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Why are many women drawn to these types of men?


nthalley

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i'm not anymore. sure, tons of girls go through a 'bad boy' phase, but i'm at the point in my life where i don't want a "project" or a man to 'nurse back to health' or whatever. he needs a therapist. i'm not a therapist. some women are looking for a guy to save, as a project - to fix him, etc.... because they see the good in him and want to help him get well. however, i think the women that do nurse the guys back to health or whatever - the guys will just go off and find someone new!!!

 

but the troubled/talented guys tend to be really charismatic and it's easy to fall under their spell..... but i'm tired of trouble, damnit!!!

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i've always stayed away from that in guys, but i am a girl who fits that description. it is exciting to be near someone like that. those kind of people usually have a charisma, a certain vibe that makes people attracted to them like a magnet. they evoke emotion in others: joy, sadness, anger, pain...etc. people who are attracted to that usually want to try to fix the troubled, talented person, to be their "saviour", to be their "special one" who helps them. they are drawn to it.

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To be perfectly honest, I'm not. But the guys who have been attracted to me probably would have a better answer for you.

 

I think for both sides of the story - there is a level of decision inside that you don't really want the real deal and responsibilities that go with a full on relationship.

 

Getting together with someone screwed up, or staying stubbornly screwed up yourself, but getting into relationships with these people - it allows you to avoid intimacy to a large degree.

 

It's like getting to have some of benefits of being someone without having to actually get too close to them. They are always at arms length in a way, and that can feel safer than dealing with someone who is totally present for you.

And for those who are drawn to the excitement of some charming but wacky person, they get to feel like the virtuous one without seeing their part in it as well.

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It's the opposite of itsallgrand's thesis.

 

Talented but troubled people tend to have intense relationships. You form a much deeper bond. Every drama deepens this bond.

 

In the end, there's nothing more exciting than emotional connections. Intense emotional connections are intoxicating.

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To be honest it is because they're a little insane. They're generally spoiled live very easy lives so the concept of drama and hardship or danger seems romantic and exciting.

 

CP is correct that the psychology that these type of women project is that of a controlling narcissist that wants to manipulate a man, or the world for that matter, into pleasing her selfish interests. These women are the ones that lead a relationship and later post justify the bad ending as the man's fault to feed their false good person persona. This is why a healthy man avoids these types of women and looks for an emotionally equitable relationship.

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how about MAYBE the troubled guy deserves to be loved? after all aren't a lot of people on ENA troubled people...we constantly tell them that they deserve love.

 

Sure, plenty of people love mankind and feed the homeless and do good works without throwing themselves off a pier of sacrifice.

 

Dangerous people attract those who want to engage danger, and egotistic fools who believe they can conquer there without harming themselves end up playing victims with equal zeal.

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The science is all screwed up, put it that way. And if you're looking for a troubled, dramatic life - living at the end of the rope with someone who's unpredictable and shaky than that's the best option for you. If that's what you find "attractive" and "fun" than God Bless you and may you seek that. But I promise you this, it never lasts long... and usually you come away from it feeling more screwed up than before you went into it.

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It's the opposite of itsallgrand's thesis.

 

Talented but troubled people tend to have intense relationships. You form a much deeper bond. Every drama deepens this bond.

 

In the end, there's nothing more exciting than emotional connections. Intense emotional connections are intoxicating.

 

 

I could not agree more with the part in bold and nor disagree more with the rest.

 

Drama will deepen the bond between the two egos. The bond that people may share is covered over by the intense drama that the egos seek. The bond of the egos is superfiscal. That bond will break at a moment's notice.

 

Prime example is the relationships of some of the rich and famous. The two huge egos competing for dominance in the relationship to suit their huge egoic needs. Any bond that they may truly have, can never come to the forefront. True intimacy and meaningful communication can never come to be.

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My philosophy is that troubled people flock to other troubled people.

 

Jaded,

 

There is actually a pyschological theory that people that are in-genuine (phoney for lack of a better word) tend to gather and spend their time with others exhibiting the same trait.

 

Reasons have been postulated such as that while trying to maintain this in-genuine posture, they cannot see the inauthentic demeanor of the people they have around them and that they feel less threatened by those.

 

If this is the case, a point well taken.

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Ego. They want to be 'the one' who 'fixes' him.

 

Pretty sad.

 

 

'Troubled' guys are usually the ones I end up with. I DON'T want them. I want a man who takes initiative and is independent, but they're the type that are drawn to me. Whenever my friends say how much I've changed my boyfriend, or how much better he is now that he met me, I cringe. I hate that thought.

 

I think it's these troubled men. They put a facade up of being very independent and self sufficient and so women flock to them, only to fall in love with a fantasy and find out he's another weakling.

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