Disclaimer

[penelope13]

As some of you might know, I am in the process of transitioning from a friendship to a relationship.

 

During a recent date he asked me how I envision our relationship would be like. As the conversation progressed he told me more and more things about himself that you might call 'negative', such as: he could be moody sometimes, sometimes he likes to act like a child, he has to work long hours on many weekends, and some more serious things.

 

I asked him what he was trying to do, if he was trying to scare me out of a relationship.

 

He said: "No, no; of course not! I just want to give you a disclaimer."

 

I really had to laugh about this at the time (which he joined in), but in the following hours and days I actually looked at everything that he had included in his list and thought about it, if anything would be an issue and how I would handle it. Of course some things on the list were just silly and clearly ment as a joke, but some things were quite serious points as well.

 

I am so pleased that he just told me point blank all of his concerns and that he gave me the opportunity to think about it a priori so that I could give him an answer either straight away or after some thought and discussion.

 

I believe we have founded a very solid way of communication for the future.

 

 

When he asked me (during the same date) what I would put on my disclaimer, I of course told him, that I didn't need a disclaimer - at which point he fell laughing off his chair

[SapphireNoir10]

Foundations of a good relationship right there.

 

My boyfriend said he wanted to live with me and I Was like ' I warn you Im lazy and I hate cooking'

 

So I guess theres no harm in giving a disclaimer.

[catfeeder]

A disclaimer can go either way. Sure, its fair enough to raise things you consider to be potential negatives, but that doesn't mean they're never raisable or negotiable after that.

 

For instance, it's unfair for the 'disclaimed' to say, "Look, I told you I can be moody, so we're not discussing this again..." just because you object to some mistreatment while he was in a bad mood.

 

As long as he never uses this disclaimer against you for having heard it, then it's self-disclosure. Otherwise, it's manipulation. I think you're smart enough to tell the difference.

 

In your corner.