Need help learning to live on my own without parents money

[Boughs]

So tomorrow is Christmas morning. Tomorrow morning I get the pleasure of waking up only to suck up to my mother to make HER day perfect.

 

First off, my mother is what I've pretty much diagnosed by researching online and talking to my gf who is a psychology major, with Narcissistic Disorder. She will yell at anyone and everyone for the slightest little things. The worst is when you don't hear what she said the first time, then she gets angry you didn't listen to her and then yells the same thing she said before at you.

 

Anywho, what it comes down to is that my mother stresses me out... Its so bad that I can't wait to graduate from college and get my own job and cut off from my parents so she has NO power over me.

 

To my mother's credit, she has done everything I've ever needed or asked for. My family is extremely wealthy and thus, my mother has become (from my perspective) a materialistic person who enjoys using money to persuade and in a sense control people; including my brother and my sister and myself.

 

When and if I have a discussion with her to perhaps convey how I feel, she ends up saying "so I'm the bad guy in all of this and you hate me... I should just not do anything for you ever again and take your car away and stop paying for school because you don't appreciate anything I do for you."

 

Here is the fun catch-22. Because I've grown up so wealthy, I have NO CLUE how insurance works, what I need and what I don't... its like I'm the typical confused and lost rich kid that I aimed so hard not to be. So I have honestly no clue how to live without help from my parents. And even when I graduate and hopefully get a job earning 32,000, how am I going to pay for insurance on a BMW????? Its like I own things that if I stop getting money from my family, I won't be able to afford... but they are gifts and so if I sell a gift I'll look like the jerk in all of it.

 

God what a mess... well anyway, I asked for nothing this Christmas. Actually I take that back, I asked for a card from everyone with a drawing or a writing of some sort because i wanted to understand my family better (we all live in different states/countries). It was also so my mother couldn't control me after Christmas with lines like "I SHOULD NEVER HAVE BOUGHT YOU ANYTHING FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE IT"... while also because I have everything I can even think about wanting... which in turn has made me realize, I don't really want any THING.

 

I suppose I'm asking for help in what are the essentials financially I should think about? Like what percentage of my salary should I put towards my apartment, what percentage to insurance, what are the basic insurances one needs, how much do people with a salary of 32,000 spend on food per week, etc?

 

I just have to get out of the warpath of my mother. I'm even considering changing my name so they can't give me any inheritance so she doesn't control me when I'm 40 years old... if I'm rude to her in any facet she'll say "you aren't getting ANY of my inheritance"... which baffles me... I couldn't imagine saying that to anyone.

 

So what are the bare essentials most people have and pay for to live in an apartment and commute to work?

[waveseer]

Rent, utilities, food, clothing, transportation, communication, and entertainment.

[Boughs]

What about insurance? What things do I need.

 

I know I need insurance for my car and renters insurance... what else?

[waveseer]

Health insurance.

[thejigsup]

It takes about $2,000 dollars a month to live cheaply. If you are young, it will cost you about $1,200 per year for car insurance. Tune ups on a fine German car run close to $800-1,000. Rent? If you live cheaply, $800 per month. The nice part of town, $2,500. This doesn't take into account utilities, $200 per month. Phone $100-$200 per month. DSL, $50 - 75 per month. Groceries - $300 per month (if you live cheaply). It's very expensive to live on your own. Try being nicer to Mom. Health insurance, don't ask. About $200 per month. Oh, I forgot about gas, $150 -200 per month.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

Ah, I have a parent just like that, except we're dirt poor.

 

There are lots of websites that can help you distribute your income to your needs. Do you have any money saved up? Even if your insurance is over the top way-too-much, with your income you should have money saved up to cover it for at least half a year. There's free quotes you can get online. It depends on your age, driving record, car make, model, etc ... so I don't think anyone can give you a fair estimate. As far as rent, rates vary from area to area. If you can't afford a 1 room apartment, you can try renting a room (not as bad as it sounds.)

 

Food- probably $60-$80 a week for a young adult. If you do more grocery shopping and cook at home you can keep that cost pretty low.

 

Anyway, to wrap this up, I'm against hardcore budgeting before you move out or make a big change. Most of the time, it won't work out the way you budgeted because you will spend on the little things and they will add up. When I move into a new place with a new job and such, I spend as little as possible to see how much I have left over, then I know how much I can afford on extra things.

[Kalika]

Listen, to be frank, I'm sure most people at some point inadvertently diagnose their parent with some kind of psychological disorder.

 

(P.S. For the record - disorders aren't actually a mental illness, just a quick way to sum up a person's behavioral pattern. IE Borderline Personality Disorder only describes a pattern of antisocial and criminal behavioral traits - it's not like, say, Schizophrenia).

 

Now, on to your actual question - first of all, if you make $32,000 a year, you have to figure out what will be taken out in taxes. IE What you actually come home with. And in this day and age, that amount of money isn't squat. Especially if you want to hang onto that Beamer.

 

I would take time, save, plan ahead, and then prepare to have a whole new respect for Mom and Dad.

[catfeeder]

Listen, to be frank, I'm sure most people at some point inadvertently diagnose their parent with some kind of psychological disorder.

 

(P.S. For the record - disorders aren't actually a mental illness, just a quick way to sum up a person's behavioral pattern. IE Borderline Personality Disorder only describes a pattern of antisocial and criminal behavioral traits - it's not like, say, Schizophrenia).

 

Now, on to your actual question - first of all, if you make $32,000 a year, you have to figure out what will be taken out in taxes. IE What you actually come home with. And in this day and age, that amount of money isn't squat. Especially if you want to hang onto that Beamer.

 

I would take time, save, plan ahead, and then prepare to have a whole new respect for Mom and Dad.

 

This is great advice to consider. You might also feel out your folks to see how badly they want you out. Some parents want their kids to move and will work out a deal where they subsidize their kids' move by either a decreasing percentage each month, say, 50% then 40 then 30, etc. or else help them out with security deposit, first month and last month (paid directly to landlord).

 

BTW--Those are usual lease requirements. When budgeting, don't just think you'll need to cough up one month's rent to get in. Security is usually a month and a half. Some leases require up front payment of first and last month.

 

Also consider roommates. I wouldn't live with just one--you're too dependent on them, and that makes people come out sideways. (The up side is, one bad roommate can make you think fondly of your parents' place...)

 

In your corner.

[babii doll]

you sound alot like me a year ago, i'd been living under my parents roof for 23 years, completely dependant on them for everything..we werent poor, upper middle class more like it, but it was hard for me initially to make it out on my own and learn how to budget/save.

 

my advice is to save now and plan ahead, what also helped when i first moved out was finding a good roommate to ease the financial pinch i was in at the time once i was cut off financially from the 'rents.

 

my mother is similar to yours, complete control freak with a short fuse, once your out on your own you will do whatever you have to to not go back, having that sense of freedom is great, even if it comes with a few financial sacrifices.

[thejigsup]

I love how parents are controlling until their children need either money of free childcare, then we are useful. Wait until you have children. Parents are just human beings, we make mistakes and are not perfect. But don't you think the person giving you a place to live and money to survive deserves just a modicum of respect?

[catfeeder]

I love how parents are controlling until their children need either money of free childcare, then we are useful. Wait until you have children. Parents are just human beings, we make mistakes and are not perfect. But don't you think the person giving you a place to live and money to survive deserves just a modicum of respect?

 

You can still hold respect for a parent even if they drive you crazy--it doesn't make you a bad kid for wanting to get out from under irrational shouting and put downs and other unreasonable behaviors that make it impossible to find peace.

 

This isn't about 'every' parent, it's about someone who's coming out sideways all over loved ones. No disrespect intended, but that works both ways.

[Kalika]

I kind of agree with The Jig on this one though .. his parents might be total jerks but at least they've provided for OP. There's a lot worse parents out there and it sounds like he has a better life than 99.9% of human beings on earth. Money isn't everything but to someone who has none of it, it's everything - freedom, power, choices, etc. Sounds like his parents have given him all those things.

 

That being said, I agree with what the others said about roommates. You will need at least one roommate and even then, things will be tight. You can budget all you want, but then take your budget and add at least another $2-300 a month for miscellaneous expenses that will catch you off guard.

[babii doll]

You can still hold respect for a parent even if they drive you crazy--it doesn't make you a bad kid for wanting to get out from under irrational shouting and put downs and other unreasonable behaviors that make it impossible to find peace.

 

This isn't about 'every' parent, it's about someone who's coming out sideways all over loved ones. No disrespect intended, but that works both ways.

 

im with you there. respect shouldnt be one-sided, i lived under a dictatorship with my mother, she gave me material things but didnt give me what i really needed, a stable household without the erratic behavior, yelling, controlling bs. i felt like a slave who just gained her freedom once i finally left, thank god im out.