How do i get my confidence back in the bedroom?

[Sugar-Rush]

Hi Guys,

 

As some of you know I have been with my husband for 4 years althoung only married for 4 weeks!

 

I am suffering at the moment with very low self esteem. Again as you may know I put on a LOT of weight when my dad was dying like 100lbs and now I have lost sme 35lbs and counting I feel as bad if not worse than at my heaviest. The weight loss is still going okay, 1-2lbs ever week.

 

However my confidence in the bedroom has just disappeared as i say we have been together and sexually active for 4 years. I've never had a problem in this area before.

 

Our realtionship is great we are newley weds and so in love, he is so good to me and constantly telling me i'm beautiful as I am (although he supports my weightloss)./

 

But now it's got to the stage that we've only been back from honeymoon 3 weeks and i'm trying to avoid having sex with him because i feel so so ugly!! This is sooo not like me I'm kinda an extrovert lol.

I just don't want to put on sexy undies or anything like that i want to hide under the sheets with the lights off...

 

Any ideas how to get past this? Obviusly i need to keep losing the fat but ny ideas for now?

 

Thanks loads...

 

Sugar xxx

[KG]

Take the tip from your hubby...HE finds you exciting, so you are.

[Shadows Light]

You have to "STOP" with the negative thoughts and the self-depricating

statements. Think positively. Tell yourself over and over that you are "HOT" you are a "SEXY" woman.

 

Write it out on a 3x5 card and put it on the bathroom mirror. Say it out loud to yourself.

 

You've lost over 35lbs... whooo hoooo. Cause for celebration. You've gotta be feeling a bit better about yourself. Your clothes are feeling looser arn't they?

 

Have you been treating yourself???

 

Meaning... go out and buy yourself a new top, something new. Go out and get a manicure or a pedicure.. have this be your reward for losing weight this week. When you look down at your hands... arn't they beautiful????

 

Surround yourself with beautiful things... candles candles everywhere. Having a ton of candles in the bed room is like aphrodisac. Buy yourself some flowers.... let that be your treat. LIsten to music.. it's always so uplifting.... and tickles our senses. Scents... get yourself a new perfume... and when you catch a wiff of it.. remind yourself how sexy you are.

 

Take a long long bubble bath. Light candles in the bathroom. (mood lighting)... play music in the bathroom ( mood music)... pour yourself a glass of wine... and REVEL in how decadent and sensual it feels.

 

Your husband loves you very much... but you've gotta love yourself.

 

And.. yeah, it's normal from time to time to lose that libido. Most of the time when it happens to me is when I'm going through stressful points in my life. The key is... to then take EXTRA care of yourself. Take the baths.... do the hair... put the make-up on even if you arn't going anywhere... use the CRYSTAL someone just bought you as a wedding gift.... put on your sexiest shirt and some jewlery.. just for YOU.

 

Now that i've given YOU some great advice... I'm off to get out of my grungy sweats and do a little self maintenance on myself. Thanks for posting... It's a great kick in the pants to the rest of us, and motivator.

[PsychGirly]

I agree with the above. Also, you can try giving yourself a quick makeover. Change your hairstyle/color, go get a mani/pedi, shop for new clothes/lingerie. Make yourself feel sexy.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Remind yourself that your pride is less important than enjoying intimacy with your new husband. Is your pride worth depriving him of an active sex life?

 

Remember that he is someone who loves you, and you are placing more emphasis on your looks than trying to please him and bond in your marriage.

 

Put this into perspective and realize the old saying, pride and a dollar will buy you a cup of coffee. Pride is a useless and vain emotion, and worrying about how you look isn't worth depriving your new marriage and husband of intimacy.

[IndigoEye]

He's your husband. If you can communicate this much with ENO, on how much can you communicate with him? Get on the same page. And carry rose quartz with at all times. It will help you lose weight. It vibrates at a high frequency and helps your metabolismdo the same.

[blue69]

Very normal to have these feelings.

 

But seriously KUDOs to you for taking the steps to lose weight. 35lbs is an awesome accomplishment.

 

If it helps think about how your behaviors might end up affecting him. Sometimes its easy to do something for someone else then it is to do it for yourself.

 

By you being insecure and reacting like you are you are almost insulting him. He loves you and appreciates you for who you are. When you act like this it is a negative to him. His sexuality and desires can become affected. Your insecurities will end up affecting him negatively as well as yourself. Don't allow these things to control you or interfere with the wonderful relationship that you have established.

[Sugar-Rush]

Thank you so Much.

You've made me feel so much better...think I just needed a Kick in the butt lol.

 

I will treat myself, even though I feel ugly at the minute, dressing up and making an effort makes me feel a whole heap better about the world. As do candles and music.

 

You are right about the pride thing, I need to get ovcer it and start putting my wonderful husband first.

 

Thank you Enotaloners.

 

Sugar xxx