Never felt so sad and loney on my birthday...

[Tears May Fall]

So today is my birthday and I wasnt very excited about it this year at first, but then my friends kept asking me what Im doing for my bday and so I put together a party at a lounge.

 

But my plans didnt go as planned, got canceled...my grandfather passed away two days ago, and my mom was in the hospital earlier in the week (thank god shes fine though now). So I havent been able to exactly enjoy my bday this year at all.

 

I also spoke to my ex today. She left me a text saying happy birthday and i told her how mom was in the hospital (they were both VERY close) and how my grandfather passed away and so she called me to ask me about everything and I was telling her how my birthdays never seem to be too good. Last two years she was very sick right around the time of my bday. The year before that, my father passed away 5 days before my bday. She was being very encouraging and told me have good spirits. She always knew the right words to say to make me feel better.

 

Birthdays have never seemed to bring any good luck and joyful times for me as of late.

 

On top of that, Ive been missing my ex a lot, and today I just felt really lonely without her by my side, as she has been there with me the past two years. I miss her sooooooooooo much and I cant ever stop thinking about her, and I cant seem to move on at all. No matter what I do, I cant seem to get her outta my mind. I think about her every minute of the day no matter where I am who Im with. At work all day, if im out with my friends, even during my many activities and hobbies I take part in to keep my mind busy and occupied, I'll still somehow have her on my mind. I'll be out on dates with other women (havent been on one in a while) and I'll just be comparing them to her, and no1 compares. I dont know what to do. I feel so sad, depressed, lonely, etc...and I cant get myself up and be the optimistic go getter I used to be to get out of this state of mind.

 

I have never in my 25 years, ever cried on my birthday, like I am doing today, even as im typing this...

 

My mom asked me what I wanted for my bday this year, and I replied "I just want to be happy again, I want to feel like my old self..."

 

But nothing has been the same since I lost her...and yes i LOST her..she wanted me back even months after we broke up and I let her go and when I wanted her back shes now with someone else...and I ofcourse took too long to realize what I had and now shes gone...

[redhearts]

Happy Birthday. I am starting to think NO ONE has great birthdays, I always have some real cruddy ones and from posts I see here, so do others. Could be because a lot of people just sit around and do nothing, while some just expect others to do something. I guess you have to try to make yourself happy, when that fails, then you can whine all you want. Happy Birthday!

[kaoticbaby]

i had a bad birthday this year too, though nothing like what you are going through

happy birthday. try to go out and make the most of it. there has to be someone around willing to go somewhere with you. have a couple drinks and think about what the next year of your life has to offer.

 

*hugs* feel better.

[Tears May Fall]

I would love to go out and have drinks and "celebrate" my birthday but I dunno how my family would react to that and if it would look bad...

[kaoticbaby]

I would love to go out and have drinks and "celebrate" my birthday but I dunno how my family would react to that and if it would look bad...

you don't have to go crazy. just tell them you want to go out and do something low-key so that you're not feeling miserable on your birthday. i think they could understand that.

[Tears May Fall]

Yeah they did actually tell me to go and get out on my birthday a few years back when my dad passed so Im sure theyll be understanding...and all my friends, boy do i thank god that i really have ALOTTT of really GOOD friends, have all told me that they are down to do something small locally and are there for me for whatever I need

 

I still hate the fact that at the end of the night everytime I go out, regular night or special occasion, I always miss my ex...never thought Id miss someone so much...

[redhearts]

Your ex, why did you two break up?

 

At least you have friends, I don't have any at all. My birthdays are "boy this suck fests" LOL.

[kaoticbaby]

Yeah they did actually tell me to go and get out on my birthday a few years back when my dad passed so Im sure theyll be understanding...and all my friends, boy do i thank god that i really have ALOTTT of really GOOD friends, have all told me that they are down to do something small locally and are there for me for whatever I need

 

I still hate the fact that at the end of the night everytime I go out, regular night or special occasion, I always miss my ex...never thought Id miss someone so much...

aw, i'm sorry. you're in NYC? why not go to a comedy club? that way you're not going to get completely wasted, but you may get a good laugh. there was one night i was feeling down, i went to HA! off times square (that's one of the cheapest ones, but they always have good comedians there), and it cheered me up a little.

[Tears May Fall]

Redhearts - why my ex and I broke up is another story all in itself...I have many posts on it from this past summer/fall that all relate to it even though we actually officially broke up around this time last year. In a nutshell, we were arguing alot, couldnt agree on things, and we both had some small personal problems within ourselves that were coming in the way of the relationship, but now when I look back at it, it couldve all been worked through. I also wasnt ready to be in a relationship at that time i strongly believe, and when I was finally ready, it was too late.

 

Im sorry to hear that you dont have very many friends, I can imagine how tough that can be. We are all your friends here on ENA though

 

Kaotic - Thanks for the advice, Lived in NYC all my life and couldnt have wished for it any other way...yes comedy clubs are always great, I go to one in the village called comedy cellar. Been to almost all the ones here in new york, HA! is a very commercial touristy one that I dont really like too much. I dont know about a comedy club, but i'll probably go out to dinner with a few friends later on. My friends are always great at knowing how to cheer me up but its just Im not around them all the time and its just a temporary fix until I get home and it all begins to feel the same again...everything I do these days feels like its just a temporary distraction...

 

I just took a shower, that made me feel better in itself, lol...and now to pick out something stylin n profiling to wear =)

[kaoticbaby]

i like ha because its cheap, but yeah its pretty touristy because its right in times square. gotham is good too but also touristy. i dont think ive ever been to comedy cellar. i love them, though.

 

yeah, go to dinner, make it casual. order something special that you don't eat often. & maybe to a small pub afterward.

 

and again, happy birthday.

[Tears May Fall]

thanks for the advice hun

 

I was just dancing a little salsa by myself in my room, simple way to cheer myself up too lol

[kaoticbaby]

thanks for the advice hun

 

I was just dancing a little salsa by myself in my room, simple way to cheer myself up too lol

haha. i do that. but i don't know salsa so i just do some type of scary mix between karate and pop-lock

[Tears May Fall]

lollll...well lucky for you youre the woman and the guy has to lead you...scaryy if it were the other way around

[pilotgirl]

Hi!

 

It looks like you are feeling a little better thanks to the great folks on this site. My last 4 birthdays were spent working all day, like any other day. My nearest family is 1000 miles away, so the only thing that separated that day from any other was a "birthday phone call" while I sat in a coffee house and contemplated where I was on birthdays past.

 

It sucks, I know. This is YOUR day, and it's sad when you think back on the great birthdays you had as a kid...you never thought you'd be so sad one birthday in the future.

 

Where does all the joy go? When you were a kid, and the star of the day, it was presents, attention and getting spoiled on your special day. When you get older you realize you don't need all of that...you just need someone to remember you on this day.

 

Well, I hope you find a hidden piece of joy on your birthday, just like it used to be. Treat yourself to something special. Go to Panera or Starbucks and get a nice big slice of something wicked, then eat the whole thing and don't offer to share. Just like when you were a kid! It feels great, try it!

 

HaPpY bIrThDaY tO yOu!

[kaoticbaby]

lollll...well lucky for you youre the woman and the guy has to lead you...scaryy if it were the other way around

hey! i've had many people compliment my dance moves! i don't know if they were just scared i'd dropkick them, but they complimented me nonetheless!

[Tears May Fall]

Well maybe the next time you're in new york, ill have to see those moves myself and see if I compliment them as well...

 

In regards to my birthday, I actually did end up going out to dinner and a club afterwards with a few close friends and two of my cousins, and they made my night exceptionally fun. I woke up with a nice hangover after drinking hennessey on the rocks all night long...turned out to be not so bad after all.

 

Having the thought of negative events occurring around my bday did make it feel a little mind boggling this year but nonetheless, I still ended up having a good time and it was nice to be the center of attention for a night =)

[franfran]

Aww bummer I'm late. Happy Belated Birthday anyway!!!

I was going to say, I think your grandpa and your dad would both want you to go out and have fun on your birthday. I'm so glad you did and I bet they are too.

Bad things are always going to happen, no matter what time of the year it is. We can't let things beyond our control effect everything that we do. We have to keep living our lives!

Hope you're having a good day today.