Would this concern you?

[AngryHeart]

I wouldn't approach the issue like this. It could be harmless and the male is still a kid to. If you where wrong you might make a lot of people in that family very unhappy and really hurt the 17 year old.

 

.

 

Yes, that's the thing.

 

It is possible there is something going on that isn't abuse, no? I can't really think of anything specific off the top of my head. But there could be some kinda secret that isn't abuse. You never know. Something will be done, it's just finding the right way to go about it.

[george237]

I wouldn't approach the issue like this. It could be harmless and the male is still a kid to. If you where wrong you might make a lot of people in that family very unhappy and really hurt the 17 year old.

 

Abuse it a hard issue to deal with. I would sit down with both sets of parents and tell them your misgivings. Until you can do that, just try and make sure the door is open.

 

17 is not a child and if he was playing video games there is little reason to have a door locked and even less of a reason to keep it locked while someone was knocking.

[ladyblue07]

I agree that this needs to be discussed with a professional - perhaps the girl's pediatrician or a child therapist. They will know how to investigate the situation in an appropriate way and how to talk to the little girl about it.

 

It is important not to ignore this just to keep the family peace. MOST of the time, children are molested by people they know - relatives or friends of the family. There are countless stories out there of kids getting molested by a stepfather, an uncle, a grandfather, etc. and nobody pays attention because they don't want to cause trouble in the family.

Unfortunately, this does sound very concerning to me. It is not normal for a horny teenage boy to have a little girl that age in his bedroom unsupervised.

This is definitely something that should be taken seriously. Not all kids show obvious signs of it when something is going on.

[RougeKali823]

Something is very suspicious-take her to see a doctor.

[rosephase]

17 is not a child and if he was playing video games there is little reason to have a door locked and even less of a reason to keep it locked while someone was knocking.

 

It might be a habit to lock the door. I know I would always lock the door when I was 17. I'm not saying it isn't something to look into and to take very seriously but I think it is wrong to go in assuming that this 17 year old is abusing this child. If you where wrong you could do a lot of damage. Both to the 17 year old and the child. It's important to come at this without assumptions that could hurt everyone involved.

[george237]

It might be a habit to lock the door. I know I would always lock the door when I was 17. I'm not saying it isn't something to look into and to take very seriously but I think it is wrong to go in assuming that this 17 year old is abusing this child. If you where wrong you could do a lot of damage. Both to the 17 year old and the child. It's important to come at this without assumptions that could hurt everyone involved.

 

I agree that it could cause a hell of alot of damage but what is nothing happens and her daughter grows up thinking this is ok. I am sorry but if I had a kid and this happened I could care less about family.

[Creative]

You can isolate the girl and "innocently" ask her what usually happens in the room. If you're innocent enough, no damage would be made. You're merely curious.

 

And no excuse, 17 is old enough to know about these issues.

[AngryHeart]

Bringing her to a doctor for an examination can change her forever, and what if nothing really happened.

 

I do agree with this. I don't think this should be the first option. Atlough the girl isn't my daughter so I don't really have that say.

 

Someone suggested should check this boys PC/bedroom/personal belongings to see if there's any...you know. Feelings on that?!

 

Wow, this is messy...

[AngryHeart]

WHOA! I would get the girl checked out with a doctor to make sure she's ok, there's been no activity. This has abuse painted all over it.

 

It's only just been brought to attention. And it needs to be really thought about, what the best, safest, less-damaging action would be.

 

When you think someone loves their niece and there's not really been any reson to think anything is up, you're not going to think there's any danger until there's something strange that happens (the locked door incident)

[rosephase]

I agree that it could cause a hell of alot of damage but what is nothing happens and her daughter grows up thinking this is ok. I am sorry but if I had a kid and this happened I could care less about family.

 

I wasn't saying don't do anything about it. I wasn't saying don't bring it up. I was saying you shouldn't assume that someone is guilty and treat them that way without knowing. Or treat a little girl like she has been abused without knowing. Both can be incredibly damaging.

 

Stop him from being alone with her and talk to the adults, get her looked at by a doctor, and don't assume the worse. If and when you know, you have a harder issue to deal with, but that is when you know.

[HeartGoesOn]

I wouldn't approach the issue like this. It could be harmless and the male is still a kid to. If you where wrong you might make a lot of people in that family very unhappy and really hurt the 17 year old.

 

Abuse it a hard issue to deal with. I would sit down with both sets of parents and tell them your misgivings. Until you can do that, just try and make sure the door is open.

 

 

 

Well, if you can think of a good reason why a 17 y/o male is in a locked room alone with a 7 y/o female (child), please let me know.

 

Also, I would much rather try to protect a child of that age, by reporting, and having someone look into it, than stand back, and do nothing! I'd much rather "face the music" for being wrong, than closing my eyes to it, and do nothing!

 

I work as an RN at a Children's Hosp, and I see this type of abuse quite often, and believe me, it's not pretty.

[Jetta]

Very scary, take the little girl to the doctor for a pelvic exam. Tell them you suspect abuse by a 17 year old. It's very important you move quickly.

[rosephase]

No one is saying do nothing.

 

 

Well, if you can think of a good reason why a 17 y/o male is in a locked room alone with a 7 y/o female (child), please let me know.

 

Also, I would much rather try to protect a child of that age, by reporting, and having someone look into it, than stand back, and do nothing! I'd much rather face the music for being wrong, than closing my eyes to it, and doing nothing!

 

I work as an RN at a Children's Hosp, and I see this type of abuse quite often, and believe me, it's not pretty.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I agree with other posters and you that this needs to be handled delicately for her sake. She can be taken to OBGYN and told that it's just a normal check up for girls or some other story.

 

If you plan on talking to her, just be non-chalant about them hanging out, ask what kind of music they listen to, ask about what songs and artists, what kind of games they play. Be very indirect.

 

She doesn't need to be taken to an OBGYN, they won't see her. She needs to be taken to her pediatrician.

[AngryHeart]

Well, if you can think of a good reason why a 17 y/o male is in a locked room alone with a 7 y/o female (child), please let me know.

 

Also, I would much rather try to protect a child of that age, by reporting, and having someone look into it, than stand back, and do nothing! I'd much rather "face the music" for being wrong, than closing my eyes to it, and doing nothing!

 

I work as an RN at a Children's Hosp, and I see this type of abuse quite often, and believe me, it's not pretty.

 

Nobody is standing back and doing nothing. This is new. It's better to handle it the right, delicate way than to scare the lights out of the girl. And to maybe ruin the rest of an innocent guys life. I'm not saying he's innocent or I wouldn't be typing this. But there's a chance he is. I think an examination could traumitise her when there's a chance it doesn't need to be done. She's not gonna be spending any time with him until it's sorted.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It's just best to keep them separated.

[optimo]

Wow 4 pages in 1 hour! I'm gonna buzz in and pretty much agree with what everyone else is saying. This definitely seems off. There is either abuse going on, or this 17 yo kid uses VERY bad judgment. Even if it was a female one would have to question why the door would need to be locked. I could see closing the door because the music is too loud,(bad judgment still) but locking it and taking forever to open the door screams "ok sit up straight and don't say anything"... Or again maybe he was playing a game and didn't want to pause it. Either way I guess we all agree that this needs to be looked into. Regardless of what happens your efforts are quite commendable.

 

By any chance do you know if her parents are ok with this?

[george237]

God I hope I never have a girl and have to worry about stuff like this.

[AngryHeart]

By any chance do you know if her parents are ok with this?

 

They don't know abotu the locked door incident, EDIT: it only happened YESTERDAY AFTERNOON ...head is swirly..and the few people that have been involved in any way don't know what to think, it's mind fogging. The parents trust this boy a lot.They say how great he is with her.

 

God I hope I never have a girl and have to worry about stuff like this.

 

Yes, I know. It's a very scary world out there.

[redhearts]

How about this? Hidden camera in his room or a nanny cam. That way you can have some evidence or see what is really going on in that room.

[george237]

How about this? Hidden camera in his room or a nanny cam. That way you can have some evidence or see what is really going on in that room.

 

I think you wind up seeing a ton of video that you never wanted to see and then you would have to burn your eyes out, and who really wants that.

[Mythical_Suicide]

How about this? Hidden camera in his room or a nanny cam. That way you can have some evidence or see what is really going on in that room.

 

 

That's a bit extreme when the simple solution is to keep the little girl out of his room.

[keenan]

I think an examination could traumitise her when there's a chance it doesn't need to be done. She's not gonna be spending any time with him until it's sorted.

 

It doesn't necessarily have to be traumatic if you (or the adult who goes with her) remains very calm and acts as though this is a normal, routine procedure that is a regular part of going to the doctor to make sure that her body is healthy. It could even be framed as, "Yes, grown-up ladies have to do this kind of check-up every year." Yes, of course as adults we know that this kind of "check-up" is VERY odd, but kids rely on their parents and friends for information, and they often pick up on the panic of their elders before they personally get a whiff that something odd is happening. Pediatricians have a great bedside manner, and hopefully hers will have an easygoing, calming style and can gently ask her questions about touching, etc.

 

You know already, though, that an examination should be done as soon as possible because if there is any inflammation or tissue damage it will heal quickly.

[laisla]

just want to mention - maybe he didn't do anything to her but he could have got her to touch him, so a medical exam might not give all the answers. keep the kids away from private rooms.

[AngryHeart]

Just an update.

 

The girls parents were told and they have taken "it" into their hands. Apparently she said he hadn't touched her or been made to touch him. But apparently they are going to take her to talk to someone professional, because atlough she says there's been no abuse they have noticed little signs in her that may suggest otherwise (in her recent behaviour) And of course, she may be too scared to admit anything had happened if it had, so it's not just going to be left alone. The boys parents, of course, have denied he would ever do such a thing. The girls parents are hoping that's so as of course they love the boy as well as he is family, so it's all very messy and upsetting. That is all I know for now though.

 

Thanks for everyone's support and advice with this.