sunflower_girl Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 It's the end of the year, I'm feeling a little bit sad because I just can't seem to have a long-term relationship. (I think I'm a great catch, and there are people interested...it's just, things never work out). But, that's not the point for this thread. A friend called earlier and shared some juicy news. Apparently one of the guys I dated and really liked signed up for the same online dating service she's using. (We stopped talking when I made the transatlantic move several weeks ago.) I REALLY liked him--he was attractive and witty and we connected really well. I thought he was a great catch and was upset that things couldn't work out due to distance. He seemed like a genuine, fun, sweet guy who told me he was ready to settle down. After she informed me of the online account--I was shocked. I searched it up and apparently he's listed as looking for "intimate encounters". Yuck! What?! What happened to my nice guy who cooked dinner and liked cuddling? Intimate encounters....isn't that the same thing as saying "looking for cheap, one night stands?" Blow to my ego. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Um....sweets if that is not who you are an "intimate encounter" than you dodged a bullet. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't find this out after 10 years of marital bliss because he was such a great guy & now you are posting in the infidelity section instead of just "venting"! Link to comment
sunflower_girl Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 The thing was, he was SO charming. (Did i mention that he was my favorite guy for 08)? But...now I'm thinking, "wait, was he just using well-crafted lines to try and get in my pants?" Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 The thing was, he was SO charming. (Did i mention that he was my favorite guy for 08)? But...now I'm thinking, "wait, was he just using well-crafted lines to try and get in my pants?" Hmmmm...and yet you can have a whole new fave for 09! There is someone out there worth your time. They are all charming and full of the right things to say when they want to be! You can be too! So only use your powers for good! LOL!! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Can't judge a book by its cover. Some very innocent looking people might be pervs and some people who are rough around the edges might be sweethearts. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Somehow the new britney spears song keeps popping into my head when i read this thread.... You Got Me Goin' You're Oh-So Charmin' But I can't do it U Womanizer Link to comment
sunflower_girl Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Can't judge a book by its cover. Some very innocent looking people might be pervs and some people who are rough around the edges might be sweethearts. I know that...I am just shocked. Because in all of our dates he acted like a total gentleman. We had great conversations, connected well and he never pushed me for intimacy or made sexual comments. (He even treated the waiting staff sweetly which was a huge initial plus!) It just blows my mind. I THOUGHT he was a "good guy". Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Am I the only one here who believes that this guy may be doing that to find someone? Do you not have intimate encounters before you move on to anything more committing in a relationship? I had an intimate encounter before or at the beginning of every single relationship I have ever had that was romantic in nature. Do you think you might be reading too much into this website? Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Am I the only one here who believes that this guy may be doing that to find someone? Do you not have intimate encounters before you move on to anything more committing in a relationship? I had an intimate encounter before or at the beginning of every single relationship I have ever had that was romantic in nature. Do you think you might be reading too much into this website? If someone is specifically looking for intimate encounters, they are looking for sex, period. Link to comment
sunflower_girl Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 If someone is specifically looking for intimate encounters, they are looking for sex, period. Thank you! I mean, there are other options...he could have picked "dating". Intimate encounter = sex. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Thank you! I mean, there are other options...he could have picked "dating". Intimate encounter = sex. Uh YA!! HELLOOOOOOO???? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Am I the only one here who believes that this guy may be doing that to find someone? Do you not have intimate encounters before you move on to anything more committing in a relationship? I had an intimate encounter before or at the beginning of every single relationship I have ever had that was romantic in nature. Do you think you might be reading too much into this website? Not me. I can't say i have ever thought about putting an ad on an intimate encounter section when single to "find somenoe" and i can say with fair certainty that if ever single again i won't be going near those sites much less putting up ads. Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 If someone is specifically looking for intimate encounters, they are looking for sex, period. I must be weird then, because where I come from, sex is not a prerequisite of intimacy and the most worthy leaders in our society recognize displaced bitterness. Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 One last thing I forgot to mention. Whenever I seek a partner in life, I do so in person and not by some website because of these EXACT reasons. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 One last thing I forgot to mention. Whenever I seek a partner in life, I do so in person and not by some website because of these EXACT reasons. Well you are lucky then. Because where I come from, I have to work two jobs, which takes all my time & would not consider dating in the workplace...even if there was someone there worthy of dating. I think most people would like to meet someone in person and see if something clicks but sometimes its just not in the cards. Where are you from...perhaps I should move there??? Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Well you are lucky then. Because where I come from, I have to work two jobs, which takes all my time & would not consider dating in the workplace...even if there was someone there worthy of dating. I think most people would like to meet someone in person and see if something clicks but sometimes its just not in the cards. Where are you from...perhaps I should move there??? Having 2 jobs is a very daunting ordeal, indeed (especially if you have dependents). I remember having 2 jobs during my undergrad and in spite of having an additional 15 - 19 credit hours of classwork to study after work, I still found time to get out every once in awhile to meet different people. Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY. It's similar to what a counselor once told me about my complaints over the IT world. I told him that I hated computers because I felt myself getting fatter just sitting in front of them. After he gave his belly a jostle with his hands while smiling to me and nodding his head, he laughed and told me that I just had to be smarter with my time. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 It's the end of the year, I'm feeling a little bit sad because I just can't seem to have a long-term relationship. (I think I'm a great catch, and there are people interested...it's just, things never work out). But, that's not the point for this thread. Well, there surely is a reason why they do not work out for you and you should seek it inside yourself. One or two can be a coincidence but more than that it becomes a rule. Closing your eyes in front of this problem will make you write same posts in the future. He seemed like a genuine, fun, sweet guy who told me he was ready to settle down. Don't want to sound creepy, but have you ever thought that you happened? That it might have been a relationship failure that pushed him over the limits? Maybe he saw that it does not make sense to pursue relationships because they do not work for him, but that is not a reason to be sexless. There is also nothing wrong with one night stands...those are not cheap or sleazy - people in various stages of their lives want different things. If you want to have one night stands you have them and don't think you are any better if you don't have them..... Link to comment
Dubb Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Actually he may not even know that setting is there. It has happen to me. It defaults to that. Does he have all of the options listed? Link to comment
servedcold Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I wouldn't put too much stock in his categorization of "intimate encounters" until you know more, and would instead evaluate him based on his behavior towards you. A good friend of mine had a profile up on adult friendfinder while simultaneously dating on link removed. The adult friendfinder profile was a fantasy/joke to him, as many normal men (and women) fantasize about no strings sex from time to time. Nothing ever came of the AFF profile, and he has been very happily married to a woman met on match for several years. Many totally normal, decent men go out every night looking for exactly the kind of "intimate encounters" your guy purports to be seeking, he was just honest enough to put it in print. Doesn't make him a perv. Link to comment
sunflower_girl Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 I know...I think my problem is that I want the best of of worlds. I LOVE having the freedom to travel without attachment (I'm nomadic by nature), I love meeting new guys and I love the idea of romance. But, contrasting this desire for freedom and excitement is a desire to be in a relationship, settle down and look more long-term. But...I can't have it both ways. I can't have short, fun, exciting romances without attachment + long-term potential. The reason why my relationships fail is because...maybe I'm just not that ready to be in one. Haha, in reference to your second point, I doubt I pushed him over the edge into wanting intimate encounters! Link to comment
sunflower_girl Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Actually he may not even know that setting is there. It has happen to me. It defaults to that. Does he have all of the options listed? He wrote an explantation on his profile, he intentionally picked that option. But whatever, why am I obsessing over this? Not my problem. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Haha, in reference to your second point, I doubt I pushed him over the edge into wanting intimate encounters! There is no healthy man in this world that does not want intimate encounters especially if there are no obligations that usually come with it. Don't fool yourself. Every single guy that is showing interest in you want the same thing - to get in your pants. And that is the way it should be. I do realize that (from your post) you believe in prince charming concept but that one exists only in fairy tales and your head. Link to comment
LanceVanceDance Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Just because he wants sex doesn't mean he was being fake when he enjoyed cuddling you, cooking for you, etc. So, wait, am I saying that it's possible to enjoy sex and at the same time be sweet and caring!? Yes, that's what I'm saying. I don't know why you seem to imply the two are mutually exclusive. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 How is this a blow to your ego? If anything, you should be flattered. Clearly, you were not what he was looking for (a quick roll in the hay). I think you need to process this as now you know why it didn't work out - you're a relationship gal, and he was looking for sex. Absolutely no reflection on you! Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 What happened to my nice guy who cooked dinner and liked cuddling? Intimate encounters....isn't that the same thing as saying "looking for cheap, one night stands?" I am the nicest, most doormat-like guy you could ever meet. I cook, I cuddle, and I once rescued a hamster from under a couch (not quite the same thing as a kitten from a tree, I know). I have no social skills to speak of. If I somehow got brave and posted a picture of myself, you'd probably think I was gay, some teenage virgin, or a Peter Parker-esque geek. (Okay, that last one is true.) Despite all that, I have multiple FWBs, and I'm pretty sure I'm becoming increasingly allergic to monogamy, which never really agreed with me in the first place. And, yes, I have ads on sites like that, though I can't say that anything has really come of them. Some people go this route because it fits their personalities, and some people go this route because of bitterness against traditional relationships. I can't say why this guy did it... Link to comment
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