[Brneyegirll]

Beec-

 

Do you mean..No Sex?? I guess i just dont understand what your saying. I have noticed with him that when i act like i dont care about him or dont want to talk like i normally do, he gets worried and will treat me better. And when we dont have sex for 5-7 days, he treats me like gold until we do and then its like he gets quiet again, distant. I really dont think he's using me for that because i have more drive than him. He seems to be fine with having sex one or two times a week..

He bought me a gold necklace with a diamond heart pendant and a dozen roses for Valentines Day. He came over that night. But to be honest..it didnt even make me feel good getting these things because im feeling so hurt by him. I think it was done out of guilt!

[Beec]

No sex can be part of it, but it really is more than just no sex. We are not talking about making him not get laid, we are talking about making him feel great jsut to have you talk to him, then depriving him of that, then giving it to him again, then depriving him of that, this is one of the parts of the art of seduction. You see that even a lack of your attention inspires him to give you more attention. What kind of attention do you give him that he enjoys the most? Work in and around that.

 

I do not know him, so I cannot tell you how to attack his emotions. There are ways. You can appeal to his ideals and motivate him to be something he otherwise cannot do or be without your support, you can make him feel like a king, you can make yourself appeal to be so sexual and sensual that he is driven to want you, there are lots of methods of seduction and avenues to play on his emotions. The ones to use on him may be unique to him. Watch how he reacts to differnt things, in a positve way, then you will know how to approach him.

 

All the time you do this, you cannot give him the idea to know you love or need him.

[Brneyegirll]

I have been very affectionate with him. Hugging, touching, kissing, calling him little names ALL the time like honey, baby, sweetie. And it seems like he like all this but i get very LITTLE in return except when he seems to want sex (once a week)LOL. So maybe if i stop being so affectionate with him, he will realize what he is losing??

Also ive always wanted him to stay later than what he does and i have now stopped that and i tell him to go home at earlier hours. And when i do, he asks me..am i trying to get rid of him, and why am i wanting him to leave early.When in the past, he's the one wanting to go and made it seem like i kept him here. I have showed this guy alot of attention and love all along and maybe i made a mistake doing this but i do what i feel for him. Its the way i am. But i dont feel loved in return from him..very little anyway. It seems so confusing as to what the hell is wrong with him.

[Beec]

Well, the key is not just to turn it on or turn it off, but to be unpredictable in when and how you will turn it on and off. You create an emotional state in him to that he really enjoys, then turn it off. He will want to return to it, but withhold it from him and make him work a little for it. If you are predictable, you are just making him a trained animal: when she withdraws it is a signal to give her attention, he follows the signal and gives attention, then he gets a treat, and then when he is full of treats, he stops giving attention. Be aloof and vague about your feelings.

 

You need to also do some research. What kind of seduction is he likely to succumb to? What kind are you suited to engage in?

[Brneyegirll]

Beec~

 

I want to thank you for all your information..i definitely needed help

I do think he may be a mommas boy..cause he told me b4 that he wanted a woman that he marries to be like his mom. And she's the reason he cant spend nights out and has to go home early. Really it's a joke when you think of him being 44yrs old!

I guess im some what of a joke for even messing with him..Stupid is the best word for it..LOL

 

Thanks..your an